Struggle Of Love - Chapter 50 Numb

“What’s special today? Why is he home so early?” mom asked with a gleeful expression. “You spoke to him?”

“Kind of,” I told her.

“What an amazing result!”

Over the dinner, she was not over the fact that her son was home so early and asked him, “Why, my good son, are home so early tonight?”

“Jessie was not happy with me being out for so long so I had to threaten the management to leave their hospital if they kept on burdening me. That is why; they let the other juniors handle things while I am here.” Did he not say he was a ‘rookie’ today morning? Now, in twelve hours he is suddenly a senior.

Mom believed him easily, “You should have done that a long time ago!”

“I did. But this time, I showed them an offer letter from the capital.” He did not tell them about that one year old offer until now. If they knew, they would be happy to the two of us settle in the capital. Because James and I, especially I did not want to go anywhere away from home, we decided against letting them know. It was an impressive achievement for a young surgeon to be called to the best hospital.

I only looked into my food as I ate calmly. He has really learnt to lie so smoothly with such clear eyes. Even an interrogator won’t decipher the truth. Life turns out to really bitter sometimes. He can lie with a clear conscience.

“Wow! Then why are you even threatening them? You should just go to the capital!”

“They have more people like me there. The salary they proposed is not even as high as what I earn now. But here there are more who demand for me. Moreover, Jessie’s work is best convenient here.”

That was not a lie. Mom slowly nodded thinking about it. “Good decision. So from now on, you won’t be over working at all. Isn’t that true?”

He smiled at her. “Yes!”

“Thank god, they called for you just at the right time! Jessie was really worried about you,” she said as she glanced at me to find my glaring eyes warning her not to continue. She stopped and James did not go further with her comment. He might have already had an idea that I was upset from the talk this morning. Whatever it was, the rest of the night was uneventful.

At night, while I was lying in his hug with my facing him, he asked me, “Jessie, are you alright? Let it out if you are sad.”

Everything still felt like I was teleported to another world. Somewhere at the back of my mind, in my psyche, there was a young woman. She looked like me. She was me and I was effectively ignoring her existence. She was a distant friend from a time that was left behind in the past. I had only met her once until now, when she was five years old. That time she was my nightmare. She would only say one thing. “They are not coming back.” And she would repeat a million times if I looked at her. Not being able to bear her persistent torture, I defeated her voice telling myself, “My family is always with me.”

Here she was again. I looked at her only because I sensed a presence. If I had any idea that it would be her, I would not have turned her way. However, this time, she did not say anything. She only looked at me and then turned to an uncertain direction. Just as I was about to follow her eyes, “Jessie?” James questioned me softly.

It was like a switch, I was back to the real world. When I heard him, I remembered his question. I did not know what to answer. He asked if I was sad. Was I? I did not know. But something has changed. With the world or with myself, I was not sure. I felt disconnected, numb.

More time passed and I still did not open my mouth. James hugged me tighter, “Sleep. Good night.” He kissed my head and I fell into a deep sleep unknowingly.