Please Let Go Of Me Now -R19 - Chapter 6

“Except for the occasional outing into the city, there has been no special activity.”

 

Leo leaned his back deeper into the backrest as the Knight Commander reported.

 

As his head tilted to one side from his slouching position, his flowing hair also tilted at an angle.

 

“Lily Paulman.”

 

Rubbing his chin, Leo whispered.

 

His blue eyes were fixed on one place, immobile.

 

“Lily.”

 

Her name was on the tip of his tongue, and her shoes were on the tip of his eyes. The shoes she wore to fit her small feet were skeletonized by mud.

 

“Lily.”

 

The soft, confining feeling on his tongue circled in his mouth all day.

 

Why?

 

Why he laughed every time he remembered?

 

Was it because of the unintentional attention he received for acting like a prophet? Or was it because of the resentment that comes from the realization that he was thoroughly overrun?

 

She acted like she couldn’t talk when she could, and flirted with drunken eyes.

 

It wasn’t enough that she scratched his chest and ran away, she lied to her father and ran away. He gave her the opportunity to come back. But Lily had snuck off deep into the mountains. She avoided the public eye and set up a life with a man in the open.

 

Leo thought she was a foolish woman.

 

But she was a bewitching woman.

 

It was true that he mocked her and looked down on her as incompetent and foolish.

 

But it was he who was scorned. It was also him who was played. That bewitching woman had instead destroyed him.

 

Leo shuddered with contempt.

 

He held up two fingers and rubbed his temples.

 

Lily’s slowly sinking green eyes that had looked at him so innocently.

 

“How dare you do that with your eyes?”

 

Leo grabbed the pen he had put down earlier, turning it in his left hand.

 

The sound of him adjusting the nib of the pen was getting faster.

 

“How dare you….”

 

He grumbled, gritted his teeth, and a burning sensation surged around his eyes. It was a memory he never wanted to remember again.

 

That night, that time.

 

Lifting her weak neck, he placed his lips on her seductively open lips.

 

The fermented wine flowed out of her mouth.

 

Lily’s stomach was full of it, and it was properly aged, with the right temperature and the right stench, seeping into her eyes, nose, and mouth without missing a beat.

 

The five senses of the man born and raised were acute. Because they were so acute, the shocks he received were also great. Among them, the eye pain of being blinded was unbearably painful. He managed to clench his teeth and try to endure it, but eventually he broke down.

 

It was the first time in his life that he screamed.

 

The monumental scream startled the maids who had been waiting outside the door and rushed in.

 

He repeatedly dipped a towel in clean water and wiped away every bit of filth from her jade body.

 

Even the young maid, who had just entered the palace, was diligently helping out.

 

She would wipe Lily’s mouth when she fell down drunk. Hee-hee, Lily just laughed.

 

“The injection is terrible once.”

 

He tried to work through it without making a big deal out of it.

 

[Hello, I’m Lily Paulman.]

 

Lily suddenly reached out and make a statement.

 

She was a young lady with a bad sleeping habit as well as an injection.

 

Purposely ignoring her, the maid wiped Lily’s cheek so thoroughly that it left a mark.

 

[I’m a noble even if I’m about to die…]

 

In the midst of this, Lily put her baby hair behind her ears. She just smiled.

 

Of course, it was a mockery that she spat out to herself. That was, until she ran outside.

 

But then Lily, who had been sitting still, suddenly coughed. She coughed so hard that wine began to leak out of her nostrils on both sides.

 

It was only a moment later that she laughed heartily.

 

She hastily covered her mouth and lost her laughter, afraid someone would hear. And then she focused on what she was doing.

 

After that, there were a few giggles mixed in, but no one was listening. It had happened, after all, and the noise was so slight that only one noticed it….

 

So she didn’t know.

 

Sne really had no idea that the Emperor, who was far away on the other side, had heard her laughing.

 

“If we disarm the pursuit squad, we should be able to capture her  in half a day.”

 

Noticing the sudden change in Leo’s complexion, the Knight Commander panicked.

 

It was painful to remember, the Emperor’s eyes were turning red. Leo’s head tilted as he put down the hand that had been covering his temple.

 

”How will I repay this disgrace?”

 

With that one thought, he took his time chewing on Lily’s name.

 

It wasn’t like him to keep receiving.

 

He was a great man who had to give back as much as he received and more if necessary. Therefore, the price for this humiliation was intended to be generous.

 

“No, I’ll find her.”

 

Leo pulled down the cravat around his neck and left the room.

 

He swept the gold thread embroidered on his coat with his slender fingers and walked down the hallway.

 

The he suddenly stopped.

 

“Get ready to hunt.”

 

His eyes bent as as if he painted them with a fine brush.

 

“She’ll need a present. Something nice that will go with….”

 

Leo swept his neck again, his heart aching just thinking about her face.

 

He crossed the corridor, playing his phalanges regularly to the rhythm.

 

He was more than a little pleased with the new entertainment district.

 

***

 

“The more precious it is, the greater the price is.”

