Shaberanai Kurusu-san Kokoro no Naka wa Suki de Ippai - Volume 1

Chapter 1 – The Heart of The Girl That Doesn’t Speak is Nothing But Cute (Final Part)

The school organizes a volunteer activity every month to clean up the area around the school building.

All students are welcome to participate in this activity, and volunteers are always invited, but because it is held on a Sunday, there are not many participants.

“Today is no different than usual.”

Some students participated today. Each class was assigned to a specific location and there were about five of us, including me. We only met at the first meeting and then we worked in silence.

We will start our activity like this…but──.

(…Let’s do our best. What should I do?)

A beautiful voice came to my ears. My body reacted to the voice I had heard just a few days ago, and I turned my face toward it.

I turned my head to see Kurusu standing in front of me, wearing a jersey and carrying a garbage bag.

Kurusu had long hair tied back in a ponytail. Her long legs, accentuated by her jersey, were slender and she looked very beautiful.

It’s amazing how pretty she looks in just a jersey. I mean, I didn’t think too much when I told her “Next time when I see you again” back then, but… it’s too early to see her again now.

It was a sign of her seriousness that she was actively participating in this kind of activity even though she had just transferred here.

After talking to her, I realized that she probably didn’t care about making a good impression on people like me.

Well, that’s not so bad, but it’s still not sincere.

I listened to Kurusu to find out what she thought.

(I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but I’m sure it will help. I have to gather enough energy… Fyuh!)

Kurusu had just shown her wonderful enthusiasm.

That soft, motivating voice seemed to subconsciously shake my senses like never before.

There was nothing wrong with her heart… No, really. I apologize for still living a dishonest life.

As I confessed my sin in my heart, Kurusu seemed to notice me and looked at me. But he quickly turned his face away.

(…Kaburagi-kun. He cleans on his days off… I respect him. A figure worthy of admiration. A saint?)

──Her innocent feelings reached my ears, and after hearing them, my life seemed to be drained.

…The “gap” between her expressionless face and her heart is too cute.

Kurusu, who had no idea of my feelings, continued to speak with her inner voice that only I could hear.

(…I don’t know if this is the right time. Can I ask him something? But it might be annoying if I talk to him suddenly. It’s my first time…I want to find the teacher…oh…he’s not here. I didn’t see him…I’m in trouble)

“………”

(…I have to do it myself. I’ll try to clean everything up…I have to do my best)

“Yo, Kurusu. It’s like I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

(…No way. He was talking to me…)

She looked surprised.

No, no, no. I can’t ignore this.

I don’t care about my previous attitude and if I ignore this, my heart won’t be able to accept it.

Kurusu seemed to be very happy to hear me talking to her, the corners of her mouth twitched and her expression was more tense than usual.

But still, her gaze looked very strong. If I didn’t know her heart, I would just see a face staring intently.

I waited for Kurusu to write on her tablet, trying not to lose the smile on my face.

【Hello】 (…I’m so happy. Thank you, God)

“Oh. You look good today…”

【Good】 (…I’m so excited. Maybe I can fly now? I’ll do my best…)

“So that’s it. That’s good to hear. Today will be tiring. Let’s work hard together, okay?”

(…Yes. I’ll do my best to help you)

“Oh, you’re nodding your head a lot now. Ahh, anyway, why is Kurusu here?”

【Volunteer】

“I thought it would be difficult to participate in such an event because it would be too tedious and exhausting. But Kurusu is great.”

【I like cleaning】 (…Step by step. I want to do my best)

“I-I understand.”

Damn…as usual, her good nature is too charming!

I can’t believe she’s thanking God for something like this.

I know she’s very motivated, but as usual, her expression is completely blank.

It’s a shame because her voice resonated so deeply in her heart.

I couldn’t help but wonder…what could I do to clear up people’s misunderstandings since she wasn’t speaking.

“No, that’s the transfer student, right? Kaburagi-kun is with her, but is he okay?”

While I was talking to Kurusu, I heard the voice of a female student who was also volunteering.

“That’s right. That’s amazing. If it were me, I wouldn’t want to go near her because I’d be scared if she looked at me like that.”

“I see~. Is it a punishment for coming here?”

