QT: Scum Gong System: I Became the Male Leads I Hated!? - Chapter 61

But then Stein sighed.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I must be getting paranoid.” Stein looked away, looking forlorn. “I know how much you hate the captain, and you even said it yourself that you want to send him away to some other noble to leech off. And I can tell that you truly love me and no one else…. ”

Zhe Chouhen was immediately relieved. So it was just a momentary doubt, and Stein even thinks he’s being unreasonable about it. They’re safe for now.

“I do, Stein. My beloved, my creation.” He took his more graceful hand and kissed it. “You don’t have to be afraid, I only have my eyes on you. What you may have seen must have been an illusion. You should not worry about me leaving you.”

“But I can’t stop being scared. I’m really scared, Frank. You haven’t even….. kissed me or….. touched me… I…” Stein hugged himself as tears started to flow. “I know you love me but I can’t feel it enough. I feel like it’s not enough… I keep having these thoughts… Why am I like this?”

“Shhh… It’s alright. Don’t cry anymore.” ‘Franklin’ put the cork back on the wine bottle and placed it below the bed. “It must have been the alcohol making you feel this way. Again, you shouldn’t drink, Stein. You are different, we don’t know what the effects of these things will be on your body—”

“I don’t think it has anything to do with alcohol!” The artificially created man hides his sobbing face on ‘Franklin’s’ chest. ” Frank, I have been feeling this way since the start. I don’t want you to treat me as just your creation anymore. I want to be a human like you. A real human that you will love as humans do, with no fear about my body coming apart if you embraced me too tight, or losing my breath if you kissed me too hard! I am not frail and delicate, I want to receive your love with its full strength!”

This revelation really knocked Zhe Chouhen off his feet and he doesn’t know how to get back up anymore. It is far too perplexing…..

Stein is so self-aware. If he had been much more naive and had a more positive mindset compared to the other MCs, he wouldn’t be crying like this. He won’t be so easily hurt. But he already has one of the worst fates, and yet he was still not blessed with the blessing of ignorance.

He develops too fast, and it scares Zhe Chouhen. Scared of the man he might become. He wanted him to stay young forever, to keep their relationship like that of father and child. He needs that in order to…..

Not suffer again. Not suffer from falling in love so quickly and so deeply to an MC again.

But it seems inevitable now, Stein would always seek to be something more. Because that is his purpose, his raison d’etre. His very existence is to love and be loved by Franklin Storitz.

If Zhe Chouhen does not return this love, it will be Stein who continues to suffer.

“I…….. Stein, I am at a loss for words. I truly do not know what to say in order to console your aching heart.” He said, genuinely.

Stein continued to sob harder in his arms. “You don’t need to say anything…. You just have to do something. Please, Franklin. Do something. Do something to make me stop feeling this way.”

Zhe Chouhen knows what he wants ‘Franklin’ to do. They almost did it earlier this morning. Something that would seal their proclaimed love for one another, something that would turn empty ‘I love yous’ into something real. Something that could be felt.

He slowly titled Stein’s chin up, brushing the tears away with his thumb. The poor artificially created man looked at him with so much yearning, as he has been ready for this his whole life. Both of them closed their eyes…..

And yet, Zhe Chouhen could not do it.

Not even as ‘Franklin’. He just can’t bring himself to finally press those lips together and give this poor devotee what he has been praying for.

He instead press their foreheads together, and said in a tired, pleading voice. “Stein, let’s go to sleep. I shall sleep in the same bed with you tonight.”

Stein’s eyes opened again, wide like had just been stabbed in the back. Like he was betrayed. He gritted his teeth and pushed ‘Franklin’ away.

“I don’t need it…. I don’t need you to give me this empty consolidation of sleeping in the same bed.” He said harshly. “Leave me be, I will stop crying eventually.”

Zhe Chouhen’s own chest ached from seeing him mad at him like this. “Stein, don’t be like this. I just couldn’t….”

“I must be disgusting in your eyes. A pesky creature like me who is so temperamental and desperate for your affection. When I’m not even worth looking at in the first place!” Stein coldly laughed. “Look at me! My hands and feet don’t match! I’m a monster! I’m a freak!”

He gestured at his revealed dark-skinned legs, and looked at them with great resentment, like he wanted to pull out those stitches that bind him to them.

‘Franklin’ tried to stop him, holding on to his wrists. “Stein, don’t say that. You are beautiful, I am the one who made you this way. To hate any part of yourself is to hate how I created you!”

“I do hate it! I hate how you created me with parts that don’t match at all, making you unable to even find me attractive or kiss me!” Stein exclaimed, fuming hot red.

