Sword Art Online - Volume 2 Chapter 4.4

It has been more than a year since I started playing SAO, but this was the first time my HP bar had entered the red zone.

After the defeated target’s polygon shattered, it left only a sack behind. There wasn’t a single restoration crystal left in my inventory, I had never come this close to death before. Even though I survived, there was no happiness or comfort in my heart. Instead, I felt an emotion closer to disappointment. Why did I survive?

As I returned my sword back to its scabbard, the sack glowed and then disappeared. All the items that were dropped by the target should have registered in my inventory. Taking a deep breathe, I raised my trembling hand and called up the inventory window.

The inventory window has many tabs with names that would irritate most players. Weapons & Armor, Jewels/Ores, Crystals, and even Food Ingredients, I scrolled through the window filled with item tabs to find a single item.

A few seconds later, the item that I was searching for entered my line of sight.

It was called «Divine Stone of Returning Soul».

My heart started to beat frantically, it felt as though blood had just started flowing through the part of the heart that was numbed for the past several days- several months.

Ca…. Can I revive Sachi? If this can be done, wouldn’t it mean that, Keita, Tetsuo, and the souls of every player who lost their life in SAO since the beginning haven’t been destroyed..?

This may be my only chance to see Sachi again. Just thinking of that made my heart skip a beat. No matter what curses or swears that might be thrown at me or any consequences that might befall because of my lies, this time I would hug her tightly with both my arms and look into the pair of black coloured eyes and say words from the bottom of my heart. It is not that you will never die, but it is me who is going protect you. To fulfil that promise, I will work hard to make myself stronger.

After several failed attempts to select the stone from the window due to my trembling hands, I finally managed to materialize the «Divine Stone of Returning Soul». Floating above the inventory window is a rainbow-coloured jewel stone around the size of an egg with such beauty that was unable to be put into words.

“Sachi……. Sachi…..”

Calling out her name, I tapped the jewel stone, then clicked on the help menu by the window, simple instructions appeared on the panel in a familiar font style.

[The item can be used on the player’s shortcut menu or holding the materialized item and shouting «Revive .. Player Name», the effect will only work and revive the fallen player during the time frame between death of the player to the disappearance of item’s effect light. (approximately 10 seconds)]

Approximately 10 seconds.

This phrase that seemed as if it was added intentionally, clearly and cruelly announcing that Sachi will never be revived.

Approximately 10 seconds. This is from the time when a player’s HP falls to zero, and the body shattering into polygons, to Nerve Gear sending out electrical signals to fry the player’s brain in the real world. I cannot help but imagine how Sachi must have felt during the short span of 10 seconds, from her body disappearing till her Nerve Gear frying its owner’s brain. It must have been extremely painful for her. In this span of 10 seconds, what was she thinking? I cursed myself repeatedly…..

“Ugg…Ahhhhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…”

I let out an animal-like scream.

Grabbing the Divine Stone of Returning Soul that was floating above the inventory tab, I threw it with all my might onto the snowy ground.

“Ahh… Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

I stamped on the crystal furiously with my shoe while screaming. However, the crystal continued to glow steadily without being affected from the stamping, there was not even a single scratch, much less a crack on it. I screamed with all my might, shoved both my hand into the ground and using my fingers I grabbed the accumulated snow, in the end I continue my screaming while rolling on the snow.

It is meaningless, everything is meaningless. It does not matter if Sachi died while being scared and in pain, or me challenging the Christmas special target, NO, living in this world or the fact that 10,000 players are trapped in here totally has no meaning. I finally understood it now, this is the only truth.

I did not know how long I kept this up, no matter how I scream, how I shout, I did not feel any urge to cry. Is it because this factitious body of mine lacks that function? Finally, wearily I stood up, picked up the holy crystal that was buried in the snow and headed towards the portal that led to the previous area of the dungeon.

There was only klein and the members of “Fuurinkazan» remaining in the forest. The members of “Divine Dragons Alliance» were nowhere to be seen. As I walk toward the katana-wielder who was sitting on the ground, I checked to see that there was no loss in numbers.

It’s obvious that Klein was the only one who was tired, but not as much as I did. I could guess that he negotiated with the Divine Dragons Alliance and fought a duel. However, my heart wasn’t feeling grateful.

The katana user saw me walk over, and his expression showed ease. However, his lips stiffened after seeing my expression.

“………..Kirito…………”

I dropped the holy crystal on the knee of Klein who was calling my name in a low and coarse voice.

“This is the revival item, but it cannot be used on people who have died long ago. Take it and save the next person who dies in front of you.”

As I was preparing to head toward the exit after saying that, Klein grabbed my coat.

“Kirito… Kirito……”

It shocked me to look at him with tears flowing down his fully-beard cheeks.

“Kirito… You… You must survive…. Even if all the others perish… You must survive till the end…..”

I pulled the sleeve of my coat from Klein’s hands, who cried on as he repeated for me to continue living on.

“Good-Bye.”

After saying that, I made my way out from the forest in a lost manner.

