The Mask Of The Monster - Chapter 93

(From Leandro’s Perspective)

‘Tough- she’s too tough.’

I sighed. No matter what I was going to say, no matter how much I would tell her not to pretend in front of me, she was not going to be herself. Talking about things like this, who did she think she was that it would not affect her at all? Or did she think that I would not be able to see what was deep beyond that smile on her face?

“Do you want to know about anything else?” I asked.

“No. If I get any other question again later, I’ll ask you then,” she said, smiling.

“What’s with that smile?”

“I’m just happy,” she said, smiling even more. A real smile- it could not just be seen or heard, it seemed like spreading wings inside my chest, and tightening them around my heart. Was that how smiles were felt through the heart?

“It feels too good to hear you talk. Today you talked a lot- not just about regular things, you talked about yourself. I’m so happy, you know.”

I looked her in the eyes, trying to see what was beyond that look. No, the happiness was real, hiding the sadness that shadowed on that beautiful face a while ago.

‘Just for once, don’t give me that smile.’

But would there be a day when I would be able to see her cry and hear her complain about life? Just for once, for once I would like to see her like that. I did not want a block of ice with rainbows on it; I would rather choose water with no sprinkles.

Realizing for how long I kept my gaze on her, I averted my look quickly and cleared my throat.

“Don’t you think you should sleep now? It’s late,” I said, not bothering to look at her again.

“You look troubled. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just sleep now. I’ll sleep too.”

“If you say so_ I’m not convinced though,” she grumbled and climbed down my lap.

‘Of course, you’re not convinced. You can see through me.’

She lay down on her side, her back facing me. She almost always slept like that. This time, I was glad. I was not ready to see her face for now. The question was hitting hard that it was beginning to hurt my head and affect my thoughts.

Just who was she to me? Not my family, not my friend, but someone who could tighten my chest, making it painful for me to breathe. These days, I was getting even more worried about her. Every minute, every moment, every word, reminded me of her. This was getting out of hand. I thought this emotion, whatever this was, would not be too hard to recognize. But I was wrong. Even now, I was still thinking if what I was feeling was like or love or just attraction.

There was one thing I was sure of- I would not be able to relax until I knew what exactly I was feeling. Was I falling in love or had I already fallen a long time ago without me realizing it?

My hand subconsciously went up to my head and a laugh left my mouth. Huh, this silly girl managed to find the key to my heart after all.

“Are you laughing?” she asked throatily.

“Sorry, just a little realization hit the back of my head,” I said. “Sleep tight, little El. I won’t disturb you again.”

A

fter some time, her breathing came to a steady rhythm, a comforting sound to my ears. A peaceful sleep- huh, not for me tonight.

Now that I thought about it, I knew quite a lot about her. She lived with her mother along with her mother’s boyfriend and her stepsister. None of them liked her that much and she did not like them as well. If someone tried to bully her, they would get beaten up by her, even if it meant she would be punished later. She stood up for her friend as well. She liked animals, especially cats. She used to feed one in a graveyard near her kindergarten. Bullies used to mock her by calling graveyard, but she took the surname ‘Griverd’ from it, showing them that she was not weak and her mother never gave her a surname. And so many more things… yet a part of her felt distant.

The feelings and newfound emotions that felt unknown even a while ago, I could recognize them now. For some reason, it felt funny. Who could have thought that someone like me would ever fall in love? And that was also with a little human girl.

I did not notice when I dozed off. I woke up in the middle of the night, perhaps because of the hot weather. I put off the shirt I was wearing. Because of my runny thoughts, I had completely forgotten to take it off before sleeping.

The place felt awfully empty. The moment I looked beside me, I knew why. She was not there. But I could smell her nearby, very close.

The door of the cave was half open and from that gap, I got a glimpse of eye-sore golden light. I slowly approached the door and peeked through the gap, only to find a way too attentive girl writing in her diary. I could not see her face, but I could imagine the expression she might be wearing.

I peeked from above her shoulder and got a glimpse of her writing. But from what I read, I could not find a meaning out of it.

The night falls and the stars awake

Like those two hearts in a cave

Aching and racing

Like a shooting star

“And what do you think you’re doing?”

“EEK!!!” she jumped as far away as she could that her diary fell out of her hand. “What the hell??!”

“…”

“Oops! Sorry,” she mumbled, looking down at her feet.

“Pfft!” This time, I could not stop myself from laughing. This girl- I had no idea she could scream like this.

“Sorry, I really am. I shouldn’t have screamed like that. I was just surprised. Are you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad at you though I’m a bit surprised to see you scream like that. I didn’t know you could be that loud,” I said.

“Well, I don’t do it usually. It’s just when I’m too surprised, my mouth gets wild,” she mumbled, apologetically. “But it’s your fault too. You sneaked up behind me. You didn’t even make a sound.”

“I didn’t see you beside me, so I came to look for you. Seems like you were writing something. Let me see- what was it… hmm… the night falls…”

“Stop talking, just shut up! It’s embarrassing.”

“Were you writing a poem?”

“No. It was_ a song.”

“A song?”

“Well, you know, I write songs in my free time. I’m not too good at it, but I still enjoy it sometimes. Zoe sometimes sings them.”

“Don’t you sing them then?”

“No. I mean, I sang once or twice, but not more than that. I don’t like singing. I just like writing a song and that’s all.”

“But you can sing, can’t you?”

“Everyone can sing. I’m a bathroom singer, so if that counts…”

“You know what I mean,” I said.

“I sang only when Zoe would nag me too much. I just don’t think my voice is good enough to sing. I mean, it’s too harsh, and besides… I don’t know. I can’t sing, that’s all,” she said.

Perhaps she did not know that I heard her singing that night. It was good, like a whisper in the thin air of an unknown melody where the words would stab the heart. Should I tell her that I heard her singing?

“Then sing for me too.”

“I can’t sing.”

“But you sang before, right?”

“Yeah, but I’m not good at it, so, no,” she said flatly.

Guess I needed to wait until I would be able to make her sing for me. “Alright then, if you say so. But you need to sleep now. It’s too late. You need to go to work tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” she said. For some reason, her voice felt different. It was not as enthusiastic and cheerful as before. But it was not sad either. Yet something felt different as if she was rambling about something in her mind and she was not sure how to say something.

“Um, Leandro?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t kiss me or touch me in any… um… mature way for a few days.”

“You hate it?” I asked.

“No, it’s not like that. I just need to clear my mind about something_ so I can give you a proper answer.”

[Ella needs space… Well, it’s supposed to happen since she was scared to let go. Because of her parents, she could not love anyone seriously.. She was afraid that she might get hurt. That’s why, she needs to clear her mind so she can finally think of her true feelings and decide what to so]