Struggle Of Love - Chapter 32 Whats Wrong?
The next morning I woke up fresh, ready to do some jog outside. Jessie stopped going for her morning jogs months ago, she wanted to go with me or not. How sad, I go now, but can’t really let her see how weak I am; it will be more and more obvious during the jog. Jessie was sleeping farther when I opened my eyes. She rolled out of my arms to the other edge somewhere into the night. She is a graceful sleeper, but if she is to move even a little from her current position further away to the other side, she would fall off. I got up from the bed and walked around to her side. I bent down and carefully and slowly pushed her in a little bit so as to not wake her up; she was deep in her sleep. The blanket was covering her face while her legs were out of it. I covered her legs smoothing out some part of the blanket. Then I walked away towards the window. Outside, the dawn was cold with the fog just lifting. It was pretty early; the sun wasn’t up either.
I knew exercise is not a complete solution. A careful balance involving a lot of things and a very good diet will give me at most six months more, meaning I’d have at most three years from now. I put on some sweatpants and quietly exited the room and went downstairs. Our parents we’re also asleep. It was calm and I knew I’d to return in an hour before mom wakes up.
There is a park within 500 meters and that’s where I head to daily. I started jogging slowly.
POV: Jessica
I was awake all along. He didn’t know. Like any other day, my husband woke up early in the morning and was out on the road. It was hard to keep up my act of being asleep when he made sure I wouldn’t fall off the bed. I had to clutch the blanket t my face or he’d have seen my tear stained face. I observed him like always. He wakes up, turns to me, stays in that position for a little while, staring at my back, then gets up, stands before the window, freshen up, change, slowly close the door after he’s out.
That is when I stand up and walk towards the window. In a short while he appears and my eyes follow him until he disappears around a corner.
Then I sit back on the bed and think about us until the sun rays gradually brighten up our room. Then I would wipe my face and lie back down.
Soon after, James would quietly enter our room, check if I am still asleep, then go to the bathroom to wash up. When he comes out I would not be asleep anymore and he thinks the sound of the water woke me up.
This has been going on for at least twenty days now. I know he is keeping something important from me. It is worrying me. During the start of our marriage, I would drag him out for a morning jog. That time, he never showed any interest. But now, he seems much interested. Then, what is the problem in telling that to me? Would I not be an amazing companion? Did he not know how happy that would make me?
I found out that I was pregnant almost a fortnight ago and which woman does not be happy? I wanted to tell him first and I did. But the reaction he gave made me doubt my entire life. First it was a surprise and then, as I waited for his response, I watched his eyes become happy. But before he smiled, a very small and indecipherable frown appeared and he hugged me tight not giving me a chance to read his face anymore. His breathing was quick and heavy. After he released me, I took in the smile on his face; only, I didn’t know if I should call it a smile. All there was in his eyes was a hue of sadness.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned him directly. His face changed once again. He seemed troubled.
“Nothing,” he smiled and added that he was happy.
“You’re not,” I stated. He is not a fool to think that I would not know when something is wrong. And he would be more wrong to think that I would let this slip.
