Spiderweb - 123 Hesitancy

“No, you can’t,” Regan muttered, looking away from him.

Antonin looked at Regan. Her answer wasn’t strong.

“Why?” Antonin asked, leaning in closer to Regan.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know that he needed to stop, it was that he didn’t want to. Everything in his mind was pushing the stop button but his two souls and body were pressing green. There was a churning feeling in his stomach when he looked at Regan. He was nervous beyond belief but there was something that gave him confidence. The hesitancy in her steps, the way they looked at each other, and the silence in the room.

She was nervous too.

“Y-you can’t dummy,” Regan sighed, “what about Ryder?”

“Do you think that I’m the only one speaking right now? It’s me and Ryder that’s moving as one now,” Antonin muttered, he smiled. “You know this is one of those few times in which we acted together. The last time was because of you too.”

Regan flinched, her eyes being dragged into Antonin’s. It was so clear, like a wheat field, the plants waving back and forth in the sunny field. She trembled, her eyes wavering to his ips and back up to his eyes.

“Don’t do it again. You’re trespassing my privacy,” Regan huffed.

Antonin scoffed. “You should have just put the walls from the beginning then cuz I think I like trespassing.”

“You’re so cheesy it hurts,” Regan groaned pushing his face away, “don’t do this.”

She sounded more certain. Antonin pulled away.

“Sigh…” Antonin muttered.

Regan looked at Antonin, touching her lips. “I still don’t understand.”

“Understand what?” Antonin turned to Regan.

“How do you like me? I’ve done nothing to be liked for,” Regan muttered.

“Do you need to do something to be liked for?” Antonin asked, his head cocking to the right.

“Then what did I? I don’t understand how you can like someone like me,” Regan muttered her eyes dropping to the bed, her hands gripping the bedsheets. “I’m filled with so many faults. I have nightmares like this and can’t even make thoughts by myself yet you like me? It’s impossible.”

Antonin looked at Regan with confusion.

“Maybe you’re confused. Maybe because of the seclusion you’re being blinded. Thinking that you have to pick from one of the people here to like. In that case, I understand but I’m not the one to pick,” Regan stuttered, her words starting to be slurred. “There are so many other people out there that you can like. Any girl but me will be better. You don’t even know my history… how can you like me?”

Regan looked up to Antonin, her green eyes dripped with desperateness. “You can’t like me. It’s not possible, don’t like me.”

Antonin searched in Regan’s eyes for a moment before smiling.

“What? What do you mean you don’t want to?” Regan asked, frustration growing on her face. “You have so many options out there in this building and outside of it. You don’t have to stoop down to me to be-”

Ryder leaned in again, his lips pressed into hers, silencing her words.

Regan blinked blankly, anger forming on her face. “Are you listening to me?! YOU CAN’T LIKE ME! I’M NOT WORTH IT!!”

Ryder let out a deep sigh, his forehead resting on Regan’s. “Who are you to tell me that? You’re not me right? You’re not even Ryder so why are you trying to decide if you’re good enough to be liked by me or not?”

“What?” Regan muttered. Her eyes trailed down to the blanket, “You know nothing about me, Antonin. You too Ryder. You have no idea what I’ve been and what I am now. Trust me when I say it’s not worth it. There’s nothing you can get from me except for pain and issues.”

“Let me be the deciding factor of that,” Ryder pressed, “I know my heart the best and although I don’t know exactly why I fell for you, I did and that’s all that matters to me. The fact that you’re here in front of me makes me happy. The fact that I can touch you, the fact that I just kissed you…”

His eyes looked up into Regan’s, “I’m basically on cloud nine, haha,” Ryder chuckled.

Regan flinched.

“You’re worth more than everything here to me. In fact, feelings cannot be checked for how warranted they are, all I know is that I feel them and I feel them for you. Your past doesn’t’ matter. I don’t care how you got here, I’m just happy you’re here to begin with,” Antonin smiled, “You don’t start a relationship knowing everything about the person, you start it to learn more. That’s how I feel about you, that’s why I’m this.”

Ryder’s eyes looked down to her lips and back up to her eyes. “That’s why I’m doing all these things and can’t stop myself from doing them. You- your presence is just- everything I need now.”

Regan blinked.

