Rune Seeker - Book 3: Chapter 86: A Mother’s Shame

“Pardon?” Hiral asked, Elezad’s words hitting him like a bucket of cold water. But before his father could speak again, some of the pieces fell into place. “The glyph of fertility?”

Elezad nodded.

“When… When did she get it?”

“Before you were born,” Elezad said.

“How did I never see it?”

“The glyph isn’t exactly legal,” Elezad reminded him. “She was very careful to keep it hidden or covered, even in our own home. And especially from children who didn’t know not to talk about it.”

Hiral stepped back, then began to pace. That could be true. Every memory of his mother had her in her Artist’s robes, and she’d never gone swimming with them, even before she stopped talking to him. It was a stretch, but possible.

“How long before I was born?” he asked.

“About six months,” Elezad said.

“Six months?” Hiral said after a pause. “That means she was already pregnant with me. Why would she get the glyph then?”

“We didn’t know she was pregnant. And, at that point, we’d been trying for years to have children. We were beginning to think it would never happen. We were desperate, so we found an Artist who knew the glyph and was willing to do it. A few weeks later, she started showing.”

“I… see.”

“Before doing the glyph, the Artist asked us several times if she was pregnant. If there was any chance. He said there could be unforeseen consequences if she was, but we’d failed so many times, we didn’t even consider the possibility.”

“Unforeseen consequences,” Hiral said aloud, and his mind went back to The Buried City. To the woman, Bellina, and what she’d said when he’d asked about the glyph they used as a ward of protection.

“I did hear they’re very careful to check to make sure women aren’t pregnant when getting the glyph,” she’d said. “It changes us inside, so the Enemy can’t take control. I don’t know what that would do to a little one if they’re already in there.”

It changes us inside. Unforeseen consequences.

“Mom thought the glyph she got while she was pregnant with me changed me?” Hiral asked his father. “Broke me so I couldn’t Shape? Made me… the Everfail?”

“We never thought of you by that name,” his father said immediately. “But, yes. She thought getting the glyph did something so you couldn’t use your solar energy. When we took you to the Measure, everything looked so good. We thought we were safe… until we put more tattoos on you and you started training with Loan.

“When you weren’t able to Shape, at first, we thought it was because we only gave you S-Rank tattoos. But, as time went on… and you… failed your first test, we knew it was our fault. We knew our choice to get the glyph—of not being careful enough to make sure she wasn’t pregnant—had cost you your dream.

“She blamed herself more than anything. She was the one who found the other Artist, after all, and convinced me the glyph was a good idea. It’s not all her fault, though. I wanted kids too. I chose, just as much as she did. We share the responsibility.

“Anyway, after that, every time she looked at you, she imagined you blaming her. She saw how tough it was for you, how much it hurt, and it killed her inside to know she was responsible for it.”

“Then… why… why didn’t she support me?” Hiral asked.

Elezad shook his head. “I don’t know. I asked her the same thing. Constantly. For years. I think her early inaction compounded her shame. The longer she put it off, the harder it was to change the course she’d chosen. Shame built on shame, until it was too much for her to go back on.”

“At least she was there for Milly and Nat,” Hiral said, unable to completely keep the bitterness out of his voice.

“I know this doesn’t change the last ten years, but I thought you should know the truth. Finally.”

Hiral rubbed at his temples with the heels of his hands while he processed all the new information. In a way, he was broken. That glyph, and the changes it’d made to him before he was ever born, had to be why he couldn’t Shape. Why he wasn’t a Maker. Why his life had been so hard. Why he…

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“… on his head?” Seena’s chuckling voice came over the party chat. “Oh, sorry, didn’t know I’d turned that on. Everything okay over there, Hiral?”

Hiral didn’t answer immediately. The glyph had changed him. But, if it hadn’t, where would he be right now? Would he have become a Shaper at his first test? If that’d happened, he never would’ve gone down to the Growers’ islands with Arty. Never would’ve jumped off to save Favela. Never would’ve gone to the surface with Seena. Never run dungeons, gotten his Runic Artificer class, or found out about the threat to Fallen Reach.

