The Girls Who Traumatized Me Keep Glancing at Me, but Alas, It’s Too Late (LN) - Chapter 56

Posted on August 2, 2021by Soafp

[Shiori Kamishiro Pov]

“Hey, Kamishiro, how’s the exam going?” (Teacher)

“I think it’s going to be all right. Haha.” (Shiori)

When I was called into the staff room, I gave a vague answer.

I had a vague idea of why I was called in.

I’m sure the teacher didn’t want to talk about the exam. Because the person who summoned me was the advisor of the men’s basketball team.

It was February. The third-year students have already retired from their club activities and are preparing for their exams.

It was that time of the year when the second-year students were being passed on to the next generation, and there was only a short time left to come to school before graduation.

“I’m pretty sure Kamishiro is close with Kokonoe” (Teacher)

“Not really, but……” (Shiori)

My heart aches with pain. I had to deny my relationship with him, and the reason for it. And the consequences of that. It’s all because of me, and at the same time, because I’m hiding it from him.

“I went to apologize to him and the others, but there was nothing I could do. Can you try to get him to talk to me about it?” (Teacher)

“Me……?” (Shiori)

“Yeah. I don’t know if he’ll come back” (Teacher)

The troubled sensei sighed heavily and sipped his coffee.

“Is it still like that?” (Shiori)

“Hmm? Well, it’s more like recently they’ve stopped coming to club activities more and more. I’ve heard that many of them are keeping up with him because he’s probably not having any problems with his exams. I’m sure they’ll come back after graduation.……” (Teacher)

“Is that…. so” (Shiori)

Since that incident, the men’s basketball team has been unable to open its doors.

The third year of the men’s basketball team lost their last tournament because of Yuki’s bone-break.

Yuki’s injury was unexpected for the members of the team, who had achieved remarkable results in the previous tournament and were eager to make it to the final tournament. The result of the tournament was, needless to say, a first round loss.

The members, who had been practicing more earnestly and diligently than ever before, couldn’t help but say things that would make Yuki look bad. The advisor also complained about Yuki’s lack of self-discipline. Yuki apologized to everyone for the trouble he had caused, and left the club. He never said anything about the reason.

The advisor and the members, who hadn’t expected him to leave the club, rushed to stop him, but no matter how much they apologized later, it was too late. In the first place, once the last tournament was over, there was no need for the third-year students to stay in the club. There was nothing that could be done to stop them now.

But that wasn’t enough.

The reason why they were able to achieve remarkable results in the last tournament was because of Yuki’s leadership of the team. The rest of the team had never put that much effort into club activities. If anything, Men’s Basketball was a club activity for those who wanted to enjoy basketball casually.

However, this changed when they became sophomores and freshmen. Especially among the first-year students, there were some who joined the basketball club after seeing Yuki’s success, and among the second-year students, there were more and more who were influenced by Yuki and played enthusiastically. From the point of view of the club members, it was only natural that there would be friction between them and the third-year students who seemed to have shifted the blame and kicked them out, even though they had been relying on Yuki.

After Yuki left the club, the men’s basketball team started to get awkward and broke up. Eventually, the situation continued until the retirement of the third-year students, and in the midst of this, more and more underclassmen stopped coming to club activities.

As for where that underclassman went…

“I think even Kokonoe knows what happened.” (Shiori)

“Well, Kokonoe seemed to be in trouble, too. I said I was going to talk to him, but… ” (Teacher)

“He looks like he’s taking good care of himself.” (Shiori)

“But still… Anyway, tell him once again, Kamishiro.” (Teacher)

“I understand.” (Shiori)

I replied and left the staff room.

I’m sorry, but this is an impossible mission for me.

There is no way that I, the person in question, can do such a thing.

As I trudged down the corridor, I was tormented by the regret I had felt for hundreds, if not thousands of times. In the end, this was my own fault.

The reason I’m here now is because Yuki protected me.

Yuki broke his bones to protect me, and by not telling anyone that I was the cause of the fracture, he also protected me from being blamed by others. I was saved twice.

There was no way I could have told them why Yuki broke his arm. There was no way I could say what he didn’t say and do nothing about it. No matter how much it pained me, it was the only thing I could do.

