The Emperor’s Daily Nitpicking - CH 44

As they tumbled away, Oswald toppled a boulder that stood next to him and placed it in front of the hole where the troops were. At that moment, the vast door closed up with the high stone and continued to drop slowly against the back of it, blocking out any possible danger.

Without a second thought, the two men couldn’t even think about anything else but the oncoming Sand Ghosts.

Kevin rolled into the hole and rose to one knee on the spot. He drew three arrows from the quiver behind him and pulled the string on his bow.

The vast door had fallen most of the way, leaving a gap less than the height of his calf. The sandstone whirlwind slammed into the door with a muffled rumble like rolling thunder.

Kevin’s fingers loosened, and he fired three arrows, nailing the Sand Ghost that had poked its head through the gap right out of the door.

The Sand Ghosts wailed furiously, intending to charge again, but the door finally fell to the bottom with a crash.

The fastest Sand Ghost was cut in two by the door, partly inside and partly outside, with an eerie blend of shrill snarls from the inside and out.

Without thinking, Kevin fired three arrows successively, one after the other, pinning the part of the Sand Ghost wedged inside the door to the ground. Oswald followed with a stab of his long sword. The struggling Sand Ghost finally gave up, turning into a lifeless mass of scattered sand on the ground near the door.

Everything was over for the moment, and it was time to settle down.

Kevin withdrew the arrow from his bow, spun it around in his fingers, and gently slid it into the quiver behind his shoulder.

“Where’s Cynthia you were holding?” Kevin glanced at Oswald.

“Just shoved her along with someone and went in next door.” Oswald didn’t look too good at the mention of it. “Someone will take care of her.”

“So, this is ……” Kevin stood up and scanned the cave generally, seeing that it was dark and endlessly long. Fluorite stones were embedded at intervals in the stone walls at the edge of the cave, barely illuminating the uneven path. At a glance, it was dotted with starry, night sky-like.

“Theodore …… oh wrong, the legendary secret passage of the Jinshi Empire mentioned by the Sand Ghost.” Oswald replied and asked with some wonder, “Don’t you know? Haven’t you lived longer than a tortoise? How could you not know?”

“What a metaphor! Counting on the fact that I’m too lazy to beat you up right now?” Kevin was not amused. “Living longer doesn’t mean I’ve been hanging around the legion. It would be too easy for people to notice something was wrong. Besides, I’ve been buried a few times and slept for many years.”

Oswald sauntered to the doorway, pulled out the long sword nailed in the scattered sand, and tossed another arrow to Kevin: “This secret passage has been built long ago. It is said to have been under construction for over two hundred years through four emperors. The last one was Besserman. I thought you would have heard a little about it.”

Kevin shrugged, “Then it would be normal for me not to know. I only came into the world during Emperor Besserman’s time.”

Oswald hummed and propped himself up with his sword, leaning against the stone wall and sitting on the ground. “There’s something I’ve never figured out, though.”

“Why are you sitting down?” Kevin stood in front of him and kicked him in the toe. “Can you only use your mouth and your feet in one way? Talk as you go.”

Oswald put both hands on his bent knees and waved them perfunctorily. “Just a minute. My eyes can’t see anything right now.”

Kevin frowned and knelt before him, lifting his hand to his eyelid and looking closely. “Why the constant blackness? You are falsely strong.”

Oswald: “…… Bullshit.”

He had allowed Kevin’s paws to fiddle with his eyes but was displeased when he heard this, raising his hand to slap his hand aside. “Stop talking nonsense. I’m asking you a question, dear Excellency.”

“I’m just looking at your eyes, not gagging you. If there’s anything that you can’t figure out, just ask.” Kevin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Haven’t you lived a long time? Why were you seventeen or eighteen when you first came to the Pache estate?” Oswald asked with his eyes closed. “Does it mean you can grow back further backward?”

Kevin replied, “Didn’t I tell you? It takes a nail through the heart to die.”

Oswald: “So?”

“So, the rest isn’t really any different from you. Like the last time I died on the battlefield, I stayed that way until I woke up again. After that, I’ll age normally, and if I’m lucky enough not to run into any accidents this time and die peacefully of old age, then I’ll change back to how I was as a child the next time I wake up and grow all over again. Besides the fact that I heal when I’m injured, I’m a normal person.”

Oswald didn’t say anything as he listened.

After a while, he leaned the back of his head against the stone wall, half-opened his eyes, and asked lazily, “In that case, wouldn’t that be the equivalent of many lifetimes?”

Kevin replied casually, “Pretty much. Apart from remembering everything, it seems like many lifetimes.”

“And what about your-” Oswald hesitated slightly, then continued, “What about your previous family? I mean, you’ve lived so many years and always had different family and friends at different times. Have you visited them all since then?”

