The Simulacrum - Chapter 71

Part 1

“And don’t forget children: the school festival is only a month away, so let’s discuss your ideas for this year’s class performance during the next homeroom! Make sure you come up with many fun activities to choose from!”

Mrs. Applebottom’s enthusiastic reminder came at the end of her English lesson, yet all I could muster in response was a tired yawn. My reaction was something of an outlying case though, as the rest of our classmates were all pretty enthusiastic about the idea, from the not particularly important placeholders to the quite important (and eager) childhood friend duo.

“Come on Leo! At least pretend you are excited!” Josh called out to me after poking my back to get my attention. He did, and then I promptly dismissed him with a shake of my head.

“No can do. It’s Monday. I don’t get excited about anything on a Monday.”

“Wow! You sound just like Garcliff!”

I sent a flat glance at the source of the previous comment, and the newly arrived Celestial girl gave me an ear-to-ear grin in return.

“Is that the fat black cat from the comic strip that always drinks tea and eats fish and chips?”

My guess based on some vague references I saw on the trope site somehow made Angie’s smile widen even further.

“Yeah! He also hates Mondays!”

“Show me a person who says they like them, and I show you a liar,” I grumbled back, which made the princess sitting at the desk right in front of mine barely stifle a giggle.

“You are right. The resemblance is downright uncanny,” Josh commented with a grin of his own, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling even if I tried. Which I didn’t.

While the childhood friends were clearly excited by the prospect of the school festival, I obviously didn’t share their fervor at the moment. Considering how many things I still had to take care of and/or had to worry about, I think no one could blame me. It’s been two days since my encounter with a certain chatty piece of metal, and while its discovery was disconcerting, it ultimately didn’t derail our bonding adventure with Abram. We talked a lot, ate a lot, I outlined my idea of either investing in internet stocks or creating more online services ourselves, and it even turned out I had a bit of a knack for bowling. I couldn’t really measure up to dad-in-law, and he said Sebastian was even better at it, so I still had a long way to go, but as they say, every journey to annoy a dragon starts with a single roll of a ball. It was also pretty fun, so I decided that one of these days I should take the girls out for a date and teach Judy how to play as well.

But all of this was kind of beside the point. The thing is, once I parted ways with Abram, the rest of my weekend rushed by me in a blur. I still had to work things out with Mountain Girl, transport materials and equipment to Labcoat Guy’s workshop, constantly keep an eye on all the ‘bad guys’ for any sign of them starting to move again, and then on top of that now I had an entire set of enchanted armor and trinkets to analyze, and the less is said about the talking super-special-awesome sword, the better.

I was still trying to wrap my head around the last one and what it was doing inside my second deposit box, but I imagined I wouldn’t get any straight answers until I managed to interrogate some of the Knights with the Obtusely Long Name. I mean, I supposed I could try interrogating the sword itself, but I figured it was in my best interest to stay away from now lest I trigger some kind of ‘chosen one’ quest while still neck deep in other things to worry about.

Put all of these figurative and literal headaches together, and I believe it adequately explained why even a blind man could see that I was totally drained and not in the mood to discuss any school festivals at the present.

“I vote on a band! What about you, Leo?”

Needless to say, my friend completely missed the obvious clues and asked me an incomplete question while poking my back again. Because of course he would. Though again, I have been constantly under the weather for a while now, so maybe he just got so used to seeing me indisposed it no longer registered with him? Either way, I had no idea what he was talking about, so I sent him a questioning frown, and it only took a couple of seconds for him to actually explain himself.

“I’m talking about the cultural festival, of course,” he clarified with a look that said he couldn’t believe he had to say this out loud. “Didn’t you hear what Mrs. Applebottom just said? We are going to vote in the afternoon!”

“Don’t blame the Chief. He is obviously fatigued,” my dear assistant came to the rescue, followed by a practiced hand landing on my forehead. “At least you don’t have a fever. Good.”