February. It is the season of trials for students taking exams.

It is also a time to express your feelings.

I looked up at the clear winter sky and felt the cool breeze caressing my cheeks.

[Yuki POV]

“Go home, you little bastards.”(Yuki)

“You’re only a year older than me.” (Students)

“You know. I’m a student preparing for an exam, despite my appearance.”(Yuki)

“Senpai, are you in trouble with your exams?” (Students)

“Don’t underestimate me, kid, I’ve taken 100 exams and passed 100 times.”(Yuki)

“It sounds like a big talk, but it’s amazing how serious it sounds.” (Students)

“No, it’s true!”(Yuki)

The high school I chose is not so difficult in terms of deviation. I don’t know if I should put it this way, but I think I’ll be able to pass the entrance exam. It is me, Yukito Kokonoe, who recognizes facts as facts.

As long as I don’t get a stomachache and solve every single question during the test, I can say that it will be a piece of cake. In my case, there was a high possibility that my internal evaluation score would be fatally bad, which was a cause for concern, but there was no point in worrying about it since I couldn’t do anything about it myself. I’ve been paying attention to my homeroom teacher, so I think I’ll be fine. Un.

“You guys should choose club activities properly. The advisor was sarcastic to me before that.” (Yuki)

After school, for some reason, I was surrounded by the younger members of the club. But since I had already quit the basketball club, they were not my direct juniors.

“Will it be like this until you graduate?” (Students)

“Will it be like this for another month…… And aren’t the numbers increasing?” (Yuki)

“There are many first-year students who joined the club because they wanted to work with the seniors. I’ll choose this one in this situation.” (Students)

“I don’t want to be chosen. I don’t know why I have to exercise outside in the middle of winter.” (Yuki)

“What’s wrong with that? Come on, let’s go!” (Students)

“Don’t you guys have any respect for upperclassmen?” (Yuki)

“I’ve heard that you’ve been doing whatever you want since you were a freshman.” (Students)

“I always wondered who was spreading those strange rumors about me.” (Yuki)

I tilted my head, but there was no answer at all. I was pushed to the side and headed for the outdoor court because I was retired from the basketball club.

14th of February

Valentine’s Day.

Even students who are busy studying for exams are in a state of excitement on this day. Both boys and girls were wrapped up in a strange sense of tension, with those who received gifts rejoicing and those who did not receive gifts feeling sadness. It was a day that reminded me of such a divided society.

As for me, I’m already satisfied with what my sister and mother gave me. I don’t want more than that. I’m a humble person. What? I’m not a coward. I’m sure there are a lot of people who would like to have my mom or sister’s gift, even though some heartless people would like to say that family is not allowed. They’re beautiful. Don’t you envy them?

“Don’t you guys ever get sad on Valentine’s Day?” (Yuki)

“I got it from Ishihara-san, the female manager.” (Student A)

“What……?” (Students)

Today, for some reason, all the underclassmen gathered.

I’m not an instructor. What should I do with these guys ……?

Are they really going to stick around until I graduate?

The winning sophomore who reported the victory is being booed and tussled with. Some of the first-year students were also in the mix. Yeah, they adore us, don’t they? With this kind of unity, the basketball team will be fine next year. I’ll pretend I don’t see the fact that it’s currently falling apart.

The underclassmen are still planning to take me to the basketball stadium after school, but sadly, I don’t think I’ll be getting any chocolate at school, so I don’t have any plans after school. In the meantime, my classmates and the girls from the basketball team gave me what appeared to be some kind of virtue chocolate, but it was only for socializing, a kind of entertainment. There is no way to be mistaken, mass distribution. It’s  empty …….

As I was changing my slippers at the entrance, I was stopped.

The person in front of me was my childhood friend, Suzurikawa

“What’s up?” (Yuki)

“Uhm…….” (Hinagi)

I watched in a daze as she struggled to say something and slurred her words. It had been a long time since we had talked. I’ve never spoken to her before, but when was the last time she spoke to me like this? I can’t even remember that.