Never would’ve been in a position to save fallen Reach.

“Hiral?’ Seena asked again when he didn’t respond.

He never would’ve met Seena and the others. Never would’ve gotten friends like them, nor Left and Right.

His life had been hard, yeah, but it was better now. Sure, he’d still lost friends—too many of them—but he was a better person for having had them. And if his hardships meant he could save the lives of everybody on the island, wasn’t that a more than fair trade?

“I’m fine,” he told her. “Thanks for asking. We’re almost done here.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. People here are ready to go when you are.”

“Be there in a minute.” Then he turned his attention to his father. “Thank you for telling me all this, Dad. I… I don’t think this excuses her choices for the last ten years, but maybe I’ll give her a chance to explain herself.”

“It won’t be easy for her,” Elezad said.

“Too bad,” Hiral said bluntly. “She owes me that much, at least.”

“She does,” Elezad agreed.

“The Artist,” Hiral said, something occurring to him. “It was Arty, wasn’t it?”

Elezad nodded. “How did you know?”

“If Mom felt guilty about it, I bet the Artist probably would too. It explains why Arty was so willing to give me a job when I couldn’t even Shape.”

“Not just that,” Elezad said. “The man genuinely cares about you.”

“Oh, I know he does now, but I could never figure out why he took the chance on me in the first place. This answers that.” He somehow felt better after solving that small puzzle. “Look, I’ve got other questions, but it’s time for us to go deal with the rebel Shapers and Fitch.”

“Fitch?”

“The man we’re looking for. You can’t come with us.” He was already shaking his head when Elezad opened his mouth to argue. “No. You can’t fight, and I can’t worry about you. Drake will take you to join Nat, Milly, and Mom.”

“Drake…? Wait, the dragon bones?”

“Yeah, him. He’s technically called a Dracolich. Don’t worry, he’ll get you there quickly.”

“And he won’t eat me?”

“Doesn’t even have a stomach.”

“It was more the teeth I was worried about…”

“He won’t eat you.”

“You sure I can’t just go with you?”

“I’m sure.”

“And… you… you can fight now?” Elezad asked, finally looking away from Hiral’s face to the Second-Skin he was wearing. “That’s… actually a really nice coat. But, your tattoos?”

Hiral opened the top of the Coat of Ur’Thul so his father could see the runes on his chest. “Don’t have them right now. Don’t need them. To answer your question, yeah, I can fight.”

“Those characters on your skin are the same as on the coat? Was it made for you? And what kind of dye did they use to make it glow like that?”

Hiral could only chuckle. “Dad, those questions will have to wait for later,” he said, doing his coat back up.

“There will be a later, won’t there? You’re not going to vanish again, right?”

“I’m not. Promise. C’mon.” Hiral snagged his father’s arm and led the man back to the crowd, heading right towards Drake. Elezad’s steps only faltered briefly as the Dracolich’s teeth-lined maw lifted into the air to look at them. “Drake, buddy, I need you to take my father to join the rest of my family. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

In response, the bulky Reflection’s head snaked in to nuzzle up against Elezad’s chest. Only Hiral’s quick reflexes kept the man from toppling over as his legs gave out, but he recovered quickly when he realized Drake wasn’t eating him.

“Thanks,” Hiral told Drake, patting the mount on the snout. “Okay, Dad. Up you go on the saddle there.”

“I won’t fall off?”

“Stop whining and go,” Hiral said flatly.

“You sound like Milly,” Elezad grumbled, but he climbed up into the saddle. “How do I steer him?”

Hiral chuckled again. “You don’t.”

“Then how do I goooooo…?” Elezad’s words faded into the distance as Drake leapt up with enough force to make Hiral take a step back.

“Yeah, I can see how that’s a bit annoying when you’re on the receiving end,” he said quietly to Seena.