“It’s possible. If Kaburagi-kun is in trouble, should we help him?”

“Don’t do that, we don’t know what she’ll do.”

They probably thought they were whispering in secret, but we could hear them.

Well, maybe they were trying to be audible, but I really don’t like that kind of female behavior.

If I didn’t know anything about Kurusu, I would understand that my impression of her would probably be the same.

Even if I know that, I still feel bad when I hear such things…

I turned my gaze back to Kurusu in front of me.

I couldn’t see any emotion on her face, but her hand holding the tablet seemed a little tense.

(…I don’t want to be a nuisance…I should stay away from him. Kaburagi-kun will be misunderstood as well…)

Kurusu bowed and turned to leave.

She was worried about what she had to do today, but she didn’t want to bother me. She was very clumsy and didn’t put herself first.

I think she was very sad about her own personality and the attitude of the people around her.

I put my hand on Kurusu’s shoulder.

“Hey, why don’t you come with me today?”

She stopped and turned around.

She wanted to say no because it would bother me, but I said a series of words to her to keep her from running away.

“Kurusu, this is your first time volunteering, right? If that’s the case, I think it would be best for you to go through the process with me today. I’m sure there are many things you don’t know if it’s your first time… Where to take out the trash, where to clean up, when to take a break… you know, all the things you don’t know, right? I’ve been volunteering all my life. So I’ll help you with that.”

She looked at me and blinked her big eyes several times.

Without waiting for an answer from her, I went to the teacher who had just arrived and asked.

“Sensei. Today I have someone who just volunteered, and I want to teach her about the activities here, is that okay?”

“Yes? Oh, that reminds me. Can I ask Kaburagi to do it?”

“Sure. I’ll do it.”

I asked the teacher’s permission and volunteered to help Kurusu, then talked to the girls who had been whispering earlier.

“We’re going to clean the back of the school building. Kurusu wants to do her best today because it’s her first time. I know there are many things she doesn’t understand, so someone should support her. So I’m sorry to bother you, is that okay?”

“Well, um… if it’s okay with you, Kaburagi-kun, then it’s okay, right…?”

“Sorry. Thank you. I wish you good luck as well.”

I told the girls that it was my own decision and turned back to Kurusu, smiling.

“Let’s go. I’ll take the weed cutter and don’t forget the boots too. Without them, it will be very difficult to cut the weeds because it’s so muddy over there.”

(…Why?)

“Well, don’t just stand there, let’s go!”

I signaled Kurusu to follow me, and she staggered after me.

When we reached the back of the school building, I didn’t see any other students. Then I stopped and turned to Kurusu.

“I’m going to be your instructor, right? Don’t underestimate it just because you think it’s a normal cleaning job.”

Trying to dispel the gloomy atmosphere, I spoke to her in as cheerful a tone as possible.

Seeing my attitude, Kurusu asked me with a worried look.

【Why?】 (Why are you being so nice to me?)

Kurusu showed me her tablet and her big, beautiful eyes looked straight at me.

It’s not that I like her or want to get close to her.

If you believe in the words “Use your abilities to live a good life”, then you’re definitely a person who doesn’t want to get involved with this.

───In the beginning.

People have no way of knowing the truth of what others are saying, and it seems that when they are given a lot of words that are pleasant to hear, they immediately believe and get intoxicated.

I won’t even correct my words because I’ve never experienced it.

Because I can hear someone’s inner voice.

Like a normal conversation. Like a conversation that normally happens every day.

Like breathing, it’s a natural part of everyday life. People’s inner voices are rarely beautiful, and they’re usually something ugly that they can’t say out loud.

Therefore, the actions that people take to hide their conscience are very funny and empty from my point of view.

Whether I trust them or not, whether I have a good relationship with them or not, depends on their inner voice.

That’s why I was surprised by the voices of people who were honest and really tried their best, and I couldn’t just leave it at that.

But in the end───,

“I’m just fulfilling my own ego, plain and simple.”

In the end, it’s all just for my own self-satisfaction.

If I’m sitting on the train and there’s an elderly person in front of me, I’ll give up my seat.

Otherwise I’ll feel embarrassed and guilty…

I didn’t want my heart to be troubled by such feelings… that was the only reason.

