The Emperor’s Daily Nitpicking - CH 25

As soon as his head moved, the blade held against his neck was unceremoniously pressed a little tighter. Kevin could even feel a layer of skin under his throat being cut, and a trickle of blood seeped out.

Even if he claimed to be “immortal,” it would still hurt, and it wasn’t less than any other person’s pain.

Kevin frowned, and before he could see clearly, a series of splashing and screeching sounded in his ears – the rest of Ben, Nick, and the others came down one by one.

“Fassi – F**k!” Nick was probably a little dizzy from spinning in the water. He had just wanted to open his mouth and confirm Kevin’s position, but he received the same high-grade treatment of a knife held on his neck.

The sounds of cold blades being drawn sounded in succession, and everyone’s voice was cut off halfway, returning to their throat.

A series of strange“he-he” sounds came up as if some people were using an unusual language to whisper.

The water droplets on Kevin’s eyelashes finally dried, and his vision became clear. The strange creatures that had tumbled down from the mountain peak earlier reappeared in his field of vision.

The one with the knife tip against his neck, without any regard for his opened eyes, brought its ugly face to the side of Kevin’s neck and inhaled twice heavily as if trying to sniff out something.

From this angle, the creature’s face appeared even more gruesome – the overly prominent eyes were covered with an ash-grey film that the black pupils weren’t visible at all, except for the small pupil dots in the middle of the eyes. The skin of the face, like the rest of the body, resembled the bark of an old tree, and it was even stubbed out with prickly buds in some places.

In its entirety, this monster looks like old walking dryads.

Probably because of their thick skins, the old dryads had few expressions on their faces, appearing silent and fierce.

In addition to a few dryads holding the crowd down with their swords, a few others, who looked like the leaders, stood around, pointing and gibbering at the elite squad pinned down on this side.

There were always a few people who made it into the legion with a rare skill, such as ventriloquism.

Nick, who had fallen into the water like a chicken on a soup, didn’t move his lips and asked in very soft ventriloquism: “What are these psychos talking about? Can someone translate it?…..”

Kevin also used ventriloquism to answer him; his speech was fast and soft: “I guess there was an intruder here before us. These things’ movement range is further than this entrance. They wouldn’t rashly approach this place in the day because they didn’t like a place with sunlight.”

Nick: “…..Tell me, is there something else you don’t know?”

Kevin: “Thanks for the praise.”

Another officer, who could use ventriloquism, desperately said: “Please, can you guys change into another time for chatting? Are they discussing how to kill us?”

The dryad’s leader heard a movement and stopped his speech. He turned his head and swept an eerie glance this way with his only white eyes.

Nick and the others immediately closed their mouths and looked at each other.

The leader stretched out his thin, twig-like fingers and wagged the two middle ones together as if giving some command.

Before Kevin and the others could react, the dryads holding the tip of their swords against them raised their elbows with lightning speed and struck the group hard on the head.

Everyone rolled their eyes and passed out.

At that moment, Kevin actually could get free from the blade and block it. But his neck would inevitably have been injured, and the blood spurting from that area would not have been able to be stopped so quickly, and it would have been a bit tricky to heal.

Kevin ended up taking no action and took that hit from the dryad and went along with it, passing out.

Because he had actually understood the conversation between the dryad’s leaders, and they didn’t intend to kill the elite squad immediately but brought them back to the settlement.

And that place was almost located on the true “gate” of the Tomb of the God Phae.

For someone as lazy as Kevin, being able to hitch a ride, even if he gets knocked out, was not a problem.

***

Kevin had already estimated the recovery speed of his consciousness. He was utterly awake just as the dryads moved their group to the settlement.

Kevin controlled his breathing, making himself look like the others who were not awake. The dryads didn’t even notice that there was a traitor among the “dead” and dragged the entire elite group into a less spacious area.

Kevin opened his eyes only after their chattering had died down.

The top of the place resembles an arched hood, made up entirely of intertwined thick vines, opposite growing branches, and a few thorny branches with dense and tight thorns.

It would be called a “cave” for the time being.

The cave walls were lined with palm-sized pouches, which were almost transparent and so thin that they seemed to burst when poked. They looked like a sausage casing removed from an animal’s intestines.

Those sausage casings were full and bulging with fluorescent worms, raised as natural lights.

Several sausage casings were hung, and it was pretty bright.

With these lights, Kevin swept a glance around.

There were mountains of berries in the corners of the cave, bunches of flowers with pistils hanging from the two walls, and the bodies of various unidentified creatures.

Not quite a whole corps; the flesh and bones were all separated. The skins were piled in one place, the flesh torn into strips and hanging in the air. The skulls were held upside down one by one, none of them filled with anything, obviously used as containers.

Unsurprisingly, this would have been the storage house of the old dryads.

Or a kitchen in another sense.

When the old dryads went out of the kitchen, they tied their hands and feet so tightly with thorny vines that the slightest movement caused the spikes to scrape and stir through the flesh, making it hot and painful.

Kevin was unconcerned by the pain and moved his body slightly to make himself more comfortable.

Nick and the others were lying around in a sack-like heap, with Ben’s feet just across the face of one of the officers.

