The Emperor’s Daily Nitpicking - CH 37

When he had just awoken, he had only been fussing about how to unlock the lock, affectionately cursed the emperor a hundred or eighty times in his heart, and hadn’t really noticed what he was wearing.

He looked down for a moment and couldn’t help but say, “Who bathed me?”

Oswald snorted coldly, “That weird wound of yours, which split itself and then healed itself; can you show them to anyone else? Who do you think washed you?”

Kevin: “……”

In fact, Kevin only felt a little regretful for “having one less excuse to go out” upon hearing this reply.

But when he looked up, he noticed for a moment that Oswald’s face had a slightly unnoticeable discomfort apart from his usual cold, nonchalant expression. By coincidence, that flicker of discomfort was caught by Kevin.

So Kevin, who had been open and honest, was also a little uncomfortable. After a few moments of wide-eyed staring at each other, he could only silently dismiss the not-quite-right topic.

Luckily, the feeling was akin to a silly cat scratching his face and withdrawing without leaving too much of a mark.

Kevin shifted to a more comfortable position and leaned over the bed, giving Oswald a jerk of his chin. “Well, I won’t bother discussing this with you. Consider it payback for knocking all of you out underground. Where’s the food? I’m hungry.”

Oswald raised an eyebrow and walked into the bedchamber with a silver tray.

Kevin suddenly sprang up as Oswald stood beside the bed and bent down to place the silver plate on the wooden counter at the foot of the bed. With a flip and a twist of his hand, he wrapped the thick iron chain around Oswald’s neck with the speed of a thunderbolt.

The emperor was yanked backwards onto the bed. Kevin’s grip was just strong enough to bring him down without suffocating him.

He took advantage of Oswald’s lack of reaction to turn his entire body over with a swift movement and pinned him down.

With his right knee pressing against Oswald’s left wrist, his left hand clamped down on Oswald’s other hand, and his right hand tugging at the chain just above Oswald’s neck. Kevin asked while leaning down, “Where is the key? Is it on yourself or some guards?”

He pressed with such skill that Oswald was not too uncomfortable. Hee tipped his chin and gave a short laugh, narrowing his eyes, “What? Getting tired of me?”

“I have plenty of means to wrap these chains around you in a bunch of dead knots, and you can’t get away if I don’t untie them.” Kevin raised an eyebrow and said, “I don’t really like fighting people at such close range. It’s too embarrassing. Don’t you agree? Unlock these things, and I’ll beat you up less.”

“This is a pretty good deal.” Oswald said with a smirk, “You’re going to beat me up whether I undo it or not. I had many of those when I was a kid, so it’s not a bad deal.”

Kevin: “……”

He was a little speechless by this brat’s thick-skinned nature that was not afraid of a beating. For the first time, he reflected a little that the so-called stick education was not very suitable and prone to raising such rebels.

For the past hundred years, he had always felt that he had adapted very well to being a normal human being and to his powers, having no nostalgic feelings about the divine powers of the past. Everyone was the same in the world now, and the gods were the anomalies. No matter who they were, having powers much higher than the norm would always foster some drawbacks.

But now, he suddenly felt a little sentimental for the days when he had divine power when facing a thick-skinned and resistant creature like Oswald. In the days of the god of light, he would have hung the lawless Emperor with his finger upside down on top of the Temple of Light for months to dry out and become dried bacon.

He was lost in his thoughts in this position, but he did not loosen his grip.

When he returned to his senses, he found the pinned Emperor staring at his face, his eyes so light they were almost transparent, with an invisible disturbing force that made him feel uncomfortable from head to toe.

Kevin tilted his head and said, “Don’t act stupid. Where is the key?”

Oswald let out an “oh” and said indifferently, “It’s hidden on myself. Get it yourself.”

Kevin put his left knee on Oswald’s other wrist to free up his hand and raised his hand to slap Oswald on the head so rudely that it made a little red mark, warning, “I think you want to rebel.”

Oswald snorted and said indifferently, “You don’t seem to have figured out who’s rebelling.”

