The Long Road Ahead - Chapter 28

Xiao Ning chatted away with Wu Yi in the kitchen al afternoon without realising it. When they returned to the living room, Ye Zixin was already gone and only Shan Haiming was left sitting there watching the television.

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, “Xia Li? Is something wrong?”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

“Where’s Zixin?” Wu Yi asked.

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

“She and my brother left.” Shan Haiming’s never lifted from the screen as he replied. “They probably won’t be back for dinner tonight.”

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. “Everyone has there own life and place, so it’s not right to compare someone with another like this.”

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. “Can you refute me?”

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

“For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry.” Contrary to his words, Xia Li’s tone was frigid.

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

“Your brother can’t compare to you.” Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming’s side profile.

Xiao Ning: “…”

Wu Yi didn’t seem at all surprised by this. “Oh, alright. I’ll tell Miss Guo not to make much, but there’s going to be a lot of soup, so if all isn’t eaten later this evening, you two will have to take some back. Anyhow, has your dad still not come down?”

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Shan Haiming rose up to look at Xiao Ning in the eye, ad seeing the other man looking as though he had already received quite a blow, he lifted his hand to tousle Xiao Ning’s hair, stroking it just as he did Xiaohei’s. “It a praise comparing your beauty to a flower.”

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

“Nope,” Shan Haiming replied.

Xiao Ning: “…”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Xiao Ning truly learned a lot about the Shan family’s issues, causing him to feel more emotional towards Shan Haiming’s experiences and treatment. He struggled imagining what thoughts went through Shan Haiming’s head when facing his the ever-present suspicion and set-ups by his own older brother. He did all he could to strip away his interests from Shan Haihong’s, and he handled it so well. He also never allowed himself to debase himself as Shan Haihong had wished, this was his ability, but it was not his responsibility.

“He never left the study.” Shan Haiming shot Xiao Ning a glance, and noticing the gaze on him, Shan Haiming raised his brows and asked, “Did he do something?”

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

“I’ve never seen any kind of love that doesn’t contain any monopolistic desire or jealousy.” Shan Haiming scanned Xiao Ning from head to toe. “I also never saw any relationship where only one person gives with no expectation for something return. So what is it that you’re getting from Lu Yan? Security? Self-satisfaction? Your feelings are really weak too, so if you have to find someone to rely on, you’ll be the the same way with anyone you switch to and keep at your side.”

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

Xiao Ning truly learned a lot about the Shan family’s issues, causing him to feel more emotional towards Shan Haiming’s experiences and treatment. He struggled imagining what thoughts went through Shan Haiming’s head when facing his the ever-present suspicion and set-ups by his own older brother. He did all he could to strip away his interests from Shan Haihong’s, and he handled it so well. He also never allowed himself to debase himself as Shan Haihong had wished, this was his ability, but it was not his responsibility.

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

He shouldn’t have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn’t.

“Alright, dear.” Wu Yi was now again relaxed. “Get going, then, so you guys can get back early.”

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

N/A

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Xiao Ning closed his eyes.

Without a doubt, Xiao Ning was a cowardly person, and it was something he had always known. He was also extremely realistic and timid. He never thought to fight for the sake of his feelings, choosing to only guard his unrequited love as he alone watched it fluctuate from joy to sorrows, to flourish and whither, from the very beginning until the its eventual end.

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning’s face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

But Xiao Ning then countered, “That right there proves it, he can’t compare to you. You’ve done a great job.”

Confirming his expression wasn’t any different, Shan Haiming threw his attention towards Wu Yi and asked, “Why are there so many trees in the yard?”

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. “I-I… for him… is probably more of a platonic love?”

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, “Hello, Xia Li?”

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, “Hello, Xia Li?”

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

In the end, he also smiled and said, “Alright. Thank you.”

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

Not long after, Shan Yisong came downstairs then everyone sat together and ate dinner. The atmosphere was more harmonious than it was at noon, with less artificiality and premeditation. Shan Yisong still did not say much, but he did not look at Xiao Ning sharply.

His voice contained not even the slightest ounce of regret, and Xiao Ning guessed it may have been Lu Yan who told him to call and apologise for the hit. “Oh, that, it’s fine. I already understood. You don’t need to worry about it, okay? You and Lu Yan are alright, right?”

Xiao Ning closed his eyes.

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. “I…”

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

Xiao Ning closed his eyes.

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

“Nope,” Shan Haiming replied.

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

Xiao Ning: “…”

“She and my brother left.” Shan Haiming’s never lifted from the screen as he replied. “They probably won’t be back for dinner tonight.”

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

This response itself was beyond Xiao Ning’s expectations, but more than that, there was something strangely different in Shan Haiming’s tone. However, before he could think of what or why it was so, he instinctively changed the subject. “Your mom said that you used to pick up strays and take them back home with you as a kid, but it wasn’t easy for you to take care of them there. So why don’t you still do it now that you live alone?”

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

“Haa.” Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. “It’s a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make thing end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend.”

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

“Anyhow, I don’t pick any pets because my schedule isn’t fixed. I also have to go on business trips sometimes.” Shan Haiming then added, “Living alone is inconvenient, and if I had a pet, I wouldn’t be able to take care of it properly, so it’s better to not have one to begin with.”

