The Last Snow: Love Me Once Again For A Year - Chapter 183

One week after Chunghee’s death, all day long my heart just continued to be shrouded in deep sorrow as if this world was a narrow space that locked me in extreme grief, sadness, despair, and I was dying inside.

At first, I thought that this gloom wouldn’t last long, so I intended to stay in this city any longer and learn to make peace with myself to live a better life in the future.

However, in reality, day after day was so hard for me to live. Every day I couldn’t stop thinking about him, like a drug addict.

I had waited for two decades, but what I got after finding him was permanent grief. Separated for years and when I reunited with him again, he cruelly left me for good.

No one had ever hurt me so viciously like him.

But, I wasn’t angry. I didn’t hold grudges either.

It was just that I felt very sorry. The day after his death, at his wish, he was buried in a cemetery in Jeju Island. I also donated the money as he had told me, wherein he even didn’t have much money on his card, only around 1,000. It wasn’t even enough for the funeral expenses.

As far as I knew, Donghwa was a prosperous person, he could even buy a luxury apartment and live there with Chunghee. But, why was he so willing to let his lover live on his own money while they were still together?

However, I couldn’t do much and let what had happened between them pass.

For now, Chunghee deserved a more decent funeral, so I fulfilled it.

The two things I kept were the ring I gave him and his cotton coat, which even today, I could still sense the scent from his body.

On the second night after his death, I started to feel very frustrated. I locked myself away for days, spending those days only by crying until there were no more tears to roll down my face with endless sorrow.

It was the first time I felt the most painful thing after my mother’s death.

Until one night full of chaos, my father came without a pity. With anger and disappointment in his eyes, he smacked me as a useless kid and I accepted all of it without a fight, even I fell unconscious and woke up on a different night in a hospital.

That’s pretty crazy.

As I get hit by blow, I wish he would kill me that very night, so that I could end this suffering.

I immediately understood how Donghwa suffered from being abandoned by someone he loved, and maybe more than what I felt right now.

Wait…

Perhaps, I already knew it for a long time, but was just reluctant to admit it, because a fit of strong anger and hatred had wiped out my senses at that time.

I sometimes laughed, then suddenly became sad, remembering how Chunghee left me without saying goodbye.

Our meeting was sudden and our separation was also sudden. Black clouds covered the blue sky, but it didn’t rain for a brightening day. That’s how I had been feeling this week. It was really hard to explain in clearer words.

I was standing right in front of a gate that read: “Leaving to Peace”. This was the place where Chunghee rested from all his wounds, and I immediately stepped in, holding a bouquet as a present for him.

In front of me, there was a tomb with a white headstone and well-groomed. I couldn’t help but smile with a hint of immense sadness when I saw it. Then, I crouched down, placing the flower on the grave. I rubbed the gravestone gently and smiled ironically.

There were words engraved on it:

Rest In Peace

Park Chunghee

27 April 1982 – 23 February 2014.

“Hi, Chunghee. I came to visit you. I’m sorry for not visiting you earlier. You know, I almost lost myself these days. But, now I’m feeling better.”

Hearing my own words, I chuckled a little. I didn’t know who I was talking to, to a grave? The question was, would the person lying in this grave listen to my words?

But, I didn’t care. I just wanted to talk to him today.

“You know, I want to tell you something. Do you remember the design you designed when you were still working at TU Company? I found it, Manager Hye also promoted it. It will be in production soon. Unfortunately, you can’t sit on the podium with me when it’s released …”

I paused for a moment, thinking that what I had just said was unimportant. I smiled sillily, and changed the subject, “Chunghee, it’s only been a week since you left me. The length of this one week was only in terms of numbers, but going through it with so many heavy things to bear like this, it feels like going through a year. What if it’s one year?”

“If you ask me about my days this week, I’ll be honest with you, that it didn’t go well. I was depressed. For five days I was like a person with a mental disorder. So, I decided to come to see you today, and hope that you will give me a solution.”

“You expect happiness for me, right? You told me once when we lived together, but you didn’t even accompany me at this time. How can I get that happiness? How? While the happiness that I had hoped for was gone a week ago. If you know how to get another happiness you once said, please tell me.”

“I sometimes wonder, why it’s so easy for you to say impossible things like that … can’t you see how sad I was when you say such cruel things? It hurts me so much, Chunghee. It hurts me so much. If you did see that sadness in my eyes, then it’s much sadder than what you see. Therefore, please don’t wish happiness for me unless it is you who will make me happy.”

“And now, I have to lose you. Do you know what I’ve been thinking about these five days? I’ve always thought, what if I kill myself?”

“Heh, but this is a little ridiculous. I don’t know why but I find it ridiculous. You said you would live with me, but you’re lying. Why didn’t you stick around for me any longer?”

Remembering this, sadness welled up in my chest, like it was burning my heart, but soon I quelled it with a sigh and a genuine smile. I continued to speak with hope, “Chunghee, If in the second life you meet me again, don’t expect me to let you go. You promised me too many times in your previous life, then one day I will collect those promises. So, prepare yourself for my madness later.”

“Therefore, I will always wait for you. No matter how difficult the day is, I will always wait for you. Even if you still dedicate your feelings to him, I will still wait for you no matter what.”

Even though those words sound far-fetched, I, myself seriously said those words. I wouldn’t let him go so easily next time.

I took a deep breath, then said the important thing deeply, “You know, lately, my father has been pressuring me with a lot of things. I can’t stand it. So, I decided something. I will be leaving this country the day after tomorrow.”

“Staying here any longer would be suicidal. I was under a lot of pressure. A lunatic like me is crazy enough for even more depressing things. I tried to last a week, but I finally gave up. As I said before, one week was like a year to me. I wasn’t strong enough.”

“However, as long as you know. Wherever I am and no matter how old I am, I will still love you no matter what. You were the first person who made me fall in love, so please, finish this for me one day.” Smiling, I continued, “Then I’ll go first. See you one day.”

After saying that, I immediately left with a heavy heart. Now and then I look back, hoping that the day I had been waiting for would come one day.

Since then, I had been trying to stay alive. People wouldn’t know what I had been up to all this time, but I knew for sure that I was taking on a lot of promises from someone, which, one day, I would have to collect all of them.

I had been waiting for one person since the beginning and now, I would still be waiting. Therefore, I thought that … I wouldn’t fall in love again if it wasn’t for him.

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