Salvation Equation - Chapter 28. Can You Give Me Another Chance?

She didn’t know what to say if she met Ian Nottingham again.

Will it be awkward or weird? Will she be sad or happy?

She didn’t know what to feel.

Madeline looked at herself in the mirror. She was thinner than before. The baby fat disappeared and she had a lonely atmosphere overall.

She felt unfamiliar with herself because it felt like she had a different atmosphere from her past life.

Madeline tied her hair up like usual. She missed the pin multiple times because her hands were shaking. She didn’t like how her fingertips were twitching slightly.

After preparing longer than usual, she left the room. She wore a pure white nurse’s uniform that was ironed crisply. After looking around the patients, she tried to start her daily routine. It was then.

The servants of the mansion and the hospital staff began to go out in unison. Sebastian, the chief butler of the house, approached Madeline with quick steps, who was looking around the hospital room. He looked muddled, his hands and feet flailing about.

“My lady, uh… it’s….”

“I’m worried, too.”

Sebastian’s face reddened when he saw Madeline’s calm expression. “Ahem,” He cleared his throat.

“The master has come back.”

“I should go down then. Right?”

“Uh… that’s…”

Madeline stared closely at the man’s expression. A pale face, trembling fingers.

“It’s scary. I’m scared as well.”

“…. My lady.”

“But the scariest thing would be him.”

“…….”

Sebastian dropped his head. The man who devoted his life to the Count was agitated. Madeline whispered to him. She smiled as if relieved.

“Let’s go meet him together.”

* * *

Servants lined up on both sides, additional hospital employees, and even the guests, they were all waiting for the Count’s return. After a while of silence where not a sound of breathing could be heard, a car appeared.

Next to Madeline, Isabel stopped breathing. Eric’s fists were shaking. Before long, the car stopped nearby. The driver was a soldier. He got out of his seat and saluted.

He opened the back seat door. A dark figure emerged from the back door of the car. It could immediately be seen that it was a man in a military uniform.

The driver soldier staggered to help when the tottering figure suddenly collapsed.

When Eric, who couldn’t bear to look, tried to run towards them, Isabel raised one arm and blocked him. The man was struggling in the back seat while the silence enveloped everyone. At long last, the door closed and the figure was revealed.

There was Ian Nottingham. The man in the officer’s uniform was missing one leg. Madeline felt a chill in her spine. Half of his face had burn scars, and his face was very pale. His body, like an iron skewer, was thin like a pole. He had an inhumane-like, gloomy atmosphere.

(tn: iron skewer can be used as a metaphor which means, very skinny yet has a sharpness to it.)

He stood there blankly. A moment passed as Madeline, the family members, employees, and other people kept quiet. After a long time. The people had a hunch that a completely different person came back. There was suffocating silence.

Ian staggered towards the people. He shook off the driver who was trying to help him and approached with all his might.

Isabel and Eric, the former Countess, ran out and they all embraced each other.

The painful tear-filled years were over. Ian staggered towards the others. He greeted the trembling Sebastian and also saluted Charles and other servants.

Then he looked at Madeline. The man’s face hardened. His forehead creased and contorted with the most miserable expression in the world.

“It’s been a long time, Ian.”

Madeline spoke first, instead of Ian, who had been moving his dry lips for a while. She spoke neatly, hiding her throbbing insides.

“….. Madeline.”

Ian dropped his head. How would she know what emotions are boiling inside the man? There must be a sense of defeat, a sense of falling behind, and all sorts of terrible feelings that cannot be named must be boiling inside the man.

The man lowered his body as if he felt vomiting. Eric quickly supported his brother, but Ian stood up before he could. Even though he was hunched over, he had a large body.

He eventually approached Madeline little by little. Madeline thought to herself.

‘Yes, come to me. Ian, I’ve been waiting. I wanted you to be in front of me like this. Now I know why. Come here, my share of guilt.’

As the two narrowed the distance between them, Madeline stroked Ian’s rough hand which was holding onto his crutches.

Madeline squinted her eyes. It was to hold back her tears. Because she didn’t want to cry first. She whispered softly so that only the man could hear her.

“I’ve been waiting.”

Finally, she could relax.

* * *

Madeline worked as usual while the man unpacked his things and talked with his family. The patients seemed slightly agitated. Now that the master has returned, they wonder if the hospital will go back to being a mansion.