“I’m just tired. I had a busy weekend,” I told her, only to twitch the moment a new voice entered the fray.

“What were you doing?”

I glanced over my shoulder and told the class rep, who once again used her inexplicable sneaking skills to surprise me, “You haven’t done that in a while. I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t missing it.” She looked a tad confused by my comment, so I quickly answered her initial question. “I was doing some heavy lifting, some enchantment-analysis, and lots of multitasking.”

“Now that you mention it, you do look exhausted,” Angie noted as she took a closer look at my face from a couple of different angles.

Anyhow, I figured they wouldn’t drop the topic, so I decided to get it over with as quickly as possible.

“I’ll live. So, what was that thing about a band you were just talking about?”

Josh’s eyes immediately lit up at the mention of the word and he leaned closer to explain himself.

“Now that I think about it, you weren’t around last time, so you probably don’t know the process.” I very nearly pointed out that even if I was, I still had a minor case of amnesia, but by then he continued with, “The same applies to Elly too, so I might as well explain from the beginning. Before the winter break, the school always has a big cultural festival. Every class puts together an attraction, and then both the students and their families can visit them during the day. Last year we made a haunted house.”

“I was a spooky ghost,” Angie told us and raised her hands over her head, followed by a loud “Booooo!”

“Don’t make too much noise,” the class rep chided the energetic Celestial, and she immediately let her hands down, though not without a giggle.

“As I was saying, every class makes their own event, and we are going to decide on what we would do this year. First everyone can propose their ideas, they get written onto the whiteboard, and then everyone votes on what they think we should do, and then we argue a lot, and in the end there is a compromise that occasionally even satisfies the majority! Democracy in action!”

“Sounds fun!”

The princess’s eyes were practically sparkling with excitement, and while I really didn’t want to disappoint her, I figured tempering her expectations would help in the long run.

“I imagine this cultural festival is going to be really hectic. We probably won’t have much time to enjoy it ourselves.”

“It depends on the type of event we’ll do,” Ammy noted on the side. “If it’s something only a few students can do at a time, such as 1-C’s fortune teller booth from last year, then everyone takes shifts, and between them the others get to try out the other classes’ attractions.”

“It would make no sense if we couldn’t visit the other classes. How are we supposed to have fun otherwise?” Angie asked in faux dramatic horror, and she was quickly followed up by Josh.

“Yeah, what she said! That’s the whole point of the school festival! Everyone is having fun… except the single guys who have to watch all the couples showing off around this time of the year.”

“Stop looking at me like you are a victim you oblivious neutron star.” He naturally didn’t get the point of my comment, so after sucking in a long breath, I let it go, dropped the subject, and return to the previous topic while completely ignoring his eyes asking ‘Why a neutron star of all things?’. “So this year you want to propose forming a band and holding a concert?”

“Yep. It will be a ton of fun!”

If skepticism was water, I could have probably drowned the entire class at this moment, but Josh was impervious to it as usual, so I had no choice but to directly voice my concerns.

“For the record: can any of us actually play any instruments?”

“I can play the guitar. A little,” Josh replied, suddenly sounding much less sure of himself, but immediately after that he doubled down anyway. “It’s not that important though! We can just play some instrumental music in the background and focus on the singers instead.”

“Then that’s not a band,” I pointed out, only to get elbowed in the shoulder by Angie for my trouble.

“Stop nitpicking.”

“It’s not a nitpick, it’s about definitions,” I countered back, but she was impervious to my logic, so I changed my approach. “Putting that aside, who’s going to do the singing? I warn you; if you put a gun to my head and told me to get up onto a stage and sing, I’d probably risk losing an eye.”

“Of course you wouldn’t be the one singing,” Josh uttered with barely disguised disgust. “It’s the girls.”

“Elly is a pretty good singer, isn’t she?” the energetic Celestial continued while counting on her fingers. “I’m not super-confident, but I can try, and Ammy can hold a note pretty well too. As for Judy…”

The way she trailed off into silence made me raise a first a brow, then a question.

