The Count’s Secret Maid - Chapter 11

“It can’t be undone, no matter how hard you try, it can’t be changed, so how do you overcome it? How am I supposed to live in a hell like this?”

 

The figure that had been curled up behind the sudden grinding of teeth was lifted up. The sheet he was wearing fell down, revealing his face. Paula widened her eyes in surprise. His forehead was dyed red.

 

“Your forehead…”

 

He grabbed her hand as he stumbled. He grabbed her face and stared at her in surprise. Her long bangs were pushed up.

 

She instinctively pushed him away.

 

‘Do not be like this! Don’t do it!’

 

“Let go-!”

 

“Look at me!”

 

He tried to grab her wrists and face, and she twisted her body away from him. The fight ended until her body collapsed onto the bed. He hurriedly climbed on top of her and tried to hold her as if determined.

 

Her bangs were messed up, and her face was revealed over and over again. She pushed him in the face, slapped him on the shoulder and tried to push him away, but to no avail. He grabbed her face as she crawled away to run away.

 

Her dry fingers grabbed his hair as if to rip it. He exclaimed as he drew her face close to him, moaning in pain.

 

“Look at me!”

 

Then she opened his eyes, and their eyes met.

 

Rough breaths were exchanged. His hazy emerald eyes reminded her that he was blind.

 

‘Yeah, this man can’t see me.’

 

He can’t see her. It was a relief.

 

“How am I supposed to live like this? What do you believe in? Does that mean you know my heart, what I feel? Fear of not seeing anything, you know it? How do you know the frustrating feeling of not knowing whether the other person is doing a favour to me or has deadly intent, whether he’s trying to hurt or protect me?”

 

The dark eyes were full of venom. The hand holding her face was trembling.

 

It wasn’t scary.

 

It was upsetting.

 

“My life has failed. There is no light in front of me now.”

 

He was disintegrating his condition.

 

“If you try-”

 

Vincent snorted.

 

That’s all she had to say?

 

His eyes were full of disappointment.

 

“Cheer up. You can do it. You can overcome it if you try. I don’t want to hear that anymore. In the end, it’s all just words. It’s easy to say those words because you are not blind like me, easy. Don’t say such. Because my eyes will never see again.”

 

His anger could be felt in the voice he spoke, word by word. His fear lingered in his hasty breath.

 

“But what do you want me to try? What can a blind fool do…?”

 

His face, which gradually distorted, looked sad.

 

Like a child left alone in a place where there was no one.

 

What’s so sad about having so much wealth, honour and rights?

 

Paula could only gauge his sorrow, but she couldn’t understand him.

 

He was right.

 

After all, she was a stranger.

 

“So you want to die? Alone like this, going dry.”

 

“Is that not possible? You can choose death between life and death.”

 

“That’s right.”

 

“…”

 

She reached out and grabbed the back of his hand that was holding her face.

 

Cold hands.

 

“You can choose.”

 

She could have uttered only superficial words. The reason why she didn’t was because his pain was deep. So she quit, and it was arrogant of her to console him.

 

“Reality is not a fairy tale. God says he gives everyone enough trials to endure, but I don’t believe it. Is it hard? It’s up to me to choose whether to keep going or not. Because you are wielding that freedom, you can do nothing about it.”

 

“…”

 

“Just tell me in advance before you die. I don’t want to clean up a corpse and a huge mess all of a sudden.”

 

‘Because I also need time to prepare my heart….’

 

She removed his hand from her face and pushed his chest away. This time he was easily pushed back. She stood up.

 

The moonlight outside the window was still bright. She just wanted to show him. But if she opened that curtain, that light would never reach Vincent.

 

“Until then, I will always be by your side.”

 

She turned around to see Vincent with a blank expression on his face.

 

“I am not afraid. You can kill me whenever you want. As I said before, even if I die, no one will come to mourn or collect my body. You don’t have to worry.”

 

“…”

 

“And one more thing, the master was wrong. Sometimes the world you see can be even scarier.”

 

Like a mother who ran away and abandoned the children she gave birth to, like her younger siblings who were beaten to death by their father, starved to death, and sold to a brothel by their biological father.

 

And like her life.

 

“You have a lot of things. You have tomorrow. So, now that you can breathe, how about making an effort? To make life even more enjoyable.”

 

“… It’s all useless.”

 

“I’m not asking you to do anything right now. I’m just telling you to think it’s the last time. Whatever it is. Eat on time, bathe in warm water, wear new clothes, and come out of your room and go out.”

 

“…”

 

“If you get scared, you can run away again. There’s also enough space to hide. You can hide in here and come back out when you calm down. What’s so scary about this big mansion with money, power, and users who worry about their master?”