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

“He never left the study.” Shan Haiming shot Xiao Ning a glance, and noticing the gaze on him, Shan Haiming raised his brows and asked, “Did he do something?”

“Alright, dear.” Wu Yi was now again relaxed. “Get going, then, so you guys can get back early.”

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

“Anyhow, I don’t pick any pets because my schedule isn’t fixed. I also have to go on business trips sometimes.” Shan Haiming then added, “Living alone is inconvenient, and if I had a pet, I wouldn’t be able to take care of it properly, so it’s better to not have one to begin with.”

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

Zheng Yan had brought back Shan Haiming’s car earlier that afternoon and parked it in the garage, so, at that moment, all they had to do was get in the car and drive off.

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

Nonetheless, it was this bit of feelings he had for Lu Yan that had humbly and joyfully been with him throughout each part of his lonely years. He liked Lu Yan, he even loved him. That kind of care he felt towards him had long been carved into Xiao Ning’s character. Even if he no longer feels that way now, it was still the only and most worthwhile glimmer of expectation he has had in his mediocre life.

Having no interest in having a prolonged chat with Xia Li, after saying those polite words he wanted to end the call, but he didn’t expect Xia Li to then spit, “Xiao Ning, did you deal with Lu Yan’s previous lovers like this too? Secretly stirring up trouble for them in background to serve as foil for this considerate friend routine of yours?”

They had again become two people who git along, and after two sets of conversation with both Shan Haiming’s mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

“Where’s Zixin?” Wu Yi asked.

A Grilling/Called Out

Confirming his expression wasn’t any different, Shan Haiming threw his attention towards Wu Yi and asked, “Why are there so many trees in the yard?”

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

It appeared as though Shan Haiming didn’t take the ugly expression on Xiao Ning as he replied, “You being like this, I think it wasn’t so much that Lu Yan was the man you desired, but more like a pure fantasy; what’s more, the person in this fantasy isn’t really Lu Yan.”

It appeared as though Shan Haiming didn’t take the ugly expression on Xiao Ning as he replied, “You being like this, I think it wasn’t so much that Lu Yan was the man you desired, but more like a pure fantasy; what’s more, the person in this fantasy isn’t really Lu Yan.”

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

The first one to speak was Shan Haiming, “If there’s anything you want to ask, just ask.”

Noticing his return, Xiaohei took the chance to grab onto his pant leg and climb up, meowed, rubbed itself all over Xiao Ning before laying down and releasing that purring noise that only felines could.

“Ye Zixin and your brother…” Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

This response itself was beyond Xiao Ning’s expectations, but more than that, there was something strangely different in Shan Haiming’s tone. However, before he could think of what or why it was so, he instinctively changed the subject. “Your mom said that you used to pick up strays and take them back home with you as a kid, but it wasn’t easy for you to take care of them there. So why don’t you still do it now that you live alone?”

“Ye Zixin and your brother…” Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

He shouldn’t have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn’t.

“Ah, they’re…” Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, “Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother’s machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she’s together with and who she isn’t.”

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

“I’ve never seen any kind of love that doesn’t contain any monopolistic desire or jealousy.” Shan Haiming scanned Xiao Ning from head to toe. “I also never saw any relationship where only one person gives with no expectation for something return. So what is it that you’re getting from Lu Yan? Security? Self-satisfaction? Your feelings are really weak too, so if you have to find someone to rely on, you’ll be the the same way with anyone you switch to and keep at your side.”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

But Xiao Ning then countered, “That right there proves it, he can’t compare to you. You’ve done a great job.”

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

Without a doubt, Xiao Ning was a cowardly person, and it was something he had always known. He was also extremely realistic and timid. He never thought to fight for the sake of his feelings, choosing to only guard his unrequited love as he alone watched it fluctuate from joy to sorrows, to flourish and whither, from the very beginning until the its eventual end.

“Your brother can’t compare to you.” Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming’s side profile.

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

white lotus: a person who looks pure ans innocent on the outside, but is the complete opposite on the inside. E.g. Rashta from Remarried Empress.[]So that didn’t go well… But there is a couple good takeaways from this. For one, Xiao Ning is capable of getting mad, showing it, and setting boundaries. He told Haiming to shut up, and he’s not the type to do that. And for number two, we found out what Haiming does when he likes someone (not the crazy jealousy that probably pricked a few nerves) but getting a glimpse of who might be an active participant his dreams (you will get to see those play out… but in a few chapters o(TヘTo).[]The next chapter up because this is a horrible note to end on.

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. “I…”

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, “Xia Li? Is something wrong?”

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. “Everyone has there own life and place, so it’s not right to compare someone with another like this.”

Having no interest in having a prolonged chat with Xia Li, after saying those polite words he wanted to end the call, but he didn’t expect Xia Li to then spit, “Xiao Ning, did you deal with Lu Yan’s previous lovers like this too? Secretly stirring up trouble for them in background to serve as foil for this considerate friend routine of yours?”

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, “Xia Li? Is something wrong?”

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

But Xiao Ning then countered, “That right there proves it, he can’t compare to you. You’ve done a great job.”