“Hey……are you going home today, Yukito?” (Hinagi)

“Well, I’m planning on taking a detour.” (Yuki)

“I see.……” (Hinagi)

The time available after school is limited. As long as it is not a real club activity, I cannot keep the underclassmen company for any length of time. The sun sets early in the day. Considering the fact that we have to get them home before dark, we can only work for about an hour at best, but somehow they still want to play with me.

It was my choice and selfishness that made me leave the club. But if the underclassmen wanted to play with me, I wanted to make their wishes come true, at least for the few remaining hours.

“You can have this.” (Hinagi)

“Chocolates.……” (Yuki)

I had a feeling that this was going to be the case when Suzurikawa stopped me. I can predict it considering that it is today. She is very disciplined.

“Thank you. I’m glad you accepted it.” (Hinagi)

I accepted and she thanked me honestly.

I felt Suzurikawa’s face clear up a little. She doesn’t look very good. That may be natural. That’s because she had no one to thank.

“Thank you for the chocolate, Suzurikawa. But let’s put an end to this kind of thing now.” (Yuki)

“Eh?” (Hinagi)

She looked puzzled, as if in a daze.

I guess that’s just as well. We’ve been doing this on Valentine’s Day for years. It was as if it was our duty.

And she gave me chocolate like this again this year.

It’s like a habit, like it’s something you’re supposed to do.

“You have your real love, so no more chocolate for me.” (Yuki)

“What are you talking about……?” (Hinagi)

“I don’t want it out of necessity or habit.” (Yuki)

Until last year, I could have been honestly happy. I might have been able to get my hopes up. However, now that she had a boyfriend, the obligatory-chocolate given to me in this way was too inorganic and miserable.

“What is the purpose of Valentine’s Day? What do you give chocolates for?” (Yuki)

“Yukito……?” (Hinagi)

Even though she has a boyfriend, she probably finds it annoying, troublesome, and inconvenient to give me chocolate just because we’ve known each other since childhood and it’s the same every year. I could tell that much by looking at the expression on her face.

If her expression had been as bright as it was in the past, I might have been able to hope for something, but it was dark and somber. She must have felt that I was a burden. My existence is now nothing but a burden to her.

Chocolates mean something special. The goal should not be to give it to someone, but to express your feelings. However, this chocolate is not the case.

“Every year, the chocolate you gave me made me happy. I wanted it from you more than anything. But I didn’t want it out of obligation.” (Yuki)

“No, that’s not it! That’s not why I gave it to you—-!” (Hinagi)

“What I wanted was for you to–” (Yuki)

I gulp my words. I can’t say anything else from there. It’s a nuisance that is forbidden. You’re so pathetic. In the end, I couldn’t even make it to the final tournament, and the basketball I had thrown myself into as if to shake off my feelings dissipated into thin air. I left all of my feelings behind somewhere.

“Of course I’ll give it back on White Day. Don’t worry.” (Yuki)

Of course, I will return the gift. But that will end this year.

“What’s wrong, senpai? Let’s go quickly.” (Students)

A younger student came over to check on me. It was just right. I don’t want to be here any longer.

“Oh, sorry. I’ll be right there.” (Yuki)

I put the chocolate in my bag and changed into my loafers. I didn’t look back. Like a clown, I hoped for something and was denied. That kind of Valentine’s Day is over. So I didn’t notice. I don’t know what kind of face Suzurikawa had on at that moment. Because at that time, I couldn’t see her in my eyes anymore.

[Hinagi Suzurikawa Pov]

“I wonder why…… why is this happening …….” (Hinagi)

I dazedly leaned against the wall. It was all I could do to hold up the body that was about to fall over.

It had been a long time since we had talked. He gathered up all the courage he had left and called out to me. Valentine’s Day pushed my timidness back. Today was one of those special days. One day, a thousand years. I had been waiting for this day for a long time.

“It’s not an obligation.…… It’s not an obligation.……” (Hinagi)

I never gave it to him with that intention.

It’s not surprising that Yukito would think that.

In the past, when I gave him chocolates, I always persistently used the opposite words to cover up my embarrassment: “It’s for a reason,” “Don’t get me wrong,” “It’s a childhood friend,” “It’s just a coincidence.” I’ve been repeating such nauseating and horrible opposite words.

