The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend - Chapter 24

No matter how obsessed he might be, I don’t think he would chase after me in front of the Grand Duke. So I hopped around and continued searching for my father.

There were many people around, busy meeting their families. But I couldn’t find my father.

Then I made eye contact with Kirsec. I was surprised and started to back off.

But it was strange. I met his eyes again, but he looked awkward rather than angry. It was a sad look filled with guilt and regret.

It suddenly felt ominous.

I desperately looked for my father again. Then, I made eye contact with Uncle Holt, the lieutenant commander. He visited our home sometimes and hence was a familiar face among the knights.

But when he met my eyes, Uncle Holt’s face darkened. Instinctively, I didn’t want to hear it. As soon as I turned around and tried to run away, Uncle Holt approached and grabbed me by the shoulder.

He got down on his knees and looked into my eyes. My lips trembled even though I clenched my teeth at his serious expression.

“Arendine, don’t be surprised and listen.”

Thump thump thump. My heart beat louder.

“There was no war, but there was a little fight. There, when your father was trying to protect the Grand Duke….”

My ears started ringing, and I couldn’t hear his words anymore. My legs gave way, and I collapsed.

Uncle Holt seemed to be saying something, but I couldn’t hear him. My eyes were blurred, my ears feltbecame blocked, and my mind went numb.

He was such a blunt person that he’d never shown a warm expression of affection even when I was a baby. So I’d thought I wasn’t very attached to my father.

Isn’t there something like that? The affection you feel towards your real brother is different from your affection towards any other oppa*. That’s how I saw our relationship – not as warm as the real thing. It’s like, I considered him family only because I knew it for a fact. Any other emotions felt flimsy.

(*T/N: Oppa here refers to an older male, not blood related, like a friend or a sworn brother.)

Our feelings were too lukewarm for one between a father and daughter. At least, I believed it was.

Even when my father said he was going on an expedition due to the enemy’s provocation, I knew that people would be reincarnated if they died anyway. So I thought I could accept it calmly no matter what.

But that was my arrogance – my fragile conceit. The bad news about my father made me feel like the world was falling apart. I feel like I’ve lost everything.

Unlike my thoughts before, it wasn’t just a fear that the guardian would disappear. I was strangled by intense grief and fear.

It became difficult to breathe, and I couldn’t see clearly. I could only hear a buzzing sound in my ears.

“…..dine. Arendine!”

The forceful shaking of my shoulders made me regain my breath. Uncle Holt was holding me by the shoulders with a startled face.

“Can you hear me?”

Uncle Hold noticed my eyes regaining focus and asked.

I could hear him, yet I also couldn’t. I just felt blank.

“Arendine! Wake up. Can you hear me?”

“…yes.”

I answered with difficulty in a slightly firmer tone. Uncle Holt pulled me up. My legs trembled, but I had no choice but to stand up because the uncle was holding me.

“You should keep your senses about you at times like this. You’re a strong child, aren’t you?”

No, I wanted to argue that I was a child too. Since I’m a weak child, will my father come back if I cry for him? I was so sorry that I couldn’t say goodbye to you at the end. Take care, and promise you’ll come back alive. If I’d said something like this, I may not have felt this way.

“Arendine, cheer up.”

At Uncle Holt’s words, I suppressed my urge to cry. Clenching my teeth, I nodded.

Then Uncle Holt patted my head as if he were proud. Tears threatened to pour out of my eyes.

“Yes. That’s how you can go see your father.”

*****