Salvation Equation - Chapter 19. Don’t Go

Where did it go wrong?

The more they talked, the more Ian thought she was strange, but he thought he and the woman were a good match.

Why? Madeline didn’t like him very much. He sometimes saw mysterious emotions hanging around the woman’s eyes. It was rather a catalyst for Ian’s desire to conquer.

“But it’s all useless now.”

His young attempt failed. Ian faced his own stupidity for the first time in front of the woman’s pale face.

The answer was a clear no. He didn’t want to accept it, but he had to accept it. He felt like Madeline’s scorn was being struck with his whole body and broken little by little.

He was arrogant. He admitted. Partly because Madeline would probably not be pleased with him trying to buy everything with money.

There was no chance of winning now. It would take time and care to turn her contempt to his side in some way. But there was not enough time. He has to go to war now.

There was no time, the dice was cast, and the future was not promising.

Ian decided not to think about her any more. It was not good for each other to jump into the sand holding on to a past relationship.

It was enough to wrap up with a relationship that had not been achieved.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Suddenly someone started knocking on the door of his bedroom. Ian, who was annoyed, shouted in an angry voice.

“What’s going on at this hour?”

It was Isabel in her pajamas and a shawl that opened the door. She said with a furious expression.

“Brother, she’s here.”

“What… No, more than that, who is ‘she’….”

“Madeline Loenfield. The strange woman.”

“…….”

Boom! Boom!

Lightning flashed down. Soon there was a thunderstorm. Isabel frowned.

“She came to see you. Like a wet rat.”

* * *

Madeline Loenfield had completely broken the forbidden path. No, it’s not just mood, it’s definitely beyond. It was the first oddity for her, who had always led an exemplary life.

The woman who came running wet in the rain in the middle of the night and talked nonsense.

But she couldn’t control the urge that was boiling in her heart. Her stomach was bursting with frustration. Even if the man left without her being able to do anything, at least she wanted to say what she had to say.

The coat was heavy from the rain. She took it off and put a towel the maid had given her on her shoulders. When she was shivering in front of the fireplace, she heard a knock.

“Miss Loenfield.”

A long shadow came into the parlor. Young Ian Nottingham was looking at her like a ghost.

Madeline shook off her wet bangs. Rain was dripping down the skirt. She managed to get up from her seat, trembling.

“I heard you’re going to war.”

Ian’s rigid expression was relieved for a moment by Madeline’s words. He laughed a little.

“Are there any young men who don’t?”

“Do you have to go?”

Ian tilted his thick eyebrows as if wondering what she meant.

“Why? No matter where I am or what I do, it’s none of your business now.”

He pulled back with a sharp voice. Madeline raised her head stiffly. Her chin quivered with cold.

“In that war… You’re going to lose a lot of things.”

“Are you reading my fortune? It’s unpleasant.”

Ian Nottingham’s straight brows creased. Annoying or angry, he hardened his face. The more he did, the more desperate Madeline was. She murmured as if she was drunk.

‘As expected, this is what I wanted to say the most.’

She held her breath and went on at a rapid pace.

“Don’t go. Don’t go to war.”

She lowered her head. She was confused. Whether she hated the man in front of her or sympathized with him. But it was no longer an important fact. Now Ian Nottingham would think she was a crazy woman.

Ian, who had not spoken for a long time, opened his mouth.

“Just because I proposed to you doesn’t justify your actions. If you’re going to play a joke, stop it.”

His cold eyes were pierced with pain.

“……”

“It’s a battlefield. Of course it’s dangerous. I don’t think whoever is going out there doesn’t have any ideas.”

“…but…”

The shrunken Madeline tried to protest, quivering her lips.

“I’m also prepared a lot. I’m not that stupid to go out without such readiness. Oh.”

The man squinted as if he had thought of something. He threw a sharp dagger with a twisted smile.

“If you’re ‘worried’ about me, I’d say that’s not necessary. Though, in a world where everyone sends families and loved ones off to war as quickly as possible, you’re a rare thing indeed.”

