The Princess’ Bedroom Doll -R19 - Chapter 109

Tea was served after the meal was finished, though they weren’t sitting facing each other.

 

Karzen was almost always dissatisfied unless Raha was sitting by his side.

 

“Karzen,” Raha said, putting down her teacup.

 

“May I go to Clock Tower street with lady Jamela?”

 

Karzen’s gray eyes filled with questions as he looked at her.

 

“Why Clock Tower Street?

 

“I received many gifts from the nobles, but half of them had at least one item that was intentionally left out.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“They’re families with salons. I think they want me to come to visit.”

 

“Since when did you care about such things, Raha?”

 

“If I leave for Hildes kingdom, it’ll be hard to do this.”

 

Raha continued.

 

“And it was 10 years ago that I went out to Clock Tower street.”

 

The term “Imperial princess trapped in a birdcage” was not just a word. Raha had rarely been outside the Imperial Palace since Karzen frequently left the palace. Ten years ago was the last time.

 

“No? If it’s not all right with Karzen, I’ll stay at the palace.”

 

When Raha asked her again, Karzen looked at her with unfathomable eyes. Raha did not urge, but just stared at him. Karzen hated it when she went outside the palace.

 

So he prepared some stories …

 

Then in a flash, Raha’s vision was turned upside down. Her sitting body was pulled with a strong force.

 

Raha blinked as her back was suddenly against the red velvet sofa.

 

Karzen was leaning towards her.

 

The twins’ faces were only inches apart.

 

Karzen gazed into Raha’s blue eyes with dense eyelashes. His hands were between Raha’s arms and hips. As the distance between them gradually narrowed, Karzen’s throat also tightened slowly.

 

The sensation he felt was raw, as if a sword was piercing his lower abdomen, wrists, ankles, and his eyes.

 

In a pure sense, it was tortured.

 

How much she loathed him but her face was a calm mask.

 

The same with her acting.

 

She looked at him as if she didn’t feel the eerie sense of death.

 

How much time had passed?

 

Karzen raised his bowed upper body. He was still holding her wrists, but this time he let her sit up straight.

 

“Go ahead. It’s not safe so Blake should accompany you.”

 

Raha blinked quietly. It was a cool permission she didn’t expect. She thought he would never allow it even if she would be with Jamela.

 

 

“What’s wrong, Raha?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

Raha smiled.

 

“I’ll get Karzen a present.”

 

“A present? What are you going to buy?”

 

Was there anything he wanted?

 

A normal twin would have asked this question, but Raha knew very well the answer to that question. She didn’t say it out loud as she didn’t want to remind Karzen again what wanted.

 

She spoke in a soft tone.

 

“Jewelry. Because I like jewelry.”

 

“It’s funny how you say it’s my present and you go out and buy something you like.”

 

“You would accept it, wouldn’t you?”

 

“Yes. If I don’t accept it, you would give it to someone else, right?”

 

The gift was supposed to be a man’s jewelry, but he didn’t accept it, she would definitely give it to the royal lord.

 

Karzen swept a lock of hair on Raha’s forehead away from her face. His fingers didn’t immediately withdraw, but slowly descended along Raha’s chin.

 

Karzen spoke in a whispering tone.

 

“Go on. Raha.”

 

* * *

 

A few days later.

 

The Princess’s Palace was very busy from dawn. Because Raha was allowed to go out to the Clock Tower Street.

 

If it had been an ordinary royal family, at most, the servants would not have been this busy just because of an outing to the city.

 

However, Raha was an imperial princess who was confined to the imperial palace except for official outings with Karzen.

 

Raha’s choice for the outing was one of the dresses presented to her by Duke Esther. The dress, with its dark yellow hue, was light and fresh.

However, it had long sleeves and a short not-too-thick cloak on top, perfect for the season.

 

Beads of various shapes were attached to the chest and sleeves.

 

A banquet dress should have covered the entire chest with jewels, but this was about right for a going-out dress.

 

Raha even put on a pair of comfortable walking shoes and looked in the mirror.

 

She was going out to grasp Duke Esther’s intentions. An outing with purpose….however, she felt strange to be able to go out for the first time in a long time.

 

Excited.

 

It wasn’t like her.

 

“Princess. Lady Jamela has just arrived.”

 

Raha asked as she checked herself in the mirror.

 

“How about the royal lord?”

 

“I’m here.”

 

“……?”

 

Raha turned around with surprised eyes. She didn’t even know when he had arrived. Shed was leaning against the door looking at her.

 

 

“When did you come?”

 

‘Not very long.”

 

“You’ve been here but you didn’t say anything?”

 

“I was going to.”

 

Shed smiled softly. While she was getting ready, Raha was smiling looking in the mirror. It was an unusual sight.

 

At first he thought she was smiling because she knew she looked so beautiful. However, Raha’s gaze was constantly directed out the window. After a dozen minutes passed, he came to a realization.