“Then… Does that make you hate me? Do you despise me, your creator?” ‘Franklin’ asked with his deep-set eyes looking truly forlorn and somber. The idea seems to give him boundless sadness and it is very evident.

“I…..” Stein was surprised to see this. “I don’t…. I can never hate you. I just hate that….. That you created me. I wish I was created by someone else, so I can have someone else to blame.”

He looked down, the very words he said thoroughly confusing them. They felt so wrong. Abnormal.

No human will have a fight with their lover and say this.

It brought him into this spiral of anguish and regret again. Wanting and wanting to be a real human. Wanting to be normal and loved normally.

It makes him feel so tired.

“Frank…. I cannot do this anymore. Don’t try to console me, don’t talk to me. I feel like you will just keep saying things that will accidentally hurt me. And I might also do to you the same. I don’t like it, we never fought like this before.” Stein sniffled, rubbing his eyes and laying on the bed. “This night had gone completely wrong. I want to sleep and start over tomorrow and have a better conversation with you, or at least, a normal one.”

“I’m fine with us both forgetting it. Just treat me as you always had.”

“I see…” ‘Franklin’ said. “Then…..”

He slowly laid down on the bed too, placing his arm around Stein.

“I won’t say a thing, just let me embrace you as you sleep. Don’t push me away like before.”

“Frank… Why are you being so difficult tonight… Sob…..” Stein went back to sniffling again, but this was weaker, and his whimpers are softer.

“It’s because I… I don’t like seeing you hurt because of me, Stein.” Zhe Chouhen said, and added in his mind:

(I don’t like seeing any of you hurting because of me. Not Daniele, not Ashton, and not you.)

He made Stein face him as they slept together in one bed. “Shhh… Let’s just go to sleep.”

He closed his eyes and patted the head of this man crying because of him. He feels so much tenderness for Stein, even stronger than the first two MCs he encountered. It worries him, but right now, he has to set aside that worry…

And help him fall asleep. Tomorrow, everything will be back to normal again.

They slept well in each other’s embrace.

————————-

Daoist Panda didn’t sleep well that night. He didn’t even get any sleep at all.

Where is Zhe Chouhen? Doesn’t he visit almost every night? Did something happen between him and Stein?

Why does it bother him so much, anyway!? Erase thoughts, erase thoughts! If something did happen, so what? They’re the MC and ML, they’re meant to do some lovey-dovey and maybe even hanky-panky scenes for the readers….

Urk, the thought of it is going to make him sick. He’s gay and yet the idea of those two doing it still makes him want to vomit!

And earlier that morning too…. He was so close to seeing them eat each other’s faces.

“Ah, why did I stop them!? What’s wrong with me? I even made that accident of him cutting his finger to add to his Love Meter, and yet I did not even let him reap the rewards of his efforts???” Daoist Panda slammed his own fist on his own forehead. “Gah, why am I like this!?”

He leaned on his bed, looking extremely troubled. “I even pretended to yawn just to intrude on them kissing and then… And then I even scratched my stomach in front of him…”

He recalled the look on Zhe Chouhen’s face when he did that and his face immediately turned hot pink. “Oh god, that was so embarrassing! It’s like I was seducing him or something…..”

He rolled over several times, kicked his feet up and down like he was swimming in his own bed, and rolled over again. He covered his flushed face and tried not to recall anything from this morning that will make him even more agitated.

“Stupid Zhe Chouhen….. What are you doing, making me like this and then not visiting my room? Leaving me behind after having me so worked up from your face, your thoughtful actions, your sweet words….”

He turned to face the ceiling, sighing. “I’m doomed. I’m really, really doomed.”

He had already broken off the brotherhood, but it is now official that he had breached their ideology itself. He had become weak. He had become manipulated. And now…..

Was he also abandoned?

Is this night of not visiting for the first time a sign of abandonment? Is Zhe Chouhen abandoning him for Stein?

He remembered the delicious strawberry shortcake he ate earlier. He hasn’t even thanked the idiot for it, or told him how well he made it, or how it truly made his day….

Tears start to pool in his eyes. And because he got frustrated by it, it increased in size until it overflowed.

“Why aren’t you here, Zhe Chouhen? I know you’re just in the room next door but you feel like worlds apart from me…..”

He covered his eyes, heaving lightly, unlike Stein. It only took a few moments for him to stop crying, but his level of emotion is just on par with the MC’s.

“Why did you abandon me?” He chuckled bitterly. “Why do you keep abandoning me for these MCs?”

The question he truly wanted to ask and had kept inside for a very long time did not come out of his mouth. It was a question that starts not with ‘what’ or ‘how’ or ‘why’.

It was a question of ‘when’.

When……….