Skyrim: But That’s Too Immersive - Chapter 101

[Jull’s POV]

 

Jon! Hey Jon!

 

Why is not he replying?

 

He told me he would bring me to see the master of the Greybeards! He never said anything about a dragon.

 

A real dragon!

 

A living real dragon?

 

A dragon! Real?

 

I mean Jon always told me there will be dragons and they will appear in the world.

 

I believe what Jon says even if it was lies. I know that he is the only family I have and I have to put my faith in him.

 

Did I not believe him?

 

I mean, I know I believe him!

 

But with a dragon?

 

I feel like my faith is being tested.

 

He knows many things! He is always amazing and shining! He even knows where to find a dragon!

 

That is just too much!

 

He is not even nervous! He is so natural in front of the dragon and is talking to him, he was not even afraid at all and checked the dragon’s body.

 

What is going on?

 

When I look at the dragon, I feel I feel so, so insignificant. The aura, the magic, the power!

 

I feel like I can’t even be worth considering in front of such a being.

 

Even Nefertiti is frozen! No one is moving in front of that majestic being.

 

Yet, Jon! Is he laughing with the dragon?

 

I can see that face that he has. He seemed that he was longing for this meeting. His happiness is barely contained within him.

 

Can Jon be this comfortable towards dragons?

 

Are dragons that easy going?

 

I read in Jon’s books that dragons are beings created for domination. How can Jon be standing face to face in front of one with this happiness on his face?

 

He doesn’t seem to be pressured by the dragons at all. I, on the other hand, didn’t even move. Not even once! I was frozen in place from the very beginning.

 

I look at Jon and all I can see is his big and broad back! He was standing there, tall and strong. Nothing I would be able to catch up to.

 

I looked at myself and felt weak!

 

Can I even stand behind him? Can I support him and be his strength? Can I be of any use?

 

Why is he so close to me yet so far, far away?

 

I thought I grew stronger! I thought I became equal to him. I thought he can be mine no one else gets to share him with me.

 

I was an idiot! This world can’t even stop him when he wants something.

 

Can I endure his fate? Can I follow him on his path?

 

Can my insignificance be of even useful to move a straw away from hindering him?

 

What am I thinking?

 

Should I just turn and leave?

 

He won’t stop me if I wanted to quit here.

 

I feel it. I can’t move forward from this point. I can’t even muster my voice to call for him. But, but when I tried to step back just now, my body obeyed me.

 

I get it! I get it now!

 

Beyond this point is a step that only gods can walk.

 

No way!

 

Is this how my life is supposed to be?

 

Is it like this? For all those who I love dearly to move forward and I get stuck?

 

Mother! What should I do?

 

He is too hard to reach. This is beyond me.

 

I turned around and took a step away!

 

First step! My eyes are wet even in the coldest place in the world.

 

Second step! I can already feel that my tears are everywhere on my face.

 

Third step! It became easier to cry, easier to walk away!

 

I give u

 

“WAIT, YOU IDIOT!”

 

Huh!

 

Someone called!

 

Who is that?

 

Where am I?

 

“DON’T GO!”

 

Who is it?

 

Why is it so dark in here?

 

I was standing there just now, with Jon and the dragon.

 

“I don’t know this place! Why is it dark? Where am I?” My mind spoke itself.

 

“You don’t know?” A voice replied. “You don’t know, yet you are the one who made this place!”

 

“You? Who? It can’t be!”

 

“So you realize what have you done?”

 

“No! Impossible?”

 

“You just let your friends down, and drive away the people who care for you.”

 

“You shouldn’t be here!”

 

“Yes, we shouldn’t! Yet, Here we are.”

 

“Tell me! Was it fun? Killing me?”

 

“Was it fun leaving me to die?”

 

“Was it fun letting everyone down?”

 

“And now you are leaving him? You just don’t change, don’t you?”

 

“No, mother you don’t understand, I was”

 

“We understand! We understand very well. You just make friends when it suits you then move on when it is hard. When they need you!”

 

“GO AWAY! I DIDN’T WANT YOU TO DIE, STABRIOUS!”

 

“THEN WHY DO YOU FOLLOW THE ONE WHO KILLED ME?”

 

“STOP! I DON’T WANT TO TALK WITH ANYONE!”

 

Huff! Huff!

 

I shouted and they all went away!

 

Mother, I am sorry!

 

Stabriuos too! I know we went after Jon together but your death was not something I would forgive. Jon only protected himself from us. I feel guilty to run away! I can’t forgive myself, friend!

 

I feel so guilty!

 

*sob* *sob*

 

Who is that? Someone is crying!

 

I looked around!

 

The place was still black but I could feel someone around.

 

I walked to the voice!

 

“Hey! Kiddo, do you know where is this?”

 

I found a small girl crying while sitting on the ground.

 

“You want to go! Like everyone else! But *sob* but I won’t go! You weak! *sob* Coward!”

 

The girl was crying and felt a bit broken! It made me feel overwhelmingly sad.

 

Ah! I remembered!

 

“You! You were the one who called for me! You said ‘wait, you idiot!’.”

 

The girl’s weeping stopped and looked at me.

 

I saw her face and my body all tensed up. She, she is

 

The bloody scar on her left eye, the light grey skin, the black hair, the tattered dress!

 

She is

 

Me!

 

“Yes! You are an idiot!”

 

“I”

 

“You left everyone! You are a coward! An idiot! Unfaithful! Untrustworthy!”

 

“Bu”

 

“What about all we have been through? All the suffering? All the songs? All the pain? All the fight? To what end? So you can bury your head in the dirt and turn away? You forgot what it all means.”