In the corner behind them, seven or eight stone statues stood motionless inexplicably. The statues faced the wall with their backs to Kevin and were dressed like human figures. Perhaps, they were carved by the dryads who had been idle, or maybe they had been brought over from the Tomb of the God Phae.

It was just unknown why they were placed in the kitchen.

Kevin was about to look closer when there were sudden shuffling footsteps outside the door, from far to near, finally stopping on either side of the kitchen door as if they had come to guard it.

They didn’t notice what was happening inside the door and just chatted outside.

They probably felt that the captives in the house did not speak the same language as them, so those two chatted without any awareness.

But unfortunately, there happened to be one in the room who could understand most of it.

“How long are we going to stand foolishly here? Aren’t we going to change shifts?” Kevin heard one of them ask.

Another one slowly answered. “Don’t complain anymore. Others are busy. Who will stand on guard if not us? Do you want to be sent outside?”

“No! Although it’s rainy season outside, the sky is still annoyingly bright. I don’t want to change into a new layer of skin.”

“Isn’t it good then? There have been too many people breaking in recently. Don’t hope to be idle.” The other one slowly said.

“The two batch of people we caught back look the same. Are they together?”

The slow one: “Their smell is different. Didn’t you hear it? There’s one with a particular smell among those we arrested back.”

“How special?”

The slow one lowered his voice and said mysteriously, “Like that ‘one.’”

The other dryad drew a sharp breath. “Isn’t that the one we’ve been looking for?”

“That’s right. The batch we caught yesterday added with this one happened to be the right amount for a living sacrifice. Moreover, it’ll be enough to block several more years with that special one.”

“Oh, no wonder we were sent to watch here.”

“If we don’t watch them and they run away before we can peel and bleed them, can you bear the responsible? After all, it’s difficult to find a one with such a special smell.”

Kevin: “…..”

Peel and bleed them?! The dumb dryad’s leader had only said that they were still valuable and would bring them back first to discuss, without even mentioning that the so-called use was actually such a thing…..

The corners of Kevin’s mouth twitched, feeling that his laziness was a bit played out this time. He didn’t mind himself as he could get out whenever he wanted, but it would be terrible for these people lying around in disorder.

Without saying a word, he looked outside and then at the people lying around him, trying to work out a plan to get out of here in his mind.

The dryads outside were happily busy with their so-called “living sacrifice.” Kevin heard them coming and going, looking for dead branches, pieces of stone, and boiling water…..

As if they were going to gather around a stove and eat meat.

Kevin took advantage of the commotion outside to find the sharp corner of a raised stone on the ground and grind the vine stems on his hands while he tried to find a way to wake the others.

“Huh…..What smell is that?” A low voice grunted.

Kevin glanced out warily, but the dryads outside the door were talking to those busying to and fro and hadn’t heard the sentence.

Kevin sighed in relief and kicked the officer, whose eyes had just opened, with the tip of his toe.

The officer instantly sobered up, reacting violently to his situation and immediately shutting his mouth. Then with a terrible look, he stared at the foot across his face.

He frowned and turned his head sideways, and Ben’s foot rolled to the floor in one smooth motion. With such a movement, Ben woke up too.

The beast’s senses were much more sensitive and alert than an average human’s. Ben’s eyes were full of guard as soon as they opened and only relaxed slightly when he glanced at Kevin.

“Is this the strange creature’s lair?” The officer silently asked with an exaggerated mouth movement.

Kevin nodded and mouthed, “Their kitchen.”

The officer: “…..”

He froze before pointing with his chin, asking, “What are they doing outside with so many noises?”

Kevin answered: “Preparing to use us a living sacrifice.”

The officer: “…..”

It was impossible to have a good conversation with him today.

He pondered and still couldn’t hold back, asking, “Do you know what is the sacrifices for?”

These were also Kevin’s doubts. What could these dryads make an offering for?

The officer answered himself. “It couldn’t be for the god of light, Phae?”

Kevin shook his head without the slightest hesitation. “Impossible.”

“How could it be impossible? Is there anything else to make an offering except for Phae? No!” The officer couldn’t understand.

Kevin opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but an uproar suddenly came from outside the door. Several dryads ran over in a panic, saying, “Someone! Someone’s breaking in!”

The dryads on guard duty slowly said, “What are you yelling for? Is there a shortage of people breaking in these two days? Won’t it be all right after catching them back? Isn’t it better the more the living sacrifices are?”

“It’s different! It’s different! This time, they –” Before he could finish speaking, he was interrupted by a distant cry of a falcon.

Kevin let out an “eh” with doubt.

An officer looked tense. “What happened?”

Kevin: “This falcon’s cry sounds a little familiar –”

In the next second, a more familiar voice sounded from a distance. “Lao-zi’s brain had been spun dizzily by that waterfall! I can’t even steady myself! What the f**king hell is this place? What kind of things are these sneaky tree forks? They’re so annoying! Is that instruction drawn by that pretty commander reliable or not? Why don’t you let me see it? I don’t feel reassured!”

In the interval of that speech, that voice already moved from far to near. Thus, Kevin finally caught on to another speaking voice.

That person replied proudly and arrogantly with a word: “No.”