Survive As The Brute’s Wife - Chapter 127

Julius stopped and looked at Alexandra. He didn’t want to be doubting her, but he couldn’t help it. And this issue…

Julius knew it was Maximus who did it. For some reason, the ministers are trying to bury it rather than get it out. It is probably because they don’t want to seem affected by it so that Maximus won’t start a killing streak againt all the other women in the harem.

“It is under investigation, Your Royal Highness,” he said bowing his head.

He had a feeling that Maximus won’t be pleased if Alexandra knows about it.

Alexandra found Julius’ words to be a bit untruthful, but she decided to wait. Flavia will always find her the truth. She genuinely believed that it is Theodora’s work or someone from the Harem who did it just to frame her.

“By the way, I am interested in visiting the Harem,” Alexandra said and Julius let out an audible sigh.

“I want to visit the Harem,” Alexandra repeated and Julius nodded half-heartedly.

“Yes, Your Royal Highness. I will get permission from the Emperor and after making the necessary preparations, I will arrange your visit to the Harem.”

Alexandra nodded and Julius stood up and bowed once more.

“Julius,” Alexandra stopped him when he was about to leave.

“Yes, Your Royal Highness?” Julius turned halfway to look at her. The furrow between his eyebrows revealed the stress he is in and that he is not pleased to talk to her further.

Alexandra understood that Julius was here just to talk to her about the hunt. And she didn’t know what else is in his mind. She didn’t care much for it anyway.

“Flavia… Did she talk about… anything today?” she wanted to know.

“Flavia?” Julius’ eyes got widened as he heard his wife’s name. “What happened today?” he asked, turning to face her entirely.

Alexandra truly admired the love Julius has for Flavia. No matter what the situation is, when it concerns Flavia, Julius would become more attentive.

Alexandra told Julius about the talk they had in the morning and her willingness to help them have a child of their own.

Julius looked at her, no, stared at her for an entire moment making Alexandra feel worse.

[Did I really do something inconsiderate?]

“You want to help us have a baby?” Julius asked.

“Yes, I talked with Maximus and he said you’d be happy to have a baby. But if you do not want to, then I can-”

“You can help us have a baby?” Julius asked.

“Yes, if you want to,” she said and he didn’t say anything.  He looked stiff and in deep thoughts.

He then stared at her for some time before turning and leaving. Alexandra shrugged and took her seat.

[Maybe they don’t want a child? I did say some stupid stuff?]

She felt sorry. Maybe they decided to not have a child for whatever reason and she was prodding them unnecessarily. She decided not to talk about it again. She was sad too. She just wanted to repay Flavia for all the love she is giving her, but it seems like this is not the way.

Julius left the room and he started to hyperventilate. He was so shocked and feeling ashamed. The way Alexandra talked to him made his heart shred to pieces out of guilt. He knew she is powerful and thinking of the Empire,  he was doubting her, but she…

She, on the other hand, was caring about her handmaid and tries to do something good for her. He couldn’t understand why Alexandra would do that. It didn’t seem like she is planning on getting on his good books. She has no need for that. She is already on the good books of Maximus and she is his wife making everyone inferior to her. There is no reason for her to find out the “feelings” of the old lady who serves her.

Just what kind of person is she? And why am I feeling guilty for doubting her?

Alexandra. Mainly trying to distract herself from her sorry thoughts for interfering in another couple’s business,  started to read the book written by an ancient mage. The book itself was old and it was the original copy making the writings ancient too. She felt more at home understanding this language as it was something she could remember.

[Ah… I am very old…]

The book was about the souls of every creature in the world. The mage had little knowledge about the souls of the gods because they have it  different. He also had written that the summoned beasts have different soul, so does the elves. And the human soul is entirely different and the most fragile one of all although it is eternal.

She understood it all but she could get only a little detail about souls. She knew it is a very hard topic to be understood, and she needed a deeper understanding of it all. But she knew that if everyone has a different soul,  the beasts won’t be of much help regarding the soul living in her body.

[Maybe I should go back inside and check what kind of soul is Wispy?]

She wanted to do something, but thinking of going back inside the darkness of her consciousness made her shiver. She never wanted to go back there again, even to investigate.

She decided to talk to kefir once she is alone. Although Kefir might not know about the kind of soul she has, he would have some kind of information. And she didn’t even know which category her soul would be.

Her family did keep on saying that she has become more human after all. Could that mean her soul has changed too?

As she was contemplating, Flavia entered the room with a tray of snacks and tea.

“Thank you so much, Flavia,” Alexandra smiled. “You always read my mind. I was about to ask for some snacks and you brought them here…” she was pleased.

“It is my duty, Alexandra,” Flavia said with her usual smile and Alexandra smiled back.

“I have something to say, Alexandra,” Flavia said. Her voice didn’t have the usual chirpiness and she was twisting her skirt in her fingers as she was worried about something.

“Please speak without any reservations, Flavia,” Alexandra moved away from the books and asked Flavia to sit beside her. She wanted to listen as she wondered if it is about the thing they talked about in the morning.

She knew Julius would have talked to her about it and that is why Flavia wants to end this misgiving between them.

“This morning…” Flavia started and Alexandra nodded.

She wanted to start by apologizing but then decided to keep quiet to listen to what Flavia is about to say.

“When you asked…” Flavia’s voice shook and her eyes reddened. Alexandra patted her hand to help her compose.

“I want a child, Alexandra,” Flavia said along with a sigh. It was hard for Alexandra to watch, but she nodded with a smile, acknowledging this normal wish of Flavia.

Anyone would want to have a child. It is innate – the will to multiply.

“But I don’t want you to do anything,” Flavia added and Alexandra was shocked. Before she could come out of her shock, Flavia continued.

“I have not talked to others much about it. I had a baby who left- who left us pretty early…” she wiped the tear rolling down from her cheek. “But it was then I started taking care of Maximus and I… We somehow got by…” Flavia leaned on Alexandra’s shoulder and she let her.

Alexandra wanted to comfort Flavia as she could sense a deep sense of despair in Flavia. But she knew she can only listen to her right now.

“When you saved me that day… I wanted to… when I was there… getting boiled alive… And when I heard my husband calling out my name… I thought it would be better if I just die…” Flavia started to sob.

Alexandra hugged Flavia close. “No, Flavia! Why would you ever think that! We love you! Maximus and I… Julius… We all would want you alive!” she said. She didn’t know why Flavia would think this way. She couldn’t understand it.

“I know that…”Flavia spoke through her stuffed nose. “And I am glad you saved me, Alexandra. I don’t remember it well, but it was horrible getting scalded by boiling water,” Flavia sat straight and looked at Alexandra.

“And I…” She bowed her head and covered her face with her hands, she started to sob.

Alexandra couldn’t bear it. “Flavia, everything is fine now. You are safe and nothing will hurt you now…”

Alexandra didn’t know what makes Flavia cry, but it seems like she is letting out what she has been holding for ages and so she hugged her and let her get it out.

“I am a bad woman, Alexandra… You cannot be this affectionate with me…” Flavia said and Alexandra got more confused.

“I wanted to use you, Alexandra… You love me like a mother, but I wanted to use you to fulfil my desires. I am a horrible horrible human being who doesn’t deserve any care from you….” she started to shake.