Siren Song - 231 Wait Here

“I am here for you Jian.” Breathing deep Chang felt her eyes begin to redden as she stared at his face. His face seemed to have sharpened, making the angle of his jaw more defined. Slight bruising lined his lower lids, aging his handsome face. Chang ached to just kiss his handsome face and lift the burdens visually lining it. Or even touch him but with the way he looked at her, Chang felt like she did not have that right anymore.

‘What has he been going through lately? It doesn’t look like he has been sleeping well, it looks like he has lost a little weight too. Has he not been eating well either? Oh Jian I am so sorry, I should have been here with you when you needed me. Please forgive me for being so weak.’

“Why?” His tone cold and hard Jian’s eyes searched hers as if trying trying to uncover a lie.

“What do you mean, why?” Clenching her hands Chang looked at him, pained.

‘Can’t he see why? Can’t he see that I would only go through all this for him?’

“Exactly what I said. Why are you here now Chang. You told me to leave you and I did. You said you could not come with me and chose a different path. Why, after trampling on what we had, what I had fought for, are you here?” Rocking back Jian appeared so different, so distant from her even though he was right there.

Hanging her head in shame Chang let her tears fall to her hands as she whispered.

“I didn’t mean to do that to you. It wasn’t like that at all. I never meant to make you feel like this.”

“I cannot hear you.” He raised his voice only slightly but it caused Chang to flinch in reproach. Raising her head Chang let her tears flow, wiping them intermittently with the back of her hands and tried to speak as clear as she could.

“I didn’t mean to do that to you. I was, am, scared. I feared dying coming here or the torture your father could put me through, but it wasn’t any better. I wanted you to understand that, your father haunted me. But I couldn’t live without you. It’s why I’m here.

“The life without you had no meaning to it. Every day I woke and lived just to live, trying to get through another day mindlessly. I tried so hard to do as I said, and see through my word but it was impossible.

“Everyday I would wake up and I would look for you, only to remember what I had done. I couldn’t get your face out of my mind. That expression you made on the Pont des Arts as I tried to walk away. It’s been haunting me. You’ve been there, in everything I see or do.

“So I had to come. I had to see you. I had to tell you I love you and I need you. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t trust in you and leave with you then, I’ve regretted it every day. Look I even faced my worst fear that held me back before.” Holding up her hands in demonstration Chang showed off the markings from her fight.
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“And I’m still afraid still afraid of your father, and I hope I never have to confront him again. But I would, and I would have, as many times as it took, until I reached you. Because I had to see you again in person, I wanted to sit in front of you like this now, and tell you this.” Having spoken so much in a rush while crying, her breathing was uneven.

After having spoken everything she could think of Chang waited for his response. The man before her continued to look away with his jaw clenched. As the seconds and his silence dragged Chang felt her heart start to beat harder, thundering in her ears. Waiting in trepidation Jian’s eyes finally came upto hers, deceptively impassive with his rolling jaw.

“What if I said that I chose not to forgive you. What if I told you that I am already acting on your words and that I am preparing to marry another woman.”

Chang had heard it from Ju-Long that he was preparing to marry another. Hearing it from his own lips was a whole other matter.

Opening and closing her mouth Chang tried to speak but no words would come out. After he spoke it felt like her breath and heart fell; leaving only silence and little bits of broken shards in her chest.

The oppressive silence was only broken by a series of polite knocks on the door.

“What is it, I am in the middle of something, this had better be important.” Turning his head to the side Jian spoke impatiently with whoever was at the entrance.

The man from before poked his head in the open doorway wearing a sheepish look under his boss’s glower.

“Sir the shareholders are still waiting for you. They are beginning to become impatient.”

“Fine I will be there momentarily. I will be back, wait here.” Throwing away the cotton ball in his hand Jian rose and walked to the doorway. Finding her voice Chang answered him in a small voice as he stood in the doorway looking at her.