“What about her?”

“Well… her voice is a little flat, isn’t it?” my friend uttered, followed by a hasty, “No offense,” aimed at my dear assistant.

“Excuse me, but are you deaf by any chance?” I asked, and before I knew it my voice already dropped by an octave.

“Erm… no? I’m just being honest. Not everyone has a great voice for singing, you know? It’s normal,” my friend proceeded to dig himself even deeper, like usual.

“Listen, Josh. We are friends, so with your best interest in mind, I’d like to warn you to stop speaking rubbish before I would accidentally knock you out.”

“How do you knock someone out accidentally?” Angie blurted out in mild surprise, so I flashed her a smile and asked:

“Do you want me to show you?”

“No fighting in the classroom,” Ammy immediately entered into class representative mode and warned us, but before I could say anything in response, Elly beat me to the punch.

“Don’t worry, Leo is just joking. I think. Probably.”

“Are you sure? I felt pretty threatened for a moment there.”

Josh’s comment was mostly disregarded as everyone was focusing on Judy instead.

“Don’t worry about what the idiot over there said, Dormouse. Your voice is great.”

“That’s right. You just need some more singing practice,” Elly tried to agree with me, but it only made me even more confused.

“Does she? When we went to the karaoke a month or so ago, I thought she was doing great.”

“She was, but…” the princess muttered in a mild panic, but at the end of the day she couldn’t say anything else and instead looked for help from Judy of all people. My dear assistant let out a long breath the moment their eyes met and she gingerly put a hand on my shoulder.

“It’s fine, Chief,” Judy tried to stop me from insisting, but I stood my ground anyway.

“No. They are objectively wrong, so they have to be corrected.”

“Wow. Leo is acting weird,” Angie whispered to Josh, but I could still overhear her and send her an ever so slightly displeased glare.

“No, you guys are the weird ones,”

“Chief, please stop. It is unlikely Joshua’s idea would be picked, and even if it would be, I don’t want to sing in front of everyone anyway.”

“Oh, right. I forgot to consider the most obvious point,” I uttered in a daze as my head rapidly cooled down. “But just for the record, if by some totally random and not at all contrived reason we still end up with a band performance for the cultural festival, and you change your mind about trying your hand at singing, just say the word and I will gladly punch Josh for you.”

“I know that you are still joking, but that’s really harsh, man,” Josh grumbled under his nose, but I pointedly disregarded him once again.

“That said, are all of you guys even in favor of Josh’s idea?” I asked while glancing around, and I could see various levels of agreement on the faces around me.

“I like it,” Elly commented on the side, but it was kind of a given that she would.

“I wouldn’t mind it, though as I said, I’m not that great at singing,” came the next remark from Angie, followed by the class rep.

“I don’t think anyone has done a musical performance like that for the cultural festival yet, so it would be at least a novel experience.”

“I’m not particularly fond of the idea, but won’t oppose it so long as I won’t have to sing in public,” Judy finished up the rounds, and her words immediately made Elly tug on her sleeve.

“Come on, Judy! It’s going to be fun!”

“Now, now, princess, don’t pressure her like that,” I said as I poked her on her forehead, then turned to Judy with, “Just remember, if you don’t want to take center stage, no one can force you to do it, but if you happened to change your mind midway, I’ll make sure that no one in this school could hold you back from trying. Got that, Josh?”

“Yes, I got it! Just let it go already!”

I gave my friend an ambivalent grunt and addressed the whole group again.

“Just for the record, does anyone else have any other ideas?”

“I’m sure that the usual attractions are going to be taken by the other classes,” Ammy said while absent-mindedly tucking a tuft of hair behind her ear. “That means the haunted house, the food stalls, the drama performance, and the café are off the table if we wanted to do something original.”

