Struggle Of Love - Chapter 31 Reason
Desna made me go through random tests seeking the cause for my anaemia. It led to the knowledge of congenital weakness of muscles in my heart. It has been there, apparently all this time. It never gave a problem. I realised that was why Desna stressed on ‘only trying’ to do it. I know I am a deserving potato.
But now that I try to reason my health, I know why I never liked sports or the morning walks Jessie goes on for having good health. She gave up after forcing me many times. I would go, take a stroll as she would brisk walk. I became tired with the least of physical activities.
Now, with the anaemia I have, it seems that my heart can weaken further. Less blood cells and less blood pressure make the heart beat faster, erratic, arrhythmic.
I must have had IAHA for a couple of months now, and it has developed rapidly. With this sudden onset of autoimmunity, for which the cause has not been found yet, my blood and heart, both have become the most significant to take care of, if I don’t want to die.
I could undergo a surgery for autoimmunity to reverse off, a splenectomy, there’s 60% chances of complete cure. That’s the severity. Sometime ten days ago, I was celebrating another successful splenectomy on someone else, the irony of life. But I can’t because of my heart. On the other hand, that very anaemia is damaging my heart more. If I have to tell this to anyone, I better plainly say, ‘I am sure to die.’ I can drag my life span to a maximum of four years, though Desna would bluntly close the topic saying ten years. It was very wise of him to try fooling a doctor as good as him.
I closed my eyes. I am sure to die. I didn’t ever think that four years was a short time. It was exactly in four years that I became a doctor after taking up the related study. I thought four years were long enough to accomplish anything, any dream.
But now, in a different face of life, I see how short my next four years can be. I want to live longer. Jessie stirred a little in her sleep breaking into my thoughts. She noticed me and placed her arm over mine.
“When did you come?” She mumbled as she faced me. Her eyes were failing her, she would fall asleep waiting and waiting, every day after the other.
“An hour and a half ago,” I answer her after checking the time, “Good night.”
“Did you eat?” Her eyes held a sad glint that was well visible in the black that was surrounding us as she looked up to catch my eyes.
“Yeah, now sleep.” She went back to sleeping after telling me to do the same and to not get too tired.
My heart heavies down again. I sleep holding her.
