Struggle Of Love - Chapter 18 Empty

“Please tell me. Whom else should I ask? James? Nah, you tell me.” Wasn’t that easy for him to say? ‘You tell me.’

“They were dating since when? And living together since when?”

“I see.” I just concentrated on the football game in the TV. He didn’t talk anymore. Ton, James, Ao and Ai are the only ones I speak with more than just required. May was in that list till recently, before I realised she was waiting for every chance to start some sort of enmity. My brother was in the list too, after a little gap. I should be more free at home.

I wonder though, what did May have to speak with James about? It has been half an hour since they started talking. Just as I thought of them, May unlocked the door and came out side and sat beside me. “What happened?” I asked, I categorize some of my actions as mere reflexes like this one now.

She just shrugged and continued staring off into the wall opposite.

Ton went in to check on James. To say I was shocked with the predicament before is a little truth. I was shaken to the core to see him crying. He rarely ever got upset, let alone let the tears flow. But, somewhere I felt it did not just have to do with what I said. He knows what he did and I didn’t really see him regretting telling this girl beside me anything. Just as my thoughts occupied my mind, I realised that May perhaps knows about my feelings and that she’s right here next to me. I felt empty. She knows but she decided not to do anything about it. I miss the girl she used to be. If it was that girl, I would have already been confronted and she would have strangled me for answers and conformations. Perhaps she would think what to do about it when I confess directly.

“The girls are still in,” I suggested for her to continue with their talk, she could miss something. Or, I didn’t want her here at the moment. The emptiness is a dangerous feeling. I didn’t care much at the moment. I did not want to care so much and be cautious of her at this time. This was total despair.

She glanced in my direction and turned back to the TV, her sharp eyes doing nothing to calm down my anxiety. “You think I don’t know that?” That accusingly sharp tone was my cue to shut up. Having nothing to do beside her, I wanted to walk back to James and Ton, but I couldn’t move a muscle in her presence. I wish I could get out of there without her notice. Just like that, I continued sitting there.

She took the remote and changed channels until she found a music channel. I wasn’t concentrating on the match but she could have at least acknowledged, she couldn’t have just said that she was going to change the channel. But no, it was like I wasn’t even there.

My phone pinged and I was about to reach it when May has already bent a little forward to fetch my phone off the tea table. She saw the notification that floated over my lock screen, and then handed it to me, taking her focus back to the song playing on the TV.