Survive As The Brute’s Wife - Chapter 84

No one would do that to someone who thinks of them as their brother and he knew that he is doing a grave sin by breaking Alexandra’s trust.

Alexandra woke up that day as he tried to sneak out of the room, and he had to lie to her to get out. He wished it was an isolated, one-time incident, but to his horror, it wasn’t.

It was a tough time for him. There weren’t many people he can talk to about it. Although he got along with a lot of people, he was the closest with Alexandra. He couldn’t talk to her about it. He tried to talk to the doctor and he was no help. Some elder boys who caught him once when he was washing his clothes, told him to “seek” women that would help with this.

Women… He didn’t like the idea of getting near women; well, anyone except Alexandra.

Back then, he didn’t know that the feeling he had was love. It was a very restrained society and people, especially men, didn’t talk about their “feelings”. The boys who truly loved someone didn’t openly talk about it, and the ones who talked about women were mostly fornicators.

He was not a fan of books. Had he known that there are books for everything, he would have read some and understood that the feeling he had towards Alexandra was love.

Well, who is he kidding? He wouldn’t have read books no matter what.

He didn’t understand his feelings and thought they were wrong. He didn’t want to get closer to her because of his vile thoughts fearing that he might do what he does in his dreams in reality. He was extremely confused with these unusual thoughts that he left Alexandra under the care of Lukyan, who he thought at that time was “safer” for Alexandra.

But no he wasn’t!

And as weeks turned to months, his efforts to compel those thoughts to the deepest corner of his heart was a failure. The feeling that he thought was just a little spark, started to get kindled to a fire that burned inside him, making him melt. He started to feel angry whenever she talks about him, or when he saw Alexandra talking to Luke, and at times even when she looks at him. Maybe she could sense his thoughts, she stopped talking about every single of her thoughts to him.

He was very angry those days, and thankfully war came that time and he could get distracted a lot. And she still angered him a lot those days by staring at that guy.

Thinking of it… she was open about her “love”. She told him that she cannot stop staring at Luke, she doesn’t like it when he talks to other women, and that her heart flutters thinking about Luke.

He still didn’t realize that he is having the same feelings as her.

While she was looking at Luke, he was looking at her; he was getting jealous of Luke for holding her heart; his heart pounded whenever he was alone with her although they didn’t stay alone a lot these days.

«Haha… No wonder the dragon couldn’t stop calling me a fool!»

He didn’t realize his feelings and it took a lot of time for composing himself. As he was nearly nineteen he could get a hold of those feelings. And it was then he could see how Luke has manipulated Alexandra. Seeing her with lost confidence and shaking with fear to even communicate with someone, he realized his fault.

He regretted staying away from her because of that feeling. He decided to not focus on that feeling anymore and save Alexandra. He didn’t care about that feeling afterward. He boxed it up and wanted to lose that feeling forever.

But he couldn’t… He couldn’t control his feeling and he ended up staying away from her again,

At least until that fateful day, on the roof, when he tried to comfort her…

When he learned from others that she is drinking, he figured that she must have learned the truth. He had seen Luke with other women lately but he tried his best to keep it from her so as not to hurt her but he knew the truth cannot be hidden for long.

When he saw her drunk and despaired, he couldn’t bear it. She should not be this way. She should be happy always. When he met eyes with her, he lost himself.  She started crying for that dreg and he didn’t like that. He’s known her his life and after her parent’s death, this is the first time he was seeing her crying like this. He knew she wouldn’t like it if he talked about that guy and so he only told her that he’s there for her.

And with her reddened face and glistening lips, when she asked him to make her hurting stop, he just kissed her.

He doesn’t remember much of it, actually. He remembered kissing her forehead first and then he felt so full in his chest and so he continued.

He only kissed her lips briefly and had lost his rationality already. Her lips were extremely soft and tasty. It was much better than the dreams he had. Before he knew it, he started getting too touchy with her.

Well, he was very surprised that he did what he had dreamt of for a long.  But he was more surprised by her reaction. He thought she would despise him for doing that to her, but she said his name the same way she always says it.

And he ran away, still not realizing why he did what he did.

It was that day he realized that the feeling he felt for Alexandra forever, is love; with help, of course.

It was Ithildin who made him realize that. Alexandra never knew that he summoned a beast. Everyone told him that he cannot summon a beast and that he doesn’t have the essence to do that. He too believed that but after realizing that he needs as much help as he can to beat Luke when he betrays Alexandra, he struggled hard and in the end was able to summon Ithildin.

‘Why did you apologize to her?’ Ithildin asked. ‘Don’t you love her?’

He was shocked by what Ithildin said. There should be nothing like the “love” between a man and a woman between them.

‘Don’t you want her to be yours alone?’ Ithildin asked. ‘Don’t you want to stay by her side for the rest of your lives? Don’t you want to touch her and not like it when she is not looking at you? Isn’t this all just a human being’s way of love, odd it might appear to be?’

Julius looked at Maximus smiling as he looked at the wall of water. And he wondered what made the Brute smile from his heart.

“Sire..?” Julius’ voice snapped Maximus out of the unchangeable memories of his past. He almost forgot the question Julius asked some time before.

And he decided that he will not hide who she is for good or bad. He will not let others exploit her and he will not exploit her either.

“Oh, Alexandra?” Maximus pointed at the wall and he couldn’t hold back his smile. “She’s in there… That light you saw before… she took her sword from there… we’ll wait until she returns and bring her back.”

“Bring her back?” Julius squinted his eyes. “Where?”

He fisted his hands to disperse his anger to not show it to his Emperor. He wondered if Maximus is realizing what he is speaking or if he misheard. Elrich was the only other person close enough to hear what Maximus said and he clenched his jaws not to let out his expression of astonishment.

My Emperor is truly trying to bring down Lethusia!

“Back to the Palace, of course,” Maximus turned at Julius. The happy smile on his face turned to one that was filled with understanding.

“Julius, do you trust me?” Maximus asked. “She will never hurt us. But if you doubt me, I shall grant you permission to kill me right here and now,” Maximus’ tone was gentle, and yet it was resolute.

“I dare not, Sire,” Julius kneeled in front of Maximus. “I would never dare to…”

Elrich joined the kneeling as he heard everything that was transcribed there. Maximus is their Emperor, not to mention, he is the last of the Lukyan line. If they kill him, it won’t be just treason, but it would be a grave sin of ending the Lukyan line.

No one would dare to do that.

“Don’t kneel, both of you!” Maximus spoke in a commanding tone.

As always, he couldn’t even have a heart-to-heart with anyone because of his  position. It is rather lonely being the Emperor. He has a handful people who can advise him and thousands to serve him, but there is not a single soul who could listen to his woes.

He let out a sigh.

“She is my wife, Julius. And she will be my only wife.”

Maximus knew Julius would never accept her, probably, but he would make his position clear once more so that he knows that he would be taking sides if he tries to do anything against Alexandra.

Julius didn’t answer him and sank into his thoughts.