The Emperor’s Daily Nitpicking - CH 35

“Bang –”

Something seemed to have missed its brakes or was out of control and hit the outer wall of the hall, presumably hitting the huge pillars that held the main weight so that the whole temple trembled slightly.

Outside, it sounded chaotic and loud, with people shouting and shrieking, mixed with intermittent sentences of:

“How the f**k …… can I control this?! Ahhhhhh, I’m going to be thrown off –”

“F**k this undead. Why are they so crazy!”

“Can you get your bearings? Ah?!”

“Follow it! Follow it! His Majesty is already in the door!”

Kevin: “……” It sounded as if he was using some kind of unreliable method.

The next thing he knew, a black storm of wind with the smell of death and decay slammed the massive stone doors of the temple open and smashed into his face. Kevin was quick enough to grab the stone goblet by its column, but he could barely avoid being lifted off the ground.

In a flash, shrills and cries filled the entire shrine. The harsh roars of thousands of beasts and the sharp cries of raptors poured into his ears, causing Kevin’s eyes to go black and his brain; it caused him to be overwhelmed.

Was this a whole f**king farm coming in?

The two stone doors slammed hard against the walls on either side, sending debris straight down and sweeping up a cloud of dust that had been collecting for years, making it hard to open your eyes.

Kevin had just blinked the dust out of his eyes twice when he saw a winged black shadow descend, and Oswald’s bellowing command came through the noise: “Out of the way! Don’t let them run into the statue and offence the god!”

In the legends passed down through the Mainland for a long time, whether it be the Tomb of the Gods or the Tomb of Phae, the main hall contained a huge statue of the gods that corresponded to them, in addition to its totemic symbols. Those stone statues were not pure statues but were coffins.

They were hard outside and hollow inside and contained the remains of gods who had been asleep for millions of years, symbolising that the gods would always stand tall and upright even after death.

Such a saying was passed down from generation to generation and later became accepted by almost everyone, although no one ever bothered to confirm it, nor could they have had the chance to.

“All in yet? Lure this mass over to the door and shut it out!”

Before Kevin could open his eyes, he felt another gust of wind flapping over his head from the giant wings, followed by the ghostly black mist being wheeled towards the door with such force that it almost lifted Kevin off his feet again.

Everything happened in the blink of an eye, yet everything seemed to be working at the Emperor’s command. The whirling black mist was about to crash out of the door, and someone had already taken a long breath and called out in advance, “Finally –”

No sooner had these two words been uttered than the black mist suddenly turned its direction, as if what was inside the shrine attracted their attention more than the living. With a chaotic shrill, the black smoke swooped straight at the huge statue of Phae.

Oswald, who couldn’t react in time, turned to chase them over, only to see the statue fall with a crash.

“Bam–”

The explosion of a boulder against the ground was followed by a barrage of debris rolling to the ground. The statue of Phae, which had been standing alone in the temple for an unknown number of years, just shattered to the ground.

The crowd: “……”

They were so scared that they closed their eyes straight away; even their hearts were trembling: the Tomb of the God Phae! This is the f**king Tomb of the God Phae! Not only have we dug up the god’s tomb, but we’ve also broken open the god’s coffin. Ah, help…………

It was enough that the man on the bird’s back closed his eyes, but even the Giant Beastman, who had turned into a bird, closed its eyes. As one could imagine…..

They heard a few quick muffled thuds, and the crowd crashed into the door and the wall, falling to their knees. When they finally had to open their eyes because they could no longer remain blind, they suddenly realised that the black mist mixed with thousands of undead had somehow disappeared.

“Where are the undead, the undead?” Nick asked in a stammer, his gaze never daring to glance near the shattered stone statue.

“I don’t think I heard it after the statue fell over just now……” someone whispered back.

The statue had fallen over……

Why the f**k did you mention that the god had fallen……

Everyone lowered their heads in silence and took a deep breath.

“What are you all lying down for? Get up!” Oswald’s impatient voice rang out coldly again, and he added in a low voice after a pause, “The statue is empty inside, and there are no remains of the legendary god of light.”

