QT: Scum Gong System: I Became the Male Leads I Hated!? - Chapter 71

“Hah…. What the fuck….” He groaned and mumbled as he rubbed a hand over his face. Right beside him was a sleeping Stein that was not bothered at all by his movements, sleeping soundly as baby.

Thus, Zhe Chouhen cursed more and stirred about, trying to wake himself up from that….. that messed-up dream. More than messed up. It’s beyond levels of fucked-up.

Why….

Why did he dream of Daoist Panda in such a way!?

What does this even mean!?

In this dream, he was even aware of Daoist Panda’s thoughts, or at least, the thoughts and emotions of his version in the dream. How he had been constantly thinking of Zhe Chouhen causing him to look always occupied, how frustrated he was by their circumstances of playing as characters in this book. In real life, Zhe Chouhen did notice that Daoist Panda is acting more spacy than usual, but…..

He never thought it must be because he likes him.

Why would he like him in the first place?

“You already know that, you scum bastard. That is why you think you can do whatever you want with me, right? treat me as just an object for pleasure?”

That’s not true!

There’s no way that’s true!

Zhe Chouhen shook his head again and again, covering his mouth and feeling like he was going to be sick. He wants to puke. He is disgusted at the dream, at the idea of that….. that…

That he wants to defile Daoist Panda, who he cared so much with pure, friendly affection, into such a way that would degrade him to an object.

He could not keep it in anymore, and went out of the bed to rush over the window, open it, and retch at the beautiful pink chrysanthemums.

Chrysanthemums….

Who the hell planted those there!?

He thinks he’s going insane. He really must be going insane. Right, it’s the effect of being cooped up in these worlds and playing a scum gong for too long. His mental strength had deteriorated and made way for intrusive thoughts, very, very intrusive thoughts…..

It’s making him want to bang his head on the wall or the floor until he becomes unconscious for many years again.

Or maybe…

Maybe he’s thinking too much about it.

There’s no way that’s the real him. There’s no way the dream reflects anything about him. There’s now ay that he wanted to harm Daoist Panda in any way, shape or form. There’s no way….. There’s no way…. There’s no way…..

Right?

RIGHT!?????

IT’S JUST A NIGHTMARE!

Zhe Chouhen chuckled to himself, mocking his own pessimistic way of thinking. He felt more stupid than ever. What is he getting so worked up on? It’s just a nightmare! Nothing more than a meaningless dream. That’s not him at all. People always dream about things that does not make sense…..

A part of him is aware of his own denial.

But he must also deny that part of him in order to stay sane. That part of him that loudly speaks the truth that he doesn’t want to hear. He shut it off, going back to bed and pretending that it was never there. The continuous line of thought is just fool of self-consolation and self-comfort, fooling himself again and again in order to believe his morality is still in tact.

Stein groaned.

He turned to him. Stein…. Stein, the main character. He is an actor playing a role. Stein is not real, and so is this scum he is residing. Therefore, the person in the dream, the one Daoist Panda is talking about, must not be real a well.

Now he’s not even sure if Daoist Panda himself is real. Not really the author, but this person that took revenge on him for writing hateful comments. This spiteful yet also terribly cute 2D panda, this man inside a character named Captain Clerval. Was he real?

Or is this a dream as well?

A dream within a dream. A dream within a dream  within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream…………..

Life is just full of dreams!

Nothing is real anymore if even Daoist Panda or this whole thing is not real.

Zhe Chouhen’s fingers shake… breathless….. choking in the very air he breathes.

Ah.

He feels so tired again that he wants to sleep.

So what if he dreamed of another nightmare?

It’s not real. He’s not even sure if anything is anymore.

The moment he closed his eyes to sleep for the second time, blue eyes opened. Stein awoke with the same shocked and stunned expression as him, also contemplating what’s real and what’s not.

——————————–

The first time that woman came into their lives, he already sensed something.

It is the same way when you look at the sky, full of cumulonimbus clouds. You know it is going to rain later. It is the same way as one would watch a child running around with a kite and tripping. You know that the kite would be lost in his grip, and fly soon, high and high above. Unable to be reached by the poor child. It is like watching a speeding train towards a man that will be hit by a rail way….

He really is not the most descriptive soul out there. His brother is better at it. Basically, it is like watching a diater towards another person and not being able to do anything about it…

You can’t stop the rain, the wind, or the train in time. The woman is exactly like that.

After the performance, she greeted them both. He knows such a thing is fate. He had already anticipated and pondered about such a thing before ever since he had grown out of puberty,a nd fill his mind with books of fiction. Not just fiction, but the gossip he overhears from the theater troupes.

“Good evening. My name is Marie Jeanne Broussard. I just want to give you these flowers fro a wonderful performance.” She smiled at them brightly, handing out a bouquet of peonies.

Peonies are for happy marriages, he has read. This is an omen.

Marriage…

Since they were children, his brother has said that such a thing would be impossible for them, and might a well have been avoided. He had agreed, and was happy about it.

“Thank you. My name is Samuel. This is my brother, Samson. It is nice to meet you, Marie Jeanne.” His brother said.

“Samson…..” She muttered while looking at him.

His eyes widened, and a sly, dark grin spread on his face. But for outsiders who don’t know the context, they might misinterpret the grin as jolliness or just playfulness.

It was him.

It was him that the woman wants. There is a solution after all! This is perfect.

He turned to his brother. No one can keep them apart. They were lucky today, the inevitable that he was worried about will not happen for a while longer.

He took the woman’s hand and kissed it. “It is nice to make an acquaintance of a beautiful lady such as yourself, Ms. Broussard.”

She chuckled. “Ah, you really don’t have to try and charm me too much. I was already charmed by the skills you displayed back at the stage.”

“My brother also did very well….” He said out of habit because he had to defend his brother’s performance to the circus master all the time, but realized the fault in that. He must not make the woman switch her affection towards his brother.

“But again, it is such an honor to catch the eye of someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” She giggled in surprise. “I am just a simple, everyday lady of the 19th century.”

“I hear you are not just any simple lady, Ms. Broussard. Your father is a lawyer, and one of the first to fight for cases against people of our skin.” He displayed such incredible knowledge in gossip and hearsay. “You are very fortunate to have such upbringing…..”

“I agree too—” His brother spoke up, to which he immediately turned and narrowed his eyes.

Samuel was stunned and hurt by this. This woman….

Does he like her so much?

What will happen if they did become lovers? It’s not like they could separate him….. Right?

Or….

What if…….

What if Samson kills him because of it?

What if he discards him, and cut the physical tie they have with each other? After all, he had been a burden to him all his life…..

Marriage.

He fears it, the wedding bells, the white doves. The romance, the vows…… the separation of the man and woman in question from the whole world around them. If this continues, he would lose the brother he loved the most.

Both brothers are not aware that they share the same beautiful nightmare.