Soul Guardian - Chapter 38: Specials

“Bael, are you keeping secrets from your wife?” Maharet asked. “Because I didn’t get a greeting like that when I walked in.”

“Neither did I.” Six pouted between bites of freshly baked bread. “What was all that about an apocalypse?”

“I’m not entirely sure what happened there.” Bael admitted. He was on a lot of committees including the one for Armageddon Preparation and Planning so it was hard to keep track of all his duties. He called up his black book from hell with a pop and shuffled through the pages. Perhaps he had taken some notes?

Unfortunately poor Calum who was on his way to the bathroom tried to sneak a peek at Bael’s book and was driven permanently insane. “Yip! Yip!” Calum said as he walked by.

“Good evening to you too.” Bael replied automatically, not really paying attention. There had to be something in his notes to explain the strange behavior of the staff.

Right on cue a short blonde woman appeared at his elbow and looked into the book. She blinked twice, brushing off the feeling that the book was trying to scribe the minutes from the Brimstone Appropriations Committee directly onto the inside of her skull.

Pepper the waitress wasn’t a demon but four years working in retail had given her remarkable mental resilience. “The main course is on its way, thank you for ordering ahead to give us proper notice. Is there anything else I can get you in the meantime?”

“I would like to know exactly what you believe Bael’s role in bringing about the apocalypse is.” Maharet said, getting right down to business.

“And I would like to know about dessert options.” Bael shut his book and shunted it back to hell with a muffled pop.

“Of course!” Pepper beamed. “The Baron Bael-Sharoth, vile be his name, has promised that his return will herald the end of the age of man and the coming of the apocalypse. Hell will freeze and heaven will burn. Despair will reign and angels will fall. The walls of reality themselves will crumble with his passing and lord Lucifer will walk free in the blood of the fallen. The prophecy has been very clear on this.”

“So Bael made a promise to end the world if he ever came back to Harrows?” Maharet raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

Pepper bobbed her head up and down happily. The whole Karen infested realm couldn’t end quickly enough for her.

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“As for dessert, we have a spiced carrot cake with warm nuts and vanilla ice cream. Or a chocolate mousse made with the genuine tears from a pastry chef who thought their life would turn out differently. I’m told that the pain in their hands really comes through in the final product.”

“I will have one of each, please.” Bael said.

“Just the chocolate mousse for me.” Maharet looked over at Six.

“Do you have anything that wasn’t made by someone filled with regret?” The little girl asked. She didn’t like the idea of tears in her dessert.

“Absolutely not.” Pepper said, scandalized at the thought. “Here at Harrows we only hire the most depressed and depraved. This is a three star restaurant after all.”

“Oh.” Six nodded, not sure what to do with this information. “Is the ice cream made from depressed cows?”

“Oh yes, they are quite miserable. We have a special feedlot in Jaywick.” Pepper assured her. “It has been voted the worst place to live in all of England for the last ten years running.”

“Damn.” Six said. She wasn’t sure where Jaywick was, but it sounded terrible.

Bael looked around. “Say, I was supposed to meet a man named Alan Weston here. Have you seen him?”

Pepper considered this. “Oh, yes. I believe I saw him running into the bathroom in a blind panic. He was shouting something about Armageddon.”

“It happens to the best of us.” Bael said as he finished his first basket of bread. Apparently not bothered much that the CEO of his company was having a mental breakdown. “If you would be so kind as to have someone fetch him for me I would be most grateful.”

“Yes of course, sir!” Pepper said with a gleam in her eye. One night after too many martinis Alan decided it would be a good idea to pinch Pepper’s butt and she was looking forward to revenge. The waitress rolled her white sleeves up and walked with purpose into the kitchen. After all, the end of the world was coming. That meant she could do anything she wanted!

“That’s an awfully large knife.” Six said, her eyes going wide as Pepper emerged from the kitchen, holding a twelve inch long Japanese gyuto and grinning like a maniac.

Bael waved the murderous waitress over before she could turn Alan into a kabob. “While I recognize and appreciate your zeal, I do need him to be alive and reasonably capable of speaking. At least for now.”

“Oh… darn.” Pepper said, her smile fading.

Maharet leaned over. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t scare him a little bit.” She touched the kitchen knife and ghostly black flames began to flicker across the blade. They were harmless, but Alan wouldn’t know that.

“I must admit that does sound fun and it serves him right for dodging my calls. Perhaps this will help you achieve the desired effect.” Bael waved his hand and a golden horned demonic mask appeared over Pepper’s face. It was as elegant as it was terrifying, the lips seeming to move between a sneer and a snarl.

Once the waitress was gone Six looked at her foster parents with disgust. “You two are terrible. You know that, right?”

Bael shrugged. “I am a demon.”

“As am I.” Maharet said, sipping her wine casually as a scream rang out across the restaurant.

Six pursed her lips but didn’t reply. She knew they were demons and this was to be expected from their kind. But still, it bothered her.