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

“He never left the study.” Shan Haiming shot Xiao Ning a glance, and noticing the gaze on him, Shan Haiming raised his brows and asked, “Did he do something?”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Xiao Ning clenched his fists, barely restraining the urge to smash them into Shan Haiming’s face. His lips quivered a few times, and without making a sound, he undid his seatbelt, opened the door, then walked away.

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning’s face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

Maybe it was on account those words being short, because they were as light as a feather, so light it seemed as though its tail end was continually rising.

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

Xia Li almost let out a sharp laugh. “You don’t need to worry about Lu Yan and me, we’re going to be together for a long, long time.”

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

Confirming his expression wasn’t any different, Shan Haiming threw his attention towards Wu Yi and asked, “Why are there so many trees in the yard?”

Maybe it was on account those words being short, because they were as light as a feather, so light it seemed as though its tail end was continually rising.

As a result of this sentence, Shan Haiming laughed. “Everyone has there own life and place, so it’s not right to compare someone with another like this.”

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

Noticing his return, Xiaohei took the chance to grab onto his pant leg and climb up, meowed, rubbed itself all over Xiao Ning before laying down and releasing that purring noise that only felines could.

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

This response itself was beyond Xiao Ning’s expectations, but more than that, there was something strangely different in Shan Haiming’s tone. However, before he could think of what or why it was so, he instinctively changed the subject. “Your mom said that you used to pick up strays and take them back home with you as a kid, but it wasn’t easy for you to take care of them there. So why don’t you still do it now that you live alone?”

“To me, it doesn’t really seem like you desired him. Did you had wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dream where the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking abut him?” Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill intentions riddled within his next question, “Have you ever wanted to kiss him?”

“He never left the study.” Shan Haiming shot Xiao Ning a glance, and noticing the gaze on him, Shan Haiming raised his brows and asked, “Did he do something?”

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

The first one to speak was Shan Haiming, “If there’s anything you want to ask, just ask.”

“Was that the person you got into a fight with last time?” Shan Haiming now spoke to Xiao Ning in a different tone than before, every sentence contained meaning that was hard to refute, and it was much more friendly. “What’s the matter? Did you steal someone’s boyfriend or something?”

Shan Haiming, following his lead, replied, “Didn’t I pick up you?”

He shouldn’t have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn’t.

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

But Xiao Ning then countered, “That right there proves it, he can’t compare to you. You’ve done a great job.”

But Xiao Ning then countered, “That right there proves it, he can’t compare to you. You’ve done a great job.”

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

Xiao Ning clenched his fists, barely restraining the urge to smash them into Shan Haiming’s face. His lips quivered a few times, and without making a sound, he undid his seatbelt, opened the door, then walked away.

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

Rubbing his forehead, Xiao Ning calmed down. Shan Haiming seemed certain Xiao Ning would tell him given so he neither urged him or deliberately broached the topic.

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

“Anyhow, I don’t pick any pets because my schedule isn’t fixed. I also have to go on business trips sometimes.” Shan Haiming then added, “Living alone is inconvenient, and if I had a pet, I wouldn’t be able to take care of it properly, so it’s better to not have one to begin with.”

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Blankly looking at hos phone screen, Xiao Ning then turned to Shan Haiming and asked, “What’s a white lotus?”

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

Xiao Ning was at such a loss he could only ask, “What? I never…”

“Ye Zixin and your brother…” Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, “Hello, Xia Li?”

“Ye Zixin and your brother…” Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

But for what seemed like an eternity, there was only silence from the other end of the line.

Zheng Yan had brought back Shan Haiming’s car earlier that afternoon and parked it in the garage, so, at that moment, all they had to do was get in the car and drive off.

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, “Xia Li? Is something wrong?”

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. “Can you refute me?”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Xiao Ning truly learned a lot about the Shan family’s issues, causing him to feel more emotional towards Shan Haiming’s experiences and treatment. He struggled imagining what thoughts went through Shan Haiming’s head when facing his the ever-present suspicion and set-ups by his own older brother. He did all he could to strip away his interests from Shan Haihong’s, and he handled it so well. He also never allowed himself to debase himself as Shan Haihong had wished, this was his ability, but it was not his responsibility.

“Quit trying to waggle your forked tongue.” Xia Li continued to taunt, “I’ve met more than my fair share of people like you, you’re such a white lotus. You’ve been friends with Lu Yan for so many years, but since you don’t have the balls to be with him yourself, you can’t let anyone else have him either. Doesn’t playing games with people like this hurt your conscience? Look, I’m not going to fall for your tricks, understand?”

N/A

“For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry.” Contrary to his words, Xia Li’s tone was frigid.

Wu Yi didn’t seem at all surprised by this. “Oh, alright. I’ll tell Miss Guo not to make much, but there’s going to be a lot of soup, so if all isn’t eaten later this evening, you two will have to take some back. Anyhow, has your dad still not come down?”

“To me, it doesn’t really seem like you desired him. Did you had wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dream where the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking abut him?” Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill intentions riddled within his next question, “Have you ever wanted to kiss him?”