“Heh–” Kevin raised his hand and grabbed a piece of wheat bread from the silver tray on the bedside table, shoving it into Oswald’s mouth without a word and forcing him to shut up. “To stop you from saying anything undesirable, I’ll block it for you first. You’re welcome.”

Oswald: “……”

After saying that, Kevin made a bold move to rummage through Oswald’s body.

His rummaging was fast and straightforward as if he only needed to touch it with his fingertips to know if there was anything hidden there or not. He was at ease with his search, but Oswald was being rummaged through and was a little speechless.

“Eh–what are you doing?” Kevin was slapped twice by his fingers and impatiently took away the wheat bread, “Give you a chance to say something.”

Oswald coughed twice and said unkindly, “Can you be a little nicer when you’re looking for something? I’m getting goosebumps from your touch.”

“Piss off!” With that remark, Kevin shook his head and blocked the Emperor with wheat bread again.

Oswald was genuinely speechless.

After being protested by the Emperor, Kevin’s action was a little harder and not as fleeting as before. This ancestor complained again after he touched the upper part of his body: “Why are the Emperor’s clothes made so complicated? Aren’t you tired of wearing it……”

After that, he reached for Oswald’s trousers too.

Before he could rummage around, Kevin took the bread off again in displeasure, “What’s wrong with you again, dear Majesty?”

Oswald didn’t say anything this time. “……”

He swept his eyes down towards his waist, lingering just right on Kevin’s hand and then on himself for a moment before raising his eyes to Kevin and looking at him with an embarrassed and speechless look. “What do you think?”

How to put it. The Emperor sometimes tended to be crooked in his thinking but so subtle in his expressions, and Kevin, who had very crook faces but subtle in his thought, could not grasp the point for a moment.

Oswald couldn’t stand it any longer and said bluntly with a green face, “If you’re looking for something, look for it. Can you not be so filthy?”

Kevin: “……”

How the hell did he get filthy again?

He was so preoccupied with his “key” that he didn’t care about anything else. Only after Oswald dropped the “filthy” label on him did he realise he wasn’t touching the right place.

So he gave an “oh” as an afterthought, withdrew his hand with a swish, and apologised very insincerely: “Sorry, but you locked me in. I was so angry I didn’t notice.”

After he finished, he patted Oswald placatingly and said casually, “Well, don’t get angry…..I’ll change to another place.”

Oswald: “……Where are you patting again?”

Kevin raised one corner of his mouth in a sardonic grin. “It is understandable that young people get excited easily.”

Oswald: “……”

This man fumbled around and finally found a key under the leather strap on the side of Oswald’s boot. He chuckled, pinched the key and waved it in front of Oswald’s face, saying, “What a way to hide it, Your Majesty.”

Oswald ignored him and said, “Now that you’ve found the key, why are you still pinning me down like this? Go pick your lock.”

Kevin lowered his eyes, let out a casual “mm,” and used the key to prod the keyhole in the handcuffs while still holding Oswald in the same position.

He was probably a bit pleased with himself for having found the key. The great Excellency Kevin Fassbinder actually felt something strange about it the moment he picked it up, but he was too busy trying to unlock the lock to think about it.

He thought he had found the wrong key at most. If he couldn’t open it, he would continue threatening Oswald and spending time together. It didn’t matter to him.

As he poked the key into the lock, he found the key still fitted the keyhole even if it was slightly tighter, so he didn’t overthink it. Naturally, he didn’t notice the look on the pinned Emperor’s face as he raised his eyebrows.

Kevin gripped the key and gave it a little twist, but it felt a little strained and didn’t work, so he gave it more force.

The result was a snap, and the seemingly flawless key broke in two quickly, blocking the keyhole tightly.

Kevin: “……”

There it was. The keyhole was blocked, and there was no way it could be unlocked unless the thing inside was pulled out or the entire cuff was destroyed.

As he was in a daze, the Emperor, whom he had easily pinned, suddenly rolled over and reversed his position by lifting Kevin off with greater force.

In just the blink of an eye, the two men switched positions.

