The Simpsons Movie - Chapter 1 The Simpsons Movie

We come in peace for cats and mice everywhere. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. Thanks for coming out. Itchy… Itchy… Boring! Dad, we can’t see the movie. I can’t believe we’re paying to see something we get on TV for free. If you ask me, everybody in this theater is a giant sucker. Especially you. Movie on the big screen! Excuse me. My heinie is dipping. All right, well, thanks a lot for coming. We’ve been playing for three and a half hours. Now we’d like just a minute of your time to say something about the environment. – You suck! – Shut up and play! – Preachy! – We’re not being preachy. But the pollution in your lake, it’s dissolving our barge. I thought they touched on a vital issue. I beg to differ. Gentlemen, it’s been an honor playing with you tonight. For the latest rock band to die in our town… …Lord, hear our prayer. Lord, hear our prayer. I hate being late. Well, I hate going. Why can’t I worship the Lord in my own way… …by praying like hell on my deathbed? Homer, they can hear you inside. Relax. Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God. How you doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus. Today I’d like to try something a little different. I’m going to call on one of you! Now, the word of God dwells within everyone. I want you to let that word out. Let your spirit… What is it, Ned? The good Lord is telling me to confess to something. Gay, gay, gay. An immodest sense of pride in our community. Somebody else? Let the Lord’s light shine upon you. Feel the spirit. Let it out! Horrible, horrible things are going to happen! And they’re gonna happen to you! And you! And you! And you. Whoa, nelly! People of Springfield, heed this warning: Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever! Dad, do something! This book doesn’t have any answers! Beware! Beware! Time is short! Believe me! Believe me! Thanks for listening. Okay, who wants waffles? I do, I do, I do! Wait a minute. What about Grampa? – I want syrup! – I want strawberries! Something happened to that man. I’ll tell you what happened to him. A certain someone had a senior moment. But that’s okay, because we love him and we got a free rug out of it. What is the point of going to church every Sunday… …when if someone we love has a genuine religious experience, we ignore it? Right, Grampa? I want bananas on my waffles. I rest my case. I’m not dropping this. Wait a minute. I’m still in the car. Oh, right. “Take out hornets’ nest.” Check.”Fix sinkhole.” Check. “Re-shingle roof”? Steady. Steady. Why, you little…! I’ll teach you to laugh at something that’s funny! You know, we are on the roof. We could have some fun. What kind of fun? How about a dare contest? That sounds fun. I dare you to… …climb the TV antenna! – Piece of cake. – Earthquake! Aftershock! Homer, I don’t mean to be a Nervous Pervis… …but if he falls, couldn’t that make your boy a paraplege-arino? Shut up, Flanders. – Yeah, shut up, Flanders. – Well said, boy. Steady. Steady. Steady… Hello. Sorry to bother you on a Sunday… …but I’m sure you’re as worried about the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am. Lake Springfield has higher levels of mercury than ev… Why, it’s the little girl who saved my cat. Lake Springfield is… Come on over, Lisa. You can canvass me as long as you want. Milhouse, you don’t care about the environment. Hey. I am very passionate about the planet. Say global warming is a myth. It’s a myth! Further study is needed! That’s for selling out your beliefs. Oh, poor Milhouse. Dream coming true. Are you aware that a leaky faucet can waste over…? Two thousand gallons a year. – Turning off lights can save… – Enough energy to power Pittsburgh. And if we kept our thermostats at 68 in winter… We’d be free from our dependency on foreign oil in 17 years. I’m Colin. I haven’t seen you at school. Moved from Ireland. My dad’s a musician. – Is he…? – He’s not Bono. – I just thought, because you’re Irish and… – He’s not Bono. Do you play? Just piano, guitar, trumpet, drums and bass. He’s pure gold. For once in your life, be cool. So is your name as pretty as your face? You okay there? Twisted tail! A thousand eyes! Trapped forever! What could that be? I believe it’s the sound the Green Lantern made… …when Sinestro threw him into a vat of acid. Yeah. Thanks for coming over. Thanks for giving me your pregnancy pants. Never known comfort like this. Why did I suggest this? All right, boy, time for the ultimate dare. I dare you to skateboard to Krusty Burger and back… …naked. – How naked? – Fourth base. Girls might see my doodle. Oh, I see. Then I hereby declare you chicken for life. Every morning, you’ll wake up to “Good morning, chicken.” At your wedding, I’ll sing: I like