“Do you mean a normal café, or one of those themed ones?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know? A café where the waitresses are wearing some kind of costume or something?” I blurted out, at which point Judy once again demanded my attention by poking my shoulder.

“Chief, please don’t try to propose a maid café.”

“I wasn’t going to! I was just saying that the idea can be spiced up a little by introducing some costumes or theme into the mix, like cat ears!”

“Or maid costumes,” Angie said with a giggle, and I promptly rolled my eyes.

“Yes. It’s a common one too. I’m not saying we should do it, only that it’s an option. And Judy! Stop giving me those suspicious looks!”

“She was looking at you suspiciously?” Josh asked and glanced between the two of us, apparently really perplexed by my words.

“Yes, obviously,” I reaffirmed, but it only made him look more confused.

“But… she looks the same as usual.”

“Oh, don’t you get this started again,” I growled, and my friend immediately raised his hands in surrender.

I have no idea where the conversation would have headed after this point, but it was a moot question anyway, as it was at this moment that the familiar Big Ben chime sounded from the speakers above the door, warning us that the break was almost over.

“Let’s get back to this topic during lunch break,” Angie proposed, and Josh followed her up with a still confused, “You mean the school festival, or Judy’s expression?”

It was at this moment that he noticed the look I was giving him, and he once again threw his hands into the air in surrender, “I was just kidding! Geez! You really have a hair-trigger today.”

“I told you I was tired. Bite me.”

My token effort to excuse myself was apparently enough to convince him, and it looked like he wanted to say something else, but then the class rep called out to me.

“Talking about the lunch break reminded me of something. Leo?”

“Yes? Is there a problem?”

“No,” she answered with a shake of her head. “Or at the very least I don’t think so. Peabody asked me to tell you to visit him today when you had the time because he wanted to discuss something about a healer.”

“Oh. Okay then. Thanks.”

Ammy flashed me a rare, demure smile in return to my words, after which she quickly returned to her seat. The others did so as well (at least the ones who weren’t already sitting next to me) just in time before Mrs. Applebottom returned, this time to teach chemistry.

I admit though; I wasn’t paying any attention to the first couple of minutes of the lesson simply due to how pleasantly surprised I felt at the moment. If I was a betting man, the nurse’s healer would have been my last possible choice for fixing my hand, but by the sound of it, I might’ve had to revise my opinion on the matter. But then, just as I was getting hopeful, I quickly reminded myself not to count my chickens before they hatched, tempered my expectations, and spent the next couple of lessons only mildly curious about what the portly nurse would tell me. I just really hoped it wasn’t something inane about a cabal of Hippocratic assassins or somesuch again, because considering my current mood, I might just pick up the mallet he was still keeping on his desk and apply it on his head.

Part 2

Sometimes I wondered what the point of high school education was, or rather, how inefficient it felt at times. Sure, a lot of it was on things that should, by all intents and purposes, be common knowledge, like basic chemistry, geography, or physics. However, there was another end of the spectrum, where things like algebra and many of the artsy subjects resided. Sure, those are going to be incredibly important for someone who would continue to study mathematics, or programming, or try to become a composer, but for someone like me, what difference will it make in my life whether I could plot a sine curve, or read a music sheet?

I continued to internally grumble about this, and many other things, as I made my way down the stairs while dodging the occasional absent-minded placeholder student coming my way. Lunch break just started, and I was on my way to nurse’s office as per Peabody’s request. I could have just Phased over, but I figured that abusing my ability too much would eventually weaken its impact, so after handing some pocket money to Snowy for her lunch, I used the traditional locomotion appliances colloquially known as ‘legs’ to carry me to my destination. A novel concept, I know.

But back to my opinions on the education system: So, as I was saying, algebra was—

“Ah, Leonard-dono!”