Not long after, Shan Yisong came downstairs then everyone sat together and ate dinner. The atmosphere was more harmonious than it was at noon, with less artificiality and premeditation. Shan Yisong still did not say much, but he did not look at Xiao Ning sharply.

Xiao Ning was at such a loss he could only ask, “What? I never…”

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

His voice contained not even the slightest ounce of regret, and Xiao Ning guessed it may have been Lu Yan who told him to call and apologise for the hit. “Oh, that, it’s fine. I already understood. You don’t need to worry about it, okay? You and Lu Yan are alright, right?”

Xiao Ning truly learned a lot about the Shan family’s issues, causing him to feel more emotional towards Shan Haiming’s experiences and treatment. He struggled imagining what thoughts went through Shan Haiming’s head when facing his the ever-present suspicion and set-ups by his own older brother. He did all he could to strip away his interests from Shan Haihong’s, and he handled it so well. He also never allowed himself to debase himself as Shan Haihong had wished, this was his ability, but it was not his responsibility.

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Xia Li almost let out a sharp laugh. “You don’t need to worry about Lu Yan and me, we’re going to be together for a long, long time.”

white lotus: a person who looks pure ans innocent on the outside, but is the complete opposite on the inside. E.g. Rashta from Remarried Empress.[]So that didn’t go well… But there is a couple good takeaways from this. For one, Xiao Ning is capable of getting mad, showing it, and setting boundaries. He told Haiming to shut up, and he’s not the type to do that. And for number two, we found out what Haiming does when he likes someone (not the crazy jealousy that probably pricked a few nerves) but getting a glimpse of who might be an active participant his dreams (you will get to see those play out… but in a few chapters o(TヘTo).[]The next chapter up because this is a horrible note to end on.

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

But for what seemed like an eternity, there was only silence from the other end of the line.

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

“Haa.” Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. “It’s a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make thing end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend.”

Should I focus on the odd points or just emphasize the essential ones? Smiling bitterly, Xiao Ning thought about it for a long time, long enough for them to have made it back to the apartment and to have parked below the building.

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming’s mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. “Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?”

Having no interest in having a prolonged chat with Xia Li, after saying those polite words he wanted to end the call, but he didn’t expect Xia Li to then spit, “Xiao Ning, did you deal with Lu Yan’s previous lovers like this too? Secretly stirring up trouble for them in background to serve as foil for this considerate friend routine of yours?”

Nonetheless, it was this bit of feelings he had for Lu Yan that had humbly and joyfully been with him throughout each part of his lonely years. He liked Lu Yan, he even loved him. That kind of care he felt towards him had long been carved into Xiao Ning’s character. Even if he no longer feels that way now, it was still the only and most worthwhile glimmer of expectation he has had in his mediocre life.

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. “Can you refute me?”

Nonetheless, it was this bit of feelings he had for Lu Yan that had humbly and joyfully been with him throughout each part of his lonely years. He liked Lu Yan, he even loved him. That kind of care he felt towards him had long been carved into Xiao Ning’s character. Even if he no longer feels that way now, it was still the only and most worthwhile glimmer of expectation he has had in his mediocre life.

“Where’s Zixin?” Wu Yi asked.

Xiao Ning chatted away with Wu Yi in the kitchen al afternoon without realising it. When they returned to the living room, Ye Zixin was already gone and only Shan Haiming was left sitting there watching the television.

His voice contained not even the slightest ounce of regret, and Xiao Ning guessed it may have been Lu Yan who told him to call and apologise for the hit. “Oh, that, it’s fine. I already understood. You don’t need to worry about it, okay? You and Lu Yan are alright, right?”

Xiao Ning was at such a loss he could only ask, “What? I never…”

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning’s face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

In Shan Haiming’s eyes, was I nothing but a cruel joke? Because of the fear of having nothing in this life, as result, I needed to find someone to act as an emotional attachment just to live with any semblance of peace in this small world I’m trapped in?

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

“Quit trying to waggle your forked tongue.” Xia Li continued to taunt, “I’ve met more than my fair share of people like you, you’re such a white lotus. You’ve been friends with Lu Yan for so many years, but since you don’t have the balls to be with him yourself, you can’t let anyone else have him either. Doesn’t playing games with people like this hurt your conscience? Look, I’m not going to fall for your tricks, understand?”

“Nope,” Shan Haiming replied.

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

“Alright, dear.” Wu Yi was now again relaxed. “Get going, then, so you guys can get back early.”

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

“Ah, they’re…” Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, “Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother’s machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she’s together with and who she isn’t.”

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. “I-I… for him… is probably more of a platonic love?”

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning’s face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

They had again become two people who git along, and after two sets of conversation with both Shan Haiming’s mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

Shan Haiming rose up to look at Xiao Ning in the eye, ad seeing the other man looking as though he had already received quite a blow, he lifted his hand to tousle Xiao Ning’s hair, stroking it just as he did Xiaohei’s. “It a praise comparing your beauty to a flower.”

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

Confirming his expression wasn’t any different, Shan Haiming threw his attention towards Wu Yi and asked, “Why are there so many trees in the yard?”

Blankly looking at hos phone screen, Xiao Ning then turned to Shan Haiming and asked, “What’s a white lotus[1]?”

