Sweet CEO’s First Love - Chapter 73

Heart had no idea how long he sat there and cried in both of Kit and Ten’s arms. Both Kit and Ten made soothing comments as they stroked his hair and exchanged worried glances over his head they thought he wasn’t aware of. But Heart had been in charge of watching over Saint since August and it was already December he was aware of the sidelong glances that Kit was able to do to communicate with people. Heart knew he was worrying everyone, especially Kit and Ten right now. But he could not stop the flow of his tears any more than he could stop himself from loving the wonderful people in his life. Grief welled inside him like crashing waves, overwhelming him until all he could think about was Num’s curious yellow eyes, the way she used to dutifully follow him around like a shadow.

“Heart,” he heard Kit say tentatively. “I know it hurts. Just…let it out if you need to. I know that all you have been doing is letting it out. That you haven’t been able to stop crying, and I know you might feel like you are done. But grief comes in stages and waves. When you feel like you may be done with it, it can hit you again, sometimes even harder than before. It might feel like it hurts as much as it can right now, but I want to prepare you that there may be second or third waves. A heart is only so strong, a mind is the same. And the world is filled with triggers around us.”

“It hurts so much,” Heart hiccuped between sobs. “She needed me, and…and I wasn’t there! I was so occupied with work that I forgot about my very first best friend.”

“You know that’s not true,” Ten interrupted Heart, kindly. “You have other commitments in your life right now. You have school, you have work. Friends that rely on you for moral and support. You can’t blame yourself for working hard and taking care of everyone around you. You have always had so many responsibilities.”

“I remember when Kit first told me Saint had made an exception in the Hiring process for you. It intrigued Kit so much that he had looked into you. He needed to know who this person was that could make even a man scared to reopen his heart to the world, take a second glance at humanity and realize it wasn’t all bad.”

Kit nodded. “I did. I was really curious. I wanted to see just who could make Saint stop in his tracks. To be honest, I was confused at first, to me, you just looked like someone who was loyal, and took on far to many responsibilities.”

“Besides, you heard what Dr. Park said, right?” Kit reminded Heart, stroking his back gently as Heart wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “She’s lived a really long time for a former stray. You weren’t exactly sure how old she was when you got her. She’s lived an amazing and happy life, because of you, because you were there you saved her. Who knows what she would have or could have had happened to her, or what she could have gotten into if you hadn’t come around and given her a place to be welcome in.”

Heart’s eyes felt raw with crying, but he simply couldn’t stop. “I just miss her so much. She was there for me when I didn’t have anyone except Min and Tee at first, and she was there for me with every fight with High or Tone.” His shoulders started wracking in sobs again. “I miss her curling up on my lap, looking at me in that way of hers. Sure sometimes that look was pure aggressive resting bitch face, but the love was there always.” Heart laughed into his sob as he remembered the way Num would swing from perfectly fine to sassy pants seconds later.

Kit let out a long sigh, stroking Heart’s hair gently. “Missing someone, whether they are human or not impacts each person differently,” he said slowly, his voice heavy with understanding and shared grief.

Heart froze and remembered that both Kit’s mom and dad had been in that accident before. That Kit understood that pain and loss because at one point he had been clinging to the world desperately drowning in the remnant memories of the ones he loved.

Heart nodded understanding how much, Kit hurt now. Understanding that the pain of someone that is family might never dissipate. “I know your heart is sore and aching from the pain of this loss. It feels like the world is shattering, and there is no saving it.”

Heart could only nod, Kit’s words bringing fresh tears to his eyes. People who had never had a pet would never be able to understand his pain and loss; it was akin to losing one’s best friend or family member.

Some might even say an animal could never compare to a human. But an animal could keep you feeling as safe and protected, as loved and remarkable as any human being could, and judging from the seriousness of Kit’s speech, Heart instinctively knew Kit understood him, understood where he was coming from right now.

Understood his aching painful void. He knew that Saint would understand too, that anyone who had lost anyone would and could understand how every tear of his held a precious moment in their life. How each one was a little doorway into the love he had felt, and the memories he cherished, and each doorway led to another beautiful painful ache he could only cling to. Maybe someone else might think Heart was silly for crying so hard over a cat. But Heart knew his friends understood him.

“But hearts are resilient, they can be nicked, cut, even removed and a new one put in and the body still adjusts,” Kit went on, his voice filled with determination and strength. Ten was smiling at both of them in a way that exhibited pride and a strong fondness and adornment. However, Kit just soldiered on Heart knew that each word Kit was providing him were words that had been worked through painfully, by himself at a really young age, when he was utterly alone, with no one to love him until his grandparents arrived.

He remembered Kit telling him in his previous conversation once how he had been born in China as his dad had run away from Saint’s family after becoming an adult.

If Saint’s grandpa had never come to get him, he would still be there utterly alone and Heart crumpled in pain with the understanding of how empty and lonely he must have felt. How scared he must have been.

Heart was this sad, lonely, and scared when he was surrounded by how many people he loved. How much harder must it have been for them when they were alone and small. Heart had Min when his mom had passed away. And she had been with him holding him every step of the way. He had never felt alone during it. but he realized now that some people didn’t have that support when they ached desperately inside themselves.

“The body heals. The heart can hurt for ages, but the body will always hold onto that and grow stronger. It will always do its best for you,” Kit finished, taking Heart’s hand and patting it gently, to indicate that he understood more than most. Heart nodded up at him knowingly and squeezed his hand back.

“You were very brave. I see now you have always been brave.” Heart said back to Kit. Kit blinked at him, his face stricken with astonishment.

Heart felt as Ten got up from the sofa, but he was back in a few minutes with a tissue box, plucking out a few and handing them over to Heart.

Heart squeezed his eyes shut sweetly up at Ten as a thank you, and Ten smiled down at him warmly.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to try and stay stiff from your feelings for us. You never have to hide a single thing from us ever.” Ten said softly.

Ten watched him, his eyes filled with kindness and understanding as Heart tried to figure out how to put the worries he had in his heart into words he could articulate out loud.

“Heart let me tell you a little story okay.”

“When I was a kid…” Ten started. heart nodded, encouraging him to go on and unsure why he had stopped.

“Ah gosh I say that like this was a million years ago or something.” Ten chuckled softly.

“When I was in my first year of high school, I moved over here from China. I didn’t speak a single word of Thai and people called me all sorts of names. But I embraced them. I embraced being the kid from abroad who couldn’t speak to them. And they spoke about me as if that inability to understand their words made me unable to understand their feelings and intentions. But I was smarter than that. I knew what they were saying behind my back without ever being able to understand a single word.”

“There was this instinctive knowledge that showed me the emotions around me, and those emotions around brought out my strong feelings inside. I could have chosen to be angry or resentful. I could have chosen to be hurt forever by the judgments and treatment I experienced. But I let it go and I decided to try even harder every day. To instead of losing hope in the world around me, to put out the kinda good into it that I wished to receive back from it.”

“Do you understand what I am saying?” Ten asked softly.

Heart nodded, taking the kleenex from him, he wiped his eyes and blew his nose, his lower lip still trembling with emotion and grief.

‘He means that even with the world around you going on, and it feeling messy, unrelatable and strange, there is a way to push past that scared feeling of unfamiliarity and continue on. To soldier through the world when it doesn’t understand what you are going through. To push past all the people who might have nothing good to say to him. And to above all stay true to his own feelings through what might inevitably be yet to come.’

The pain was still too new for him to be able to even lie and say he would be fine. Even if he wanted too. And he wanted to lie and reassure people, but he couldn’t.

“Do you know how I got my nickname Heart?” Heart asked quietly.. his voice barely above a whisper.