Shattered Memories - CHapter 26

Rayan looked at his clasped hand, having to straighten up the running thoughts in his mind.

The human festival was fascinating. He could hear an unbroken melody coming out of somewhere, it wasn’t as beautiful as the sirens’ song, though, and see other humans coming and going, which he didn’t see often.

There was so much to see and Rayan hardly knew where to lay his eyes.

He held out the jewels he had brought from Atisa to buy something he had never seen before, however, he received a round gold coin from Erich.

He heard his sighs.

Rayan enjoyed the long-awaited festival in his own way. But on the other hand, he had to constantly try to calm down his sinking heart.

Alle had returned to his realm yesterday, in the end..

‘I’ll be back. Even if it takes a little while… So don’t tell me not to come back.’

Rayan had tried not to meet Alle so he could feel less hesitant, but Alle had held him tightly, whispering to him as if swearing an oath. I’ll be back. Until you become an adult, I will be your guardian. It was his oath from the beginning.

‘Don’t make trouble needlessly. Don’t recklessly go out into the Surface World alone… I can’t tell you not to go out at all, you won’t listen anyway. So I’ll just ask you to be careful, be cautious, don’t go out more often than you go now and only trust humans in moderation. Alright?’

Even when he was leaving, he left some lengthy pleas behind.

Rarely had the relationship between a mermaid and a guardian been so fond. Even Mer was merely acquainted with the current guardian of the killer whale clan, however, the relationship between the two of them wasn’t strong to this extent. Although they were friendly to one another, they were mostly dry, only interacting when necessary.

Rayan liked Alle, but he couldn’t help thinking that his own shortcomings were the ones that caused Alle to feel so protective of him. Had Rayan manifested into an adult without any problems on that day a few years ago, Alle would not have been so worried about him and would not have gone against his clan’s will.

“… Alle has returned to his clan.”

“Hasn’t he gone there before?”

Erich, who was well aware that Alle had not been able to come with him because he had been traveling back and forth between the realms before, could not understand Rayan’s reaction. Then, he seemed to realize right away,

Ah, he let out a sigh.

“He went back forever?”

According to Alle, it would probably not be forever. When he shook his head, Erich made a puzzled expression.

“Then he will come back like before.”

“It’s different.”

“…”

“It will take a very long time.”

Even if it would not be forever, Rayan was prepared for a few years. Alle had left to persuade all the clan heads and elders, and Rayan had also indirectly indicated to him that he ought not to return. It was clear that Alle would not come back until he had completely persuaded them.

“You said he’s your guardian. How can a Guardian abandon his duties for such a long time?”

Seeing Erich muttering, Rayan smiled softly. He was only able to say this because he was unaware of Alle’s circumstances. And yet, Rayan wasn’t sure about how much he ought to say.

“Originally he has back and take care of his realm.”

But he soon decided to let it out. Erich had already told him everything, so it made sense for Rayan to say it all too. The further on he went, the more confused Erich looked. As if he couldn’t understand why it was right for Alle to go back to take care of his territory when he was his guardian.

“Qtfc j wfgwjlv yfmbwfr jc jveia, atflg uejgvljc ubfr yjmx rlcmf atfs tjnf oeioliifv atflg veas.”

“Dea atfc?”

Cgf sbe cba sfa jc jveia? Llr yglfo defralbc mbcajlcfv atbrf kbgvr. Ejsjc rtea tlr wbeat jujlc.

Kkb sfjgr jub, la tjv yffc lc ogbca bo Crtj ktfgf tf tjv rjlv tf kjr j vfofma obg atf olgra alwf. Crtj tjv ijeutfv, nfgs lcafgfrafv lc atf ojma tf kjr vfofmalnf, fcbeut ab qea boo tlr lcafcalbcr ab xlii tlw. Ca atf alwf, Ejsjc tjv yffc gfilfnfv atja tf tjv regnlnfv, yea bc atf batfg tjcv, joafg gfoifmalcu bc la obg j ibcu alwf, atja ojma tjv yfmbwf j kbecv obg tlw.

Therefore, Erich’s reaction made him fearful.

He hated sympathy or pity, and even more so, disappointment. A look of pity… He felt it would hurt less.

“I mean, I mean…”

Rayan hesitated, repeating the same words over and over again.

Instead of urging him, Erich waited for him to speak out first. Little by little, his heart calmed down as he looked at the tranquil blue eyes.

“It’s because I’m not good enough… because I’m defective.”

Rayan gathered a handful of courage and determination, and threw the words out.

“That’s why I couldn’t become an adult. Ayla, who was born around the same time as me, has already become a guardian mermaid, and all the later-born mermaids are growing up one by one, but I am the only one like this.”

He hesitated for a long time, but when he finally said everything, he felt relieved. After scooping out all the words that were still inside, Rayan let out a soft breath.