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

Rubbing his forehead, Xiao Ning calmed down. Shan Haiming seemed certain Xiao Ning would tell him given so he neither urged him or deliberately broached the topic.

Why would he say that?

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

Xiao Ning wasn’t someone who would come into contact with new terms like those in his day to day life, so only by instinct id he understand that it was not a flattering word.

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

Shan Haiming rose up to look at Xiao Ning in the eye, ad seeing the other man looking as though he had already received quite a blow, he lifted his hand to tousle Xiao Ning’s hair, stroking it just as he did Xiaohei’s. “It a praise comparing your beauty to a flower.”

Should I focus on the odd points or just emphasize the essential ones? Smiling bitterly, Xiao Ning thought about it for a long time, long enough for them to have made it back to the apartment and to have parked below the building.

Wu Yi didn’t seem at all surprised by this. “Oh, alright. I’ll tell Miss Guo not to make much, but there’s going to be a lot of soup, so if all isn’t eaten later this evening, you two will have to take some back. Anyhow, has your dad still not come down?”

“She and my brother left.” Shan Haiming’s never lifted from the screen as he replied. “They probably won’t be back for dinner tonight.”

Xiao Ning: “…”

Xiao Ning chatted away with Wu Yi in the kitchen al afternoon without realising it. When they returned to the living room, Ye Zixin was already gone and only Shan Haiming was left sitting there watching the television.

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

“Quit trying to waggle your forked tongue.” Xia Li continued to taunt, “I’ve met more than my fair share of people like you, you’re such a white lotus. You’ve been friends with Lu Yan for so many years, but since you don’t have the balls to be with him yourself, you can’t let anyone else have him either. Doesn’t playing games with people like this hurt your conscience? Look, I’m not going to fall for your tricks, understand?”

In the end, he also smiled and said, “Alright. Thank you.”

“Ah, they’re…” Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, “Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother’s machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she’s together with and who she isn’t.”

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

“Alright, dear.” Wu Yi was now again relaxed. “Get going, then, so you guys can get back early.”

“Was that the person you got into a fight with last time?” Shan Haiming now spoke to Xiao Ning in a different tone than before, every sentence contained meaning that was hard to refute, and it was much more friendly. “What’s the matter? Did you steal someone’s boyfriend or something?”

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. “Can you refute me?”

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

As Wu Yi wrinkled her elegantly shaped brows in deep thought about there being anything she could’ve not thought of, Shan Haiming, to the contrary, had already grown impatient thus said, “We’re off. If we have time next weekend we’ll be back.”

Having no interest in having a prolonged chat with Xia Li, after saying those polite words he wanted to end the call, but he didn’t expect Xia Li to then spit, “Xiao Ning, did you deal with Lu Yan’s previous lovers like this too? Secretly stirring up trouble for them in background to serve as foil for this considerate friend routine of yours?”

Rubbing his forehead, Xiao Ning calmed down. Shan Haiming seemed certain Xiao Ning would tell him given so he neither urged him or deliberately broached the topic.

Shan Haiming, following his lead, replied, “Didn’t I pick up you?”

They had again become two people who git along, and after two sets of conversation with both Shan Haiming’s mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Noticing his return, Xiaohei took the chance to grab onto his pant leg and climb up, meowed, rubbed itself all over Xiao Ning before laying down and releasing that purring noise that only felines could.

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

“Haa.” Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. “It’s a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make thing end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend.”

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming’s mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. “Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?”

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming’s mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. “Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

Xiao Ning: “…”

“What’s wrong?” Shan Haiming asked from beside him.

“She and my brother left.” Shan Haiming’s never lifted from the screen as he replied. “They probably won’t be back for dinner tonight.”

Maybe it was on account those words being short, because they were as light as a feather, so light it seemed as though its tail end was continually rising.

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

“To me, it doesn’t really seem like you desired him. Did you had wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dream where the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking abut him?” Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill intentions riddled within his next question, “Have you ever wanted to kiss him?”

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

N/A

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

They had again become two people who git along, and after two sets of conversation with both Shan Haiming’s mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

“Yes.” Xiao Ning rubbed to smooth, cool case of the phone in his hands, then went on to explain the matter regarding Xia Li and Lu Yan. It felt a bit humiliating for him to share that story with another person, but Shan Haiming had already seen an uglier side of him, so it wasn’t so difficult for his pride to accept giving this brief narration.

Why would he say that?

After saying all that, Xia Li hung up.

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

Xiao Ning then said in a light voice, “When I was little, he was my only friend. And, naturally, he had a lot of other friends. But after we grew up, the only one who stayed friends with him was just me.”

white lotus: a person who looks pure ans innocent on the outside, but is the complete opposite on the inside. E.g. Rashta from Remarried Empress.[]So that didn’t go well… But there is a couple good takeaways from this. For one, Xiao Ning is capable of getting mad, showing it, and setting boundaries. He told Haiming to shut up, and he’s not the type to do that. And for number two, we found out what Haiming does when he likes someone (not the crazy jealousy that probably pricked a few nerves) but getting a glimpse of who might be an active participant his dreams (you will get to see those play out… but in a few chapters o(TヘTo).[]The next chapter up because this is a horrible note to end on.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. “I-I… for him… is probably more of a platonic love?”

