The Golden Watch Of Hypnosis - Chapter 23: Swiggty Swoogty : I'm Coming For That Tenshi Booty! ( )
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- Chapter 23: Swiggty Swoogty : I'm Coming For That Tenshi Booty! ( )
“What’s a yandere? ”
My anger cooled down as I looked at Tenshi. Slightly relieved that it wasn’t something else.
Still, the image of the girl on the book made me slightly jealous but I managed to hold it in myself.
Does Tenshi like women that dress in traditional attires?
If so, then I will have to learn how to wear them one day.
One day
I’ll conquer you Tenshi!
“Errr ”
Tenshi stiffly grinned as he turned around and bolted from the tree house.
“Hey! Wait! ”
“Heyyyyy!! ”
He didn’t even turn back as he jumped straight from the tree house and ran away.
Strange, why did he run away?
Tenshi, you have to give me a good excuse later
I looked at the book in my hands and opened it.
Strange, instead of a manga, it was a novel.
I thought that it would be a manga since it was stuffed within the manga pile
Nonetheless, I once again placed my attention back on the novel on my hand.
On the first page, the name of the author was written in bold with an italicized quote from him just two or three spaces under.
The author’s name was Gyihhuhu.
I racked my mind, have I ever heard of him before?
No, I never heard of him before.
Must be a newcomer
I nodded, slightly curious and then looked at the quote from the author.
I was shocked with what I saw.
“Well, I normally only fuck tigers, but I think I can make an exception for a beautiful lady. ”
My face warped in disgust and disdain as I saw the crude words spoken by the author. god, what if my Tenshi is influenced by reading this?!
Grrr!
I anxiously turned a page and started to read the book, trying to understand why Tenshi would read a book written by such a vile writer.
Written in bold letters were,
Levels Of Yanderes!
And under that, were lines and lines of paragraphs.
With my determination not wavering, I started to read.
Level 1: The Sweetheart
Description : The Yandere seems like a nice person you want to be friends with, but just wait until you get to know the her better.
Level 2: Your Stalker
Description : The Yandere has begun to watch you, and stalk you here and there. But they just have a big crush on you, how much worse could it get?
Level 3: Creep
Description : Not only are they stalking you, but giving off threats to people you know, the hell? It’s not just a tease here and there, they are full on trying to kidnap you in your sleep! That’s not just creepy, it seems a little murderous. I just hope they don’t show off their true colors…
Level 4: A Silent Killer
Description: Okay, so lots of people are now dying around you. Especially the opposite sex, they’re showing their true colors now! Lots of (opposite sex) are dying because of this Yandere. He/She must be stopped, it’s either you kill them or yourself. I’m just hoping that my best friend isn’t next. Even bullies close to me are dying, it’s not even funny at this point!
Level 5: Kidnapper
Description : They are kidnapping me while I sleep, I’ve been tortured countless times for talking to people of the opposite sex, I’m getting scared. If I run, he/she will find me. If I hide, they’ll wanna kill me. I have no option but to stay with them, unless I want all my friends to die.
Level 6: FULL ON YANDERE DESCRIPTION: Not only am I being watched every second, but they’re threatening me. The Yandere has had countless killing sprees, I feel like one day they’ll take off my head just so I could be with them. Does he/she even have parents? Unless.. they’re dead, too. I don’t know what to do, should I stay? Should I die? All the decisions. I have a fear that I’ll be the next person to die by this Yandere.
Level 7: No Escape
Description : So, I am kidnapped in the basement by the Yandere, and being tortured. So, pretty much this is the last stage, where they try to **** you so nobody else can take your innocence. Plus, they’re always watching you, and forcing you to do things. There’s no escape, they will even kill your family to have you. It’s unbelievably heartbreaking to be forced to watch a family die. They will do anything to have you, so goodnight Hopefully, if I live to see tomorrow. Bye?
Hmm?
I guess I now understand what a yandere is
Isn’t that just like me?
Although, I wouldn’t go as far as kidnapping him
Killing his family so that he doesn’t have anyone to rely on, and then jumping on him and consoling him will make him obsessed with me!
The only family member he’s close to is his sister
That’s a great idea!
But no, I can’t do that.
He’ll hate me if I do that, he loves his sister more than he loves himself.
As long as it’s familial love
A thought came to my mind, why was this particular book in his collection?
…
Wait, he knows that I’m such a selfish and manipulative person inside?
That’s why he bought this novel? The Guide On How To Train Yanderes?
Despair started to invade my heart as I thought whether or not Tenshi hated the real me.
The real me, a selfish and vulnerable girl that doesn’t care what methods she uses to obtain her desires.
Would he hate me?
Will he talk to me anymore?
Wait, i-it’s still salvageable, he wanted to tame me right?
I can just suppress my inner self and.. and
Eventually, the despair started to get stronger and stronger until anger took over.
I looked at the book with anger I have never felt before, not even when I saw my father.
It’s all because of this damn book!
Fuck you Gyihhuhu!
I wanted to throw the book away and burn it until I saw something that caught my attention on the index page.
Section B For The Yandere Girls!
Chapter 1 How To Get Your Senpai/Crush/Obsession To Notice And Love You! (100% Satisfaction Guranteed!)
I warily looked at it, my eyes as dark as it could be possible for a human.
The title was too attractive to the Yandere me.
I decided to give this book another chance and read it.
The author is bad though. (AU I’ll kill you off if you say that another time.)
Until later, however, I would come to pity myself for badmouthing such an awesome author.
Written on the book was –
‘Are YOU in love with a dense senpai/male? Then, I, Great lord and porn au-
*cough*
I mean, this author has tips for girls like you!
