The Optimistic Heroes - Chapter 2 Part 3
Chapter 2 Swally and the AntsPart 3, Last 3000 Plus Words
Swally: “I am extremely picky, I only steal from corrupt officials, dirty businessmen, bandits, and it has to be the right person and the right place.”
Big G: “So you are a thief who steals from thieves?”
Swally: “Correct, I call it black eat black.”
Big G: “So your new idea involved robbing The Ants?”
Swally: “Yes! I heard that they just finished a big job, so I asked to borrow ten thousand silver taels. ”
Big G: “Did they promise to give it to you?”
Swally: “They did promise to, but there was one condition.”
Big G: “What was the condition?”
Swally: “They wanted me to sleep in a coffin, and bury it in the ground for two days, then see if I was dead or not.”
Big G: “Hadn’t you already done that before?”
Swally: “I have yes, but it wasn’t the most comfortable experience.”
Big G: “So you didn’t agree to the terms.”
Swally: “I did agree, because out of all the debts you can have, I can’t have gambling debts.”
Big G: “You promised them and then didn’t keep your promise, so now they are chasing you?”
Swally: “That is correct.”
Big G: “What is your name?”
Swally: “Swallow Seven, but my friends call me Swally.”
Big G: “Do you have six brothers and sisters?”
Swally: “Nope.”
Big G: “If you weren’t the seventh child then why is your name Swallow Seven?”
Swally: “Because I have already died seven times.”
Big G: “If you die again, then won’t they have to call you Swallow Eight?”
Swally: “Swallow Seven is pretty good, I don’t want to have to change it,” he replied laughing.
Big G suddenly bent over laughing, he was laughing so hard that there was even some tears and snot, pointing at him he said: “You are not a freak, but you are definitely the king of bragging.”
Swally: “You don’t believe me?”
Big G: “I don’t believe a word of it, not even a three year old would believe anything you said.”
Swally: “I wasn’t planning on telling the truth, because I know that lies are often easier to believe than the truth,” he replied with a sigh.
Big G laughed, “If everything you said is true then I will gladly crawl around on the floor….”
“Start crawling then.”
The sound was sharp and piercing, it wasn’t loud, but it made your ears numb.
Big G raised his head and saw a figure; someone was standing on the windowsill, but he was shorter than the window.
The window was at most three and a half feet tall.
His clothes were glistening gold. If it wasn’t for facial hair and wrinkles around the corner of his eyes, anybody would easily have mistaken him for a five or six year old child.
Big G was startled, and finally let out a long sigh, “You must be the Golden Ant?”
Golden Ant: “That’s right, so I can guarantee that everything he said is true, all of it.”
Big G sighed again, “Since the Golden Ant is here, where is the Silver Ant?” he said with a forced smile.
Before he finished his sentence, there was another person standing on the window sill. This person was a little taller than the Golden Ant, but, at most by only two or three inches.
His clothes were glistening silver and he was wearing a silver mask. He looked just like a little monster made out of silver, it was creepy beyond words.
Even Big G felt like his hair was standing on end, “I bet the Red Ant is definitely going to be dressed in red,” he murmured.
“You guessed right,” a charming voice replied laughing.
The laugh was sharp and flirtatious. You didn’t hear such a beautiful laugh very often. I am sure you can image how beautiful a person with a laugh like that would be.
The Red Ant was definitely beautiful.
You would think that most midgets would have a disfigured body, but she was an exception.
She was wearing tight red clothes, and she was thin where she needed to be thin, and definitely plump in all the right places. She had a perfectly oval face, enticing eyebrows, and eyes like fresh spring water. Such a sweet, irresistible smile, if only you could make her twice as big, she would be an exquisite beauty for sure.
If only she could double her size, even a man like Big G would most likely commit crimes for her. Even without doubling her size, Big G couldn’t stop staring. She glanced sideways at big G with her vibrant gaze, “your eyes are misbehaving,” she said, smiling enchantingly.
“I have never been well behaved, from my head to toes, there is not a well behaved part on my body,” Big G sighed.
“So you are a horny fool,” the Red Ant chuckled.
Big G: “Well not entirely, but more or less, it’s just too bad that”
The Red Ant’s smile suddenly vanished, “What’s too bad?”