My internal fermenting of my very nuanced opinions came to a halt the moment I was greeted by a certain teacher waving at me from the other end of the hallway. I expected that once she got her ‘cover’ as a teacher, Rinne would change her outfit at least a little, but there she was, still dressed in the same dark purple pantsuit and black Chelsea boots as usual. Hell, she even had the ‘purified’ Onikiri strapped to her back, and while I grant that it didn’t immediately look like a sword at a glance, the fact that nobody had any reaction to it told me that our placeholder schoolmates still had a long way to go until they reached full sentience.

She made her way over to me, and as she did, the students in the corridor parted like the Red Sea in front of her. On the other hand, once she came to a halt she remained silent like a grave, even after I raised my brows to prompt her. I almost wanted to ask why she called out to me if she had nothing to say, but I suppressed the urge to be an ass and instead I just cleared my throat and properly greeted her.

“Hello, Mountain Girl. Is everything all right?”

“Yes. Certainly.”

I waited for her to continue, but she was only awkwardly shuffling her feet, so I had no choice but to initiate small talk myself.

“How are you doing? Does the job agree with you?”

She gave me an odd look for a second, but then her eyes suddenly lit up as she finally comprehended my question and she immediately nodded. Three times in a row, in fact.

“Yes, Leonard-dono! It is an honor to be your retainer!”

“I didn’t mean that,” I told her with a sigh. “I meant being a teacher.”

“Ah, you were talking about that? Rinne apologizes.” She gave me a small bow, and then once she straightened herself she pondered for a while before she told me, “Rinne has no complaints about the work. The children are all really nice to Rinne, and training their young physics is fulfilling.”

“That’s not the right word, but I’m glad to hear that you are enthusiastic all the same.”

“Yes. Don’t worry, Leonard-dono! I will make sure to use the opportunity to rec… reconno… reconnasssssscout. Rinne will scout the school grounds for any threats, every day!”

“You do that,” I told her a tad wearily. I already explained to her that she didn’t really have to do that, considering the School was still on high alert and had its security upped anyway, but she insisted that as my ‘personal retainer’, she had to ensure my safety and make sure that every threat was eliminated from my environment. In the end, I left it up to her, and ever since then, she’d been patrolling both the school grounds and my neighborhood whenever she had the opportunity. Still, I wanted to temper her a little, so after some thinking I told her, “Just make sure you still do your job as a PE teacher.”

“You don’t have to worry, Leonard-dono!” Her declaration was followed up by a small, maniacal, and decidedly familiar smile, which made me worry anyway. “Rinne promises to train all the younglings with uncomprehending devotion! The sweat shall flow like rivers and no fat shall escape Rinne’s judgment!”

“Don’t overdo it either,” I warned her, not even bothering to try and correct her verbiage. Honestly, I was getting used to it at this point. That said, after seeing her continue to act like that whenever she was getting excited, I couldn’t help but conclude that Onikiri’s ‘corruption’ might have had less to do with her weirdness than I initially believed. At least she was now channeling it into more productive activities, but it still made me recognize the wisdom of the proverb ‘The more things change, the more they stay the same’. “Anyhow, since you called out to me, does it mean you need me for something?”

Mountain Girl’s grin was immediately replaced by an uncomprehending look, followed by the similarly uncertain words, “No? Rinne only saw Leonard-dono and wanted to talk.”

“Oh. Well, there’s nothing wrong with that…”

Mountain Girl nodded in agreement, and I suddenly felt a little foolish, so I quickly turned to my right and gestured for her to follow after me.

“I have to go to the nurse’s office, so why don’t we talk on the way there?”

“Is Leonard-dono injured?”

Rinne’s voice was tinged with a hint of genuine worry and she inspected me from head to toe even as she moved beside me. Strangely enough, the placeholders once again automatically parted around us, something that never happened when I walked around on my own.

“No, I just have something to discuss with the Nurse.” Once I finished saying that, the conversation once again came to a halt, so I combed my memories for a casual topic we could discuss in public like this, and it didn’t take long to find the obvious one. “So, what’s your opinion on the school cafeteria?”