The crowd froze at his words, then quickly climbed to their feet and turned their heads towards the large expanse of rubble to see that there were no such things as suspected remains.

This made their hearts feel much better.

Nick slapped his chest as he let out a sharp sigh of relief.

Kevin stood by the stone cup, looking at the hurricane-like destruction of the temple with a slightly numb expression: aren’t these little grandchildren a bit too unruly for their own good? I wonder how many generations apart they are? Hmm?

Of course, the word “grandchildren” is purely a scolding, with no intimacy whatsoever.

The statue’s destruction was a shock to Oswald. Still, the impact of the other event took over as he realised that Phae’s remains were not here – the revered Excellency Kevin Fassbinder was standing next to the stone cup of the temple, doing a pose.

Oswald narrowed his eyes and lifted his foot across the large and small rubble, sneering as he strode towards Kevin, “Are you enjoying your ecstasy, Excellency Fassbinder? Why don’t you just have a little more and let us sleep straight into the next century?”

Kevin: “……”

If it were like usual, he would have blurted out something like “too much will make you stupid” if he hadn’t been thinking, but he kept his mouth shut for the first time and stifled his desire to fight again.

The young Emperor walking towards him looked very calm, with no expression other than his usual sneer. His Excellency Fassbinder, who had never looked at anyone else’s face, did a rare job of probing a little more, and the more he did so, the more it seemed to him that …… Oswald’s calmness was underlain by some kind of rage.

The more he looked into it, the more he felt as if there was some kind of anger underneath the calmness of Oswald’s voice. Still, there was a difference between this anger and a simple tantrum, which Kevin could not describe, except that he somehow felt a little guilty when he saw Oswald’s face.

What did I have to be guilty of?

Kevin mentally sneered to himself, raised his hand, pointed at the stone cup in front of him, and said, “Here – holy water.”

Oswald stepped in front of it and gave it a cold look.

The small stone cup-shaped basin did hold a pool of water, about two-thirds of the volume of the stone cup. The water had been stored underground for an unknown number of years, yet it was still as clear as day. After all the chaos that had just taken place, not even a layer of dust had fallen on the surface of the water, so it was indeed very special.

Oswald breathed a sigh of relief as he faced the holy water, his face easing slightly. But upon looking up again to stare at Kevin, his face turned over faster than that of a flipping book.

Kevin: “……”

He thought about it and asked, “How did you get in?”

It was better if he didn’t ask since Oswald’s face turned even darker when he did, and Kevin felt he deserved a punch in the face for the first time.

Oswald interjected casually, “What do you think? Weren’t you the first one in?”

Kevin: “……” My methods are obviously not the same as yours.

Off to the side, Ben the little lion sat up with a battered body and was just about to run this way when Dan grabbed him with a firm squeeze.

Ben obviously couldn’t grasp the meaning of the large black faces huddled together, but he couldn’t get free of Dan’s grasp and had to gesture at Kevin from a distance, “It’s so amazing, I’m telling you! We dug up all the mud in front of the thorns to a depth of over a metre! And guess what? We dug up heaps of animal bones! Ah, and skin and flesh and stuff.”

Kevin: “……”

When he said that, he suddenly remembered that over in the Andohaa Jungle, Oswald had mentioned that when Priest Institution had received the letter sand in disbelief, he had taken someone to dig up Kevin’s grave to confirm that it was credible.

With the god’s tomb this time, he had been dug alive twice in a short time. Even the hostility of killing one’s father wasn’t as bad as this.

As Kevin amused himself with self-mockery in his head, Ben pointed at Oswald again and continued, “Your Emperor says the separated bones represent a curse, a curse on the gods! God, can you think of that?!”

Kevin: “……” I’m still the unlucky one who was cursed. Surely, you couldn’t have thought of that either.

Still, his expression showed a moment of complexity when he heard about the curse before he quickly recovered and asked, “And then?”