men now. Don’t look where I’m pointing! Stop in the name of American squeamishness! Boys, before we eat, don’t forget to thank the Lord for this bountiful… Penis?! – Bountiful penis. – Bountiful penis. Amen. Listen, kid, nobody likes wearing clothes in public, but, you know, it’s the law. Lunchtime! You can’t just leave me out here. Don’t worry, we found a friend for you to play with. Nelson, honey, where have you been? – Dad! – What seems to be the problem, officers? Tell him you dared me to do it. If that’s true, then you should be taking the rap here, not your son. And what happens to me if it’s my fault? You’ll have to attend a one-hour parenting class. It was all his idea! He’s out of control, I tell you! I’m at my wits’ end. It’s so… See you in court, kid. Okay, son, let’s get some lunch. Did you at least bring my clothes? Shirt, socks, everything you need. – You didn’t bring my pants. – Who am I, Tommy Bahama? This is the worst day of my life. The worst day of your life so far. – Say, Bart? – What do you want, Flanders? If you need pants, I carry an extra pair. You know how boys are, always praying through the knees. Why are you helping me? I’m not your kid. We’re neighbors. I’m sure your father would do the same for my boys. Thank you. – Hey, what’s with you? – You really wanna know? Of course I do. What kind of a father wouldn’t care about…? A pig wearing a hat! Action. Hey, hey! It’s your old pal Krusty, for my new pork sandwich, the Klogger. If you can find a greasier sandwich, you’re in Mexico! And we’re clear. Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig. What…?! You can’t kill him if he’s wearing people clothes! You’re coming home with me. “A thousand eyes.” What could that be? I’m pretty sure a thousand is a number. Hey, Marge. Isn’t it great being married to someone who’s recklessly impulsive? Actually, it’s aged me horribly. Then say hello to the newest Simpson. Homer! I believe what happened in church was a warning about precisely this. Please, get rid of that pig. Oh, you’re gonna love him. Look, he does an impression of you. You nailed her. He also does me. You smiled. I’m off the hook. Oh, you have so many looks. So that’s what snug is. Who’s a good pig? Who’s a good pig? Rough day, huh, son? You don’t know what rough is, sister. Bart, you know, whenever my boys bake up a batch of frownies… …I take them fishing. Does your dad ever take you fishing? Dad, it’s not fair to use a bug zapper to catch the fish. If you love fish like I do, you want them to die with dignity. I think I have a nibble. I think fishing might be more fun with you. Oh, great. Now, how about I fix you some cocoa? No way. Cocoa’s for wusses. Well, sir, if you change your mind, it’s on the windowsill. Oh, my God. Oh, wait. I didn’t tell you the best part. He loves the environment. Oh, wait! I still didn’t tell you the best part. He’s got an Irish brogue. No, no, wait! I still didn’t tell you the best part. He’s not imaginary! Oh, honey, that’s great. But the very best thing is that he listens to you. Because nothing means more than for a man to… How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling? Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Can he swing from a web? No, he can’t, he’s a pig Look out He is the Spider-Pig Are we having fun yet? We are now. You’ve got a bite. Whoa, mama! Oh, no, my good pole! You’re not strangling me. What the…? Strangling’s only good for… Well, it’s not good for anything. The only time you should lay hands on a boy… …is to give him a good pat on the back. Hey, what the hell are you…? One more time. Honey, I’m home. We are at the tipping point, people. If we don’t do something now… I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought. Isn’t he dreamy? Agreed. Okay, so here’s the bottom line: If we don’t change our ways right now… …pollution in Lake Springfield will be at this level. That’s not so bad. No, the lift is stuck. Am I getting through to anyone? Hell, yeah. We need a new one of those things. All in favor of a new scissor lift, say “aye.” – Aye. – No! This lake is just one piece of trash away from a toxic nightmare. But I knew you wouldn’t listen. So I took the liberty of pouring water from the lake in all your drinking glasses. This is why we should hate kids. This is serious, people. No more dumping in the lake. I hereby declare a state of emergency. Code black. Black? That’s the worst color there is. – No offense there, Carl. – I get it all the time. Sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake. Fine. I will put my yard trimmings in a car compactor. Chief, I think there was a dead body in there. I thought that too, until he said “yard trimmings.” You gotta learn to listen, Lou. Let us now make sure this barrier is completely