Soul Guardian - Chapter 29: One Hell of a Barista

If the world ended tomorrow Maharet wouldn’t shed a tear for humanity. She would regret the passing of certain people, like her foster daughter Six or Michael the bartender at Harrows who always got her drinks just right. But as a species, humans were trouble. They were the reason Lucifer had rebelled, after all.

It was maddening how the creator kept forgiving them for their mistakes. Sure, he punished the humans sometimes. But he never turned his back on them, not fully, not like he had done to the angels who opposed him. How many disappointments like Eden, Babel, Gomorrah, or Emeryville would it take before he finally decided to pull the plug and start over?

Perhaps that was what the apocalypse was, a cosmic do-over so the Almighty could save face and not have his plan called into question. Because Maharet knew that as soon as the humans were gone God would be back to his old tricks. She gave it a week before he was off creating some new universe.

That said, humans had one thing going for them. They made pretty good coffee. So perhaps her time unwillingly spent on Earth wouldn’t be entirely wasted. There was coffee in hell, but only Nescafé instant decaf, which didn’t count. So around noon Maharet snuck down to the coffee shop to get her fix.

Maharet could have brewed some at home but the prospect of seeing Bael or Six caffeinated made her shudder. Those two got into enough trouble as it was. The impromptu expansion of Six’s room was proof enough of that. They had left to get new furniture hours ago and still not returned.

A lesser woman would have been worried. But Maharet was merely annoyed at the lack of courtesy. If Bael was going to be gone for longer than expected he should have called. It was only polite. She might have had something heavy for him to move or an itch that needed scratching.

When she got to the coffee shop there was a line all the way to the door. Maharet looked around, it had never been this busy before. No signs indicated any kind of special or sale. So why were all these people here? There was definitely something different but she couldn’t quite put a talon on it.

As if to answer her question a familiar, soft, welcoming, and unmistakably female voice called out from behind the counter. “I’ve got a whole milk latte for Frank! Whole milk latte for Frank!”

A man presumably named Frank (but it was a coffee shop so you never could tell) went to retrieve his drink. He stuffed a crisp ten dollar bill in the tip jar, thanked the barista, then retreated back to his table.

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Maharet’s eyes narrowed. A ten dollar tip on a single latte? Apparently Frank wasn’t the only one tipping like a drunken sailor because the tip jar next to the register was overflowing with tens and twenties. She wouldn’t be surprised if there was more cash in the tip jar than the register.

The two blue tipped horns peeking over the espresso machine told her that whoever it was they probably weren’t local. It was definitely a demon, probably a succubus, judging from how they could even make a name like Frank sound sexy. But she couldn’t quite get a good look at them. That voice was so familiar too.

She let out a snort as she realized what was different. The coffee shop’s clientele today was almost entirely male. They must have been drawn in by the succubus. At least the line was moving quickly, she thought.

After putting in her order Maharet strolled over to the counter. She wasn’t exactly dressed to impress after a morning of gardening. She was wearing a pair of high waisted blue jeans and a loose white button down shirt. But as a greater flame demon she could hold her own against any mere succubus. Of course, there was one little problem. She ducked back before the demonic barista could see her.

The succubus would want to know why she was here on Earth and Maharet wasn’t sure exactly what to tell them. Further complicating things was the fact that Bael was a baron of hell. While Maharet was a powerful demon in her own right, technically she was only a major demon and not a baroness. He outranked her significantly both in power and status.

If somehow the succubus found out they were here together tongues would wag. That would endanger Six and of course her own hard fought reputation. The succubus was probably staying in town and no doubt would stumble across their pretend family eventually.

Her first instinct was to murder this interloper. But this wasn’t hell. This was the human realm and any demon killed here would be transported back to hell before their spark could be fully extinguished. Then the succubus would be renewed by hell’s eternal flames and return looking for answers.

A succubus like her would have no trouble finding someone dumb, depraved, bored, or lonely enough to summon them. That was part of why succubi were so common in the mortal realm. The fact that they were notorious for escaping and could easily blend in with humans was just the icing on the cake.

No, this would have to be handled with finesse, subtlety, and guile. As much as she hated to say it, this was a job for Bael. She would slip away and come back when she had a plan.

The succubus called out her order, pausing when she got to the name. “I’ve got a quad shot breve vanilla latte with cinnamon for… Maharet! That was an order for Maharet!”

Maharet looked at the paper cup on the counter. The name on the side said “Marge”. She approached the counter apprehensively, wondering how this succubus knew her name.