 

The old woman laughed vainly, as the price paid must have changed the size of the memories she remembered. When Lily tilted her head, she swept the wrinkles of her old skirt and prepared to get up.

 

“The weather is clear, so I’m being silly. It’s a joke that an old woman does for fun, so listen to it carelessly and let it go carelessly.”

 

Lily held the old woman’s shoulders as she picked up the old wooden cane.

 

They comforted each other as they made their way back to the cabin, the fallen leaves chasing along the two sets of feet.

 

It was the time of year when everyone was in a hurry to get ready for winter.

 

Lily learned some chores from the old woman.

 

She learned to do needlework, stew, bake bread from crushed acorns, and wash clothes in the icy stream…..

 

She learned whatever she could.

 

Not a single day went by that her body was not tired, but this delivered a different kind of happiness that had never been there before. The more she became accustomed to the unfamiliar environment, the more she learned how to appreciate the simplicity of everyday life, and to appreciate the life she was given.

 

The leaves were falling and the wind was blowing.

 

As the first breeze of the dry season knocked on the cracked wooden door, the shabbily dressed Lily looked no different from the rest of the villagers.

 

Her hair, which had once shone like silver thread, had turned a muddy black and lost its luster.

 

“Come back with only rye flour. Don’t try to look around like you did before this.”

 

The old woman patted Lily’s cheek, tying a loose hood under her chin.

 

“I’ll scold you if you sell your rings and buy useless things like last time.”

 

The old woman’s tone was low, but full of affection. Lily smiled and rubbed her cheek against the old woman’s wrinkled cheek.

 

“I’ll be back before dark. I’ll look around for a bit.”

 

The small feet thumped as it made its way into town. Lily felt especially good today.

 

There was a crowd of people in the square, as if something great had happened.

 

“What’s going on with this award?”

 

“What is it? You should be able to read because you have good eyes.”

 

“Didn’t you see that they went all the way to the next town? It’s a mess.”

 

There were different reactions, such as those who were noisy, those who covered their mouths, those who spat, and others, but out of curiosity, Lily raised her small rye bag and stood on her tiptoes.

 

“It’s a warning.”

 

“Baron or Viscount. I heard that person’s head fell off.”

 

“Oh, he was originally a Baron.”

 

“Oh, an award…. Did he do something wrong?”

 

“How do I know that. The poster spreads all over the place like that.”

 

The bag Lily was holding tilted.

 

She thought she heard something wrong.

 

Unaware that her precious rye flour was spilling on the floor, Lily made her way through the crowd to the square. Pushing her way through, she went to the sign. And that’s when she faced the wall.

 

[Please enter the palace directly to recover the body of Baron Paulman, who has been filial to the main gate.]

 

Lily screamed and collapsed on the ground.

 

People went spacing out one by one, leaving space for the sobbing woman.

 

There were murmurs from all sides, but the grief-filled sobbing didn’t stop.

 

“Father, father…”

 

Lily’s father.

 

She thought of going back and asking for forgiveness. However, it was none other than the abusive language that her father had said that she held back each time.

 

[You should have burned. You shouldn’t have been born.]

 

That day, the words that lingered in her mind constantly stirred Lily.

 

It was inclusion and hostility towards his flesh and blood.

 

The ambivalent emotions repeatedly conflicted and confronted, but disappeared from some point on, diluted and forgotten by the sweetness of freedom.

 

And the guilt that had been left behind now revealed itself.

 

If only she didn’t go back to the mansion that day, if only she didn’t come to the village in the first place, if only she didn’t meet the old woman and the hunter…

 

Would everything have been different then?

 

A succession of regrets flooded her mind about her past choices. But the regret was soon replaced by fear.

 

[I think they’ve already released the hounds…]

 

The old woman’s words hit her hard.

 

There was no guarantee of safety here either. No, she couldn’t put the people who gave her kindness in danger. She had to be strong.

 

Lily somehow managed to sweep up the rye with her hands.

 

She came back to the hut with a sack cover with dirt.

 

The old woman didn’t ask any questions.

 

Not about the half-empty sack of rye, not about the sobbing shoulders leaning against her lap, only patted Lily’s head and said.

 

“Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

 

Lily stared at the wood in the fireplace, feeling her old mother’s touch. The fire was faintly spreading in her glass-like eyes.

 

Swallowing the words that did not come out, Lily hid her face in the hem of the old woman’s tattered skirt.

 

That replaced her final greetings.

 

The night was thick with the sound of grass bugs and insects. When the night sky shifted to a pale light and a light purple dawn came.

 

“Spin, spin, spin.

 

It wears out and resembles you, even if you do your best

 

Don’t cry, don’t cry.”

 

By the window, the old woman was sitting still, not knowing how long the time had passed.

 

The jewels Lily left behind were shining on the table.

 

The wrinkled head turned toward the dim light.

 

The fingers on her lap were like dry winter branches, and at the end of the branches hung the old comb that had combed Lily’s hair like a leaf.