“The tide is turning.” Oswald pinned Kevin’s wrist and towered over him.

Kevin looked at the clogged lock and then at Oswald with a blank expression, “What the hell did you make this key out of?”

Oswald said, “Homemade with the most fragile metal in the Jinshi Empire.”

Kevin wanted to kick him in the face, “Do you ever get enough of this kind of stuff?”

Looking at it this way, it was clear that everything just now had been calculated by the Emperor, and Kevin felt a pain in his liver as he recalled it.

Oswald, pressing down on him, did not let go and even leaned closer to him, saying in an extraordinarily provocative and low tone: “Is that enough to stop you now? Eat properly, dear Excellency Fassbinder.”

For some reason, Kevin felt that Oswald had changed a lot from before he had gone to the Tomb of God. Although he still liked to be angry with him, he no longer raised his chin provocatively from a distance and seemed extraordinarily fond of fighting at such close range.

His voice was so deep that Kevin could almost feel the resonance in his chest, a feeling that tended to give the illusion of being too close. Kevin tilted his head in discomfort and said, “All right. Let’s stop. What else can I do if I don’t stop? Get your ass down there. Do you know you’re heavy?”

Oswald nodded in satisfaction, got out of bed and sat in one of the bedside chairs, resting one hand comfortably on his temple as he waited for Kevin to accept his fate and eat.

Kevin threw the chain around in disgust, sat in a comfortable position, crossed a leg and took a sip from the fruit wine glass on his plate.

This man’s temper was amazing; one moment, he was trying to kill the emperor and cut the chains to escape, and he was drinking and eating with his arms at his knees next. If the chains were removed, his posture and expression would probably suggest that this was an elegant and unassuming nobleman enjoying his lunch.

He had slept for seven days and should have been hungry, but he ate slowly and deliberately as if he had been born with unhurried calmness, which was engraved in his bones.

He swallowed a mouthful of fruit wine and asked Oswald, suddenly remembering something. “Have you tried the holy water? How did it work?”

Oswald nodded and said, “It seems to be working well. The news coming from everywhere is good. Ian could turn his head now, and Cynthia’s sand petrification has faded from her shoulders to her wrists.”

He said and pointed to his ear. “If this hadn’t recovered, this ear would have been shattered to pieces by now with the rebellious energy you just had.”

Kevin glanced at him and appeased without a word. “Cough.”

Oswald suddenly quirked one corner of his mouth into a smile. “There’s a ritual for the God of Light in St. Andis these days in the evening. The people who have recovered have organised it themselves and plan to worship the statue of the God of Light in the central square for seven days.”

Kevin froze and then returned to eating, remarking very jerkily, “They’re just idle. What’s the point of worshipping the old gods properly.”

“Phae has a different meaning.” Oswald quirked an eyebrow in return. “I brought back two things from the god’s tomb with the intention of–”

Before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by the chamberlain at the door. “Your Majesty, another urgent report has come from the Imperial City patrolling guards.”

Oswald: “……”

“Coming to fool around in front of me again?” Oswald said harshly, “Am I so idle? Tell him to go back and be silly to his wife and kids.”

The chamberlain poked his head in carefully and said with lowered eyes, “Not this time. The commander says a huge influx of refugees is heading this way.”

“Refugees?” Oswald asked with a frown. “What kind of refugees?”

“Not really sure specifically. Your Majesty should better ask His Excellency the Commander.” The chamberlain said with a cry.

Oswald: “Understood.”

He stood up, lifted his feet, and went out the door.

Kevin shoved a small berry into his mouth with one hand and tugged at the chain with the other, straining the chain just in front of Oswald’s feet.

“Talking halfway without finishing, are you asking for a fight?” Kevin said, “What was the second half of that sentence? What did you bring back from the Tomb of the God, and what will you do with it? Give me a short summary.”

So, Oswald said concisely, “I brought back Phae’s footprints and another some sort of signature. I plan to find time to rebuild Phae’s tomb later. It may not be as grand, but at least……it’s worthy of the word light.”