Read on! ‘
I nodded, yes, Tenshi was a dummy. He didn’t get most of the lovey-dovey gestures I sent him and he always thought of my confessions of love towards him as siblings love.
He was dense
I started to read, very curious about the methods stated in the book.
1. Kidnap him/senpai until he likes you-always works, works much better if the target has Stockholm Syndrome.
I thought about it and smirked with disdain. I did think of this before, but if I kidnap him, where am I going to hide him?
I don’t have a house now, so it’ll have to wait until I have one, I can’t let him roam free, a girl might just snoop in and steal him.
I planned in my mind to stage a theft in my house and steal some cash and then buy a house in the middle of the forest.
I blushed as I thought about living alone in the forest with just Tenshi and our children.
We’ll have at least four children!
I coughed and disconnected myself from my delusions and returned to reading the book.
2. Kill all of senpai’s /Te-*cough harem members/potential members and then sing Only Girl (in the world) by Rihanna.
I nodded, but also slightly disagreed within my mind.
Tenshi isn’t a raving sex maniac like my father, he wouldn’t have a harem.
He only loves me~
I have total trust in that!
3. Get closer to him(ask him about his phone number, his home address, email) and stick to his side, forever.
3.5. Text him 24/7, if he blocks you, buy another phone and start all over again!
I face-palmed myself, I never even thought about getting his phone numbers and his house address!
I’m stupid! How will I be the perfect bride for Tenshi if I’m so dimwitted?
Besides, having his contact information is also useful in another way, I can always stalk him!
4. (VERY IMPORTANT) Here’s a normal one. Just talk to senpai/him. Talk to him very nicely. Get to know what he does. When he does it. How he does it. Always ‘end up’ to where he is. Remember, act feminine and be nice to him, don’t act like a tsundere. (on a side note, just if you wanted to know, I also have another book called ‘how to turn tsunderes into wife material ‘ on Amazon only for 69$!)
I nodded.
I looked at myself and nodded.
Although I’m slightly brash and cold to other people, I always made sure to be as feminine and gentle as I can to Tenshi.
Even then, I still had another unique asset on myself.
I grinned, slightly bashful as I put my hands on my breasts.
All boys like these right?
Would he blush if I press them against his arm?~
I giggled, I would like to see him blush.
5. Look at the beautiful senpai/him with unwavering attention, also, buy a pair of binoculars to spy on him.
Not a bad idea! A binocular would be a very great investment!
6. Stalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalkstalk(a great way to get his attention. Although, not guaranteed to make him fall for you though.)
I giggled, I do stalk him from time to time. I even know where his school is!
7. Tell senpai you love them for ever and ever and ever and ever and and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever *Works best if you don’t know him for long.
Hmph, I did do all of these, but, he’s too dense!
8. Somehow get into your senpai/crush’s house and greet him with a big smile when he gets up!
I nodded, I will do this once I get a chance to stalk him to his house, I never actually get a chance to follow him into his house due to him being too cautious.
9. Show up to his house in a wedding dress and tell his family that he has defiled you and if he doesn’t marry you, you’ll tell it to his whole school!(Might lessen senpai/his love towards you, but in the end, it doesn’t matter if you manage to get his di*k.)
10. Remind him/senpai about his romantic date with you (without telling him about it earlier)
11. Smell him/senpai and say “Dinner’s not ready Yet”
12. Make perfume that smells exactly like him/senpai, then spray it all over your room.
13. Swiggyt swoogty, I’m coming for that senpai booty.
14. Sneak into his/senpai’s bed and comb his hair until he shows signs of waking up.
15. Bribe senpai/him with food.
16. Give senpai/him sleeping gas and then, put him in your basement forever!
17. Pretend to ‘trip’ into senpai/his arms.(guaranteed to work, will get him worked up)
18. Stand next to senpai/him and smell and pat his hair constantly.
19. Find a heart shaped rock and tape you and your senpai/his picture on it, then put it in his/senpai’s bag.
20. Find senpai’s crush and make yourself look and act like them. Become them.
21. Sneak into senpai/his house and pray to him. He’s your God.
22. Write a book called 50 shades of senpai.
23. Steal Senpai’s pillow and shove it under your shirt. Pretend you are pregnant with his child.
24. Bake cookies for Senpai and add your secret ingredient*
*Your ‘all natural white sauce’
25. Pretend to drop some paper in front of Senpai. When you bend down to pick them up, seductively shake your butt in Senpai’s face and say: “Do you like what you see~?”
26. Sneak into Senpai’s house and tell him that you want to get married to him. If he says No, kill him and then hold a funeral in his room. Right after the funeral, get married to your beautiful, dead, Senpai. You shall love Senpai even if he’s dead. Don’t give up, ladies.
254. Tell Senpai that you want to become ‘one’ with him. Have a creepy looking face, and wiggle your eyebrows when you say it too.
255. How to go out with Senpai,
1) Go inside his house.
2) Ask to go out with him.
3) If he rejects, set his house on fire when he doesn’t see.
4) When he tells you that you and him need to go out, freak out because he just asked you out!
Fin!
Tears slept down my eyes as I held the holy Bible in my hands.
I sighed and looked at the sunset outside the tree house.
“Thank you God Emperor Gyihhuhu”
_________
[Flashback Sequence End]
_________
[Ding!]
[You Have Received A Quest]
Tenshi looked at the screen with an amused gaze and chuckled.
Hell, this was pretty funny!
Did you guys know that I originally thought about making this series a yandere centered erotica?