Struggle Of Love - Chapter 0.2

“Say, who do you like the most in this world?” He asked me.

“You.”

“Why?” Why not, I thought to myself.

“Because you are my best friend.”

“I am. .”

“Yeah, thanks, or the school would still be a clueless jungle to me.” Saying so, I laugh. Not a hearty one, but just a loud one. It was his last day of high school.

“Haha, guess so.”

He simply said. I told him that it was funny when he confessed to me not more than a month ago. It felt like a bad joke. But somehow, something inside my heart asks me to believe it, which I can’t do until I’m entirely sure.

He was my classmate before two year. Then, he decided to skip a whole year. He is intelligent. Now, he has been my senior for two years. The will graduate this year. I would have to survive another year in Eaven High, this time without him to help me study.

I was two days late joining here and he was on time. And both of us being new in this school made him approach me and me, him. He showed me around even if he was new himself. He has already made friends with two seniors, who were two grades above us, soon and that’s how he knew enough of this school. At least, enough to help me out. Hence, I became a part that clique, with no regards of seniority.

During the second year at Eaven High, we have gotten close, Sai and I, that is. Though our group of friends was actually six, three boys and three girls, I am not equally attached to all. I can move very closely with my now senior and the other two seniors who were initially friends with him. The others are awesome to be around as well. One of them, a girl, Fern, is junior to me by one grade. The other boy, Ton is in my class but somehow, he is always with his guy friends.

I developed a crush on Sai. I asked him if he could hangout with me like a couple for an event five months back; we have been good friends for three years. I had not officially asked him to be my boyfriend. I only suggested, just because. But, he became furious and well, he slapped me. That was the biggest shock for me, not getting rejected but it’s because I never thought my cheek would be a target to him. For him too. I could see it in his eyes right after. He was so scared and his eyes were opened wider than I had ever seen as his eyelids quivered with uncertainty. Moments later when everything sunk in, he struggled to speak looking everywhere else. I then nodded giving a small ‘ok’ making things easier for the both of us. Then I turned around and left with no courage to turn back.

After that, things were a bit strained but, nonetheless, we are always friends. We were fine after a week of total silence. None of us raised the topic ever after and we became more close as friends realizing that we would be together only for the next half year. Last month he came to my house and we went to the terrace like he wanted. That was where he told me he likes me. No, he told me that he was in love with me.

But it only sounded like he was playing dare with someone, only, no one was around to witness. Or was there someone that I could not see? It’s just so inconsistent to be true. I asked him just that. He said it was no joke.

I didn’t know what to say. I looked away to the side to catch the sun that was dropping low through the infinite cloudy skies that covered the two of us. He too looked up, I noticed from my peripheral view. It was a beautiful view we witnessed. The violet hue with a mix of peach and pink while the sun smeared in an orangish red. I was so happy. He told me he likes me.

I turned to him. He was looking into the far. The slight breeze was making his soft dark hair flow with it. “Sai,” I called.

“Yeah?” He answered, not leaving the sky off his sight.

My gaze landed on the horizon and not a little above where the clouds eat the sun up, millimetre by millimetre. Soon, I realised that watching a sunset completely, from start to end, has been a small wish that was just granted to me.

“The sun’s going down. Keep looking or you’ll miss it!” I said, that was he was doing before though and my actions seemed unreasonable. Sai didn’t say anything and continued watching the sun. The sun slowly set under the both of our eyes and it marked the end of it. That topic has never been a matter again.

With him now graduating, I have another year here.

Years have passed. It is silly how I even had a crush on him. I should have gotten over it the moment he slapped me, but I could not. But now, I am, finally. I remember how my cheek stung and how the sound echoed in my head. I never questioned him. It made me sad for a week. He could have politely rejected me. After all, I wasn’t asking for a dedicated relationship. I knew we were too young and I had my own issues. He knew everything and yet his actions were far from rational.

We have remained friends. The two seniors, James and Jessica had a wedding two years ago, the youngest married couple among all of our high school perhaps. They had been together even before Sai and I met them.

Fern is still the same bubbly girl. Ton, I do not have much information on him as he moved to another country a year ago.

However, the major and most important thing to mention is, Sai is my friend, sure. But deep down in my heart, I started to see him as a rival. A fruit of our friendship, one could say. How? Watching him closely becoming all important, watching how everyone prefers him, watching how he had just no enemies, makes me envious. I am not a sinless person, I admit. Well, shouldn’t he need an enemy? I will be one, because I cannot help it. He stays with his elder brother. I have never met his parents and I highly doubt they are even alive. It does not feel right to say such a thing without any prior knowledge. But I say so because whenever the topic surfaced he would ignore us or he would turn a sad face for us to understand it was not be spoken then.

He is just too good to be around me. The feeling that I am nothing but his friend creeps in when we are in the crowd. If someone says they would be fine with it, I will not believe them. I lose my patience but he is the calmest person I have come across, ignoring the slap. He is always smiling. I now understand myself fully well. I am jealous of him, and this negative feeling only kept growing, when he continued being my closest friend, per say to me though. I hated him on this much before I recognised it myself. And so, I have taken his confession to be an outright pointless group of words put together, more than just a humourless lame joke.

But I don’t plan on showing him any of it. I should try and I will. If I do, I will be the one left alone. That is the gravity he held over every friend I have. All thanks to Sai, I have to endure this until God knows when.