PS I’m (not) Over You - Chapter 48：The Other Side of Love (2)

Angela didn’t know how to answer that question. When Ririna was younger, she was the one who always teased her about her obsession with their boss. To love someone unconditionally without asking for anything in return is hard. You can only watch and hope that they would notice you.

When Angela first met Ririna, she thought it was kind of silly for Ririna to conceal her feelings for their master. In her opinion, it is better to be clear on what you feel than holding it to yourself. What else could you get by keeping your love secret?

Would you rather let them go without saying what you really feel? Isn’t it unfair to love someone so much that it started to hurt inside?

It was a year ago when Angela met Jeff during the annual security hacking competition sponsored and organized by S&S Enterprise. While Angela isn’t the best one in the research department, her skills and strategic knowledge adds leverage to her compared to her colleagues. Jeff is one of the most promising contestants who joined the event. Eli was very impressed by his skills and offered a job contract right after the competition.

The first few weeks were insanely hard and messy. Some of the members of the research department refused to cooperate with him. Being a junior that was promoted to the chief of the department in just three months made the situation worse. Angela started receiving backlash from her co-workers because she became his assistant.

For her, it was unfair. While Jeff was infamous for being a hacker who brought troubles by competing with other security experts, his confidence was mostly seen by others as an arrogance. This she could understand. Unlike the others, he chooses to work by himself, only passing the easier task to her or only asks her as his support if he needed one.

Their working ethics are superb, no one can beat them when they team up. There aren’t much words needed when they work together. One could understand the other in a short span of time. The tigress became a house cat because of him.

Angela didn’t know when it started. She has been with him for so long that she got used to his weird antics. He loves to make fun and irritate their co-workers but still manages to lead them properly when he gets serious. Everyone listens to him and always consider his opinions.

There’s this one time when he wasn’t around and she needed to act as his proxy. During the discussion, the table was turned against her and some members from different department started lashing out at her. She ended up crying alone in her office at the end of the day. Angela might be known as a fierce woman but there are things that shouldn’t cross the line.

Jeff found her crying. He was surprised when he saw her in that state. He had never seen her in her weakest point until that moment. Her tears somehow disturbed him. He asked what had happened and she relied on everything that was discussed during their meeting. In the end, he promised that he would never make her go to another disastrous meeting that he should attend.

She wanted to hide from embarrassment. Never in her twenty-eight years of her life had made her cry in front of a man. She felt disgusted with herself but when she saw how pissed he was at what happened to her made her heart skipped a beat. The first time she felt something like this for someone.

“Yeah, you’re right,” She finally confessed to Ririna and Erica.

How ironic that she was the one who pushed Ririna to confess to Eli before, and now she was the one chickening out from her loved one.

“There’s no point telling him what I really feel. We are like heaven and earth. It’s not that if you love someone you have to have him. You are lucky that Master Eli has learned to love you but my case is hopeless. The other side of love is filled with tears and pain that you couldn’t even convey.”

Angela looked down at her joined hands, wondering how long could she bear staying by his side without telling him how she feels. Yes, she had learned to love him. The pain in her chest whenever she sees him, a kind of feeling that she’s been trying to suppress.

“Why?” Sara asked. She couldn’t understand why Angela chose to suffer than to confess and let him go. Angela shook her head and sighed.

“I’m just another face in the crowd. With all these differences between us, I will become an obstacle on his path. He got this big dream he’s already eyeing and waiting for him. I’ll just be in the crowd watching as he rises, but for now, I will stay by his side, supporting him with everything that I have until I’m not enough to stay with him.”

Angela closed her eyes, trying to stop her tears before they fall. There would be a day that he wouldn’t need her and she had to let go.

Ririna looked at her. She didn’t know if she should console her or tell her to stop. The kind of feeling that Angela is suffering from now is the kind of love she had before for Eli. Maybe it’s true that loving isn’t owning. There will always be someone who comes into your life who will make an impact but will never be part of your future.