Big G: “It’s too bad people can’t shrink, otherwise I would want to become the Yellow Ant. ”
Biting her lips, the Red Ant smiled sweetly, “You dare to flirt with me, you are very bold, aren’t you afraid that my husband will be jealous?”
“Who is your husband? The White Ant? I heard the White Ant can fly,” Big G replied.
“You guessed right again, aren’t you a little genius,” she smiled charmingly.
Amongst laughter like silver bells, something suddenly flew in threw the window.
No matter how you were watching this situation, you would never have guessed that this thing was a person. Buoyant as the distant clouds, white like snowflakes, as if floating through the sky, he suddenly flew over Big G’s head.
All Big G felt was a breeze by his head, and if he hadn’t dodged quickly, his head might not still be attached to his body.
With a swoosh, the thing flew back.
This couldn’t be a person, how could someone be so agile.
But as chance would have it, it was a person, a person dressed white as snow. With big, wide sleeves, it seemed like he had wings. But he was small and skinny, not even three and a half feet tall, and not even a foot wide. If he was measured on a scale, he certainly wouldn’t be that much heavier than a rabbit.
If he wasn’t so tiny, how could he have mastered such Qinggong.
Big G sighed again, “So the White Ant can fly,” he muttered.
Swally: “The White Ant’s Qingong is the best in the world, the Red Ant has countless flying weapons, the Gold Ant is a master of striking and the sword, and the Silver Ant is invulnerable. I already told you, they each posses a very special kind of kung fu, do you believe me now?”
“Do you want me to crawl now, or can I crawl around for you later? ” Big G was smiling bitterly.
“Its best to start crawling now, crawl out the door so you won’t need to be carried out,” the White Ant said coldly.
“See, I told you he would be jealous, do you believe me now?” the Red Ant chuckled.
“Our affairs are no concern of yours, it is best you crawl out of here,” the Gold Ant said.
Big G: “I don’t know how to crawl, its best you come and teach me.”
Red Ant: “We only brought one coffin, looks like we should have brought three.”
Big G: “You even brought a coffin? Do you really plan on nailing him inside?”
Gold Ant: “I already told you, every word he said is true.”
Swally suddenly patted Big G on the shoulder, “I started this trouble, there is no need for you to play the hero and get involved in other people’s business.”
Red Ant: “That’s right, you have already died seven times anyway, what does it matter if you die one more time.”
Swally: “This is not my house, if I am going to die, I can’t die here.”
White Ant: “Then go outside.”
Swally patted his clothes, smiling, “Go out, sure you two, if I don’t die for good this time, I am definitely going to come back and have a drink with you both.”
“Wait.” Dash suddenly said, he had been sleeping on the bed, motionless the whole time.
Gold Ant: “Wait for what?”
Dash: “Do you know where we are?”
“I know it’s your pig pen,” the Red Ant chuckled.
Dash: “If this is a pig pen, then I am the King Pig, whoever comes here, has to listen to me.”
“What are you going to do?” the Gold Ant replied angrily.
Dash: “I want Swally to stay and have a drink with me, it is not easy to find someone who can drink upside down, so why would I let him sleep in a coffin?”
“You feel like moving?” Big G asked with a smile.
Dash: “These Ants bite, I am going to have to move.”
Big G: “What’s the plan?”
Dash: “I will take the Red Ant, you take the white one.”
Dash doesn’t move, but when he moves, it is terrifying.
As soon as he finished speaking, he sprang off the bed, rushing forward in a flash. It wasn’t just himself that came rushing forward, his blanket came flying as well. He targeted the Red Ant. The Red Ant didn’t see him coming, all she saw was a filthy, dark blanket whirling around her. With one turn she had already released thirty to forty different concealed throwing weapons of various colors. Some came out with deathly speed, some bounced off each other and changed directions mid air, and some swerved around. Since she was so small, the projectiles were also tiny. The mini throwing weapons whistled through the air, impossible to dodge.
But she forgot one thing.
Cotton blankets can’t die.
Although she was a deadly master of throwing weapons, it was of no use; with a series of muffled puffs, all of the projectiles hit the cotton blanket. The blanket was basically covered in oil, pork, duck, chicken grease and sesame oil. It was so slippery and tough that even a longbow or crossbow might not be able to pierce it, let alone tiny projectiles.
By the time the Red Ant realized her mistake, she was swept back, and the filthy blanket had her wrapped like an ominous tornado.
Dash doesn’t move, nobody thought he could move that fast.
