Struggle Of Love - Chapter 56 A Fragile Hear

“James, are you listening?” I looked down and saw her face. Her head was tilted to look at me. She had a serene expression on her face as she stared at me with her gentle eyes from under my shoulders. It was calmer than the usual.

“I am.” I told her.

“She did not say a word though.” She was looking into my eyes without as light a ripple within her own. Her eyes were too clear for me not to feel an immense amount of guilt and heartache. I really had an unpleasant face, I scolded the negative luck that I seemed to be drowned in.

Jessie continued speaking, “She always said very sorrowful words in the past. This time however, she did not. Instead, she just looked to a side.” She paused and turned her head to look at the grass patch again. Was it a good omen that the girl did not say anything?

“What do you think?” Jessie asked and I never felt so heavy at heart any time before.

I did not say anything and she naturally understood. She tried to console me, “Don’t be sad. It will only worsen your fragile heart.”

When I heard her, I was completely confused. What did she mean? Did she say that literally or should I take it figuratively?

There were times when we were younger when she would call me a weak person, more so when I fell out of terms with someone. I would be more upset than she would in similar situations. I blankly stared at her. I really had a fragile heart.

“You don’t worry Jessie. I cannot just not think. And it won’t do me any harm.” I convinced her and more so, myself. I was not having psychological problem, after all.

“Don’t say that!” She freed herself from my arms as she turned herself in my direction. She placed her palms on my hands and her tone turned serious. “If you be happy, you will live longer.” She insisted.

She then took a deep breath, “James, losing my parents and Jenny had a lot of effect on me. I was so young that time. If it was not for you, I would have lost all my will to live on.

“What is more important now is that, I can take this hit.” She stood up from the bench and stood in front of me and took my face into her small warm palms. “James, I can.”

Was there another way for her to deal with this? I really regretted all that I have done. Why did I have to entangle myself with her? If she had someone else luckier, how would that be? It will have to be good, better than this.

I did not know if I succeeded in hiding my sadness in my smile as I said, “That’s good. You should move on.” I genuinely wanted that to be the outcome of this whatsoever.

“If you were any healthier, I would have slapped you to land ten feet away.”

“Jessie, think! Dad even said he will take care of the little one. You can,” I could not complete my sentence. She turned around and started walking away.

“Hey, Jessie!” I hurriedly got up from the bench and walked towards her. She did not respond.

“Jessie,” I called her softly.

“Fine, we won’t talk about this anymore now,” I coaxed her.

“So, there will be another time when you will bring this same nonsense up?”

I chose to stay silent. She stopped and turned me to look at her.

“That woman only comes in my dreams now. She does not invade my mind at random times like before. And she wants me look somewhere. She stays silent like a clear soul and keeps looking off into the distance beyond. When I follow her line of sight, I always wake up just before catching the sight of it.”

She continued, “I will know soon. Somehow, it is different. James, it has been months since you told me. And I have taken my time to accept the truth.”

The only feeling I had these days was the feeling of helplessness. “I’m sorry!” I said and hugged her tight while being careful with her belly. I knew I was about to cry and my resolve to act strong and unaffected vanished into nothing. I cried standing there with Jessie in my arms.