Struggle Of Love - Chapter 29 Im Afraid

“She won’t move on. I don’t know how to make her move on. She can’t be a lonely person. I know she has many people in her life but, I also know that she would grieve over me forever. I don’t know how to face her. . . Especially after I know of the baby, I feel so guilty.

“I’m afraid. . . I am so scared, of. . of this. I just,” he said and took a long breath and continued, “hope I’ll have more time. I love her so much, I don’t. . want her to be left alone.”

So much pain was what his eyes contained as he spoke. I saw the flickering light of hope within him burning brightly. He certainly had not wanted to be done with life yet.

“Jess asked Sai if he knew anything. . . He is trying hard to get me to tell him. Of course, not more than Jess.

“Please James, you should tell her,” I still continued my pursuance.

He didn’t look at me but smiled sadly at my words rather than some patient’s report he’s been checking through.

I did not hear more. After a while, we spoke a little more. I left after asking him to take good care.

POV: James.

I drove slowly, very slowly to reach home taking a longer way. Mom and dad would be asleep. I take my spare key out. I close the door as silently as I can. It was dark and there was no sound anywhere in our house. Jessie would still be awake. She decided not to wait in the front room for me, to not worry our parents. That did good to me. I sit down at the sofa for a little more time. Then, I check our room to confirm she’s asleep. If only she cared a little less, loved me a little less, thought of me a little less, I would not have to go through so much. Can’t she look over some things, a little, when they are about me?

As I lay in bed with Jessie, I hugged her tight. Once again, she fell asleep only after it was half past twelve. I waited for her to fall asleep. What more can I do? And, I didn’t want to do any less. Would she feel un-trusted if I don’t tell her?

The question was a painful one to answer. She would. But why to let her live in pain more days when I know it doesn’t make much difference if I let her know later? I will keep this from her. I drop my face in her smooth hair snuggling closer and taking in the fruit flavoured scent her hair held, my brain works back to the time I discovered how bad my health had been and had become.

It was just another happy day for me. But there had been something that bugged me. The memories wash through.

I see that cursed time clearly; I live it once again painfully.

I was feeling a bit week since a weak and the last two days and it has gotten to the point of feeling that I’d faint any moment. I thought I was eating well.

“Magi! Good morning!” I greeted the lab assistant as I entered. She is a well mannered but a thick headed girl. Her colleague was head over heels for her.

“Morning doctor. You need something?” She said.

“Yeah. A CBP for myself.”

“For yourself, doctor?” She looked at me trying to understand the heavens probably. Can’t a doctor treat himself like a patient? I thought.

“Yes.”

Then she took a sample and asked me to collect the report from Desna, the laboratory chief observer after two hours. We don’t have to pay in the hospital we work in and so it had to go through him unlike to the reception. Meaning, the management can foster the power to know their staff’s condition in situations like this.

I grabbed two strawberry milkshake and drank them. I felt better soon after. I was scheduled to perform a splenectomy on a middle aged patient after an hour; it’s still early in the morning. It would be a long surgery. A complicated one, nonetheless. It will be my second time to do it. But, it will be relatively easy because this time it’s a laparoscopic surgery with no complications of internal bleeding during the open surgery on the road rash teen.

It was already lunch time when we have taken care of the operation. I was in my cabin when Desna barged in with a serious face.

“Why did you need a blood picture?” he questioned, standing after the now closed door.

“What were you feeling?” He popped another question without giving me the time to answer.

“Why, you found something?” I asked. He extended his hand and checked my pulse.