By the time the Red Ant smelt the strange, greasy odor, she was already wrapped inside the blanket.
If she was a little bigger, Dash probably couldn’t have wrapped her in a blanket; however, she was just too small, with two swirls of his hand, she was already wrapped like a sticky rice dumpling.
Dash didn’t stop moving. He heard a sound behind him, and the White Ant was flying at him. Dash was fast, but not as fast as the flying White Ant.
In the blink of an eye, the White Ant was flying at him.
Dash wanted the White Ant to chase him, because he knew he would never be able to catch him. As soon as the White Ant was close, he suddenly stopped, turned, and threw him the rolled blanket.
His beloved wife was wrapped inside, the White Ant’s only option was to catch the blanket roll.
The rolled up cotton blanket was twice his size, and double his weight. As soon as he caught the blanket, he started falling down. Dash circled around his back, and locked his acupuncture points with ease.
The prominent veins on the White Ant’s little face were bulging, he was glaring at Dash. Even his eyes seemed like they were about to pop out.
Dash stopped moving, “Are you going to be a sore loser? Because I didn’t use real kung fu. Well let me tell you, using real kung fu is too easy. Whenever I fight, I don’t use real kung fu.”
The White Ant was furious, it looked like he was about to vomit blood.
It did seem that Dash didn’t actually know kung fu, that it was just a fluke. But if his kung fu wasn’t first-class, how could he have been so lucky? How could he have timed everything so perfectly with such precision?
You would definitely have to know some kung fu, at least have an understanding of authentic martial arts.
Dash doesn’t move, but when he does, it is amazing.
On the other side of the room, Big G had the Gold Ant grasping for breath, his array of powerful punches had him cornered.
Swally was circling the Silver Ant.
Even though the Silver Ant was relatively bigger, his kung fu skill of invulnerability made him slow.
The faster Swally circled him, the more he slowed down.
Suddenly, Swally took off his hat, and capped it on his head. Big hat, small head, it covered his whole head, he couldn’t see anything.
Swally stuck out his foot and he tripped over it. With a loud thump he hit the ground, he had been wearing silver armor, weighing him down, it wasn’t so easy to get up again.
He reached for the hat covering his head, but he was already being held down by something very heavy. It was Swally, sitting on him, “This stool isn’t bad, too bad it’s a little small,” he laughed jokingly.
And the Gold Ant? He was already grasping for air, his breathing became even more agitated, and without Big G landing the final punch, he passed out, foaming at the mouth.
“I think this guy has epilepsy, my bad,” Big G sighed again.
Dash: “I said that you get the White Ant, didn’t you hear me?”
“Say what you want, I will fight who I want. I couldn’t catch the White Ant and he had to chase you, so I picked the Gold Ant. I am definitely bigger than him anyway, obviously I am stronger. Based on strength alone, I knew I had him,” Big G replied laughing.
Dash sighed, “Never thought you would be the type to take advantage of people,” he muttered.
Big G: “And I never thought your cotton blanket could be so useful. If I ever find someone who wants to master the art of secret throwing weapons, I am definitely going to tell him to eat lots of greasy chicken on his bed.”
Dash: “Chicken is not greasy enough, duck is better.”
“I never thought I would meet two people such as yourselves, looks like my rotten luck has just about ran its course,” Swally said with a long sigh.
Big G smiled: “That’s because you really are a freak, not the king of boasting.”
Swally: “You two were willing to help me just because I was telling the truth?”
Big G: “Because you can drink upside down.”
“Well if I didn’t first see you hanging upside down, would I have said all that?” Swally laughed.
With another sigh he added, “Actually there is something else I want to say, but am not sure if I should say it or not.”
Dash: “Do you want to thank me?”
“I really don’t know how to thank you,” Swally exhaled.
Dash: “If you really want to thank me, there is something you can do.”
Swally: “What’s that?”
Dash: “Carry me back to the bed, I am too lazy to move.”
(3)
To most people, “Prosperity Villa” wouldn’t be considered an interesting place, there really wasn’t anything appealing there.
The strange thing was, Swally was the same as Big G, upon arriving, they never wanted to leave.
It wasn’t because they had nowhere else to go, but because…
Because why? They themselves were not exactly sure.
Amongst certain people, there seems to be a kind of attraction that is hard to explain. Just like a magnet and metal, as soon as they meet, they are stuck together.
