The Reason for Marriage - Chapter 53

“Promise me, Eve,” Daniel whispered. He whispered it several times, holding her tightly as she shuddered through the aftershocks of her climax.

“Don’t leave me here alone. My life without you would be meaningless now. Don’t abandon me in this dark palace.”

“Ah… Ahh…,” she sighed. The sounds were meant to be words, but she couldn’t focus enough to form them.

“I thought I had been waiting for you in this darkness, but I had just been clinging to it, wrapping myself in it. Don’t surrender me back to it, please.”

This time, Iveca didn’t even sigh in response. She just let herself be lost in the tremors of pleasure still echoing through her, still tingling like small shocks that traveled her head to toe.

***

Later, when she could clear her mind again, she finally left his bedroom. She contacted Lucas, the Director of the Bureau, to schedule a private treatment the next day, as soon as possible. Her mind was set.

But as she was leaving her dormitory in the morning, someone grabbed her arm. Reina.

“Eve,” she said.

“Oh, Senior!” Iveca gasped. Focused on the treatment ahead, she hadn’t noticed her approach.

“What happened to you?”

The short words seemed heavy with questions. Iveca looked at her blankly, as if not understanding. Reina sighed, running a hand through her brown hair.

“Why did you go into King’s bedroom, and why did you talk to the Director…,” she began.

“How is Senior Sid?” Iveca interrupted.

“…He’s on annual leave,” Reina said after a beat.

“Why?”

Reina said nothing, gave her a knowing look.

“Senior, did you know?” Iveca asked calmly.

Reina hesitated a moment, muttered something under her breath, and let out a heavy sigh like a surrender.

“I just listened to it yesterday. Drunken mumbling.”

Iveca gave a blank response, waiting for more.

“I had no idea, either. If Sid had given me any indication, wouldn’t I have been arguing with you about it all? I may not be as invested in it, but I’m not stupid.”

“Is Senior Sid okay?”

“I don’t know, he was just drunk and fell asleep.”

Iveca’s face darkened. Too many precious hearts wounded. Too much pain. She hadn’t wanted any of this, hadn’t asked for it. All she wanted was to stop seeing it, stop feeling the wound of it. That’s why she was choosing the treatment – to wash it all away.

“Why the face, Iveca?” Reina asked. “Someone’s heart isn’t moved by someone else – is that your fault?” She waved her arm with a dramatic sigh, trying to lighten her mood.

Iveca’s legs felt weak. She stepped to a bench by the wall and sat. After a second, Reina joined her.

“Sid’s a nice guy,” Reina said. “But maybe not attractive as a man. Not in that way. Don’t you think so?”

“It’s… it’s not like that. It’s just that I like other men more…”

“Is that the truth?”

Iveca said nothing. The silence extended, making Reina anxious until she filled it with more words.

“Well, he looks so young, so baby-faced. Like a younger brother, right? Right?”

“Like that…yes. Think of it that way.”

“There’s your answer. Okay, I’ll tease you about it for the rest of your life.”

“Senior, is it cruel?”

“It’s better,” Reina said. She wrapped her arms around Iveca and leaned in close, drawing Iveca’s eyes to her own.

“It’s hard to be a rival with a King. Disloyal,” Reina told her softly.

“He’s not a rival. We don’t have a good relationship now anyway.”

“Then?”

“Didn’t I always tell you, Senior?” Even said. “Affection is inertia, purity is self-deception, and desire is illusion.”

“Eve.”

“It was just a fantastic night.  We both need to forget it anyway.”

Reina’s expression darkened.

“Eve, no one knows what happened between you and His Highness, but would His Highness think the same? You’re not a fantasy to him. You’re more. Are you sure you can handle that weight?”

“No, I can’t handle it,” she said without hesitation. “You know my situation.”

She cast her eyes down to the floor.

“I’m going to run away,” she added softly.

“Where?” Reina asked

“To the past?” Iveca replied.

Reina started to speak.

“You…,” she said, but she fell blank, and no more words came.

“I can’t stay in the Bureau of Investigation any longer anyway. I’m not needed here anymore. I was just dragging along, but I won’t do that anymore.”

“No, Eve. If you put a little more effort….”

“I’m going to see the Director, apply for a transfer and ask for my memory to be erased.”

“Eve, how can you….”

“If you happen to see Iveca later, don’t be surprised when there’s not much to her. She was always a timid, gloomy little thing, always intimidated. Completely different from the one Senior knew. She won’t be much fun to talk to.”

Iveca took Reina’s hand. Her eyes were calm, confident, but regret still hung in her voice.