idiot-proof. – Cletus. – Yessum? Try to dump something in the lake. Okay. I can’t. I simply can’t. – Brilliant. – Very effective. Don’t get any ideas. Maybe we should kiss, just to break the tension. What’s going on here? Nothing. Nothing. I’m not sure that pig should be in the house. And by the way, what are you doing with his leavings? Don’t worry. I’ve devised a most elegant solution. It’s leaking. It’s not leaking, it’s overflowing. He filled up the whole silo in just two days? Well, I helped. Homer, stop! Stop. I know it’s easy for your mind to wander… …but I want you to really concentrate on me. I can’t escape the feeling that this is the crisis Grampa warned us about. You have to dispose of that waste properly. Okay, Marge. I will. You can take Spider-Pig with you. He’s not Spider-Pig anymore, he’s Harry Plopper. Hello. Homer, you gotta get over here. Health inspector shut down the doughnut store, they’re giving out free doughnuts! Oh, my God, oh, my God! I just got one thing I gotta do first. Well, you better hurry. They’re going fast. Whoa, that was close. Evil! Drive, drive, drive! Oh, right. Look at that. You can see the four states that border Springfield: Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky. Oh, yeah. And if you look real close, you can almost… Well, this certainly seems odd… …but who am I to question the work of the Almighty? We thank you, Lord, for this mighty fine intelligent design. Good job. Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab! Hey! Jab one more eye and it’s a federal crime. – Who are you? – Environmental Protection Agency. Russ Cargill, head of the EPA, here to see the president. Mr. President. Ja, that is me. Pollution in Springfield has reached crisis levels. I hate this job. Everything’s “crisis” this and “end of the world” that. Nobody opens with a joke. I miss Danny De Vito. You want a joke, huh? Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth. It’s like Christmas at the Kennedy compound. You know, sir, when you made me head of the EPA… …you appointed one of the most successful men in America… …to the least successful agency in government. And why did I take the job? Because I’m a rich man who wanted to give something back. Not the money, but something. So here is our chance to kick some ass for Mother Earth. – I’m listening. – Well, I’ve narrowed your choices down… …to five unthinkable options. Each will cause untold misery… I pick number three. You don’t wanna read them first? I was elected to lead, not to read. Number three! We’re being sealed in a dome! What do I do? I don’t know what to do! If I stay, I’m trapped. If I leave, I’m alone. Oh, God. In, out, in, out! I never saw Venice. “Trapped forever.” It’s all come true. That crazy old man in church was right. Dome! All right, men, open fire. Who’s hurt? Raise your hands. Without the attitude. People, people. I have an important announcement. I have just perfected an acid-firing super-drill… …which can cut through anything. – Hey, that’s cool. It’s right there. Just outside of the dome. What ruthless madmen could have done this to us? The United States government. My name is Russ Cargill and I’m head of the EPA. The what? – Environmental Protection Agency. – Come again? Look, I’m a man on a big TV. Just listen. – Springfield has become… – Springfield! – the most polluted city in the history of the planet. Drama queen! To keep your poisons from spreading… …your government has sealed you in this dome. It’s the last thing we wanted to do. I own the company that makes the dome, but that’s beside the point. You mean we’re trapped like rats? No, rats can’t be trapped this easily. You’re trapped like carrots. Wait. We couldn’t be more polluted. Everyone stopped dumping in the lake. Apparently someone didn’t get the message. Act natural. Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people are gonna discover this. Don’t worry about that. We found a way to take you off the map. Coming up on your right: Nothing. This is Kent Brockman, reporting to you on a crisis so serious… …it has its own name and theme music. The dome has put an end to life as we know it. The town is running low on supplies of everything from gasoline to Botox. Moment, please. Now, as always, we end our news on “The Lighter Side.” It’s the time of year when the swallows return to Springfield. I think the thing I miss most is a simple summer breeze. Maggie? We’ve got dome wax, dome polish, dome freshener, all your dome needs… …at Dome Depot, located at the 105 and the dome. Dome Depot! Maggie got out! Maggie got out! Maggie was right there, just outside the dome. Marge, she’s right here. This dome can play tricks on you. You just have to keep calm and… Oh, my God. I’m out of the dome. Fresh air! Freedom! I’ll write you. Lead good lives! Good