“Family and friends?” Kevin froze for a moment before snorting, “You think someone born and bred like me would have parents?”

Oswald said in a deep voice, “Family is more than just parents. It can be wives, children, and such ……”

Kevin looked at him with an odd expression for a moment, “Where would I get wives and children.”

Oswald: “……”

His Excellency Kevin Fassbinder, once the god of light, briefly recalled that when he was a god, he did a lot of flirting with others, but he was always a bachelor. When he became a human, he did even less flirting with others and remained a bachelor.

The main reason for this was probably because he was used to being alone, didn’t like to get too deeply involved with others, and was very lazy…… to pay attention to what anyone looked like or was attractive about them.

The biggest problem with His Excellency would be that when he didn’t really want to discuss a topic, no matter how serious someone looked when talking to him, he would always drag the issue a hundred thousand miles away with a flick of the wrist.

So even if he did get a few offers, he would always block them out with a lot of rambling, making everyone annoyed and helpless.

In short, this bastard was destined to be alone.

That would be a joke if you asked him about his wife and children.

The emperor’s mind was disturbed by his answer. On the one hand, he was inexplicably relieved to hear that this man had been a bachelor for many years and was even slightly grateful. On the other hand…… after so many years of life, he was still a bachelor. Something was definitely wrong with him, right?

“Is this a disease of the heart or a disease of the body?” Oswald finally didn’t hold back and mocked anyway.

Kevin: “……”

He raised his hand and slapped Oswald’s leg unceremoniously on the side. The slap was crunchy and loud, and one could tell it was the kind of hot and raw pain.

Oswald: “…… Are you rebelling?”

Kevin sneered: “I’d slap you on the head if I were rebelling, but you’re weak, Your Majesty. I’m afraid to slap you and make you lose your eyesight.”

Despite the beating he had received, Oswald was not in a bad mood. He feigned an expressionless face and said indifferently, “What is it if you don’t have an illness when you have lived all these years without a family?”

“I think you’re quite sick too if you’re looking for a fight all day, Your Majesty dear.” Kevin mocked back in a rude way.

The two sick men looked at each other with rude and criticising looks.

Kevin stood up, straightened his clothes, and said with a condescending look under his eyes, “Are your eyes well? Get up and go if you’re well. Don’t stay still.”

Oswald looked at him for a moment and suddenly held his hand out.

“Yo, just now you were calling me sick, and now you want me to give you a hand?” Kevin mocked coldly. “Why do I like you so much?”

He kicked Oswald in the foot and said, “Get up.”

With that, he walked off on his own, not even throwing the emperor another look, clearly not giving him a second thought.

A few moments later, His Excellency Kevin ‘Smacked-in-the-face’ Fassbinder returned the same way he had come. He held his arms for a moment and stared at Oswald, who still had his hand outstretched, before finally rolling his eyes in disgust.

He took hold of Oswald’s broad palm and yanked the big, silly man acting out because he was the emperor.

Oswald looked at him with a smirk on his face, and before he could get his footing, Kevin slapped him on the back of his hand.

“Do you know you’re heavy? Can’t you have some minimal self-awareness? How old are you ……” Kevin dropped the unkind words and headed off ahead.

Oswald let out a laugh behind him where he couldn’t see it and quickly frowned again. He shook his head as he walked, pressing his temple. If Kevin looked back closely, he could see that his steps were very shaky, much different than his normal ones.

“How far do we have to walk to catch up with them?” Kevin asked without turning his head.

“Meet up? Do you mean the big group next door?” Oswald’s reaction was slightly slower than usual, and he paused for a moment before saying, “Don’t think about it. You won’t catch up with them.”

Kevin turned back with some surprise in his step and asked, “What do you mean? It doesn’t connect?”

“The two secret passages are very different. The one next door leads in all directions, with countless junctions, like a maze, but the places to hide are just as many.” Oswald replied, “It connects to the underground of all the towns in the Jinshi Empire, so it’s a good place to hide.”

He lifted his foot and nudged the ground, adding, “As for the one we’re on, it’s meant to be a cover for next door, but it also allows for marching, with very few turns in between, and leads to the Mirage and the Icefields.”

“So instead of meeting up with those next door, we’re now going after the group in the Old Rose Fortress?”

“Well……” Oswald trailed off again at that one word with a somewhat weary note, and the rhythm of his footsteps followed in a slightly disordered manner, wavering lightly and heavily.

“What’s wrong with you?” Kevin finally noticed something was wrong with him and turned back to Oswald. “Lost your vision again?”

Oswald shook his head and said, “Just getting a bit…… dizzy.”

Kevin touched his forehead with the back of his hand and said in surprise, “Why is it so hot?”