“Ahh. By the way, there’s no need to feel indebted to me. I did it of my own free will. And if I didn’t like it, I would have acted selfishly.”

So I said those words so that she wouldn’t feel indebted to me.

I was sure she would be relieved to hear that, and she wouldn’t have to worry about it.

“Thank you for taking the initiative to do this,” was all she had to say.

Then she looked down and nodded her head. She seemed to understand what I was saying.

“Yoshh! Now let’s get back to the work──”

【I’ll pay you back later】 (Then I’ll speak selfishly too… There must be something I can do for him)

“Kurusu? I told you, it’s not necessary.”

(You shouldn’t refuse)

“You don’t have to be so hard on yourself… No, no. Kurusu, I’ll back off now if you keep insisting.”

【Rejected】

“Ehh…”

Huh? Isn’t this different from what I expected?

Why is she so stubborn?

(…When we are given something, we should return it. Returning favors to others is a must)

She was very motivated. Her previous depressed state seemed like a lie.

Ahh──but, well… Kurusu was like that the other day, too.

“You’re really serious…”

I sighed and slumped my shoulders.

It seems I made the wrong decision. The actions I took for her seemed to have made the bond between us even stronger.

“Alright, then we’ll work together, but… is it really okay?”

【I’ll go with you】

“You’re like a samurai!”

With that, we both started working.

◇ ◇ ◇

Two hours have passed since we began our work. Kurusu and I continued our cleaning in silence.

Picking up trash, pulling weeds, and collecting fallen leaves. It was a very difficult and tedious job, but the sincere Kurusu worked very hard without any complaints or comments.

The word ‘quiet’ would be the only word that would come to people’s minds when they saw this silent scene.

A man and a woman working together, but not a single romantic scene between them.

But there is a reason for that. Kurusu couldn’t use her tablet as a conversation tool while cleaning, so she had no choice but to remain silent.

Yes, from a third party’s point of view, that’s probably all you can see.

But from my vantage point, all I could hear was the scraping sound of garbage being put into bags… it wasn’t quiet at all.

(…I want to talk to him. But it’s not good to talk while cleaning. Just a little… no, no, I have to try. At least to thank him…)

Yes, I can also hear the voice of this person next to me, asking and answering her own questions and worrying about various things.

It’s hard for me to talk to her when I hear this inner conflict she’s facing…

If it’s anything like usual, I take the initiative to initiate communication and do so as expected.

I’ve never thought too much about dealing with people.

But I could only hear Kurusu’s original voice, which was innocent and had no falsehood in it at all. I felt like I was taking advantage of her innocence when I did what I usually did, and I felt guilty.

I looked at her profile. At that moment, my eyes met hers.

She gave me a cold and sharp look. So if you just look at her expression, you would definitely think, “Have I done something wrong?”.

But──,

(…Eyes speak louder than words. The first nice person I talked to in school. I want to meet him. I really want to talk to him…)

Well, I know why she’s looking at me, so there’s no misunderstanding on my part.

That smile, no matter how you look at it, looks very scary and threatening.

I really didn’t know what to do.

(“I want to talk. I’m happy to be with you,” I would be very happy if he thought that way. What I need is a benefit for him to talk to me.)

No matter how much I struggled to respond to her, her thoughts came to me one after another.

I mean, do we really need benefits just to talk to each other?

I guess it’s not necessary, it’s just a natural thing that everyone can do…

I wondered what she would do and looked at her.

(Talk about fun, comedy… comedy means jokes… gachan… right?) [TN: Gachan (がちょーん) is an old joke from Japanese comedian “TANI Kei,” and is used when someone feels cornered, but the word itself has no meaning at all. I forget which website this was taken from]

Damn it… Her choice is so old-fashioned!

And the way she’s embarrassed… she’s so cute for nothing!!!

My feelings almost burned, but I desperately held them in.

But Kurusu, who didn’t know about my change in feelings, kept thinking in her heart as if she was constantly trying to attack me.