“Did you look at the lower part of the earth tablet at the entrance to the tomb?” Oswald finally spoke in a deep voice. “I touched the words ‘the departed spirit opens up a path.’ By coincidence, the ones that were dug up were so aggressive that I borrowed them for use.”

Kevin looked impressed: “……You really do have guts hanging all over you.”

“So –” Oswald stared into his eyes and said slowly, ” How did you get in again?”

Kevin froze for a moment at the question thrown back at him in a cold voice, then quickly reacted. He raised an eyebrow at Oswald and swept around the others slightly further away before moving over and whispering, “Also using the undead to open the way. Except I didn’t need assistance because I am the undead.”

He said, holding his left hand behind his back and gesturing his wrist at Oswald, “Did you forget? I am a dead man.”

Oswald: “……”

When Kevin looked up again, he noticed that His Majesty’s face had changed. Kevin couldn’t help but wonder how hard it was for him to be compatible with so many complicated connotations simultaneously with such a thin layer of skin.

“Were you aware of the curse buried at the tomb’s entrance before?” Oswald said the words in a tone that wasn’t even a question. “You weren’t surprised when Ben mentioned it earlier.”

“Sort of.” Kevin shrugged, ” Not at first, but then I knew a bit.”

Oswald frowned, “You said earlier that the reason you were in your current situation had something to do with the Tomb of Phae. Did this curse implicate you?”

Kevin admired his ability to connect the dots the more he spoke. “It does have something to do with it, but not really.”

When he affirmed this, Oswald’s face turned even uglier. “That wave of undead disappeared after hitting the statue. Has the curse been lifted or not?”

“Generally speaking, such curses originate from the resentment of the confined undead. Now that they have been released from their confinement, it is almost time for the effects to fade slowly.” Kevin gave a passing word of reassurance.

Oswald, who had become somewhat numb to his seemingly all-knowing, became slightly irritated. He didn’t say much but simply stared at him again for a long time.

“……” Kevin commented somewhat bemusedly, “I’ve noticed that you’ve enjoyed staring into people’s eyes lately. Believe me; it’s not a pleasant way to look at someone.”

Oswald didn’t change anything at his remark and continued to look as he should. After a few moments of contemplation, he spoke with a somewhat guess. “I now even suspect that you were involved in the time when Emperor Besserman came to the Tomb of the God Phae.”

Kevin tapped the rim of the stone cup and calmly said, “How much have you been pondering? Why don’t you just ask it all together instead of squeezing it out like beans?”

“So, your answer is?” Oswald was persistent.

” Fine. I was barely part of it.” Kevin said with a sigh.

Oswald: “……”

“What’s that look on your face?” Kevin was amused by his toothache-like expression and simply stopped approaching, but straightened up and held his arms again as he slowly said, ” You asked me last time how many years I’ve actually lived. Can we have a count now? How about you call me great-great-great-grandfather or something like that?”

The shameless bastard had gotten a little carried away when he was making fun of people, and he got his karma as soon as he said that.

He saw Oswald’s gaze sweep over his arm, and then he yanked his wrist with such force that Kevin almost stumbled.

“What’s wrong with your arm?!” Oswald’s anger, which he had been suppressing for half a day, shot up to his head, and he asked harshly, “Why did such a large wound suddenly appear when you were standing here properly?!”

The emperor’s strength was powerful, but he only held his wrist, deliberately avoiding any place where it might touch the wound. His knuckles and fingers were white and bloodless, so it was clear how much strength he had used and how much anger he was feeling.

The wound widened before his eyes, dripping with blood, gushing down Kevin’s arm and staining Oswald’s hand in the blink of an eye.

“Say something!” Oswald’s expression looked almost like he was about to eat someone alive, making Kevin feel guilty once again.

Many years ago at Parson’s Manor, he only thought that the young master was more than a little twisted, probably due to his abnormal upbringing. He always had a different way of expressing his emotions. He would say that he was bored with what he liked and would do the opposite when he wanted attention, sometimes being extremely stubborn and going to extremes, but he wasn’t really bad.