I expected an instant answer, but instead she remained silent for several seconds.

“Rinne is troubled by the existence of such establishment.”

“Troubled?” I repeated after her, and she gave me a huge nod in return.

“The variety and quality of food presented makes Rinne unable to choose, yet eating all of them would lead to a grave imbalance in internal energies that would interfere with performing Rinne’s duty as Leonard-dono’s retainer. It is truly exaspre… exasper… Annoying. It is annoying.”

“You sound exactly like someone I know, save for the energies-bit,” I mused aloud, and to my surprise, she immediately got what I meant.

“Leonard-dono must mean Joshua-san. He introduced Rinne to the menu.”

“Let me guess; he gave you a lot of recommendations.”

She nodded once again, and I couldn’t help but realize that the saying ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ also had more than a pinch of truth in it.

On the rest of the way, I listened to Rinne talking about which dishes she wanted to try, and even if she didn’t tell me beforehand, I would have recognized Josh’s fingerprints on her selections without a question. The truffles and the lobsters were a dead giveaway.

Once we reached the nurse’s office I bid her farewell and even gave her some pocket money on her own so that she could try some of the stuff she was salivating over. I mean, if I had to be her boss, I might as well pretend to be a benevolent one. That way it will be easier to rope her into all kinds of exploitative and dangerous business later while I would secretly twirl my mustache and evilly chuckle in the background. It was only because of that, not because of her rumbling stomach or the wistful look she had on her face while thinking about food. Definitely not.

But putting my totally fake generosity aside, I knocked on the door in front of me, and it was immediately answered by a jovial ‘O-ho-ho!’, which I interpreted as an invitation.

“Hello, nurse,” I greeted the only occupant of the room, and Peabody immediately rose from his chair the moment he noticed me.

“O-ho-ho? Welcome, Leonard! I’m glad to see you are looking…” At this point he faltered as he took a closer look at me, and concluded the sentence with a much less upbeat, “…maybe not as well as I first thought?”

“I’m just a little tired at the moment, don’t mind it.” My casual dismissal apparently wasn’t convincing enough, so I quickly closed the door behind me and forcefully cleared my throat in preparation for changing gears. “I was told you were looking for me. Something about a healer, I think?”

“O-ho-ho… Yes, yes I did. How embarrassing.”

That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting, so I cautiously asked him, “What do you mean by ’embarrassing’?”

The portly nurse took a deep breath and exhaled it in a painfully long sigh before he finally looked me in the eye and explained himself.

“I told you that I had an acquaintance that could treat your injury. I contacted him and he agreed to come to the island, and I even convinced Amadeus to make an exception and let him through the lockdown. I wanted to tell you the good news as soon as possible, but I just received news that he couldn’t make it.”

“Did something happen to him?”

“Not him personally, but just a few hours before his flight, there was a fire in his office. He is a certified private orthopedist, you see, and because of this there is now a police investigation and an insurance dispute, so he can’t leave the country in the foreseeable future.”

“That’s… a shame,” I uttered somewhat indifferently, though my mind was already brimming with ideas of what just happened.

“Yes, a shame indeed. On the bright side, at least nobody got hurt.”

“That’s fortunate. That said, I presume this means that he can’t help me with my injury.”

“Unfortunately, no. I must apologize for getting your hopes up, only to disappoint you.”

“No need to do that,” I said with a smile, though I was tempted to also add that I couldn’t be disappointed if I wasn’t expecting anything to begin with. Still, getting my hand fixed without any hassle would have been nice, but I knew better by now.

“O-ho-ho! You are very understanding!” I thought this was the end of the conversation, and I was just about to excuse myself, but then Peabody turned around all of a sudden and picked up a fancy black envelope from his desk. “Now look at this old head of mine! I almost forgot to give this to you!”

“And what’s this?”