(Oh…but what if Kaburagi-kun doesn’t like jokes? Then let’s try the candy strategy… Chocolate for Kaburagi-kun? Or orange juice, since it’s winter? Umm, orange juice isn’t a sweet, right? But I only have candy now. Can I give him some orange juice? It’s good for his throat, right…yes)

Please stop that…

Her thoughts flew off in all directions, but her hard work and good intentions resonated in my heart.

The sweetness of her innocent and honest feelings stung my heart.

But what could I do?

I held my head in my hands and sighed heavily.

Then Kurusu came over to me, brought her tablet, and started writing on it.

【This red thing is an insect】 (…Let’s try to show how smart I am)

“Hehe. Kurusu knows a lot of things, huh~”

【Cicada shells are used as medicine】 (…Fufufu… I’ve been recognized as knowing a lot of things)

“That… I didn’t know that.”

I nodded as if impressed, trying to hide the expression on my face that was about to fade.

Kurusu didn’t seem to notice, and probably because she was pleased with my reaction, she wrote 【I’ll give you candy】 on the ground and looked at me sharply.

She seemed to be thinking about trying to make a smile that was as wide as possible.

But she’s really not good at showing it!!!

I snapped back into my thoughts and looked at Kurusu’s back as she went to get the candy.

(The first step is to show my knowledge… I want people to think that I have good points. And I want to talk about many things… How to make friends…can we be friends…)

Her inner voice still leaked out and her words attacked my heart.

Friends. How to make friends… She’s an awkward person, really.

I could tell that she was trying hard to be accepted by people, although I had many doubts about her approach, such as trying to make me laugh and offering me candy.

Unfortunately, with her unique tastes and personality, she won’t have any friends. And maybe it was this inability to make friends that made her thinking a little strange.

She had a pretty face, she was a natural looking girl with a fresh appearance. You could say that she has natural beauty, but… ahh, it’s really a waste.

I know what I’m going to say, so it’s okay. If she tries to make friends the way she is now, others might want to avoid her because they don’t understand what she is doing.

It’s all very understandable. Such a sad story.

I sighed and looked at her as she tried to think of what to talk about next.

“Well, Kurusu. I have a few things to say about your choice of conversation…”

(He wants to talk to me… I’m glad)

“Well, I mean. I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t think you should show off your knowledge like this.”

【Forbidden?】

“It’s not forbidden, but it’s good for conversation if the situation is right. So it’s not good to suddenly talk about strange things with people you don’t even know well…especially knowledge about insects. Because there are people who hate it even if they only hear about it”

(…Oh no)

Kurusu froze at my words. She didn’t move even when I waved my hand at her, and in her heart, she was depressed because she felt that she had failed.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to deny everything. The knowledge itself isn’t bad…but you know, there’s a certain time to say something like that, right? It can be used in a conversation, or it can be an additional topic for another conversation. The wrong way to use it will only have the opposite effect.”

She seemed surprised by the suggestion and lowered her head after a moment of silence.

Well, I can tell by looking at her that she’s really a hard worker. It would be a waste if she put her efforts in the wrong direction.

Kurusu tilted her head cutely as if to ask, “What should I do?”.

“Hmm, let’s see. For now, it’s not a good idea to try to force yourself. I think the current you is fine. Of course, without the trivia knowledge I mentioned earlier.”

【Disappointing】 (What if people think I’m a girl who’s not smart?)

“Disappointing, huh… Well, I still feel comfortable talking to you. I don’t always want to talk to someone who’s smart.”

【Boring】 (…Not fun to talk to)

“No, no, you’re not a comedian, you wouldn’t expect that in a normal conversation.”

【No benefit】 (There’s no benefit in talking to me…)

“There is no need to think about the benefits of talking to others. Casual, unimportant conversations can be a lot more fun than you think.”

Hearing my words, Kurusu stopped writing on his tablet and began to wonder if this was really the right thing to do.

In her mind, the conversation should be fun, useful, or important.

But in reality, it’s not, and these ‘unimportant’ conversations are common everywhere.

It’s an easy conversation, and we don’t have to worry about anything in it.

But──that’s what sometimes makes such conversations feel comfortable.

If Kurusu understood that, she would probably change too.

“So don’t try to force yourself to fix things. You can definitely do your best on your own.”