Kevin could see what was going on in a child’s mind, but unfortunately, he was a bastard by nature. He knew it but didn’t go along with the young master. He had to tease people to the point where they wanted to roll up their sleeves and fight before he was happy.

He was an asshole, but he was still self-aware to a certain extent. Knowing full well that if he walked someone around like that, it would be lucky if the young master didn’t hate him, and he couldn’t possibly like him very much.

So when he offered to come to the Tomb of the Phae alone, Oswald’s reaction actually took him by surprise.

After all, he could see that despite not having a friendly face throughout the day, His Majesty the Emperor was genuinely sincere and concerned when he stopped him. For a while, Kevin thought that Oswald might have the potential to be a masochist.

But this time, it was different. Oswald had objected to his proposal out of concern, but not to such an extent that he was furious.

To the extent that Kevin wore his surprise directly on his face.

Probably because he saw his expression, Oswald’s tightly clenched fingers loosened slightly, and his sullen face forced itself to ease a little as he asked again, “What’s going on with you? It’s obviously not injured, yet it suddenly festered on its own like this.”

Kevin replied, “Because my body is not in a stable condition inside the god’s tomb. This is not a suitable place for living people to stay after all. It should be better after I get out.”

He pointed to the arm that Oswald was clutching and said, “See? It’s starting to heal.”

Just as he had said, the wound, which was shockingly close to showing bone, expanded to its full extent before closing towards the middle at a visible rate, first the tendons and then the flesh.

“All right, there’s nothing more to do. You should go about your business. Don’t you want the holy water? Don’t want it anymore? Just leave it there?” Kevin waved his hand, acting as if he had already gotten better.

But his body seemed dedicated to slapping him in the face, and the part of his collar bone near his shoulder began to decay again as soon as he said that. It caused him to frown slightly, probably from the extreme pain.

Oswald: “……”

Kevin: “……”

To be honest, both the festering and spreading process and the re-healing process were quite blinding and very unsightly, and these were far more frightening than the small cut on his wrist last time.

In Kevin’s opinion, this kind of thing was not suitable for an audience to look at. So, he coughed and moved his fingers while raising an eyebrow at Oswald, “That’ s enough. My hand is numb from your clutch, and you are making my neck even more torn. Let go and let me do something.”

Oswald clutched his wrist and did not immediately respond, maintaining his posture with his eyes downcast and staring at the wound, not knowing whether he had not heard or was thinking about something else. After a few more moments, he looked up and let go of his hand, nodding his head and slowly spitting out the word, “Yes.”

There was nothing wrong with the content of this short, close-range conversation of a few minutes, but the mood had been a little weird, and as Kevin withdrew his hand, he took a step backwards out of habit before beginning to squeeze his wrist to work up some blood circulation.

Oswald had already turned towards the group, his expression extraordinarily solemn as he turned his head and didn’t know what he was thinking.

Kevin heard him order the Wujin Iron general, “Whoever has an empty water pouch on them, come over and fill it with holy water.”

With those words, he turned his head to look again and asked, “Where is the physician? Where is the physician?”

“Your Majesty, I am here. I knocked my leg and had a little cramp. Do you have any orders?” The physician raised his hand near the statue’s ruins and struggled to get up.

“All right,  don’t move. I’ll come over.” Oswald said and lifted his feet over a few pieces of rubble and made his way to the healer crouching and asking him in a low voice about his condition.

Kevin withdrew his gaze and paid no further attention to the movement there, only concentrating his thoughts on the curse.

But a few moments later, the familiar sound of steady footsteps approached again. Kevin looked up helplessly and saw Oswald beckoning him, saying, ” Let them get on with the holy water. Stop posing there and pack up. Get ready to go back.”

Kevin nodded and stepped forward, walking over there. When he reached Oswald, he heard him lowered his voice with a stern face inclining to the side. “A wound of that size can’t heal too much. I took some powder from the physician.”

“Where’s the need for medicinal powder……” Kevin didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. “The wound will heal first before you finish applying it. When the wind blows, there’s no second use for it but to smudge my face –”

Before he could finish talking, Oswald, being a tall man, put one hand on the back of his neck and one hand directly over his face.