 

“You were like a child expecting to go out. I dare not to disturb.”

 

“…….”

 

The attendants hurriedly bowed their heads. It was surely an act to stifle laughter. Raha wondered why the maids, who were always so calm and quiet in front of her, would do such a thing.

 

In fact, these days, the cold atmosphere as a whole had been softened.

 

This was because the national wedding was scheduled and the princess’s caring fiancé was also firmly in place. It was the same excitement as a festival’s anticipation.

 

But….

 

Raha glanced at Shed. She didn’t tell him that it had been a decade since she had been out because it might make him pity her.

 

So instead of saying anything Raha quickly walked past Shed. The sound of footsteps catching up quickly rang in her ears. Shed grabbed Raha’s hand after a few steps.

 

Raha frowned. She couldn’t quickly shake off Shed’s hand, not knowing Jamela might be around.

 

While Raha hesitated briefly, Shed dug into her fingers and gave it a squeeze.

 

It wouldn’t crack that relaxed face just because she shook off his hand. He would definitely catch her hand again if she did.

 

Raha spoke after a few moments.

 

“I heard you liked sweet fruits when you were young.”

 

Who was she to treat him like a child when she was acting like that? Shed gently nodded his head at Raha’s words.

 

“What did you like as a child?”

 

“Why do you ask that all of a sudden?”

 

“Suddenly I’m curious.”

 

“I didn’t particularly like anything.”

 

“How is that possible?”

 

Raha blinked. What did she like when she was young? Nothing immediately came to mind.

 

When she thought back to that moment, half of it was just pitch black darkness. When she looked in the mirror, she saw those eyes. She didn’t want it…She prayed for it to be returned to Karzen, but it remained unchanged.

 

So what happened?

 

How did she do it?

 

Raha suddenly burst out laughing after thinking for a while. She’d asked what she liked, and Raha, who didn’t like many things, had only painful memories.

 

This made her feel a little sorry for Shed. This man chose the wrong person to be his wife. He chose the wrong person to love.

 

“Shed.”

 

Raha said with a faint smile.

 

“Do you really want to marry someone like me?”

 

“Someone like you?”

 

“I only look good on the outside. You know that.”

 

She thought Shed would chuckle at those words. But Raha was wrong. Suddenly she was caught in his embrace.

 

Startled, Raha stopped walking.

 

“Why…?”

 

“Raha.”

 

Shed’s blue-gray eyes look down at Raha from a close distance.

 

“Whatever condition you were in, I would have asked you to be my reward nonetheless.”

 

“…….”

 

“It doesn’t matter what you say, it doesn’t change that fact.”

 

Shade asked, grabbing both of her arms.

 

“Is your heart okay when you say things like that to me?”

 

“…….”

 

“Did you feel bad?”

 

Raha used to live holding onto her dolls. When she got older, the doll just turned into a sleeping tool. When the doll got warm, it was just Raha’s body heat. What Raha needed was someone’s warmth. She showed generosity to the bedroom slaves because she could not distribute warmth to them. She had repeated the words “I’m sorry” while protecting them before they died.

 

So in fact, sorry was the word that Raha wanted to hear all her life.

 

Who did she want to hear it from?

 

Fate.

 

Destiny.

 

It was a life like a praying mantis trampled helplessly by grand and cruel wheels. She had survived until now as a trampled, shivering, boring corpse.

 

It was all she could hope for.

 

I’m sorry for ruining your life like this. I’m sorry I crushed you in such a cruel way. 

 

In the end…

 

Who did she want to hear that from?

 

Only those who hated her every day and were stuck in the cold hallway couldn’t have said those words to Raha. And they did not love Raha one bit, and in the end, no one could give her back what she wanted. Raha did not know what to do with the black, empty hole deep in her chest, and she had to fill it with whatever she could.

 

She wished someone would apologize to her.

 

I’m sorry you’re ruined like this. 

 

She wanted anyone to say it to her. It was a plea after all.

 

Apologize to me just once.

 

Tell me you’re sorry.

 

Please feel a little sorry for me.

 

A deep thirst that was unquenchable broke Raha. With nothing to catch, her throat was parched.

 

With no moisture flowing to her heart, Raha slowly crumbled away like dry sand. She was nothing but insignificant dust.

 

She was not used to seeing this man who would not even let go of the shadows scattered under his hands. Raha was sure that when Shed came to his senses, there would only be a handful or two of meaningless crumbs left in his hands. Because that was all Raha had. But…

 

Raha reached out her hands to Shed’s arms. She hugged him, but it felt like he was hugging her.

 

Her eyes were burning like a child’s. It was he who told her he loved her. So there was no turning back.

 

 

If she was going to collapse anyway, she wanted to collapse in his arms.

 

If she became a tiny speck of dust, she would cling to some part of his heart for the rest of her life. She would be able to steal a little bit of this man’s warmth and hold on.

 

Shed was the first and last man Raha would love.

 

***