【Quiet and stupid】 (If I don’t talk and am stupid… then I’m not a good girl)

“Really? I think you’re more charming now. If you ask me why, I’ll think your unique behavior is dumb and funny.”

(…Mouu, didn’t you think I was smart before?)

“Don’t look down and be so sad. I’m the best in my class. If you want to be recognized as a smart person, you have to beat me.”

【Surrender】 (…I’ll never win if I go head to head with him. Never. The difference is like the difference between heaven and earth)

“Aren’t you giving up too soon?”

I mean, your confidence is too low!

Her shoulders slumped and she looked depressed.

“You should be more confident. Don’t keep blaming yourself. Otherwise, you won’t be able to speak well even if you really want to.”

【Ashamed of my personality】 (I thought about a lot of things… Am I really that weird?)

“No, no, Kurusu is really nice. Your personality is good, right?”

I smiled at her to calm her down.

Kurusu tilted her head as if she didn’t understand what I said.

“Look. It’s always prejudices like “That’s weird. That’s not right” that make the loudest noises. They don’t hold back, they talk so loud you can hear it in your own ears. But you know what? It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to have different thoughts. That’s something Kurusu should realize first.”

(Even this kind of me is okay…?)

“You don’t have to force yourself. If you can be more confident and like yourself the way you are now, someone who likes you will come and want to be with you… I’m sure of it.”

That’s the way the world works. I added that note.

…I was embarrassed that I had said too much.

I fanned my face with my hands and turned my back on Kurusu.

“Well, I’ll put more energy into it. If I don’t do it soon, I won’t be able to finish my work…”

Embarrassed by the way I spoke earlier, I deliberately stretched my legs.

Of course, Kurusu did not react verbally, and my voice was the only thing heard here.

As I stepped forward to avoid this silent situation, I felt a slight touch on my back.

(Kaburagi-kun… I knew I could trust him…)

When I turned around to look at her, she was looking straight at me with an expression that seemed to cling to me somehow.

“Umm… Kurusu. What’s wrong?”

【A big request】 (…I’m afraid to say it)

“A request? I hope it’s something I can do.”

【What can I do to be like Kaburagi-kun?】

“To be like me?”

【A very nice person】 (…Loved by everyone, friendly, and has many friends. I want to be such a person)

“…………”

【Tell me】 (…Nothing has changed. I still want to change myself…)

Those big eyes staring at me didn’t let me go.

Her voice was filled with strong desire.

It was a big voice echoing in my head, but strangely enough, I didn’t feel uncomfortable with it.

“Just because you asked me doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. Relationships aren’t always beautiful… so are you sure it’s okay?”

【No problem】 (If I don’t know, I can’t start. Keeping quiet won’t change anything… because I think so)

“I see, you’re really strong.”

She is strong. I think their mentality… is many times stronger than mine.

I’ve seen people who are pessimistic about their own conditions and keep complaining in their minds, or they just complain about their circumstances and refuse to move forward.

They blame everything around them and refuse to make an effort.

But she──── was different.

I was only with her for a short time, but time didn’t matter because she couldn’t lie in her heart.

I’m the only one who knows that she tried her best even though she’s not very good at it.

──Tried to connect with people and failed.

──People were afraid when she tried to help them.

Even though she wasn’t doing well, Kurusu worked hard without despair.

I can feel it in her eyes.

So it would be a waste for me to do nothing after hearing such thoughts.

“Excuse me. Does Kurusu have any free time after school?”

(What is it?)

“I will help you. Until Kurusu can adjust well to your environment.”

【Thank you】 (For the first time…) How can I thank him? It seems like everything I have is not enough…  He’s so kind. Is he a saint? Could it be that Kaburagi is the incarnation of a god?)

I’m truly worshipped by her…

The praise I heard from Kurusu. The gratitude behind her words and expressions amused me.

I couldn’t hear it from in front of my face, so I just replied with a short “Huum”.

“Alright, let’s continue with the cleaning. While we talk…”

【Yes】 (…This is the so-called ‘Youkya’, the king of communication. My master…)

[TN: “Youkya” is also a term for a person who is very good at socializing]

I couldn’t yell at her, “What do you mean, master?”, so I just put it into my heart.

That was the day I started to get involved with this girl who doesn’t speak.