As long as they were together they felt happy. Even if they had to sleep on the floor, and miss a couple of meals, even if the sky came falling down, they wouldn’t care.
There was only a few things in the world they couldn’t stand, with one of them being tears.
Even though the Red Ant was small, the amount of tears she shed was anything but small.
Big G suddenly realized that the size of a women wasn’t directly connected to the amount of tears she could cry. It seemed that the smaller the women, the more tears there were.
When it comes to women, things are not always as they appear.
The fatter they are, the less they eat; the uglier they are, the more games they play; the older they are, the thicker the makeup; the more clothes they have, the less they wear.
“Ah, women sure are strange creatures,” Big G sighed. The Red Ant had been crying nonstop. He had to leave, couldn’t handle it anymore.
Swally stopped him from leaving.
Dash was already lying down, sleeping with his head buried. He wouldn’t wake up even if someone was dying.
Swally pulled Big G to the side, “If you leave, what am I supposed to do with these four people?”
Big G: “This is your problem, not mine.”
Swally: “But if it wasn’t for your help, I wouldn’t have been able to subdue them. If I wasn’t able to overpower them, how would I be in this predicament?”
Big G stared blankly.
Swally was worried he hadn’t explained the situation clearly, “If you two didn’t help me, they would have caught me, worst case scenario I would have died again, if I was already dead, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. But now, I can’t kill them, and I can’t let them go. What should I do?”
The more clearly he explained the situation the more confused Big G became.
Dash suddenly poked his head out of his blanket, “I have an idea,” he laughed.
“Why didn’t you say something sooner,” Swally moaned.
Dash: “Since you can’t kill them, and you can’t let them go, why don’t you keep them here, you can take care of them for the rest of their lives.”
Big G clapped his hands, laughing, “That is a great idea! They are so small anyway, it’s not like they can eat very much.”
The Red Ant stopped crying, “Each day, all I need to eat is a small bowl of rice mixed with shredded pearls, with a little bit of sea food, and a few peach slices. If you don’t have any peaches, honey-dew is ok.”
“Rice and shredded pearls? Sea food? Peaches?… That’s easy,” Swally muttered with a straight face.
He just turned and walked away.
Big G: “Where are you going?”
Swally: “Going to find that coffin, lie down, and find someone to bury it. Much less work then looking for shredded pearls and peaches.”
“Looks like we are going to have to let them go in order to save you. That is easier than trying to find another person who can drink upside down,” Big G replied with a sigh.
Before he finished speaking he had walked over and released The Ants acupuncture points.
They came suddenly, but left slowly.
The three of them watched them leave. They turned towards one another, just looking at each other.
Big G: “You had already decided to let them go didn’t you?”
Swally: “Oh?”
Big G: “But, you didn’t want to bring it up, because we helped subdue them. You were worried we wouldn’t want to let them go, but actually…”
Swally: “Actually you wanted to let them go to, no?”
The three of them just sat there looking at each other, followed by a burst of laughter.
Big G: “Looks like letting people go is easier than killing them, feels much better too.”
Swally: “So true, if we killed them, we wouldn’t be so happy right now.”
Dash: “But we let them go, what if they hurt someone else, that would be sad.”
Big G shook his head, “No way, they are not that bad. Even if they had done some horrible things in the past, I am sure this will have changed them,” he proclaimed loudly.
Winking, he lowered his voice, “Even if they were bad ants, after hearing what I said, they will certainly be too ashamed to not change their ways.”
Swally: “Do you think they heard you?”
Dash: “Of course, this guy is so loud even a deaf person 10 miles away would hear him.”
“True, I have always had a strong voice. People used to call me a natural singer with a golden voice, wait till I am in a good mood, I will sing you a thing or two,” Big G replied laughing.
“If you must sing, please wait until I am sleeping,” Dash remarked.
He buried his head under his blanket again, “As long as I am asleep, even if you step on a chicken’s throat I am not going to wake up.”
That’s just the way they were. They had a very special way of doing things.
Sometimes they got things right, sometimes they made mistakes.
But, no matter what they did, they wouldn’t get their hands bloody or live with regrets.
Their actions not only made themselves happy, but would also bring joy to others.
Note:
1. Big G: “It’s too bad people can’t shrink, otherwise I would want to become a yellow ant. ” Yellow has sexual connotations in Chinese.