On closer inspection, I noticed that while it had no address or sender written on it, the envelope had a series of barely visible, softly glowing golden patterns on both sides surrounding what looked like some kind of crest in the middle. It was depicting a stylized magical circle with a triangle in the center, and on the edge of the circle I could make it a couple of words written using angular runic characters.

“It is an invitation Meister Gowan asked me to deliver to you,” the nurse explained as he handed it over to me, and true to his word, I could feel that there was a rigid, playing-card-sized object inside.

“Meister?” I blurted out as my higher brain functions debated whether I should open the envelope now or later, and Peabody seemed to find my question really amusing.

“O-ho-ho! It is a title reserved to the most outstanding individuals among the artificers within the Assembly’s jurisdiction. Meister Gowan is one of the most respected members even among this small group. Why, if he wasn’t, there was no way an outsider like yourself could gain admittance to their famous symposium!”

“So… the symposium is a big deal after all,” I mused, and the way the nurse kept chuckling at my expense was answer enough. “Sure, pile more pressure on me, why don’t you?”

“Pardon?”

“Never mind.” Saying so, I ultimately decided to open the letter, and inside I found two things: the aforementioned rectangular metallic card with my name engraved on it with glowing cursive letters, and a single hand-written page informing me that, due to the circumstances and everyone’s busy schedules, the symposium would be held on this Wednesday, from four in the afternoon. In other words, the day after tomorrow.

“O-ho-ho! I’ve heard this year’s symposium would have a surprise guest speaker. I thought it would be Arc-Mage Saahira, but could it be you after all?” When I nodded, the rotund man let out another grating chuckle and even went as far as to pat my back. “O-ho-ho! To think Leonard’s talents would be so multi-faceted! I can’t wait to hear how you performed.”

“I just hope I won’t embarrass myself too badly.”

My response only earned me another laugh, so I quickly pocketed the envelope and bid my farewells.

“Thanks for the delivery. Also, don’t worry too much about the healer. Unforeseen accidents like that happen all the time.”

Peabody didn’t say anything, only gave me a grandfatherly smile that I found pretty disturbing, so after some obligatory small talk about how his nephew and his android companion were doing under my care, I quickly excused myself and left the infirmary. Once outside, I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts. So, as it turns out, the symposium thing was more prestigious than the friendly artificer originally implied. That meant I really had to kick my game up a notch if I wanted to appear professional enough for the occasion. I already had a couple of fun and baffling enchantments to show off to the crowd, but I only made half of them at this point, so I probably had to rearrange my nightly schedule to finish up the rest. I’ll probably have to skip my nightly training time with Brang for the next two days, I reckoned.

As for the healer, I had a slight suspicion about what happened, but I didn’t want to jump the gun yet. Either way, while I told the nurse that such accidents could happen to anyone, the fact that it happened to someone who could potentially fix my hand with this exact timing certainly raised a couple of red flags.

However, before I could ponder on the issue, I noticed that a small group was heading right towards me. It was quite conspicuous, since by this point most of the students in the corridors either went back to their classrooms or to the cafeteria to have lunch, so the four guys marching in lockstep towards me stuck out like a sore thumb.

“Leonard S. Dunning!” the guy in the front addressed me, and for a moment I blanked out. I mean, was this seriously the first time anyone used my middle-name gag unironically? And it was Mr. Bedhair of all people?

By the way, yes, the four guys were the annoying, borderline criminal fanboy brigade from my class, namely Mr. Bedhair, Mr. Spiky, Mr. Crew Cut, and Mr. Bowl Cut. I honestly had no idea what their real names were, nor did I really care enough to find out. I think one of them was Steve, but as to which one, I didn’t even have the foggiest clue.

Anyhow, while I had all of these thoughts running through my head, the four of them remained perfectly silent and motionless, so I could only utter a mildly alarmed, “Yes?”

The moment I did that, the group formed a semi-circle around me and boxed me in against the wall next to the door of the infirmary, which immediately raised the confused ringing of the alarm bells in my head up a notch.

“What do you guys—?”