I’ve always been full of lies, full of falsehoods, and I’ve never told him anything. What kind of misunderstanding is that? What’s the point of being righteous? I tried so hard to pick out gifts, sometimes making them by hand, to make him happy. And yet, I was the one who denied him all of that. My clenched fists pounded against the wall.

If I didn’t put it into words, I wouldn’t be able to convey anything, but I kept lying to him because I couldn’t be honest. And then I realized that he was gone from in front of me.

I wondered what he had wanted.

What is Valentine’s Day for? What do you give chocolate for?

Why hadn’t I noticed this before?

What he wanted, what he wished for was not chocolate.

It was my words, my–

“My feelings.……” (Hinagi)

He even denied his own feelings on the chocolate. I wonder how he felt when he received chocolates from me so far. Every time I expected something from him, I kept denying it. Even so, he always smiled and said “thank you” and “I’m glad” in return.

When he gave me a gift on White Day, he never once said it was because it’s an obligation for my childhood friend. He never looked at me straight in the eyes and told me what to say.

The special chocolate that I gave to him, I undermined its value myself.

What kind of feelings did you always have when you ate those worthless chocolates that didn’t contain my feelings?

The sky, tinged with dusk, was vermillion and scarlet, just like the day he confessed to me that day. Not.

[Shiori Kamishiro PoV]

“Mou!” (Shiori)

I was in a hurry. It was one of those days when my homeroom teacher would unexpectedly push me to do something and I would be late. After school, when I went to Yuki’s classroom, he was gone. I looked in the shoe box, but there were no shoes. I wondered if he had already left.

I hesitated, wondering what I should do.

I tried to contact him, but he didn’t have his phone on him.

Tomorrow is weekend. If this keeps up, the next time we’ll see each other will be next Monday. Wait until then? In my bag, there were chocolates that I had chosen after much deliberation. It was the first time I had really chosen a chocolate like this. Every year on Valentine’s Day, I used to look at the girls making a fuss about it as if it was something else. I thought it was an event that had nothing to do with me.

And yet, now.

“Maybe I should go.” (Shiori)

I know Yuki’s house. Yuki had told me about it when we went home together before. But I had never been there before. I wondered if it would bother him if I suddenly went there without notifying him. Without knowing what to do, I just started walking towards Yuki’s house.

“It’s here…..” (Shiori)

I stopped in my tracks as I saw the apartment in front of me. I arrived, but I was already cowering here for almost 10 minutes, wondering what to do. I just stood at the entrance and let time pass by. I thought about putting it in the mailbox and going home, but there was something I really wanted to talk about.

After the hospitalization, we haven’t talked much since Yuki left the hospital and started going to school. Yuki didn’t mention my name when he explained the situation to them. I want to ask him why he covered for me and why he didn’t mention my name. I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t, because I felt like I would be disrespecting what he had done for me.

I took the chocolate out of my bag and looked up at the floor where he lived.

In the end, I hadn’t even cleared up the misunderstanding yet.

So I came here to confess my feelings to him again.

“Are you, Kamishiro-san?” (???)

“Eh?” (Shiori)

The woman who came out of the apartment called out to me.

She had long black hair, skinny pants and a short trench that looked good on her. She was slender and beautiful.

“Student president ……?” (Shiori)

“What year is it?” (???)

She blurted out with half-lidded eyes as if she was dumbfounded.

I’ve never spoken to her directly, but I know her well. Yuki’s older sister.

She has graduated, but she was the student council president until last year. She is beautiful, good-looking, and smart. She is impeccable. That was my honest impression.

“Yuri-san.” (Shiori)

“Why are you here?” (Yuri)

I noticed that her gaze was not a friendly one. The fierce gaze was catching me off guard.

“That …… Yuki, I wanted to see Yukito …… I–!” (Shiori)

“He’s not here, though.” (Yuri)

“Eh? I-Is that so?” (Shiori)

It was a waste of time. I get discouraged. I wondered if he had gone out somewhere, or if he hadn’t returned yet. There’s no need to be here when the person you want is not here.