evening, this is Kent Brockman. Efforts to find out whose selfish crime… …caused our entrapment have been fruitless. Until moments ago! A shocking discovery has been made here at Lake Springfield. That could be anybody’s pig-crap silo. Homer, it was you. You single-handedly killed this town. I know. It’s weird. Just a reminder, this station does not endorse vigilante justice. Unless it gets results. Which it will. You didn’t listen to me after I warned you. Don’t worry, nobody watches this stupid show. What’s that ominous glow in the distance? Kill! Kill! Kill! Marge, look. Those idiots don’t even know where we live. Kill! Kill! Kill! We want Homer! We want Homer! You monster. You monster! Did you see the news? Honey, come on, we have bigger problems. But I’m so angry. You’re a woman. You can hold on to it forever. Okay. Homer, you have to go out there, face that mob… …and apologize for what you did. I would, but I’m afraid if I open the door, they’ll take all of you. No, we won’t. We just want Homer! Well, maybe not you, but they’ll kill Grampa. I’m part of the mob! Teeny! Take out the baby. Here, let me get that for you. Stay back. I got a chain saw. Bart! Crawl across. Hurry. But if they see you helping us, they’ll kill you. I’m sure your father would do the same for… Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles. Archers. I’m using a red arrow so I know who I kill. No, Plopper. If you push that, Daddy will die. Hey, my luck’s beginning to turn. Wait! There’s something I have to get. – What’d you get? – Our wedding video. – We have a wedding video? – Torch his gas tank! We lost them. Up here. Get them! Get them! Little help? You know, the word “apology”… …is tossed around a lot these days, but when it comes from in here… Mom, what are we gonna do? Maggie, not now. We’ll play later. The sinkhole. Follow me, kids! – Geronimo! – Sacajawea! So long, losers! The top of his head is still showing. Claw at it! Well, they’re China’s problem now. Colin! I can’t hear you! I never thought my life would have an absolutely perfect moment, but this is… Lisa’s got a boyfriend that she’ll never see again! – perfect. – What do we do? – Now we run. I’m afraid we lost them, sir. Damn it! Well, then, you find them and you get them back in the dome. And so nobody else gets out… …I want roving death squads around the perimeter 24/7. I want 10,000 tough guys… …and I want 10,000 soft guys to make the tough guys look tougher. And here’s how I want them arranged: Tough, tough, soft, tough… …soft, soft, tough, tough, soft, soft, tough, soft. Sir, I’m afraid you’ve gone mad with power. Of course. Ever try going mad without power? It’s boring. No one listens to you. – Bart, are you drinking whiskey? – I’m troubled. – Bart. – I promise, I’ll stop tomorrow. You’ll stop right now. You come back here, little man. I miss Flanders. There, I said it! – Where’s your father? – He went out. Let’s quickly rebuild our lives while he’s gone. Hey, guys? What’s the secret knock, again? Look, I know I screwed up. This is big. It’s huge! We’re homeless! Our friends wanna kill us! Before we can even stay in the same room with you… …I need to know what was going through your mind… …when you didn’t listen to me… …and dumped that silo in the lake. Homer! I don’t know what to tell you, Marge. I don’t think about things. I respect people who do… …but I just try to make the days not hurt until I get to crawl in next to you again. I mean, oh. Look, I’m really sorry. But I’m more than just sorry… …I’m prepared with a solution. I’ve always been afraid I’d screw up our lives so badly we’d need a backup plan. And that plan is right here! No. Nope. Bingo. Bear with me. Alaska? Alaska. A place where you can’t be too fat or too drunk. Where no one says things like: “Let’s see your high school equivalency certificate.” I don’t know, Homie. I’m not saying it right. Look, the thing is, I can’t start a new life alone. And I’ve really come to like you guys. I just don’t see it. Marge, in every marriage, you get one chance to say: “I need you to do this with me.” And there’s only one answer when somebody says that. Okay, Homie, I’m with you. Thank you, my sweetheart. – Mom? – Yes, honey? You just bought another load of crap… …from the world’s fattest fertilizer salesman. You’ll pay for ruining this golden family moment! Homer! How are we supposed to get to Alaska without any money? All right, son. If you don’t believe in me, believe in America. America. Where any man can make quick money with no questions asked. Step right up and win my truck! All you have to do is conquer the Ball of Death. – What’s the catch? – No catch. Just ride the motorcycle all the way around just one time. Three tries for $ 10. – Marge, how much money do we have? – Ten dollars. That counts as a try. That’s two. And that’s three. Here’s what I’ll do, because I like seeing you hurt yourself: I’ll give you one on the house. – You’re the best. – Dad! When you get to the top, don’t slow down, speed up! – But that’s when it’s the scariest. – Just do it! Yes! Yay, Dad! I’ll take that truck now. Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me. Next stop, Alaska! Day 37 under the dome. We are facing intermittent power failures which… Okay, very funny. I’m gonna turn the lights off again. When they come back on, I want all my booze back the way it was. Yeah, okay. Okay. I’m very proud of you, Bart. Over 24 hours sober. – You are, aren’t you? – I’ll prove it. We’re giving your father another chance, and we owe it to him to… – Oh, my God. – Can I help you? We need diapers. – Okay. – No. No, we don’t. We don’t. – Ladies’ razorblades. – Right. No! No. No, we don’t. I forgot, we’re European. Just give us beef jerky. Lots and lots of beef jerky. That’s right. That’s what we need. That’s all we came in for. Sure. Oh, my God. There they are! So you want some of my electricity, do you? Well, for once, the rich white man is in control. I have two buttons behind this desk. One will supply your town with power, the other releases the hounds. Reach me. Make me your brother. The hospital’s generator is about to give out. Lives will be lost. “Lives lost.” Go on. We got a convict we were gonna fry tomorrow, but now we can’t. Tempting. Tempting. Look, all our reasons mean nothing. Just look into your heart and you’ll find the answer. – First door on the right. – Thank you. What…? This isn’t the way I pictured Alaska at all! Oh, that’s better. Homer! Well, at least my poster didn’t get torn. Welcome to Alaska. Here’s $ 1000. Well, it’s about time! But why? We pay every resident $ 1000… …to allow oil companies to ravage our state’s natural beauty. I’m home! Oh, thanks. What are you doing, Bart? Just passing the time. My boy loves Alaska so much, he’s applauding it. – Lisa, why aren’t you clapping? – But, Dad… Clap for Alaska! Well, Marge, we’re separated from the kids by a wall of snow. All my dreams are coming true. We’re going to need more birds. Day 93 under the dome. With necessities growing dangerously low… …who knows what spark will set off this powder keg? – Let’s discuss Tuesdays with Morrie. – Again? If we don’t get a new book, I’m going to puke. You’re the five people I’m going to meet in hell! We’re out of coffee! I can’t take another minute in this dome! Take that. Oh, no! Blowback! Look what they’re doing to our dome. You know what that is, sir? – A crack? – Exactly. People got out of the dome before, they’re gonna get out again. When they do, there’s gonna be hearings, investigations… I’ll have to go back to making family comedies. Don’t worry, I have a solution for you, sir. In fact, I have five solutions. You don’t have to read them. You’ll have deniability. I’ll take care of it. You know nothing. No. I need to know what I’m approving. Absolutely. But on the other hand, knowing things is overrated. Anyone can pick something when they know what it is. It takes real leadership to pick something you’re clueless about. – Okay, I pick three. – Try again. – One. Five? – Go higher. Too high. – Three? – You said three. – Six? Two? – There is no six. Double it. – Four! – As you wish, sir. Are you tired of the same old Grand Canyon? Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon. It’s so old and boring. I want a new one. Now! Hello. I’m Tom Hanks. The U.S. government has lost its credibility… …so it’s borrowing some of mine. Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks. Sure thing, son. Now, I’m pleased to tell you all about the New Grand Canyon. This weekend. East of Shelbyville and south of Capitol City. That’s where Springfield is! It’s nowhere near where anything is or ever was. This is Tom Hanks, saying: If you’re going to pick a government to trust, why not this one? Did you see that? Yes, they’re going to destroy Springfield. But we’re going to stop them. Homie, get your clothes on. Homie? I’m happy here. Screw Springfield! I can’t believe you’d say something so selfish. Marge, those people chased us with pitchforks and torches. Torches! At 4 in the afternoon! – It was 7 at night. – It was during Access Hollywood. Which is on at 4 and 7. Dad, how can you turn your back on everyone who loved us? Flanders helped when we were in trouble. Who cares what he did? He’s not your father. I wish he was. You don’t mean that. You worship me. Oh, yeah? Look what I did to your picture. Look at it. How-dilly-doo-dilly. How-dilly-doo-dilly. Why, you little…! I’ll strangle-angle you! Diddily-diddily. Bart, stop it! Leave this to me. Homer… …in every marriage, you get one chance to say: “I need you to do this with