By the time I was aware of my surroundings, I was back in the room of the inn at the 49th storey without any recollection of how I made my way back.

The time was around 3am.

I started thinking what I should do from this point onwards. For the past month, the revival item was the motivation for me to continue surviving. Although it existed, it wasn’t the item that I wanted.

After thinking for a while, I decided to head off and fight the boss of this level once dawn broke. If I beat that guy, I would continue on to beat the boss of the 50th level, and then, I’ll continue on to the 51st.

I couldn’t think of any other ending for a stupid clown. After making this decision, my feelings relaxed, and I just sat on the chair like that. Not seeing anything, not thinking about anything, but waiting for morning to arrive.

The moonlight that shone down through the window started changing positions bit by bit, and finally, it was replaced by a grey daybreak. I didn’t know how many hours I did not sleep, but it felt good for a final morning after the worst night.

As the clock on the wall ticked to 7am, I got ready to get up from the chair, and a strange alarm rang in my ears.

Looking around, I couldn’t find anything that could be the source of the sound. Finally, at the corner of my sights, I found a prompting purple signal from the main window flickering away, and I moved my fingers.

What glowed was the same item window Sachi and I shared. There was a limited use item. I scrolled the screen down in a puzzled manner, and found the timer activated message record crystal.

I took the crystal out, removed the window and placed it on the table.

After clicking on the glowing crystal, I heard that memorable voice of Sachi.

Kirito, Merry Christmas.

At the time when you hear this message, I am probably dead. That is because if I were still alive, I would have removed this crystal from the shared inventory on Christmas Eve and let you hear what I have to say personally.

That… Let me clarify why I have recorded this message.

1, probably, will not survive for long. Of course, this does not mean that I doubt the capability of Kirito and the «Black Cats of the Full Moon» guild. That is because Kirito is very strong and the rest of the members are getting stronger by the day.

How should I explain this….. A very close friend of mine from another guild lost her life. Being a timid person like me, she only hunted in safe areas, but because of her bad luck, she was killed by mobs on her way back to town. After that, I pondered over various stuffs and I came to a conclusion. To continue surviving in this world, it matters not how strong your companions are, if you do not have the will to live or the determination to survive no matter what, death definitely awaits.

For me.. Truthfully, ever since the first time I stepped into the beginner practice area, I was and have been very afraid. Actually, I never intended to leave the Starting City. Although / was very close to members from the Black Cats of the Full Moon in the real world and / enjoyed the time we spent together, I hated going into battles. I probably will die eventually if I continue to hold this attitude in battle. This was not caused by anyone, the problem lies with me.

Ever since that night, you’ve been telling me it’s alright every night and that I won’t die. That is why if by any chance I die, you’ll definitely blame yourself for it and won’t forgive yourself. This is also the reason why I thought of recording this message. I would like to tell Kirito, it isn’t your fault. If there is any problem, it would be me. The date will be set on the next Christmas, because I would like to at least try to survive until then, hoping to walk down the snowy street together with you.

Actually…. I knew how strong Kirito is. One time, when I woke up from Kirito’s bed, I accidentally saw your level from your opened status window behind you.

Even after thinking long and hard, I still did not manage to come up with any reasons why Kirito-kun would hide his real level and form a party with us. But I didn’t mention this to the other members, as I believed that someday you would tell us the reason personally…. / was rejoicing when I found out that you are very strong. After knowing that, I started to be able to sleep peacefully as long as I am by your side. Perhaps to you, being with me might be of significance to you, this also made me very happy. If this is the case, there was definitely meaning in me coming to the higher floors even for a timid person like me.

That… Actually, what I am trying to say is, even if I die, you should strive to survive. Live on, look upon this world until it ends, please help me find out the reason why this world was created, the meaning of why such a timid person is in this world, the significance of our meeting. That is my wish.

Ah… Seems like there is still some time left. This crystal can record plenty of stuff. Hmmm, then, since Christmas is such a special occasion, I’ll sing a Christmas carol. I do have some confidence in my voice. I guess I’ll go with [Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer). Actually! would have preferred to sing other songs like [Winter Wonderland], [White Christmas) which are more well known, but unfortunately I can only sing the lyrics of this song.

Why did I only remember (Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer]? The previous night, Kirito said something to me, “No matter who you are, you definitely can make a difference in someone’s life.” Telling me that even if it is me, there is a place where I belong. After hearing those words, I was extremely glad and I remembered this song. I don’t know why but it was probably because I kind of thought of myself as Rudolph and you as Santa Claus…. if I have to put it in words, you give off a fatherly feeling. My father left me when / was still very young, that is why every night when I was sleeping beside you, I kept wondering if that was the feeling that a father would give. Ah, okay, I’ll start singing.

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.d Then one Christmas Eve! Santa came to say: “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” Rudolph who was always crying, started smiling that night.

……To me, you’ll always be like a bright star that shines and guides me from the opposite end of a dark alley. Good-bye, Kirito. It was really fortunate of me to have met you and to have been with you.

Thank you.

Good Bye.

(End)