“I hope I can be like that for you too,” Antonin sighed as he pulled her into a hug. “Even if I can’t now, I will try hard to become like that in the future for you.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Regan’s lips quivered.

“Do I need to spell it out for you?” Antonin sighed, pulling Regan away from his shoulder. He looked her in her eye and his hands firmly but gently gripped her shoulders. “I like you, Regan. For who you are now. I don’t care about your past but all I care about is your future and being there through it with you.”

“I-” Regan muttered.

“Stop staying “I-” and actually listen to the words that come out of my words please,” Ryder groaned.

“Um…” Regan mumbled before letting out a sigh and relaxing in Antonin’s arms. She looked up at him, annoyance shining in her eyes. “Are you taking this as an excuse to kiss me as you please?”

Antonin flinched, a grin flashing on his face. “Of course not.”

“You sure?” Regan’s eyebrow raised. “It seemed like you were quite enjoying my hesitancy, gave you a lot of time to make your moves.”

Antonin furiously shook his head, Ryder quickly smirking. “I would have made even more moves anyways even if you didn’t hesitate.”

Regan rolled her eyes. “You’re weird.”

“If weird describes someone who really likes you then hell, write weird on my forehead,” Antonin teased.

Regan’s ears perked up.

“Honestly, nothing I say will get into your mind now will it?” Regan sighed, a small pout coming on to her face.

“Depends on what you say,” Antonin grinned, “I’m glad selective hearing is one of the options I can use to listen to people with.”

You’re a whole mess times 3,” Regan groaned with a chuckle. She shyly looked at Antonin. “I still don’t get why you did that though… I mean I look like a mess right now haha and the fact that-” Regan touched her lips, her face heating up.

It had been a while since she felt this way. She liked the feeling. The momentary warmth she was feeling now. She pushed the thought away, maybe it wasn’t something she should feel. She didn’t want it to fade like her last. Something in her told her she might not recover in her state.

She raised her hand to push Antonin away but she couldn’t. Instead, they rose up and pulled Antonin close, pulling him into a hug.

“Thanks,” she smiled, resting her head on his shoulder.

“For what?” Antoin asked, a blush spreading on his face.

“For this. I needed the motivation,” Regan smiled.

“My feelings aren’t motivation though…”

“I know, they just work as motivation. Is it ok if I use it in that way? Like something I can look back on and use as something to push me forward. At least there’s one backward person in here that can like me,”

“Was that a back-handed compliment?”

“I would never~~” Regan giggled.

“Yea yea,” Antonin smiled.

“But you owe me something. 3 things actually,” Regan huffed, pulling away from Antonin to look him in the eye. Her arms rested on his shoulders. Each to one side of his shoulders as she looked up at him, her eyes locking with his.

“What?” Antonin asked, his face heating up even more. He was so close to her face and her arms on his shoulders just made him more on edge, like he had to look at her and nothing else.

“For every kiss, your stupid self decided to take to prove a point,” Regan pouted.

“Wow~ I have to pay for them now?”

“Of course! They weren’t consented, afterall. I could file a lawsuit at this moment and have you be thrown in jail just like I am,” Regan threatened.

“Oh no~” Antonin teased, “Then, what do I have to do for each payment? I’m sure you have something in mind as you were the one who brought this up in the first place, right?”

Regan paused for a moment. She had no idea what she was going to make him do.

“Yes, I do,” Regan lied, “but they have nothing to do with this moment. I’ll tell you when the time comes.”

Antonin’s eyebrow raised up for a moment before he grinned. “Sounds nice!” To him, it just seemed like a way to spend more time with Regan.

Regan grinned and Antonin’s heart fell to the floor again, starting up another race.

“Hey Regan,” Antonin muttered, his eyes dropping from hers shyly for a moment.

“Hm? What is it?” Regan asked, her head cocking to the side curiously.

Antonin looked up at her. She looked so cute.

He looked into her eyes, not an ounce of lies in his eyes. “What if I don’t want to pay it off fully?”

“What?” Regan asked, completely baffled by Antonin’s comment.

“What if I want to do it again? No… what if I do it again?” Antonin asked, his eyes gleaming as they looked at hers. His hands wrapped around her waist. “I don’t want to fully pay it off, I want to be in debt everyday.”