One Regret Is Enough - Chapter 5

At the time when they received the letter, Lucen scoffed, saying ‘I knew it’; Leonif returned the letter to the servant without saying a word; Feriel bit her lips tightly while holding the letter. All three didn’t send a reply. The letters gradually decreased and their content became scarce. And the last letter that came in had only one line written on it. As they remembered those letters, there was only silence in the drawing-room. Only Lucen raised his voice as if showing off.

“If Cornelia tells the truth, everyone is in danger, and it will surely have a negative effect on each other’s families as well. His Majesty the emperor will not stand still!”

Leonif, sitting on the sofa, swept his hair and smiled bitterly at Lucen’s words and gaze smiled at him.

“Sh*t! Damn it!! Debron, that guy is the only one who’s not at risk. That guy is favored by His Majesty…”

Meanwhile, Lucen’s breathing became harsher. Looking furious as if he was about to explode, everyone took a step back.

“Lucen, calm down for now.”

Leonif got up and smiled, looking at Feriel and Lucen alternately while patting his shoulder.

“We’ve indeed been indifferent to Cornelia, so we should do better now.”

“Do you want me to cling onto a commoner?”

[tl/n: Go to hell Lucen, just please die already]

Leonif shook his head at Lucen’s words. Then, with a smile on his face, he looked at him.

“Cornelia is our ‘comrade.’ I mean to be nice to our colleague. Whether to accept it or not… It’s up to Cornelia to decide.”

Having said that, Leonif smoothed his bang on and let out a sigh mixed with unexpected words.

“By the way, the grave in Yorkben village. It’s close to the Granden Forest, it must be dangerous because.”

It was a very small voice. A murmur so small that, for sure, only Lucen, standing next to him, had heard it. At Leonif’s words, he raised an eyebrow and smiled as if he had realized something.

*      *      *

When I returned to the Duke’s mansion, it was already dark. I rubbed the corners of my eyes as I looked at the huge gate of Duke Astorf’s mansion in the distance. Too many things happened today, and the tiredness paired in. I only wanted to stop by the temple and come back, but my old colleagues, and the drunkard…

‘Still, I feel a little refreshed inside.’

As I recalled the sight of the man running away in a hurry, I couldn’t help but chuckle. As he ran away, he shouted, “You’ll see!” As if he would come back looking for revenge tomorrow. However, it won’t be easy for a man to say that he was beaten by me. Because the moment he opens his mouth, his reputation will also fall. And yet, even if he said something, it won’t be a problem since I’ll be gone.

Before I knew it, I had arrived at the gate. Then, after passing the gate, I started walking along the huge wall. As I walked, a small door appeared through the vineyard. A small door for servants to go in and out, this was the door for me to enter and exit. As I put the key borrowed from the butler, the door that opens and closes every day opened smoothly without making a single noise. Before I even realized it, the moon was already shining brightly. Looking up at the moon, I sighed slightly. It was later than I expected due to a lot of things happening.

Bell, who was taking care of me and my grandmother, must be worried. And the butler, Steven, must be waiting for his key. As soon as I thought of the butler, I felt my mood sink.

‘First, wash up… Isn’t it fine if I return the key tomorrow? It’s not like there’s only one.’

I knew very well what the butler would look like if I gave him the key tomorrow and with what kind of eyes he would gaze at me, but I didn’t want to stop by the duke’s main building now. It was a very difficult place. The moment I take a step into the main building, dozens of eyes would be on me. Glances criticized me, evaluating my gait, posture, and even my eyes; and although it did not come out of their mouths, they would be uttering unspoken words of contempt.

I always felt suffocated as I walked through those gazes, it felt like someone was squeezing my neck. As soon as I thought of visiting the main building, fatigue came over me, and I let out a small breath. I wasn’t sure about other days, but I couldn’t bear it now.

Okay, let’s hand it over to the head-maid tomorrow morning. She looks at me with the same eyes, but her gaze is less painful than that of the butler.

“Ah.”

As soon as I turned around, something blocked me and I opened my eyes wide. There was a person in the dark in front of the small back door where no one came in and out. There was no need for me to guess who it was. Because he was a person so familiar to me that I could tell by just looking at his shape in the dark. 

It was Debron.

As he strode forward, the moonlight drew his face, and I frowned bewildered. Debron was angry. His tightly closed mouth and slightly raised eyes showed it clearly.

‘Why?’ I couldn’t figure out why. Today’s outing was something he knew. Because when I borrowed the key, I also informed the butler about it. Even if the butler didn’t tell Debron, it was his fault, not mine.

“Cornelia.”

His voice, which was usually low, was even lower. My body shuddered on its own.

‘Why is he so angry? Oh, don’t tell me-‘

“I heard you made a fuss in the street today.”