 

“I am no”

 

“It all led us there! On that mountain! And you became like a rat! He took us and cared for us yet that’s how you treat him! This is our place! WAKE UP!”

 

No! What I didn’t want to go! I was

 

“Afraid! You know you can’t measure up to him! You know there is no way you can become his and he becomes yours alone, so you just became afraid. Like the coward you are.”

 

No Yes!

 

“… I am afraid!”

 

“Because you are an idiot!”

 

“No! I am not an idiot! I love him. Like nothing I ever loved before, I love him! I worship him! He is my everything. I can’t stand beside him and I can’t be his strength if I an idiot. I was never an idiot and I will never be!”

 

“You are not powerful enough, you can’t”

 

“And what’s with that, huh? What’s with it, tell me! I am afraid, yes. His path is too hard to follow, yes. He is not afraid of going any length ahead, yes. But I am not a coward.”

 

“You think your false bravery will fool me, I am you!”

 

“I know who the fuck you are and I said I am so fuckin afraid, dammit! But I am not a coward! I AM ME! I WILL KILL IN THE NAME OF FUN AND THE ONE I LOVE, SO GO AWAY! I WILL BE AFRAID AND MOVE AHEAD, WHAT’S WITH IT? GO AWAY!”

 

HWAAAAH!

 

Huff! Huff!

 

That is right!

 

Whatever it is! I am not a coward.

 

“Huh?”

 

What is going on?

 

Too much light!

 

What is happening there?

 

Why did this young me turn into a light thing?

 

It’s too bright!

 

And blue, huh!

 

“Blue?”

 

“Oh! Rise and shine, sweetheart! It’s almost sunset here.”

 

Blue sky above, and Jon, and Nefertiti, and a dragon.

 

“By any chance! Am I the first person ever to be awoken by a human, a cat, and a dragon, all at the same time?” I somewhat got the urge to ask that question.

 

“Ah! Yes, how envious! You’ve beaten me to it.” Jon said as if he remembered something.

 

Hehe! He is still acting dumb around a dragon. I don’t think there will be anyone who can do it like though.

 

What is that smell?

 

“Something smells charred?”

 

“Oh! About that. His fault!” Jon pointed towards the dragon.

 

Eh! What happened?

 

“Dragon said myou small and meow old. Dragon said FAH and burn mountain! Everything smells.”

 

For some reason, the idiot cat is saying something so strange.

 

“Jon?”

 

“Oh! About that. It happened a few minutes ago.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

[Jon’s POV, a few minutes ago]

 

“I came here to take some of the unmelting snow to fix that thing and will be leaving as well. I hope you don’t mind.” I said to Paarthurnax.

 

“Hmmm! Drem. Patience. There are formalities which must be observed, at the first meeting of two of the dov.” Paarthurnax said and turned his head away to half rounded rock. “By long tradition, the elder speaks first. Hear my Thu’um! Feel it in your bones. Match it, if you are Dovahkiin!”

 

Paarthurnax then opened his mouth and shouted one mighty shout. “Yol…Toor…Shul!”

 

A strong stream of fire accompanied these words as Paarthurnax said them and a True Dragon Fire Breath fell on the rounded rock.

 

Once he finished his fire breath he looked towards me and said, “The word calls you! Go for it.”

 

I obeyed what he said and approached the wall. There were some draconic runes left by the breath. I just noticed how the word was spoken and performed so I could see it clearly. I understood it once my eyes fell on it.

 

It was ‘Yol’ and it meant ‘Fire’. I was still far from comprehending the world though.

 

“A gift! Dovahkiin. Yol. Understand Fire as the dov do.” Paarthurnax said and a stream of energy came from him towards me.

 

“Woah!”

 

This is

 

I understand the word!

 

I comprehended it!

 

No! Paarthurnax gave me a part of his knowledge about fire!

 

It It is so deep.

 

No words can describe that!

 

Paarthurnax seemed a bit amused and called for me, “Now, show me what you can do. Greet me not as mortal, but as dovah!”

 

Fine! You asked for it.

 

“Ehem! YOL!”

 

Unlike the fire breath that Paarthurnax performed. Mine is let’s just not mention it.

 

It was way too embarrassing.

 

A force of fire just was formed with my word and flew towards, Paarthurnax!”

 

“Aaah… yes! Sossedov los mul.” Paarthurnax spoke very loudly as if life has returned to him. “The Dragonblood runs strong in you. It is long since I had the pleasure of speech with one of my own kind.”

 

I smiled!

 

“I am more pleasured to finally meet you, Dovah Do Onikaan!” I replied to him the way dragons speak. Of course, I was a bit embarrassed.

 

“So. You have made your way here, to me. No easy task for a joor… mortal. Even for one of Dovah Sos. Dragonblood. What would you ask of me?”

 

“I came here seeking the ‘Vozahlaas Od’, the Unmelting Snow! I intend to fix this White Phial”

 

“Nii fraan malmindok, I felt it familiar to the place, as this is the most sacred mountain in Skyrim. Zok revak strunmah. The great mountain of the world. You can take what you came for, but you can’t dally here! By the time you take the way down, your fahdon, your friend will face a grave danger. You need to return to gevild avok lom.”

 

A friend? In danger? And a he?

 

‘Gevild avok lom’ should mean the ‘castle above water’.

 

“Winterhold? Wulfur?”

 

“Bo Dovahkiin, Nii los ni do gut wah hi.” (It is not too late!)

 

“Kogaan (Thanks), Paarthurnax! Eh Jull!”