“Rayan.”

Erich called him.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?”

“Yes?”

It was then that Rayan realized that his eyes were looking down.

“Look at me.”

“…”

“Come on.”

Rayan raised his head. Erich was looking at himself with eyes that were no different from usual. He did not ridicule him, he did not look down on him, he showed no feelings of sympathy or pity. It was just the usual Erich. No, he even looked a little more skeptical than he usually should, though.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Yeah.”

“You are not defective. It’s just that you’re a little slower than others, is that a huge flaw?”

“But mermaids have a fixed period of growth, and I…”

“Sometimes there are exceptions. Maybe you’re late because you will be greater than others.”

Even if that was something he could only say because he didn’t know anything, Rayan was strangely touched by his words.

“Then what if nothing happens?”

“…”

“Rayan. You are you.”

His gentle words gradually calmed his heart which had been entangled in a storm.

“Always remember. Rayan.”

Erich, who came one step closer, pulled Rayan over and hugged him. Rayan, held in Erich’s arms, could barely rest his chin on his shoulder, having to listen to his low-voiced whispers.

“You are already perfect to me just by being yourself. So, don’t underestimate your worth.”

Rayan’s heart fluttered in the wind again. No, more accurately, it raced.

The heart was meant to beat, however, it was the first time he had felt its pulse so violently. Even when being chased by sharks, he hadn’t felt his heart beat so clearly.

‘Your heart beats…’

‘It means you can feel your heart’s existence.’

Why did Yuri’s words come to his mind at this time?

Rayan was concerned that Erich might feel his heartbeat, however he felt self conscious of his feelings.

‘If you don’t know, kiss them.’

In the meantime, it wouldn’t really matter if they kissed each other, since according to his analogy, there would be no excitement nor would their hearts pound. But what if one were to feel that way? If he felt that way…

What should he do then?

“…”

Rayan stared blankly at his bright red lips, his mind in confusion.

“Rayan… Rayan?”

Erhart observed Rayan, who had been quiet for a long time. He had said something so embarrassing the back of his neck was burning, but there was no lie.

Besides, what was all this slow growth thing about? He was a human being, and all information about the mermaids had been long lost, thus he couldn’t know what their lives and deaths were like. He didn’t want to see Rayan look sullen, though. Because to him, he was in and of itself, more than enough.

“Ra…”

He called out his name to comfort him in case he was still feeling down, but Rayan, who had been holding him still, suddenly pushed him away. Even though he pushed him, he couldn’t shove him over, though. However, Erich meekly widened their distance.

“Rayan?”

“Uh, I think something’s come up all of a sudden.”

“Now?”

Rayan, unable to hold his gaze, rambled. It was ridiculous for something to come up at this hour, besides, it wasn’t very late, there was enough time left to look around a little more.

“Yes.”

Still, he was stubborn. With the doll tightly held in one hand, his cheeks looked red for some reason.

“What’s the matter?”

“That, that…”

Rayan, who was not very good at lying, couldn’t even come up with plausible words. It was evident that he was running away, so he wanted to change the subject.

Just as he was about to tell him not to keep secrets from him anymore…

“Your Hi… No, uh, my lord?”

Erhart turned to the familiar voice, while instinctively shoving Rayan behind him, covering him.

“Canavan?”

“Did you come for the festival by any chance? And that person…”

Niels Canavan trailed off. The peeking eyes turned to glance behind Erhart.

“It’s none of your business. Canavan.”

When he coolly cut his attention, Niels Canavan conceded without much reaction, but Rayan, who had been holding his hand, stepped back and trembled in surprise.

“If you are here for the festival, you should visit the famous attractions. Had I known you were coming, I would have told you sooner.”

“I don’t need it, so just go on your way.”

When Erhart, who was typically cold but willing to accept his requests, answered him sharply, Niels hesitated a little, giving a light farewell and backing away.

At that moment, Erhart released Rayan’s hand and turned around. The tips of his ears were still reddish.

“Were you exalted? I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I wasn’t… But who is that?”

“Someone I know.”

“Are you close? A friend?”

“What friend? He’s just annoying.”

Erhart didn’t want Rayan to take any interest in Niels Canavan. What if he became favorable towards him? Just thinking about it made him uncomfortable, so Erhart sternly retorted. He then picked up the pocket watch hanging from his neck. Checking the time, he expressed his displeasure and clicked his tongue.

“It’s almost time to go back.”

They already had little time left, and it had been wasted away because of Niels’ disturbance. Now it was really time to let Rayan go.

“Let’s see a little more. You never know when we’ll see each other again. Am I right?”

“… Mhm.”

Rayan hesitated and nodded his head as he overlooked his abrupt reaction. Erhart smiled at him, Rayan looked at him, then turned his head away.