“A child of low self-esteem, couldn’t speak properly, constantly chewing at her nails, looking shyly at others while craving their attention…”

Tears welled up in Reina’s eyes. As a friend, she wanted to argue with Iveca’s choice, steer her from it. But as an employee of the Bureau, she couldn’t argue with it. She understood better than anyone the damage the Bureau of Investigation could do to someone’s life.

“Meeting Seniors, I’ve already changed a lot, became brave, cheerful, confident…,” Iveca said. Her face was stoic, but tremors of emotion infected her voice. “They were the family I never had. That’s why I was always so obsessed with them.”

“Eve…”

“I don’t know why it was always so difficult for my former self to find that confidence, to forge bonds with even a few people – someone to spend time with, share joys and sorrows, and talk about…about everything.”

Iveca had no tears, but merely clasped Reina’s hand and smiled faintly.

“Thanks to the Seniors, I was able to live a completely different life, and it was wonderful. I’m grateful for it. If you see Iveca from afar later on, remember the person you made from that crippled child, and be proud.”

“What are you going to do?” Reina asked, wiping her tears away. “Where are you going to relocate? The Intelligence Service?”

“No.”

Iveca blinked at the blue sky. Today, the Bureau of Investigation’s Eve Jean would be no more, her pale blonde hair that made her resemble her sisters would disappear. Her whole appearance would vanish like a mirage.

“How about the Legal Affairs Bureau?” she said.

“What?”

“They can accept requests from the Bureau of Investigation anywhere. And I think I’ll be good at the Legal Affairs Bureau. I know how to represent a lot of people.”

“Maybe,” Reina muttered. She sniffled, clearing out the residue of her tears. “Well, the department is small and there’s not a lot of work there. It may be a bit boring just digging into the laws.”

“Oh, Senior. I’m not going for that reason. I just thought dealing with the law would suit my background. I like doing what I’m good at. And maybe I think the work will do me some good, as well.”

Reina squeezed her hand, tried to manage a flicker of a smile, but couldn’t hold it and shuddered into more crying.

“But anyway, I don’t know how far I can go,” Iveca added bitterly. If Iveca de Esselburn appeared again, she would be forced to be part of the Esselburn. Perhaps she’d get that marriage after all, and Iveca, who had a mental age of 18, would inevitably follow Ewill’s will.

Would she be able to attend to the Bureau of Judicial Affairs then?

“Thank you so much, Senior. Thanks to the Bureau of Investigation and the Seniors, I was able to become a completely different person because of you all. Make sure to tell Sid that.”

Fighting back tears, Reina couldn’t respond. This was their last conversation, she knew, the last with the Eve she had known. A black-haired noble-turned employee in the Bureau of Judicial Affairs would no longer recognize Reina. The nights when they drank after completing missions together, giggly chatting all night, and teasing each other with wide eyes while working overtime…those memories would be hers alone now. Another person would continue in her body, but Eve Jean would no longer exist in the world.

“Of course, His Majesty… I loved him, but I think the people who had the biggest influence on me were the Bureau of Investigation and the Seniors. So, at the end of the day, I’m a Bureau of Investigation employee, not just a woman who fell in love.”

“Eve… hu…uuuh,” Reina tried to rally enough to respond, but the crying still overwhelmed her.

“As an employee of the Bureau of Investigation… I swore secrecy even in front of the King… They should protect me even from His Highness, right?” Iveca said brightly. She made the words like a joke to hide the tinge of worry in them.

“His Highness will feel betrayed because I’ll be such a different person when he sees Iveca… in case he finds her. He’d probably let her stand by him at first, but he’d tire of her before long. It will be tragic, but I won’t remember it anyway.”

“Hu…uh, if you say it like that,” Reina said, composing herself just enough to push fragments of a reply through her sobs. “I guess so…. His Highness, uh…huh, … is…no one can really understand what he feels inside. He’s a very calculating person. Even…huh uh…if he keeps you by his side… huh hu…he’ll take advantage of you. I’d rather you…huh…with Sid… hu uh… I can…arrange it when it’s settled…. Hu uh…His Highness will never know…I’ll do it.”

Iveca pulled her in, threw her arms around her.

“I don’t think I can say goodbye to Senior Sid,” she whispered, hugging Reina tightly. “Please deliver my gratitude well.”

Iveca’s eyes scanned the Bureau’s dormitory. Perhaps she would rejoin the Count of Esselburn. She had no idea how frustrated she would be after all her memories were erased. She would likely think that her last four years had been a complete failure. She would get even gloomier.

She looked toward the royal palace. It seemed so far away now. She would leave Daniel without a goodbye. She was the Bureau’s, not his.

“Don’t be like me,” she said to Reina. “Don’t be someone always with something to hide, someone complicated. Find someone who is bright and confident by nature. There are so many of them….”