 

“It’s all… scary. Money, power, interest, this mansion.”

 

“Better than nothing.”

 

‘At least you can run away.’

 

“Your master must be mistaken, but life without it is scarier.”

 

She had often seen blind people like him. A baby born blind and abandoned by his parents, an elderly man who fell ill and had to dig out his eyes, and a young father of a household who had to support his family even though he lost his eyesight in an accident. Like Vincent, they, too, must live in darkness forever. But they can’t curl up in such a comfortable room.

 

In order to live, they had to work. To them, hunger was more frightening than the fear of the blind. They had to endure negligence, criticism, and ridicule only to be able to breathe one more day.

 

Everyone lives in hell.

 

Some people are poor, some meet the wrong parents, some have an accident, and some face tomorrow in a life where the future is blind.

 

“If you build up one by one, change will come. Whatever it is. Just like the light shining in this dark room.”

 

“…”

 

“Did you know that the moon in the sky is so pretty?”

 

‘So much that I want to show you.’

 

‘If so, would you stop thinking about dying?’

 

Even at her words, Vincent did not raise his head. He wrapped his body tightly with a sheet again. She reached out and lifted his face. A single ray of light penetrated into the hazy emerald-coloured eyes.

 

Beautiful.

 

His eyes glistened in the moonlight.

 

It was the first time she had met someone so close. Everyone looked at her face as if it were terrible, so she always kept her head down to avoid people’s gaze.

 

Third, Alicia often looked at her with embarrassment. Her father also looked at her face and bit his tongue. Paula was afraid to meet their eyes. So she didn’t cut my bangs. Long hair will cover her ugly face a little bit.

 

But now.

 

“Don’t bow your head.”

 

Her heart thumped. Wouldn’t it be okay? He can’t even see her anyway. She can be honest. So for the first time, she met someone close, face-to-face.

 

As much as his feelings can reach her, so her feelings can reach him too.

 

“This is the real thing.”

 

She stroked his red-stained forehead. The skin was torn and bruised. Maybe he smashed his forehead against the wall because he was so scared of the nightmare? So as not to fall asleep again. Maybe he wanted to know that this was real.

 

“Be brave.”

 

‘You may not like it, but I’m trying.’

 

After all, there was no way back from where she would have been sold for gold coins.

 

Live or die here.

 

By the side of this blind master.

 

Secretly.

 

Emerald-coloured eyes fluttered in confusion. Then, slowly, his trembling fingertips wrapped around her face. The shifted gaze slowly moved and focused on me.

 

Their eyes met.

 

“You…”

 

And at that moment, her face was turned sideways by a strong force.

 

Uhhh?

 

In an instant, her vision was changed. Soon after, the body fell backwards.

 

Thud!

 

Along with the sound, a piercing, familiar pain rushed to the back of her head.

 

…What is this?

 

She lay down on the floor, and her eyes widened.

 

She had experienced this before.

 

“I’ve felt it since last time, but you have too many useless words.”

 

A calm voice rang out. Then she cleared her dazed mind and sat up. He was lying on the bed with the sheets on before she knew it. The image of him trembling that he had had a nightmare was nowhere to be seen.

 

“Didn’t I hear you say to be careful with your mouth?”

 

And even a calm warning.

 

For a moment, she wondered what kind of situation this was.

 

“Be careful next time.”

 

“…I will be careful.”

 

So, the dirty-tempered master was back.

 

She rubbed the back of the head that had been hit on the floor and looked at his calm face. He narrowed his brow slightly.

 

“Stop it. Before I pluck out your eyeballs.”

 

Anyway, he always felt things like this well.

 

She lowered her eyes as he warned her.

 

She was losing my energy, and she dropped my shoulders and washed her face dry.

 

She got up from her seat while looking at him with his face buried in the pillow. She was just one step towards the door.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Oh, I’m going back to my room.”

 

“Why?”

 

“What?”

 

“You said you’d stay until I calmed down.”

 

“I think you’ve calmed down enough.”

 

“Not at all. Who will always be by my side? My heart still trembles because I am afraid.”

 

“…”

 

‘No, I just said something nice!’

 

She cried but remembered who the man in front of her was and bit his mouth.

 

“Stay here until I fall asleep.”

 

“Yes, yes.”

 

When she answered insincerely, he frowned all at once. She didn’t care and sat down on the floor again and stared at the moon through the curtains.

 

Imagining beating him up in her head.

 

There was a sound of breathing behind her back.

 

The sound of calm breathing continued for so long.

***