The Last Snow: Love Me Once Again For A Year - Chapter 182

Amid a lot of mental stress that I felt today, suddenly the sound of the cell phone in my pocket made me awake. I was in a daze for a while like a person who had just risen from the dead. I even forgot where I was now; why I was in this place; what was I doing here; and why I cried. Until Dr. Jeong’s words suddenly flashed through my mind, making me realize that what I was facing now was much harder than before.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and as soon as I saw it was just a call from A Yeong, I carelessly ignored the call and went back to my previous thoughts.

More and more, my tears were getting heavier so that I struggled to keep my voice from being heard by people in this place.

I hung my head to hide my face and then raised my hand, covering my eyes filled with many tears of agony with my palm so that passersby wouldn’t see how pathetic I was now.

I didn’t expect myself to cry in front of the crowd, showing how dreadful I was with this situation. No matter how hard I tried to hold back these painful tears, all I got was extreme pain like I was about to burst my eyeballs.

Finally, after trying hard to quiet myself down, I managed to control my feelings. I then wiped my tears, then tried to stand up with my trembling legs. And, after making up my mind, I started to walk to the ward.

As soon as I opened the door, Chunghee turned his face towards me. He opened his eyes slowly; he even had trouble opening them.

Forcing a smile, I slowly stepped towards him, hiding the paper behind me. However, even so, he seemed to notice it, so he asked in a feeble voice, “What … is it?”

I sat beside his bed, trying to change the subject, “I’ve talked to Dr. Jeong, he said if your condition getting better, next week you can have surgery. So don’t think too much about something, okay?”

However, I was indeed a person who wasn’t good at hiding something from him. So, Chunghee didn’t even care about what I just said and asked the same question as before, “No … It’s not what I mean … what is it?” He glanced at the paper I hid.

Finally, having no choice, I showed the approval letter with a heavy heart while saying, “This is an approval letter in this hospital if you are willing to donate your organs.”

Chunghee was stunned for a moment but didn’t seem frightened at all. He even said lightly, “Are any of my organs still healthy? If there are, yeah, I’ll sign it. But I’m having a hard time holding onto a thing, so will you sign it for me?”

I instantly froze, not moving an inch.

Until Chunghee asked me once again in a low voice, “Daehyun, please, sign it for me.”

I gritted my teeth, saying, “This letter is only an option. Promise me you’ll get through this, okay?”

Chunghee nodded his head weakly in response.

Hesitantly I grabbed the pen on the table and signed it with a heavy heart as if it was crying out loud on each ink stroke.

After signing the letter, Chunghee suddenly said, “I have to stay alive, right?”

For some reason hearing those words, my heart broke. I held his hand, saying as if spitting out the pain from my bleeding heart, “Chunghee, you must stay alive. Don’t leave me alone or I will feel guilty for the rest of my life.”

Finishing my words, Chunghee’s face suddenly turned sullen. “But … you’ve sacrificed a lot for me and I always bother you ….”

Hearing his words, I couldn’t help but embrace him. “You don’t bother me at all. I told you, right? I’d even be glad if I could do something for you. I just want to ….”

Before I could finish my sentence, tears burst out in my eyes again, pouring a lot of remorse into my heart. I said while sobbing, “I … just want … to be with you in my entire life … dammit, I’ve never been this crazy with someone else, you know.”

There was a feeling of fear and anxiety within me that couldn’t be disguised by just a line of faking smiles.

“Daehyun …,” he said, patting my head gently, “I … never intended to leave you ….”

Hearing those words, I spontaneously tightened my arms. I couldn’t lie to myself that those words made me feel so much better as if a dim light was now getting bright gradually and seeping into my mind. It soothed my heart which had mourned from the pain all this time.

I knew that Chunghee had said hurtful words to me too many times and I knew that I was in pain because of them, but I still choose to stay with him until now. Even if it hurt me, I wouldn’t mind at all after seeing how he smiled at me.

If I needed to bear the pain of everyone on this earth to make him smile all the time, then I would do it even at the cost of my feelings.

Didn’t people already know that I was crazy about him?

Even the world knew how crazy I was of him.

Unfortunately, the world was mute, unable to express what it knew.

Moments later, Chunghee suddenly spoke, “Daehyun, when I’m sad, you’re the only person who is always there for me ….”

I lifted my head slowly, looking at Chunghee’s face. As soon as I saw his face, tears suddenly welled up in his eyes.

I smiled at him, said while wiping his tears with my thumb, “I’ll never leave you. I seem made to keep watching over you. So, please, fight once again to get through all of this, okay? Don’t make me be out of my job because I lost the person I’ve been taking care of.”

Finally, Chunghee smiled. “I’m … trying.”

His voice was quiet, his cry also slowly disappeared, leaving traces of tears in his eyes. I said, still smiling bitterly, “You’ve been crying too much lately. It’s enough, okay? Your eyes are too puffy now.”

“I lost the person who has always accompanied me for many years. Even though in the end, our relationship had to end up like this, I couldn’t help but cry for him … he has given me happiness and pain. How can I not cry over all that?” with a pause, he continued, “But, you … because of you … looks like I have to learn to forget him from now on ….”

There was a long pause between both of us until he said again, “I left him in early winter last year when the first snow fell in December where it should have been a great day to welcome Christmas for many people. But for me, it was the worst day ever of my life,” paused, he continued, “Now, it’s the end of winter. It’s been three months … this is far from what I expected.”

I kept silent in stillness.

Then, he said again, “Daehyun, I’m happy. I just want to thank you because … I wouldn’t have been able to stand this far without you ….”

The words were so sudden and the expression on his face was shocking me.

There was genuine sincerity in his quietness when he said his words but I knew … there was a grief he hid.

The words didn’t make me pleased at all. If it was possible for me to yell at him not to say such things, then I would do that.

But, I didn’t have the heart to yell at him. I would never do that!

It was just I didn’t want to make the atmosphere between us get awkward, so I said, “I’m glad to hear that. Thanks for saying that.”

Chunghee seemed to be struggling to carve a smile on his face until finally, he managed to paint a smile once again. Even though it seemed forced, for me, his smile was always beautiful and precious.

He closed his eyes slowly, saying in a whispering voice, “Thank goodness … I guess I should rest now.”

Sobbing, I caressed his cheek and continued to stare at his face like a glimmer of hope that I always took care of.

However …

What he promised me today where he wanted to stand and never leave me alone were lies …

His words were lies …

But, what could I do?

The reality was awful. No matter how much you hoped for something better, it wouldn’t do anything other than make you cry harder.

Our conversation on that day was the last time he opened his eyes.

After that, day by day his condition got worse.

Until one night, when the last snow fell at the end of winter in February, I hugged him tightly in my arms while I kept crying over him …

‘Thank goodness … I guess I should rest now.’

It was the last sentence that I heard of him.

In my arms, his body was cold … and getting colder.

His skin was pale … and getting paler.

And, the death was coming to him, leaving a smile on his face.

Finally, his tears stopped …

His pain stopped …

Now, he didn’t need to pretend to be okay anymore …

He no longer needed to suffer and only needed to welcome the infinite senses of peace that would make him smile all the time to wait for the second life.

Now, I knew why Chunghee said that he was going to rest. It was because boundless quietness was already in the edge of his eyes …

Yeah, this was the best way because the world was so cruel for a good man like him.

“Chunghee, get some rest. You don’t have to push yourself anymore from now on.”

___________END___________