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

“For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry.” Contrary to his words, Xia Li’s tone was frigid.

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

Xia Li almost let out a sharp laugh. “You don’t need to worry about Lu Yan and me, we’re going to be together for a long, long time.”

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

As a result, Shan Haiming did smile, saying, “You’ve done a pretty good job yourself.”

Should I focus on the odd points or just emphasize the essential ones? Smiling bitterly, Xiao Ning thought about it for a long time, long enough for them to have made it back to the apartment and to have parked below the building.

The first one to speak was Shan Haiming, “If there’s anything you want to ask, just ask.”

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. “I-I… for him… is probably more of a platonic love?”

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Maybe it was on account those words being short, because they were as light as a feather, so light it seemed as though its tail end was continually rising.

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

Xiao Ning then said in a light voice, “When I was little, he was my only friend. And, naturally, he had a lot of other friends. But after we grew up, the only one who stayed friends with him was just me.”

“Was that the person you got into a fight with last time?” Shan Haiming now spoke to Xiao Ning in a different tone than before, every sentence contained meaning that was hard to refute, and it was much more friendly. “What’s the matter? Did you steal someone’s boyfriend or something?”

This response itself was beyond Xiao Ning’s expectations, but more than that, there was something strangely different in Shan Haiming’s tone. However, before he could think of what or why it was so, he instinctively changed the subject. “Your mom said that you used to pick up strays and take them back home with you as a kid, but it wasn’t easy for you to take care of them there. So why don’t you still do it now that you live alone?”

“Ah, they’re…” Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, “Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother’s machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she’s together with and who she isn’t.”

As he continued talking to Shan Haiming about his past with Lu Yan, his voice grew even fainter, it was as if he was afraid of stirring up something.

Xiao Ning clenched his fists, barely restraining the urge to smash them into Shan Haiming’s face. His lips quivered a few times, and without making a sound, he undid his seatbelt, opened the door, then walked away.

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

After knocking his finger on the steering wheel more than once, Shan Haiming finally remarked, “It’s not my intention to smash the memories you have of your first love, but I honestly believe that it can’t really be considered love.”

“Haa.” Xiao Ning covered his forehead and let out a long sigh. “It’s a long story, and I have no idea what happened to make thing end up like this since I clearly told them I had a boyfriend.”

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

Shan Haiming, following his lead, replied, “Didn’t I pick up you?”

“Alright, dear.” Wu Yi was now again relaxed. “Get going, then, so you guys can get back early.”

It appeared as though Shan Haiming didn’t take the ugly expression on Xiao Ning as he replied, “You being like this, I think it wasn’t so much that Lu Yan was the man you desired, but more like a pure fantasy; what’s more, the person in this fantasy isn’t really Lu Yan.”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

Xiao Ning then said in a light voice, “When I was little, he was my only friend. And, naturally, he had a lot of other friends. But after we grew up, the only one who stayed friends with him was just me.”

“To me, it doesn’t really seem like you desired him. Did you had wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dream where the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking abut him?” Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill intentions riddled within his next question, “Have you ever wanted to kiss him?”

“Anyhow, I don’t pick any pets because my schedule isn’t fixed. I also have to go on business trips sometimes.” Shan Haiming then added, “Living alone is inconvenient, and if I had a pet, I wouldn’t be able to take care of it properly, so it’s better to not have one to begin with.”

Why would he say that?

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. “I…”

In Shan Haiming’s eyes, was I nothing but a cruel joke? Because of the fear of having nothing in this life, as result, I needed to find someone to act as an emotional attachment just to live with any semblance of peace in this small world I’m trapped in?

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

“Yes.” Xiao Ning rubbed to smooth, cool case of the phone in his hands, then went on to explain the matter regarding Xia Li and Lu Yan. It felt a bit humiliating for him to share that story with another person, but Shan Haiming had already seen an uglier side of him, so it wasn’t so difficult for his pride to accept giving this brief narration.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, “Hello, Xia Li?”

They had again become two people who git along, and after two sets of conversation with both Shan Haiming’s mother and father that afternoon, Xiao Ning currently felt delicate.

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming’s mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. “Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?”

He shouldn’t have to suffer through all these troubles, he really shouldn’t.

Still dizzy, Xiao Ning tried to make a distinction. “I-I… for him… is probably more of a platonic love?”

“She and my brother left.” Shan Haiming’s never lifted from the screen as he replied. “They probably won’t be back for dinner tonight.”

A Grilling/Called Out

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

“For that day I lost control of my emotions and hit you, sorry.” Contrary to his words, Xia Li’s tone was frigid.

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

Without refuting him immediately, Shan Haiming thought for a while then said, “Really? Platonic? Excuse me, but didn’t I just hear you say that you and him were so close your souls crossed and resonated with one another, or was that not what you told me?”

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

Crossed souls that resonated with one another? Lu Yan and Xiao Ning’s preferences honestly can’t be said to have ever overlapped, and couldn’t even be bothered to figure out what Xiao Ning liked to eat.

Xiao Ning felt that something was strange, so he again asked, “Xia Li? Is something wrong?”