“Are you…going to give it to him?” (Yuri)

“Eh?” (Shiori)

Yuri’s gaze was fixed on the chocolate in my hand. It’s obvious that I’m holding it in my hand. When I realized this, my face immediately turned red.

Uhm…..If he’s not here, maybe another time!” (Shiori)

I hurriedly turned on my heel.

But the cold voice that came from behind my back forced me to stop.

“Are you trying to trick my brother again?” (Yuri)

“—–!” (Shiori)

When I turned around, Yuri was right in front of me.

The sound of her pumps clacking on the ground and her intelligent gaze piercing through me.

“Are you trying to trick and hurt my brother again? Do you really think I’m going to let you do that?” (Yuri)

“What…… do you……?” (Shiori)

There was a clear hatred in her eyes.

“I know what you did, Kamishiro-san. The things you’ve done. And that you’re the reason he got hurt so badly.” (Yuri)

“I-I’m sorry! I—” (Shiori)

I couldn’t stop shaking. I was misunderstood.

Just because Yuki didn’t mention my name at all at school doesn’t mean he didn’t tell his family about it. He must have been honest about how it happened. Yuki had no reason to lie to his family.

He was never the type to hide things in the first place. Yuki had been very protective of me. But I’m sure that was unforgivable for Yuki’s family.

“How dare you hurt my brother?” (Yuri)

“I didn’t mean it!” (Shiori)

“He’s been hurting so much over that woman, and now you’re taking advantage of it.” (Yuri)

“I’m serious! I wasn’t trying to trick him……” (Shiori)

“Then…!　Then why did you lie to him!” (Yuri)

The distance between us was so close that I could almost catch her by the chest and stare at her.

They know everything about me, even the stupid lies I’ve told.

I’m sure I’m unforgivable to you, Yuri.

It’s my fault! He lied to them and covered for me, but he didn’t tell anyone. He even had to quit the club because of it!　If it wasn’t for me, Yuki would have even made it to the tournament!

I didn’t even know what I was saying. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I simply piled up the words of apology. The impact of the force in my hand crushed the box of chocolates with a crunch.

“You’re not the one who is supposed to cry. It’s the boy.” (Yuri)

“I….am…..sorry….” (Shiori)

As if she lost interest, she took her eyes off me and walked away.

“Maybe he’s at the outdoor court.” (Yuri)

I heard Yuri say a few words as she left.

By the time I realized what she meant, I was running.

[Yuri POV]

Shiori Kamishiro runs out. It’s been quite some time now. There is no guarantee that my brother will be there when she heads out now. No, he might have already pulled out. He should be back home soon. Even if Shiori Kamishiro were to head out now, it would most likely be a waste of time.

“She is a disgusting woman. I ……” (Yuri)

Even so, I dared to harass him in such a way that might end up in vain, because otherwise it would not be possible to stop. I am tormented by an inexplicable self-loathing. It’s as if I’m looking in a mirror, a mirror that reflects my own ugliness.

The one who hurt him the most was me.

The words I spat out to no one in particular disappeared along with my self-mockery.

[End of Yuri Pov]

“He’s not here.……?” (Shiori)

The sun had already set. Only the streetlights illuminated the darkness. The only background music was the slight buzzing and buzzing of insects in the distance.

At last, Yuki was gone. He couldn’t have been staying out this late in the cold. It was too late, I couldn’t make it. I wondered what Yuri had intended to tell me, or if she had anticipated this. When I think about it, it was also unnatural that Yuri, who had been so hostile towards me, told me so honestly.

I sat down on the bench. Everything is going wrong. I can’t even say one word to him, and I can’t give him the one thing I want to give him. Even though I was very close to him, I could not help but feel the distance between us.

Suddenly, I noticed a trash can next to the bench. I wonder if I should just throw it away. There’s no way I’m going to be able to give it to him anyway.……

“I don’t need this …….” (Shiori)

The outer box was crushed and looked terrible. I’m not sure if the inside is safe either. It could have been broken. I can’t help but think that it looks ugly, just like me now.

As if lured by an irresistible desire, I stand up to throw it in the trash. I have no right to say I love him. All I can do is make amends. All I can do is hope to repay everything I’ve ruined.