me.” That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Homer Simpson! We’re saving Springfield! Listen to me, all of you. We are staying. We have a great life in Alaska… …and we’re never going back to America again. I have spoken! Well, I guess I’ve let her worry about me long enough. Marge? Kids? Okay, here goes. Homer… …I’ve always stood up for you. When people point out your flaws… …I always say: “Well, sometimes you have to stand back to appreciate a work of art.” Way back. Lately, what’s keeping us together… …is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because… Because? Well, that’s the thing. I just don’t know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield… …and we’re never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end… …I taped this over our wedding video. Goodbye, Homie. I love you. Marge? Kids? – So, Mom, what’s our plan? – What are you doing up there? Looking through people’s luggage. I’m the mascot of an evil corporation. Get down from there. We have to keep a low profile… …till we get to Seattle to tell the world of the plot to destroy Springfield. I don’t know if you guys should be talking so loud. Oh, Lisa, it’s not like the government is listening to everybody’s conversation. Hi, I’m calling about your Meat Lover’s pizza. I like meat, but I don’t know if I’m ready to love again. – You hang up first. – No, you hang up first. Okay. She hung up on me! But we’re fugitives. We should just lay low till we get to Seattle. Hey, everybody, I found one! The government actually found someone we’re looking for! Yeah, baby, yeah! Homer Simpson… …do you know why you are here? Because my family cares more about other people than they do about me. Drink this liquid. More, please. Now we will cleanse your spirit… …by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing. Throat singing? How long are we doing this? – Until you have an epiphany. – Okay. What’s an epiphany? Sudden realization of great truth. Okay. Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Look out! He’s a Spider-Pig Unless you have an epiphany… …you will spend the remainder of your days alone. Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. Americans will never embrace soccer? More than two shakes and it’s playing with yourself? Hey, what are you doing? Oh, do whatever you want to me. I don’t care about myself anymore. Because…? Because other people are just as important as me. Without them, I’m nothing. In order to save myself… …I have to save Springfield! That’s it! Isn’t it? That was the most incredible experience of my life. And now to find my family, save my town and drop 10 pounds! Thank you, boob lady. This is it, kids. Seattle. Russ Cargill! Do you think he saw us? Yes, I did. Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Run! Jump! Jump! Land! Land! Rest! Rest! Run! Run! Now, I know we’ve had a rough day… …but I’m sure we can put all that behind us and… That’s my whipping arm! Why does everything I whip leave me? Must keep going. Must keep going. No, I can’t. I can’t keep going. Yes, you can. No, I can’t! Oh, shut up! You shut up. No, you. No, you. No, you. Oh, real mature. How could you say that? Oh, what’s the point? It’s hopeless. Don’t give up, Homer. You are closer than you think. But which way do I go? Much obliged. Ten-hut! Lisa! Knock off that racket. Lisa! They captured my family. What do I do? What do I do? There’s something strange about that “sop” sign. – Did you hear something? – Probably just a moth. I hope it’s okay. Look, we can’t keep stopping at every “sop,” “yeld” or “one vay” sign. Just move on. Let us out! Let us out! Stop that. You’ll scratch your shackles. I hope I do. Oh, way to go, Bart. You stink. No, you stink. Springfield. I can’t believe it, but it got even crappier. Oh, man. Oh, hi, Midge. Moe, what happened? With the town sealed off from the rest of the world, things got a little nutty here. Why are you dressed like that? Well, I don’t like to brag, but I am now the emperor of Springfield. No, you’re not! Yes, I am! Okay. Hail, emperor. Attention, Springfield. Your government realized that putting you inside this dome was a terrible mistake. Therefore, we’re commencing with Operation Soaring Eagle. Which involves killing you all. As I speak, we’re lowering a small but powerful bomb into your midst. Despite everything, I miss your father. Me too. His big, fat ass could shield us all. Ten-hut! At ease. I’m General Marriott Suites… …and I have an urgent note from the president. It says to release this town immediately. Why is it written on a leaf? Perfect. Now Homer Simpson’s gonna show he has cojones! Mom, I’ve gotta go find Colin. Not now, sweetie. Doomsday is family time. Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill, the rest of us can climb up that thing. Who’d be dumb enough to stay behind while we escape with our lives? My time to shine. Hey, Mr. Big TV Man, lookie here! What do you want? Look what I can do with my thumb. You wanna know how I do it? Four generations of inbreeding? I can smell fresh air. I can hear birds. I taste freedom. Excuse me! Watch out! Coming through! I was tricked by an idiot. Hey, I know how you feel. I was beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken. Goodbye. Homer do good? Actually, you doomed us all. Again. Nice knowing you, Homer. But I… I can’t do anything right. Get out of here! I’ve spent my entire life doing nothing but collecting comic books. And now there’s only time to say: Life well spent! Okay, boys. When you meet Jesus, be sure to call him Mr. Christ. Will Buddha be there too? No. – Hey, Flanders. – Bart. How good to see you. And how terrible you’re here. Thanks. Listen. I was just wondering if… …before I died… …I could pretend I had a father who… …cared for me. Come here, son. There’s always room for one more in the Flanders clan. Come on, bomb-disarming robot. You’re our last hope. Red wire. Blue wire. Black is usually the ground. So much pressure. Pressure! He’d been talking about it, but I didn’t take him seriously. Marge. Marge! Marge! Oh, no, the “epipha-tree”! Hey, I tried my best. What am I supposed to do? But how am I supposed to get up there? Here. Buy yourself something nice. Homer? What the hell are you doing now? Risking my life to save people I hate… …for reasons I don’t quite understand. Gotta go! But first, one stop. Bart? Son? You think you could find it in your heart… …to give your foolish old man one more chance? Oh, I don’t know. It seems to me, son, that your father’s saying that… …he wants to spend his last minute with you. No. I can’t do it. I want a father who’s the same in the morning as he is at night. What’s that word? – Consistency. – Consistency. Thanks, losers. Sorry, Homer. I’ll let you hold the bomb. The man knows me. I wish Homer was my father. And I wish you didn’t have the devil’s curly hair. I’ve been taking your crap all my life! This feels good. No wonder you do it. Okay, you’ve only got one shot to throw that bomb through the hole. Dad, in case I miss… …I’m sorry I said I wished you weren’t my father. I don’t blame you, son. I wasn’t much of a father. Maybe it starts with the way my dad raised me. Yes. It’s clear to me. It’s just been one long, unbroken cycle of… Somebody throw the goddamn bomb! What? What’s going on? We did it, boy! Dad? It’s amazing no one was hurt. Bye, everybody. Now, that was a great father-son activity. Hello, Homer. So we meet at last, whoever you are. There’s two things they don’t teach you at Harvard Business School. How to cope with defeat, and how to handle a shotgun. I’m going to do both right now. Wait! If you kill my dad… …you’ll never know where the treasure is buried. What treasure? The Treasure of Imawiener. I’m a wiener? Classic. Well, always leave them laughing. Goodbye, sir. Maggie! What a great little accident you turned out to be. Colin? Colin! Lisa? Colin’s dead. But his last words were: “Milhouse, take care of Lisa. Hold her hand.” I got her all warmed up for you. Colin. Hi. – Hey, you wanna go…? – Clean up the lake? Well, I was gonna say get some ice cream, but okay. I like ice cream. Kind of sweaty. Sorry. Boy! You survived! How? I did things no dog should do. They will haunt me forever. I love you too. Best kiss of my life. Best kiss of your life so far. Steady. Steady. Steady. Dad? Thanks, boy. Steady. They’ve taken everything, sir. Smithers, I don’t believe in suicide… …but if you’d like to try it, it might cheer me up to watch. This is Tom Hanks, saying: If you see me in person, please, leave me be. Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig Does whatever a Spider-Pig does Can he swing from a web? No, he can’t, he’s a pig Look out! He is a Spider-Pig Look out! He is a Spider-Pig Come on, Dad, let’s go. I’ve been holding it since they put the dome over the town. You can wait. A lot of people worked really hard on this film… …and all they ask is for you to memorize their names. Well, I wanna make sure no animals were harmed… …during the filming of this movie. Okay. Floor popcorn. Wait, wait, wait! It looks like Maggie has something to say. Oh, my God. Her first word. Sequel? Springfield doesn’t have an anthem We thought we had one But we don’t We paid a short guy to write it But we never saw him again The tune we stole from the French There’s a few things they do well Like making love, wine and cheese Like Roqueforts, Camemberts and Bries Springfield, we’re going to die Springfield, I’m scared, goodbye Assistant manager isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Four years of film school for this?