Kevin listened, his hand holding the little berry paused, and raised his eyes to look at Oswald before quickly withdrawing them again.

He flung the chain in his hand, and the chain stopping Oswald hung loose on the ground. Without raising his head, he waved his hand as if shooing a puppy. “All right. You can leave.”

The Emperor generously ignored his actions and strode out the door, turning to find the Imperial patrolling guards.

Kevin dropped a small berry into his mouth and chewed it twice before leaning back on the bed and taking a deep breath.

Though lacking in beating, the young emperor had always been able to poke a spot in someone’s heart when he was nice……

Kevin actually stayed in the bedchamber for a few more days, perhaps because the broken key in the keyhole was really hard to get out, or he hadn’t fully recovered his energy, as Oswald had said. He even accepted it without much protest when Oswald asked someone to bring a bathing tub into his room to soak in.

On the contrary, the Emperor was a little uncomfortable.

As Oswald had said before, he still had large wounds that suddenly appeared on his body, rotting to the bone and then healing a little. It was just much better and slower than it had been back at the Tomb of the God.

During the few days he stayed in the bedchamber, the young Highness Cynthia visited him most frequently apart from Oswald. Ben and Angel had been kept out of the Wujinxuan Palace for a few days because they were not residents within it and could not see the humiliating spectacle of Kevin’s captivity in handcuffs and leg chains.

Cynthia’s arm was recovering enough that Oswald lifted her ban and allowed her to roll around like a living ball, as she always did.

With Angel away and Oswald busy, Kevin became her favourite target for harassment. She grabbed a book daily and begged him to tell her a story, occasionally telling him one herself.

“I was so miserable a while ago. Uncle locked me up in my room and wouldn’t let me out of bed.” The little girl brought this up to Kevin daily. “But Grandpa Ian was even worse. Uncle said his neck was stuck to his head. He wasn’t allowed to go out until he completely healed, so he’s still lying down.”

Kevin: “……”

By generalising the surface aspect, he finally understood that when Oswald was worried about anyone, he liked to lock them up until the other person was not in danger. What a……good deranged freak, not even sparing the old and children.

After the confession, Cynthia very nonchalantly climbed into bed in two moves, crossed her little, short legs and sat opposite Kevin, handing him a book. “Here– I want to hear this today.”

Kevin carefully picked up the book, felt the old dust on his hand with a disgusted look, and said with a tearful smile, “What kind of antique did you dig up from the grave, little girl?”

Cynthia slapped her thigh. “Tell the story!”

Kevin could only nod and mutter. “Yes, I’ll tell. Hey– You’re just like your uncle.”

But after flipping through the inside pages of the book a couple of times, his hand paused, and he stared at one of the pages for a while before commenting, “The Old Gods…… why is a little girl like you likes to hear such outdated stories?”

Cynthia grinned. “It’s fun!”

“From the beginning?” Kevin flipped through the book roughly twice and then simply closed it, tossing it aside. “Here, I’ll recite it to you.”

Cynthia looked at him with an adoring expression.

In the end, Kevin, the bastard, did recite it, and it was even more emotionless than reading it from the book. Without even a rise and fall in pitch, he recited a long paragraph without breathing, making Cynthia’s snot almost fall.

“……The beautiful and holy goddess Thenez said, ‘May your life be as bright as a flower and as tough as a thorn. Thus, I’m bestowing you the name Merlot, which in the language of the gods means eternal light’.” Kevin’s recitation was so perfunctory that all nice adjectives came out of his mouth with a sense of mockery.

Cynthia was so unfussy that she listened to the story as it was and interrupted to ask, “Who is Merlot? How come I haven’t heard of it before in other stories?”

Kevin looked at her and said, “Oh, Merlot was his old name. Flowers and thorns were his first symbols. And then, for some reason, he buried the name along with his past when he grew up, believing that gods don’t need names. He switched his symbolic totems to the sun and the moon.”

Cynthia tilted her head. “So what do people call him if he doesn’t have a name?”

Kevin replied, “He gave himself a new way to address him, the Latter God.”