Office Diaries - Chapter 146

I was and still am a person filled with regrets, I thought to myself as I chugged down my umpteenth glass of unknown beverage. After my third shot of juice laced with wine, I’ve stopped counting, which was unusual of me. I knew the reason why I was restless however. After all, I was in a restaurant supposedly having fun with old classmates and high school acquaintances. However, I couldn’t find myself enjoying at all. No, not at all…

“Big Sis Nixie, why do you look so restless?”

I looked up and met a pair of huge doe eyes framed with raven fringes which were mirror images of mine. Hana, my younger cousin looked like my younger sister than my actual sister they said, having the same fragile frame and translucent white skin I never appreciated regardless of what pretty words people said about it. In fact, I hated my looks so much I especially wore drab clothes and thick framed glasses for this event. Having enough of her face, I turned away.

Hana was my junior in high school, a year younger than me. Her class and mine are included in the batches currently having a reunion party that I didn’t want to attend initially, but she pushed me into going with the help of my meddling sisters. Of course, the final straw was my real purpose in coming here.

“You’re asking me that after you dragged me in here forcefully?” I retorted a bit sarcastically than I should have which was an unusual feat for me. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound grumpy. I wanted to come here.”

Things hadn’t been going well lately. Since that night we went out, JT had been acting distant, though he still attended to our business religiously. His constant pestering and pushing me for dates had stopped however. Even though logically, I kept telling myself it’s for the best, I had been crying inside. I was a wreck and my depression was escalating, I couldn’t do my job properly.

It was safe to say that I filed a leave of absence and booked a flight back to Korea to attend that high school reunion. I was not really looking forward to meet my old schoolmates. In fact, I’d rather not see them again. But I hoped to see “him”, at the same time, give myself some semblance of respite from thinking about the Taiwanese Superstar that’s been bugging my mind and my heart for a while now.

However, when the day of the party came, as soon as I arrived, I had already started regretting it. Due to my current looks, I breezed through the crowd of old acquaintances without them noticing me. It was quiet— but a miserable kind of silence.

“Oh come on Big Sis, just chill okay? God knows the way you’ve been working so hard you deserved to unwind from time to time,” Hana cajoled and I sighed in frustration.

I didn’t have any response when she’s only thinking of me, I thought. She was right anyway. If I didn’t take time to stop and relax, I was going to break soon. But…

I couldn’t very well tell her that this party was the least way for me to chill. Reunions meant seeing old acquaintances, but there were so many people I didn’t want to see anymore after high school. I was aware though, that I really should give them a chance to redeem themselves in my eyes.

After all, it’s been ten years since we’ve last seen each other. Everyone has gotten older and hopefully wiser compared to their immature and nasty selves years ago. But, I guess, some people really had nastiness ingrained so deep in their personalities.

“Hana!” I heard someone call out, and my cousin and I turned to see a petite woman walking exaggeratedly towards us.

“I heard you’re coming with your cousin today. Where’s your Big Sis, the legendary beauty of the school?” she asked and I choked on my drink.

Hana patted my back sympathetically as she returned the other’s smile.

“This is Nixie, my beautiful cousin,” she said, and I swore I heard the woman gasp as her eyes wide in horror turned in my direction.

“This?” she croaked, as if I was not a person but a thing. “You’re kidding,” she added, and I never wanted to hurt anyone until this time.

“I’m Nixie Choi,” I said as I pulled the glasses off my face, revealing my features and the woman gave me another gasp.

“Oh my God, you shouldn’t hide that pretty face of yours. That’s why your classmates couldn’t see you. You were wearing a disguise!” she said triumphantly, treating my get up as my idea of a joke.

I didn’t know how she did it, but in a matter of minutes, I found myself in the middle of beaming people who used to be my classmates, being pulled here and there, being whacked on the back as I was told how clever I was to come to the party in disguise.

They told me how glad they were to see me again, but their words resounded hollow in my ċhėst. There wasn’t an ounce of sincerity in their tone of voice and I clenched my jaw as I forced myself to return their greetings, and talked to them as they complained about their jobs, family and just about everything in life.

Hana must have noticed my predicament as she squeezed herself between me and the others, changing the topic, deviating the talk to their impeccable clothes.

“Oh us? Didn’t you hear? We’ll have a special guest tonight,” one of them said. I didn’t know why, but I had a weird feeling about that.

“G-guest?” I croaked, my heart started pounding.

“Yes. Do you remember Fatty Racoon Han?” One of the classmates suddenly asked and my heart just stopped.

Fatty Racoon Han.

That was the nickname they gave our class representative because of his big belly. They said he looked like a raccoon dog most especially with his glasses on, and they gave him that name. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember people calling him with any other name except for that ugly nickname.

Fatty Racoon Han.

“Ah that big bellied B-cup man-boobed Class Rep?” a guy classmate snorted and the rest laughed.

A flash of anger shot through me, and I felt Hana who knew of my history hold onto my shoulder.

How dare they? They never mȧturėd at all! They were the same nasty children they were ten years ago.

“I heard he’s working for a talent agency now,” the guy continued.

“What talent agency? A sumo agency?” another interrupted, and again, they burst into laughter.

“No, a real talent agency. I heard he’s a bigwig there now. In fact, he’s coming with JT here,” the first guy said, and the place was instantly filled with catcalls.

“JT? That Aisian Superstar based in Taiwan? He’s coming?” the crowd echoed the same surprise that I felt.

WHAT?

Shocked as I was with the turn of events, I shook my head and continued to focus on them. It seemed they haven’t finished with their merriment at someone else’s expense.

“What’s that Racoon got to do with JT? Trying to make up for his ugliness by bringing someone hot?” another joked and the others again laughed.

“Maybe he’s going to try and pick up girls by parading JT around. But I don’t mind putting up with that fatty as long as I get to be close to JT,” another suggested, making the laughter louder, and I had enough.

I couldn’t take it anymore.

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” In my anger, I didn’t realize I had grabbed the glass from the table and threw the contents at the nasty bunch. As expected, everyone fell silent, all eyes on me— angry eyes.

“Nixie Choi, what the hell’s wrong with you?” the women shrieked.

If it were only any other day, I’d have cowered down and apologized immediately. In fact, in the past, I’d just have stayed quiet and let them malign people behind their backs. But I was no longer the same person I was in the past— not when my heart’s hurting this much for the second time in my life.

“What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you ask yourselves what’s wrong with you?” I demanded scornfully. “You think so highly of yourselves. You demean people you think are below your status. You say hurtful things without giving a fuċk how they feel!”

In my head, I clearly remembered how they complained about their lives.

“Big Sis, enough,” Hana told me as she pulled me, but I was still not done with my tirade.

The party had come to a halt, but I didn’t give a care anymore. My harangue was ten years too late, but it’s better this way than not say anything again. I couldn’t stay silent anymore. I didn’t want to regret— didn’t want to add to my sin towards Han.

No more.

In order to move on, this was the only thing I could do for Han— for us, and for my feelings for JT that I wanted to face.