He checked his watch and sighed.

“That’s enough. It’s late at night, you can sleep here tonight.”

He glanced sideways at Madeline for a moment, then turned and walked out. It was not worth saying any more.

Madeline shook her hands. She couldn’t tell the truth. She couldn’t say she was his wife in her previous life. Her experience had no power in the face of common sense. So in the end,

“Why did you propose to me?”

A shrill voice crept through Madeline’s throat.

Why? Why? Why did you trap me, propose to me, and hold me back in your past life and now? Madeline wanted to ask.

That was unreasonable. Why should she be the only one to bear this burden? She couldn’t understand why she had to bear the burden when a person she didn’t even love broke into pieces on the battlefield.

“You won’t even listen to my warning after all. You always ignore me. “

“…….”

“You said you don’t love me. All right. All right. It’s the same for me. But I’ll marry you.”

‘I don’t love you either, so it’s a profitable business.’

“Miss Loenfield.”

Ian turned around. His face was now full of fatigue beyond irritation.

“Will you make up your mind to go to war if I marry you? Then let’s get married.”  (Madeline)

“The insult is too much.” (Ian)

Ian shook his head in disgust. Madeline’s lips quivered.

“I won’t be a coward. Whether it’s because of your sudden whim or because of your compassion.” (Ian)

“…….”

“I will participate.” (Ian)

Madeline wept. But she did not frown.

Her determined eyes became damp. Ian sighed hesitantly for a moment, and then approached her.

Madeline managed to hang on in a squeezing voice.

“……Don’t go.”

She remembered the Count who had a seizure before her eyes. The man who held onto her, the gaze that always stayed in the shadow after that. The heart of the man was torn apart with a shell.

Madeline Loenfield could not embrace him. So she was a dry sea and the man was a wounded fish. If it was a mistake from the start, Madeline wanted to rewrite it somehow.

That’s why she was here. Out of patience, she couldn’t let the man’s life turn into hell. Madeline bit her lips. Her usual scarlet lips and cheeks were now almost purplish.

Ian’s eyes shook. It contained more regret than disdain he felt earlier.

“Madeline, I’ve been thinking about you, but you’re a strange woman.”

He carefully held Madeline’s damp shoulders. The man’s strong hands wrapped around her round shoulders.

“I know you’re worried about me, but…I don’t think there’s any reason to act like this.”

He lightly swept Madeline’s cheek with the back of his hand. The man’s warm finger brushed the cold woman’s cheek in the rain.

Their eyes met, and he pulled the corners of his mouth hard.

“As you said, I’m an arrogant man. It was wise of you to refuse the proposal. Madeline Loenfield. I hope you find a better person.”

He hesitated for a moment. Then he added more.

“It is natural for a soldier who is going to the enemy territory prepared to die. That’s all.”

After finishing his speech, Ian left the parlor.

Madeline, wet all over, just stood there for a long time.

* * *

There had been many opportunities to change the future. Madeline couldn’t believe she missed them all. Eventually, even the man in front of her couldn’t be saved.

It wasn’t worth it to return to the past.

She tried to act like a crazy woman screaming in a loud voice, but to no avail.

She was nothing more than a 17-year-old childish aristocratic girl. There was no way a person who had never achieved anything with her own hands could move others.

The men of the Nottingham family were to leave before August. It was not just the Nottingham family. George Colhas and William Leverett also were going. The society where the young men disappeared had long since collapsed, and war fever was hanging over the whole country. All of them were filled with patriotism.

Madeline couldn’t bear to attend the farewell ceremony. She could not look at the bright young people with her eyes open. Neither chivalry nor the power to condemn the passion of the myth-ridden people.

Instead, she was looking at the newspaper and looking for a job. In the future, women could easily find jobs, so there would be a way to live.

She saved up the money she had left and bought a typewriter. Madeline stood in front of the iron object.

She sat down and touched the machine as she read in the book. Chirring. The machine began to move with a cheerful sound.