The Mask Of The Monster - Chapter 84

(From Ella’s Perspective)

“You mean to tell me, you guys were doing that too, but still haven’t made out?” Jed asked after I finished telling him about what happened. “You two are truly taking one step at a time.”

We were cleaning the bed sheet of the king’s room and chatting. Jed was the only person I could talk to about it and he was eager to listen to my blabbers and confused mind.

“I know. And I felt something today when he was doing that,” I said. “Like I was losing control, my sanity, everything… It was like I was at the edge of falling off a cliff and the pleasure was way too much. I think_ if I’m right_ I was reaching an orgasm.”

“Just by that?” he asked, surprised.

“I read in the internet that it’s possible. It’s called nipple orgasm. Well, they are super sensitive to touch as they have thousands of nerve endings. You don’t have to know what nerves are. I’m not in a mood to describe that. Anyway, when they are stimulated, they shoot off sparks in the genital sensory cortex. This is the same area of the brain that’s aroused by vaginal or clitoral stimulation.”

“So you mean you were about to have that? An orgasm is mind-blowing. Why would you stop him at that moment?”

“Is it that mind-blowing?”

“Of course, it is. It’s fantastic. I don’t how it feels with a partner, but even when I did it alone, it was awesome,” he said. “Don’t tell me… You never had an orgasm?”

“That’s not the point,” I said hastily. How could I just admit that I never had an orgasm? People in my world would think this was ridiculous. Perhaps he would think that way too. I did not want to look pathetic.

He sighed. “Why would you stop him at that moment?”

“I-I was confused.”

“Confused? You were confused about an orgasm?”

“No… I just don’t know if what we are doing is right. I mean, he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I haven’t replied yet because I think I need time to think it through. But still, we’re doing this kind of things…”

“Then why don’t you just say no when he starts doing it? You said he asks for your permission.”

“He does…”

“Then just say no if you don’t want it.”

“That’s the problem, Jed. I can’t… I can’t say no. Because,” I said breathlessly, “I want it too.”

“I don’t understand you, Ella.”

“I don’t understand myself either. I don’t understand what I truly want. It’s all confusing. I want him, but I still am not sure. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just can’t think straight.”

“Just pour your heart out, Ella. I’m listening,” he said.

“I… I know he cares for me. He brings me a sense of protection when he is around. His words… He is not cold towards me. He talks to me properly and listens to me. He remembers everything I say. And I told him everything about me…”

“But you feel there is a part of him that’s far away?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said, looking down at the ground.

“If I’m right, I think he knows what you’re feeling. If he truly likes you, he will try to open up to you. I can understand that it might have been hard for him as he never had anyone truly by his side. Perhaps that’s why he can’t open up to you even if he wants to. Just give him some time.”

“You’re right. I should give him some time. I’m just_ so nervous and confused… But I’ll give him time,” I said.

“Yeah, you should,” he agreed. “Anyway, are you sure you will go alone to meet that man?”

“He asked not to bring anyone.”

“But still, you’re not sure it’s him, right? I know what you’re going to say, but just think about it.”

“I thought about it. I’m going alone,” I said.

“I can come with you.”

“No. You’re going to be here and if anyone asks where I went, just tell them that I’m in the toilet. I have diarrhea.”

“If that’s the case, you could just take the day off.”

“No! I took two days off already. I just needed to make them see that I’ve come here. I’m going out through the secret passageway of the library. No one will see me going out. I’ll come back through that as well. I’ll come back within two hours, at least I’ll try. Just make sure no one goes into the library during this time.”

“What if the king wants to go?” he asked.

“Just do something. Pretend to be dead or something like that, or fall on him.”

“You’re going to kill me, but as you’re my best friend, I can do it,” he sighed.

“You’re the best,” I said and hugged him, grinning broadly.

“Honestly, Ella, your man is going to kill me if he smells me from you.”

“He won’t! He knows it’s you,” I protested though I was sure Leandro was going to behave like a child again.

“He knows I’m gay, right?”

“He does.”

“Thank god!”

“You’re being dramatic,” I said, rolling my eyes. “He might have a bad temper and a bit moody personality, but he is not a bad person. Yeah, it’s true that he might kill anyone in a moment, but trust me, he is improving. He has changed a lot. It won’t take long for him to change more for better.”

Jed and I had already decided that we were not going to mention Leandro’s name in the castle. If we were not out of the castle or somewhere private, we were not going to mention his name at all. It was not much of a problem as Jed never truly mentioned Leandro’s name. He always went on with ‘your man’. He was afraid that Leandro might rip his head off if he found out that Jed called him by his name.

“So, at 10, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll go ten minutes earlier, you know, just to make sure that it’s him.”

“I don’t understand one thing. You’ve never seen him before, then how do you know that it’s him at one glance?” he asked.

I did not know the answer myself. The moment I had seen him at the bar, wearing that grey suit, I kind of knew it was him even though I had never seen him before. I had left right that moment to follow him. I wondered if not telling Leandro about this was a good idea or not. I did not want him to worry about me, most importantly, I did not want to bother him with the horrible matters of my life.

He had much in his hands and he was helping me more than enough already. I was not sure if it would be the right thing to bother him with this as well.

But if everything went well today, then I would tell Leandro about everything. I did not like keeping things from him for some reason. I knew I was not obligated to tell him every single thing, but still_ I just wanted to.

I wished he would open up to me like that too. I knew it was his personality and he was not used to opening up to others, but neither was I. Before I met him, I never talked to anyone properly. But when I met him, it was like I instantly got close to him and I felt comfortable with him. I wished he would feel like that around me too. Perhaps then, I would not get confused.

“You’re spacing out,” Jed shook me as I was looking out the window, not doing the work.

“Sorry,” I mumbled guiltily.

“If your man sees you upset, he might think that I did something to you. If he kills me then, I’ll kill you too,” he said.

I just laughed, but then it hit me. Jed had been calling Leandro my man for a long time, but not even for once, I denied it. Moreover, I seemed to like it, as if it was a pretty normal thing.

The thought made me blush, but it confused me even more. Was he my man? Was I truly falling for him? Or was it just a rush of emotions?

Perhaps I would not feel this way if I did not have a family like that. Mom and Dad made my life confusing, made me rethink over and over my life choices. Because of them, I could never take anything normally; I had to think very hard even making a simple decision. I was so scared of making a mistake. I did not want my life to shatter just because of a mistake.

I did not want to be like them. Because I knew what mistakes could do. After all, I was the one who had to carry the consequences because of their silly mistake….