Kevin felt the scent of herbs hit him, filling his nostrils instantly. The next moment he felt a deep drowsiness sweep over him. His head felt like it had been filled with a thick mire that he could not stir.

His eyes went black, and the last thought flashed through his chaotic mind: Are you itching so much that you will go as far as plotting against me?

And then he was unconscious.

The conversation between them was deliberately lowered, except for the few words of Oswald’s anxious lines. The group of people in the temple had no idea what had happened.

“I just looked down and looked up again. How come the little white commander is lying down now……” Dan stared at Oswald with a pair of big white eyes and a confused look. “Is…..is he still breathing?”

Oswald had just picked Kevin up and headed towards the crowd when he heard such a silly question. He immediately rolled his eyes and said, in a bad mood, “Of course, he’s breathing. He’s just a bit over-exhausted from killing his way in alone. I had the physician get some medicine for him, and now he’s passed out.”

The physician who had given the Emperor a large wave of ecstasy silently lowered his head, touched his nose and coughed in agreement. “Mm, yes. It’s a painkiller…..painkiller.”

Dan: “……” He really didn’t understand why painkillers could knock people out.

But given the scene he had run into with Ben in front of the tomb door, he decided it was better to shut up and not ask too many questions.

“Your Majesty, the holy water is filled.” Nick led two men, shaking the water pouch in his hand as he walked towards the side. “Shall we go now?”

The other officer glanced toward the rubble on the ground with some hesitation. “The statue is……just going to be left alone?”

Oswald gestured for Dan to change back into his giant falcon form and settled the sleeping Kevin on its back before walking over to the rubble and squatting down to rummage around carefully.

“Your Majesty, what are you looking for?” Nick and the others couldn’t resist asking.

“Have you not noticed that the statue of the god is indeed hollow?” Oswald pointed to a broken hand of the idol in front of his feet before scanning other stones in the involved radian, saying, “Why to go to the trouble of making it hollow if not to place something in it?”

When the crowd heard this, they also felt it made sense. From the Emperor’s point, the group understood his intention – since the statue was hollow, there was a good chance it contained something or had once contained something. The Emperor tried to find a trace of it on these broken stones.

Because the statue was so giant and there was so much rubble, finding it was a lot of work, especially as the only light in the temple was the one insect lamp Kevin had brought, making lighting quite problematic.

But fortunately, there were quite a few of them, so each of them scavenged a few pieces and got close to the insect lamp to look, and soon they had gone through most of them.

“Your Majesty! Over here! Come and look here!” One of the officers raised his hand and gestured.

“What?” Oswald was busy walking over to him and following his finger to a piece of rubble lying on the ground.

“Look at this curve. It should be the base of the statue of the god if I’m not mistaken.” The officer hovered with his finger to trace an outline and said, “Look here. Doesn’t it look like footprints?”

Oswald frowned, took the insect lamp held up by a man and moved closer to the stone. There was a faint trace of some dark liquid-like blood on the stone, which had left a mark on the inside of the statue.

It was not clear how old the mark was, but it was so light that it had almost disappeared.

What did the footprints at the bottom of the statue mean?

At that moment, the crowd held their breath – that legend might actually be true. They couldn’t imagine any other possibility than the remains of Phae’s body that left those footprints.

“Wait!” Nick rummaged around and pulled out another stone, which he brought to the insect light and said, “There’s something else here.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s……a name and a pattern.” Nick handed the stone and the insect lamp to Oswald. “Your Majesty, why can’t I understand what the pattern is? The name is also in a particularly ancient script that I can’t quite pronounce.”

Oswald stared at the stone briefly and said in a deep voice, “The pattern is a flower…… No, it’s a vine flower and thorns. The name is……”

The ancient script was quite different from the one used today, but some words could still be deduced from the present ones.

The emperor’s eyes lingered on the unfamiliar name for a long moment before trying to read it. “Merlot. The engraved name is Merlot.”