N/A

Shan Haihong can be satisfied and Shan Haiming won’t suffer any losses. Xiao Ning sighed. “Then that’s good. Everyone will be happy. You’ve worked hard.”

Without refuting him immediately, Shan Haiming thought for a while then said, “Really? Platonic? Excuse me, but didn’t I just hear you say that you and him were so close your souls crossed and resonated with one another, or was that not what you told me?”

Utterly stupefied, and with widened eyes, Xiao Ning sat there listening to the beep of the dial-tone.

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

Not long after, Shan Yisong came downstairs then everyone sat together and ate dinner. The atmosphere was more harmonious than it was at noon, with less artificiality and premeditation. Shan Yisong still did not say much, but he did not look at Xiao Ning sharply.

It appeared as though Shan Haiming didn’t take the ugly expression on Xiao Ning as he replied, “You being like this, I think it wasn’t so much that Lu Yan was the man you desired, but more like a pure fantasy; what’s more, the person in this fantasy isn’t really Lu Yan.”

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

“Ah, they’re…” Shan Haiming thought it over for a moment then continued, “Zixin was never someone who thought independently from the start. So when the pressure from both families and my brother’s machinations all add up she will soon figure out who she’s together with and who she isn’t.”

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

“I’ve never seen any kind of love that doesn’t contain any monopolistic desire or jealousy.” Shan Haiming scanned Xiao Ning from head to toe. “I also never saw any relationship where only one person gives with no expectation for something return. So what is it that you’re getting from Lu Yan? Security? Self-satisfaction? Your feelings are really weak too, so if you have to find someone to rely on, you’ll be the the same way with anyone you switch to and keep at your side.”

“I’ve never seen any kind of love that doesn’t contain any monopolistic desire or jealousy.” Shan Haiming scanned Xiao Ning from head to toe. “I also never saw any relationship where only one person gives with no expectation for something return. So what is it that you’re getting from Lu Yan? Security? Self-satisfaction? Your feelings are really weak too, so if you have to find someone to rely on, you’ll be the the same way with anyone you switch to and keep at your side.”

“Enough!” Xiao Ning bit his lower lip while his face was drained of colour. “Shan Haiming, shut your mouth.”

A Grilling/Called Out

Shan Haiming blinked, then narrowed his eyes slightly. “Can you refute me?”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Xiao Ning couldn’t understand why Shan Haiming changed into a different person and seemed to be stuck on this topic, or why he had to push it so far. Expressionless, Xiao Ning glared at Shan Haiming. “What exactly are you trying to say?”

N/A

“Yes.” Xiao Ning rubbed to smooth, cool case of the phone in his hands, then went on to explain the matter regarding Xia Li and Lu Yan. It felt a bit humiliating for him to share that story with another person, but Shan Haiming had already seen an uglier side of him, so it wasn’t so difficult for his pride to accept giving this brief narration.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

His voice contained not even the slightest ounce of regret, and Xiao Ning guessed it may have been Lu Yan who told him to call and apologise for the hit. “Oh, that, it’s fine. I already understood. You don’t need to worry about it, okay? You and Lu Yan are alright, right?”

Those words were like a shard of ice plunging into Xiao Ning’s heart: cold and painful.

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

Xiao Ning: “…”

“Who said you were a white lotus?” Shan Haiming asked.

Without a doubt, Xiao Ning was a cowardly person, and it was something he had always known. He was also extremely realistic and timid. He never thought to fight for the sake of his feelings, choosing to only guard his unrequited love as he alone watched it fluctuate from joy to sorrows, to flourish and whither, from the very beginning until the its eventual end.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

Nonetheless, it was this bit of feelings he had for Lu Yan that had humbly and joyfully been with him throughout each part of his lonely years. He liked Lu Yan, he even loved him. That kind of care he felt towards him had long been carved into Xiao Ning’s character. Even if he no longer feels that way now, it was still the only and most worthwhile glimmer of expectation he has had in his mediocre life.

The one who called him at that time was, unexpectedly, Xia Li, to which he then went on to answer, “Hello, Xia Li?”

Xiao Ning clenched his fists, barely restraining the urge to smash them into Shan Haiming’s face. His lips quivered a few times, and without making a sound, he undid his seatbelt, opened the door, then walked away.

“Me,” Shan Haiming stated.

The tune of the King of Karaoke chimed, interrupting the conversation. While pulling out his phone to answer it, Xiao Ning wondered if he should change his ringtone.

Xiao Ning was so taken aback by him, he couldn’t speak.

Shan Haiming, following his lead, replied, “Didn’t I pick up you?”

“You only noticed that just now?” Wu Yi didn’t change the topic, saying, “I just changed it. Don’t expect anything from them this year, though. But next year we should be eating bayberries I grew here.”

As expected, there really was a lot of soup left over. Wu Yi used a thermos to store the leftover soup, and also added a few packets of noodles. “These noodles are really good, I made them take a special trip to bring them back from the town. Anyhow, it’d be best for you two to cook the noodles with chicken soup tomorrow for breakfast. Do you guys have any vegetables at home?”

Without refuting him immediately, Shan Haiming thought for a while then said, “Really? Platonic? Excuse me, but didn’t I just hear you say that you and him were so close your souls crossed and resonated with one another, or was that not what you told me?”