As expected, that was it. What had just happened a couple of hours ago had already reached Debron’s ears. It wasn’t surprising at all. There were a lot of shops owned by Duke Astorf aligned on the streets, and today was the Aktail Festival. Thus, people with inferiority complex envious of the warriors were roaming the streets.

As I bowed my head without answering, Debron sighed deeply and swept his face. His expression and words gave me a deep sense of fatigue and mysterious emotions. Those emotions flew like shards of ice and pierced my heart.

“I told you several times not to make a scene.”

“I no, I didn’t do that on purpose…”

I raised my head and out of habit, tried to make excuses, but then I closed my mouth again.

‘Why should I make excuses?’ It was a habit. The past two years of wanting to look good to Debron had hardened like a habit. ‘I don’t have to do this anymore.’

I took off the stuffy veil covering my face. The long hair tied up was loosened and swayed in the night breeze.

“…What’s wrong with that?”

“What?”

“I’m asking you what’s wrong with making a fuss on the street.”

A startled look settled in Debron’s eyes, perhaps because he didn’t think that I would come out so brazenly. I didn’t avoid his gaze. There was no reason to avoid it anymore.

“Do you mean you shouldn’t make a scene and be ridiculed by that man, Debron?”

“…Cornelia.”

He took a deep breath and looked at me. It had been a while since I was held in his gaze. He always avoided my gaze when I looked at him.

[tl/n: the word used here isn’t just ‘looking’ at something/someone but more like ‘holding in your gaze/looking straight/paying attention to.’ Thus, she means it was the first time in a while that Debron was paying attention to her]

“I told you last time. It’s to protect you that I’m asking you not to make a fuss.”

“Really?”

At my question, Debron closed his mouth.

‘Yeah, that’s true. What matters to you is not me.’

“Isn’t it to protect you, Miss Beatrice, and the Astorf Duchy?”

If I create a commotion, the reputation of the Astorf Duchy will be tarnished. If that happens, it will also affect the position of Miss Beatrice, who will enter the palace as Crown Princess. When I blinked, stagnant tears I didn’t know when they started to pile up rolled down. I hurriedly wiped the tears from my cheeks with my sleeves. I didn’t want him to see me cry. However, when I lifted my head, I saw him with his arm outstretched in an awkward posture as if he was startled. When our eyes met, he quickly lowered his arm and avoided my gaze. Was he trying to wipe them off?

‘…That’s ridiculous.’ Wasn’t he the one who stood by even though I was about to fall, even though I was being ridiculed? Debron slightly lowered his head and touched the corner of his mouth.

“…Let’s talk about this later.”

“Later, when is ‘later’?”

What do you mean by ‘later’? When you’re Duke Astorf and you’re always leaving the capital. You left me completely alone among those who mocked me. Without ever responding properly to my letter or my request.

“A year from now? Two years? Or maybe we’ll talk after I dry up and die?”

Whether I die or not, it was clear that the time to speak would not come. I looked at Debron and smiled, but he was silent. His eyes looked shocked. Was it because I was talking back or because I was making a fuss? I shook my head slightly. Debron, who had his lips twitching for a long time as if he were about to say something, put my name on his lips.

“Cornelia…”

It was me who cut him off this time.

“Okay, as you say, let’s stop talking. Enjoy your night walk, Debron.”

I turned around after the halfhearted reply. It didn’t matter to me whether he was really taking a night strode or not.

Debron didn’t try to reach out to me, and our conversation ended like that.

*      *      *

The sunlight shining on the corners of my eyes was heavy. I curled and let out a small groan. It seemed that I slept a lot and yet, the fatigue I felt yesterday did not go away completely.

“Miss Cornelia.”

When I finally opened my eyes to the voice calling me, Bell in the Astorf’s maid’s uniform was standing by the bed.

“…Bell.”

My voice cracked mercilessly. Somewhat embarrassed, I scratched my neck and coughed slightly. Seeing me like that, Bell burst out a small laugh.

“You came in late yesterday, didn’t you?” As she asked, Bell offered me a cup of cold tea with ice. I carefully accepted it and she smiled at me as if hurrying me to drink it.

“Try it, it’s a good tea to drink when you’re tired. It’s also good for waking up.”

I didn’t know what tea it was, but Bell was right and my heavy body felt a little better. Holding the teacup tightly, I looked at her.

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. You came late yesterday and I was really worried, Miss Cornelia.”

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t late on purpose.”

Hearing Bell’s worried voice I placed a wet cloth over my eyes. I really wasn’t thinking of being late. It was just that there were too many unexpected encounters.

At the time Bell got up to bring breakfast.

“Hello, I have a letter for Miss Cornelia.”

An unfamiliar sound was heard along with a knock.