I should throw away this feeling of love.

“What are you doing here at this hour?” (Yuki)

I heard a voice that I just wanted to hear, and my hands stopped.

“…… Yuki? Why? Why are you here……?” (Shiori)

“That’s my line. I was just talking to someone I know.” (Yuki)

Somehow, Shiori Kamishiro was there. Why?

She’s in her school uniform at this hour.

“Friends?” (Shiori)

“I was talking to an old man in high school. He’s definitely not my friend.” (Yuki)

After all, acquaintance would be the appropriate word. I hadn’t seen the group of high school students I used to play streetball with in a while. It’s no wonder they hadn’t seen me in a while when I had my fracture, but they were subtly concerned because I hadn’t shown up at all. Hyakuma-senpai is a good person. I’m sorry for calling you an old man.

“What are you doing here? You’ll catch a cold.” (Yuki)

“U-un. I’m sorry.” (Shiori)

“I don’t need an apology.” (Yuki)

I bought hot coffee and tea from the vending machine and sat down on a bench. I handed the tea to Kamishiro and sipped the coffee.

“What is it?” (Yuki)

“…… Sorry.” (Shiori)

“You’re always apologizing.” (Yuki)

“I can never apologize enough.” (Shiori)

“No one wants to hear it.” (Yuki)

“But, but! I’m the reason Yuki…” (Shiori)

I’m in trouble. Kamishiro is emotionally unstable.

To be honest, it’s nothing to be concerned about from my point of view, as I’m always injured, but it seems that Kamishiro herself can’t take it that way.

However, there was nothing I could say to her, so all I could do was sit there in silence. I’m hungry. ……. I hope my mother is not angry. I’m sure my sister is furious.

“Today. I was going to give you this.” (Shiori)

“Why is it so soggy?” (Yuki)

“I’m sorry. You don’t need this, right”

She laughed weakly and tried to throw it in the trash.

“Were you planning on giving people things you didn’t think they’d want?” (Yuki)

“No, it’s not! But I can’t give it. I can’t give it to you! Because I’m not qualified to say beyond that. ……” (Shiori)

“Just give it to me.” (Yuki)

“N-no!” (Shiori)

When I broke open the box, I found the contents were chocolates. I would have been surprised if it was anything other than what I was expecting, but there were a few pieces scattered around the box, but nothing out of the ordinary. I opened it and put it in my mouth. It’s a good snack to have with your coffee.

“Chocolate is also good for relieving fatigue.” (Yuki)

“Yuki……” (Shiori)

“Don’t look at me like that, Kamishiro, eat it too. It will improve your blood circulation.” (Yuki)

“Gah.” (Shiori)

I relentlessly shoved it into Kamishiro’s mouth. In addition, chocolate has a warming effect on the body. It was surprisingly rational to give chocolate to someone during the cold winter season of Valentine’s Day.

“Now that we’ve eaten the chocolate, let’s go home.” (Yuki)

“Yuki, how can you be so nice to me?” (Shiori)

“Nice? That’s never been on my report card.” (Yuki)

“You’re not a good judge of character.” (Shiori)

I don’t know what kind of emotion is put into the words that I answer. I don’t know what she wants. I’ve never been involved with people deeply enough to understand what they want, and I don’t have enough experience to do so. That’s why my answers are always tremendously off the mark.

“Look. It’s all my own fault that I got hurt, and Kamishiro didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just like a real professional baseball player. It’s all my fault. That’s all. Come on, let’s go home, student.” (Yuki)

We can’t stay in this place forever. This is the most important time. It would be unfortunate if she got sick. I cut off the conversation and let her get up.

I’m always the one who’s at fault, not someone else.

If I hadn’t been there, Kamishiro wouldn’t have had to suffer.

If it were not for me, Suzurikawa would be able to go out with her seniors without hesitation.

If I hadn’t been there, my sister wouldn’t have done what she did.

If it weren’t for me, Mom would have been able to concentrate on her work.

So there is nothing for anyone to worry about.

It’s that simple.

“Why does it bother them so much?” (Yuki)

There was no one to answer that question.