To the point that some patients even sobbed, saying they didn’t want to move to another hospital. Madeline couldn’t be certain of anything about that. Even she didn’t know what Ian was going to decide.

Please, give me a little more time. She hoped.

It was only after a full day that she met Ian Nottingham again. Perhaps his body was tired from the trip, Ian did not come out of his room. Madeline didn’t come looking for him either.

He probably needed time alone. It must’ve been awkward to change his house to a hospital and he might not want to see it.

‘He might also not want to see me.’

It was harsh but it wasn’t a particularly shocking statement. Because she was nothing to Ian.

It was also pure coincidence when the two met again. Madeline, who was checking on the patients at night, ran into him coming down the stairs.

At first, she was about to scream. There was little to no presence so she thought it was a ghost. She raised the lamp high and the man covered his face with one hand.

“….Ian?”

“…….”

Madeline hurriedly lowered the lamp again. The two remained silent for a long time. Ian stammered and began to speak.

“I, I was……. taking a walk.”

“You could fall if you walk around without lights at night.”

Does he know how scary falling and getting hurt is? Madeline shook her head.

“…..It’s none of your business.”

“Even so. It’s a bit messy because of the hospital’s stuff. Let’s go together.”

Hearing this, Ian was silent. Only a dim light and silence surrounded them.

“To be honest…..”

Ian’s face that could be seen with the lamp looked so thin and exhausted that Madeline’s heart began to sink like a sinking ship.

“I hate you.”

Madeline shuddered at his dry voice.

“I….”

Ian’s voice grew louder and louder. He was trembling too. Madeline approached him. She put the lamp on the floor, and grabbed Ian’s shoulders.

“It’s okay if you do. It’s okay for you to hate me as much as you want.”

She gently embraced the man. No, it was more appropriate to say that her body was covered by his. She could feel the man’s body shaking intermittently.

Though injured, his body was still strong and big. Madeline exhaled stably. She closed her eyes.

Her heartbeat and the man’s heartbeat were off. Perhaps just like that, she and he were destined to be so different forever, both in their past lives and in the present.

To think that it’s back to square one.

But if they could continue being this different….

* * *

Ian rarely came out of his room, but it looked like he allowed the mansion to operate as a hospital for the time being.

The war was completely over. The people of the hospital celebrated it in a small way, but Madeline was calm. Somehow, she didn’t feel like celebrating much.

She went to Ian first. She couldn’t approach him first in her past life, so she wanted to reach out first this time.

‘I shouldn’t be abrupt. Slowly…’

Madeline entered Ian’s study with a light smile. Her body was throbbing because she worked hard all day, but her mind was clear rather than tired.

As she opened the study door, (Flinch!)  Ian’s body trembled. Her heart rattled at the sight of him being surprised.

As Madeline slowly opened the door and approached, Ian sat stiffly and looked at her.

“Rest assured. It’s me.”

“…..Ha….”

Ian smiled bitterly and shook his head. His face was strangely distorted, but it didn’t look bad. Whether it looked bad or good, there was no reason for her to judge.

Why? Why didn’t I want to see that appearance before? Perhaps it was Madeline’s inner self that was distorted.

Madeline shook her head. Steadily, she came close to the man and knelt down in front of him. It was like Ian’s pose when he proposed to her.

She whispered.

“Would you like me to go out? If yes, then I’ll go out any time.”

Ian shut his mouth tight. He shook his head. Madeline smiled as she seemed to hear a silent “No” for an answer.

One side of his face had been melted by extreme heat. Madeline was sitting while facing that. She took a good look at Ian’s face with her own eyes.

Ian sighed.

“You’re being quite cruel to me.”

His voice was low and cracked like dry ground.

“Are you here to laugh at me for not listening to you? When you came looking for me…”

The expression on Ian’s face when he said that was hard to understand. Was he sad or sneering?

He let out a short laugh.

Madeline didn’t want to blame the man who tried to say hateful things. She grabbed Ian’s hand. His hand had calluses and scars everywhere.

When she laid her palm on the back of the man’s hand, she could feel the man stiffening. But he did not avoid her hand.

“Can you give me another chance?” (Madeline)

His face used to look scary only. Madeline’s heart raced.

****