Shamer - Chapter 3.4

After Kiritani-sensei left.

I was lying on my bed in my room, thinking about the future.

In order to change my current situation, I should get out of the house.

It could be going to school, getting a part-time job, or doing volunteer work.

How could I live my life as Kiritani-sensei said, like Nanase-san was in the movie?

Could I, a man full of mistakes, enjoy my own life?

“…I don’t know.”

I thought about it for a while, but I couldn’t come up with an answer.

Well, it was not so easy to come up with an answer…

“!?”

Suddenly, I heard something fall.

When I turned around to see what it was, I saw a soccer ball on the floor.

When I was in middle school, I always used this ball for self-practice.

“…Well, I guess I left it there.”

I had left it in my room for a long time without throwing it away, even though I had become a shut-in and stopped playing soccer altogether.

I approached the soccer ball and picked it up.

The ball was scratched up and had all sorts of marks on it from all the stupid things I had done with it.

“How much have I practiced?”

I muttered to myself as I looked at the soccer ball.

Before all that happened with Touya and Ruri, I was just practicing hard to become a pro.

“…I want to give it one more shot.”

I want to play soccer again with all my might.

I thought as I looked at the battered soccer ball.

“I’d also like to get to know my classmates better.”

In middle school, I was only with Ruri and Touya.

I had teammates in my club activities, but we never hung out together…

I didn’t have anyone I could properly call a friend other than my childhood friend and my best friend.

So when I go to high school, I want to make friends with my classmates.

I would have given up on this before, but thanks to meeting Kiritani-sensei, I don’t feel that way at all anymore.

“If I’m going to play soccer… I want to join the school’s soccer club after all.”

Just a few minutes ago, I greeted Kiritani-sensei like it was my last goodbye, and now I’m going to go to school.

…That was ridiculously lame of me.

But I stopped going to school in the middle of middle school and since then my life had stagnated.

That’s why I think school is the best place to get my life moving again.

I haven’t been to high school for more than two months since it started.

If I went to school, I would surely be looked at strangely by my classmates.

Even so, I wanted to go to school, make friends with my classmates, join the soccer club, and play my favorite sport, soccer, as much as I can—I want to live the school life that I could not accomplish in middle school.

This is what it means for me to live my life the way I want to.

“Anyway, tomorrow I’ll go get a haircut.”

I touched my hair, which has grown terribly long. I couldn’t go to school with this.

After getting ready, I would go to school.

My classmates would have already made a lot of friends.

On the other hand, I naturally don’t know any of my classmates.

In that sense, I was very anxious.

…But I’m looking forward to going to school because I feel like I’m going to be able to spend a different kind of day every day.

“I’m going to do my best to be myself.”

I muttered the words given to me by Kiritani-sensei and Nanase-san.

And maybe I was smiling a little at that time.