The Paladin Order Reformed - Chapter 35
I stared at Rett kneeling before me with shock, I didn’t fully understand the significance of his statement, but I knew one thing. This was a big deal, a great honor.
But not one that I would accept, I faced him with aversion in contrast with his show of humility. Despite his courteous proposition, I replied with disdain saying.
“No, are you kidding me? I was nearly killed by you, I’m lucky I only have a few broken bones and bruises. I only fought you to survive, I don’t care about being the leader.”
Still kneeling Rett looked up with confusion. “I don’t think you understand, It’s now your responsibility to become the chief. You don’t have much choice in the matter.”
I shot a glance at Lili, but her eyes averted, finding the bleach white canvas tent walls.
She apparently only wants to discuss frivolous matters of her convenience instead of intervening in actually important debates, I made a mental note of this as I watched her continue to scan the blank cloth close to where she sat, her eyes lingered on the small rips and dirt stains that came with time and travel.
Details that only become obvious after noticing them, making you think. “Has that always been there.” Whether or not this is what was on her mind, didn’t matter. She still elected to prioritize an idle endeavor over the pressing matter that’s in front of her. Which, honestly, fits her personality too well.
“Great, I’m on my own. Thanks a lot, Lili. Guess what, I’ll be using vegetables for our meals from now on, I hope you like to have beans as your source of protein for a while.” I thought spiteful, believing my petty retribution to be sufficient.
It will be, she’s way too captivated by meat, it’s unhealthy. “I’ll make her eat salads and cooked vegetables until she’s growing leaks from her ears.”
I think maniacally, already plotting my revenge. I don’t know if I’ll be stalwart if she pleads with puppy eyes. If I had a weakness, those would probably be it. I put my incoherent thoughts aside and composed myself to fit the more serious tone, then turned my attention back to Rett
“Look, I don’t really care. I fought you, I won, I even spared your life.” That’s kind of a loose statement, it’s more like “I blacked out before I had an opportunity to finish you off.”, but whatever.
He stood with a low growl in his throat and said. “It doesn’t matter what you or I want, the strongest rules this clan. If you defeat the chieftain, then you replace him. This is the law.”
“That’s a stupid law,” I think. “It’s more counter-intuitive than anything.” I voice my concerns, trying to find a way around it.
“I’m not even a beastman! How can I lead a beastman tribe from the DEMON army if I’m a human, you see how this doesn’t quite line up?”
Rett rubs his temples in frustration, hinting at a forming headache. “I KNOW! You think I just thought, “Hey, I’m the leader of the most renowned wolf-man tribe ever. I spent years of training and preparation to take my father’s place once he died, how about I let this human who knows how to punch good rule instead?”
I nodded slowly, half-serious, half-mocking. “Sure, that sounds abou…” He interrupted quickly, not seeming to have much of a sense of humor at the moment, shame.
“Our ancestor’s followed the strongest of the tribe because only the strongest survived then. The clan became powerful, not by settling down and farming, but by fighting the strongest they could. If they were defeated, then they submitted and followed who defeated them, until they became strong enough to defeat them and lead themselves.”
That actually made a bit of sense, in a brutish savage way, which I guess does fit their culture. When they lived on the Itami Mountains only the strongest could survive its harsh environment, It makes sense that they would prioritize strength over everything. Although I don’t understand why they would still follow these beliefs today.
I tried to level with Rett, I put my hand on his shoulder hesitantly and said. “Look Rett, I get all that, but you don’t have to do this. It’s just tradition, right? You knocked me out and you couldn’t kill me, so how about we call it even. You can let me and Lili go and you can still lead the Moon Claws.”
He looked tempted for a moment, wanting very much to accept, but then shook his head and smiled tiredly. “No, even if that’s what I want, I can’t. It would dishonor our history and our culture, I would no longer hold the respect of the clan elders. I failed, I lost to you in my arrogance, and I was rightfully defeated.
It’s what I deserve, I must atone for my failure by serving you, as must the rest of my men.” He beamed, excitedly asking.
“How about we make a deal, I spent much of my life training to become the strongest so I could lead the clan, but even now still I’m not strong enough. So lead us until I can become strong enough to defeat you, this way you won’t have to travel at night under a cloak. You won’t have to sleep with one eye open and you can travel safely without hesitation.” He stuck out his hand, presuming I’d instantly accept.
It was tempting, very tempting, but to lead again… I looked past Rett through the flapping canvas door he neglected to close during his entry. I observed the beastmen walking by that were working together like bustling bees. Laughing and talking as they went on with their daily work.
It…it was just like the camp I left behind, It was just like watching Rachel, Dontae, Micheal, and Joseph as they carried out the small tasks I would give them. Regret flooded through me, I clutched my chest as their memories began to ravage me.
Sorrow, guilt, regret, they were all things that I had carried. I thought I had become stronger for carrying it, but here I stood crippled by my own failure once again. I felt empty, I missed them, I really missed my friends.
I longed to see my friends again, I wished to give them a final farewell, to see their cheerful expressions one final time. But like so many times before, I had nothing to remember them by but their memories itself. Yet the memories of their contorted faces continue to haunt me, reminding me of my failure and warning me of future ones.
It’s funny, even after all this time I’m still crippled by whats happened. I’m still so weak.
I realize that Rett and Lili are both looking at me with worried expressions, Rett looks like he was on the verge of bolting out the tent for help. I slow my breathing and trying to shoot him a cool grin, but can only manage a lopsided grimace.
I quietly, but curtly explain. “I am not someone that needs to be leading others, I’ve failed those who’ve relied on me the most and I’m never going to get over it, I’m always going to see their faces in that burning hellscape, in that grotesque barn. Just let me go, you don’t need someone as weak as me anyway.”
Rett laid his hand on my shoulder, saying with understanding. “You’re not weak Christian, you’re just too humble to admit it. Life has this way of humbling people, I can say you’re not alone on that front. I…..well…my parents died and I wasn’t able to save them. I wasn’t strong enough to save them, so you’re not the only weak one here.”
He patted my shoulder finishing with. “People die, Christian, good people. Even the strongest can fail because no man is infallible. You don’t have to blame yourself, I have, I still do. So believe me when I say, it’s not worth it. You can’t take what you did or didn’t do back, you can’t reverse what’s been done. Just live, for them.”
He smiled reassuringly, allowing the weight of his words to settle on me. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard something like this, but maybe the words of someone in a similar context would finally beat it into me. I can’t move forward with the weight of my past dragging me back.
Warily, I stuck my hand out and said. “I’ll try, right now it’s all I can do. But I’m only leading until you get a little stronger, got it?”
He grabbed my hand and shook it vigorously, “Don’t worry, I’ll work hard enough to beat you in no time.”
With that, I became the first human chieftain in Moon Claw history, this would be my first taste of the future to be.
