Struggle Of Love - Chapter 48 Sorry

“Mmm?” Not what?

“I’m not okay.”

“Why are you not?” I forcibly wriggled out of his embrace and took his face in my palms, making him look at me. He took a long and deep breath. Then he tried to say something but later decided against it.

He put his palms one mine and peeled them off of his face. He still did not want to speak. “Will you promise me something?” He asked as he held my hands.

“I cannot say until I know what is to be promised.” His eyes softened and he looked at me with sad eyes.

I can the gravity of the situation. To be frank, I’d like to run away from whatever this is. But I have to get to the bottom of this. For the sake of us, our parents and also for the sake of the new life that is yet to step into our world. Only now, I realized how hard a challenge staying calm can be.

“Tell me you’ll promise and I’ll tell you what is wrong.”

“That’s an obvious trap James.”

As I said so, he revealed a small smile. “Fine then. You should know this anyway. I wasn’t really sure for how long I could keep it, but I didn’t think I’d have to tell you this soon.”

I did not make any sound, but nodded at him asking him to continue.

He made me sit on the bed and then, he sat beside me. My hands were still his.

“This news is not a nice one Jessie. Try to hear me out until the end.” I nodded again as my breath slowed down sharply. I gulped as I stared into his eyes.

“I love you. You don’t need me to say that but please remember this forever. But things won’t always go as planned. I won’t be living with you long. Whatever I do, maybe I can hold up a year more, but I don’t want to give you any false hope. After three years, I won’t be with you.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Jessie.” He stopped before continuing further. I wanted to say something but I could not. I wanted to tell him to stop speaking. I did not like what I was hearing. His words were too cruel, even for me. I hoped for this to not be the truth. If it was, I can’t imagine how it was for James living though this. Before I could gather my thoughts around, he spoke.

“You are just twenty-four now. Knowing you, you won’t move on. This is what I wanted you to promise. You have to move on. Dad already knows about this. Mom is still in the dark. I’m afraid she won’t be able to handle.

“If things were any different than they are now, it would be so perfect. But Jessie, with things like this, the best outcome for you is to get a divorce and abort the baby. Just find someone else. It’s not late at all. Dad thinks the same. You are pretty strong, aren’t you? You can do this.” I felt a hand softly ruffling my hair. He stopped talking. I did not say anything for sometime as I let things sink in.

“Why will you not be with me?”

“I will die soon, Jessie. It turned out I am so weak.”

“When? Since when do you know this?”

“It’s been seven months since I knew.” He chuckled lightly and then said, “I did not want to tell you until I die. Then dad said he will find you someone else. Even then, it would not be too late. But letting you know this soon is also a better idea.”

In that moment, the way he spoke so lightly, made him look like he was an angel descended to the earth having nothing to do hear. His eyes were bright, reflecting the light seeping in through the closed glass windows. It was morning already.

“You won’t die.” I told him shaking my head in a nay. I hugged him tight. “And don’t bother yourself with pointless ideas. They will never happen.”

He was smiling. “I wish for that every minute.”