Why would he say that?

Shan Haiming rose up to look at Xiao Ning in the eye, ad seeing the other man looking as though he had already received quite a blow, he lifted his hand to tousle Xiao Ning’s hair, stroking it just as he did Xiaohei’s. “It a praise comparing your beauty to a flower.”

Shan Haiming listened until the end, then calmly asked, “So do you like this Lu Yan?”

He really hadn’t done any of those things as Lu Yan’s existence to him could only be described as something so beautiful there was no room for him. Besides, he never held any high hopes he would ever become Lu Yan’s partner, so Xiao Ning never saw the need to think about these kinds of sexual desires all the more.

Shan Haiming words which bordered on derision has made Xiao Ning’s radiate with a dull ache, while he also couldn’t understand why his own reaction was also so big. It was as if his entire body was pushed in the middle of a vast ocean and there wasn’t a place, not even a tile for him to stand on.

Rubbing his forehead, Xiao Ning calmed down. Shan Haiming seemed certain Xiao Ning would tell him given so he neither urged him or deliberately broached the topic.

“Where’s Zixin?” Wu Yi asked.

There was something in those words of his that made Xiao Ning frown a bit, he had no idea what was going in with Xia Li again. So with a sigh, and still maintaining a friendly tone, Xiao Ning replied, “Okay, that’s good.”

With a slam, the door to his apartment was shut, and Xiao NIng stood there in place for a long time. He then took a few steps, steps that were weighted down by such extreme exhaustion it seemed as though all his energy had been drained just to get seated on the sofa.

Being bombarded by this string of questions he had never thought of, made Xiao Ning feel dizzy. “I…”

Noticing his return, Xiaohei took the chance to grab onto his pant leg and climb up, meowed, rubbed itself all over Xiao Ning before laying down and releasing that purring noise that only felines could.

Xiao Ning was at such a loss he could only ask, “What? I never…”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

“Was that the person you got into a fight with last time?” Shan Haiming now spoke to Xiao Ning in a different tone than before, every sentence contained meaning that was hard to refute, and it was much more friendly. “What’s the matter? Did you steal someone’s boyfriend or something?”

Xiao Ning closed his eyes.

“Your brother can’t compare to you.” Xiao Ning gazed at Shan Haiming’s side profile.

In Shan Haiming’s eyes, was I nothing but a cruel joke? Because of the fear of having nothing in this life, as result, I needed to find someone to act as an emotional attachment just to live with any semblance of peace in this small world I’m trapped in?

“Quit trying to waggle your forked tongue.” Xia Li continued to taunt, “I’ve met more than my fair share of people like you, you’re such a white lotus. You’ve been friends with Lu Yan for so many years, but since you don’t have the balls to be with him yourself, you can’t let anyone else have him either. Doesn’t playing games with people like this hurt your conscience? Look, I’m not going to fall for your tricks, understand?”

Those words were especially hurtful when they came from Shan Haiming’s mouth. Xiao Ning opened his tired eyes and took Xiaohei in his arms. “Are you hungry? You want a midnight snack?”

In the end, he also smiled and said, “Alright. Thank you.”

An inexplicable impulse then erupted within Xiao Ning. He wanted to say something to Shan Haiming, or do something for Shan Haiming, but instead he only shook his head and replied, “No, everything’s fine.”

Stealing a chance to look at him, under the undulating street lights and shadows, Shan Haiming watched the pure sincerity that had blossomed on Xiao Ning’s face. It was an expression he would only make when he wholeheartedly wanted to persuade someone, his maturity would be long forgotten and all that was left was a look that seemed as though he held his heart out for you to see as he spoke. It was a clumsy and honest kind of sincerity, the kind that made whoever got to witness it unable to help themselves from wanting to smile.

“It looks like my mother told you quite a bit.” Shan Haiming seemed to find it amusing, his tone carrying hints of mischief. “The relationship between my brother and me isn’t as complicated as you think it to be. The troublesome matters from before were all caused because he didn’t believe I never had any interest in anything he wanted. Besides, I was never in the mood to tell him as much, letting him believe whatever he wanted.”

The Xiao Ning who was still trapped in those recollected memories was splashed with cold water and left in a daze. “What?”

Xiaohei opened her beautiful eyes, meowing happily in blissful ignorance.

Xia Li almost let out a sharp laugh. “You don’t need to worry about Lu Yan and me, we’re going to be together for a long, long time.”

Xiao Ning: “…”

Blankly looking at hos phone screen, Xiao Ning then turned to Shan Haiming and asked, “What’s a white lotus?”

“Ye Zixin and your brother…” Xiao Ning thought that no matter what Ye Zixin wanted, Shan Haihong seemed brimming with confidence.

So, as a result, they had their care package stuffed with a bundle of veggies.

“To me, it doesn’t really seem like you desired him. Did you had wet dreams were you thinking about him? When you had erotic dream where the dreams about him? When you touched yourself, were you thinking abut him?” Shan Haiming tilted his head and looked at Xiao Ning, suspicion and ill intentions riddled within his next question, “Have you ever wanted to kiss him?”

“Nope,” Shan Haiming replied.