Before I could finish my question, Mr. Spiky raised a hand a pointed an accusative finger at my nose, followed by an outraged, “What is your relationship with Miss Yamako?”

“Miss who?” I uttered in surprise before my brain could catch up, but once it did, I immediately corrected myself. “Ah, you mean Rinne?”

“Yes, we mean Miss Yamako, the new PE teacher, and the new goddess of the school,” Mr. Crew Cut delivered his piece of exposition exactly how I expected him to do, and his bowl-cut ‘colleague’ immediately followed it up after him.

“We have credible witnesses claiming you have addressed Miss Yamako using intimate terms on multiple occasions!”

“Now tell us! How did you get so close to Miss Yamako already?” Mr. Bedhair challenged me, and I couldn’t help but exhale a long, drawn-out groan.

Let’s backpedal a little and let me try to explain what’s going on. As it turned out, Rinne didn’t have a proper surname due to some silly traditions regarding the Kage clan and the person carrying Onikiri and all that jazz, so she decided to adopt the name ‘Rinne Yamako’ while working here. The fact that ‘Yamako’ literally meant ‘mountain child’ didn’t escape my notice, but at this point I was so used to people running around with weirdly meaningful names I couldn’t even muster the effort to give a damn. More importantly, aside of her new surname we also came up with a cover for her, and so I immediately proceeded to recite our agreed-upon backstory to the four creepers.

“Rinne is my cousin, second removed, who recently came to the island.”

“So you are relatives. That’s good,” Mr. Crew Cut stated, but then he crossed his arms in front of his chest and added, “But what about the seventh goddess?”

“Can’t you people talk in a way I can actually understand what you want?”

“We naturally mean the youthful and adorable young girl wandering the campus, Sahi!” Mr. Spiky exclaimed, and by this stage of the conversation I had no choice but to gently massage my temple in preparation for an incoming idiocy-induced headache.

“Who else could it be?” Mr. Bowlcut added with a theatrical swoon. “Her innocent yet playful countenance and her exotic looks have already earned her a steady following among the freshman demographic, and even the higher grades aren’t immune to her charms!”

“So tell us why, oh why, is such a pure, angelic girl following someone like you around!?” Mr. Spiky cried out in the kind of deep yet at the same time oddly wooden lamentation usually reserved to community theater productions of Hamlet.

“Just to make sure we are on the same page, are we talking about the same Sahi? Young, brown, kinda tall for her age?” The four of them nodded in unison, and before I knew it, yet another sigh escaped my mouth. “I have no idea what you guys are talking about. She is the granddaughter of the principal’s guest, and since Ammy is his granddaughter, he asked us to look after her. That’s all.”

My on-the-spot excuse seemed to work, as the four amigos shared an overt glance between each other, and even Mr. Spiky stopped pointing at me.

“Does that mean you are not attempting to seduce her?”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

The answer made them all pause for a long moment, right until Mr. Bedhair uttered, “But if Amelia was asked to take care of Sahi, and she is also approaching other members of our class, wouldn’t that mean she would get exposed to the despicable Joshua Bernstein as well?”

“It is a possibility we must prevent at any and all cost!” Mr. Crew Cut exclaimed, and the other three nodded in perfect unison.

“Great, you do that. That said, if that’s all you wanted to know, would you mind if I go now?”

“Not so fast, Leonard S. Dunning!” Mr. Spiky stopped me in my tracks by pointing a finger at me the third time in a row. “We have something much more important to discuss beyond mere suspicions of your character!”

“Yes! It is a matter of great importance not just to us, but to all boys in this school!” Mr. Bowlcut added, and I could once again feel the onset of the headache coming.

“This is about the school festival, isn’t it?”

“Indeed! We are glad to see you are quick on the uptake,” Mr. Bedhair proclaimed and struck a weird pose with his hands. “The upcoming school festival is a once in a lifetime, or at least year, opportunity in your adolescent lives, and one that must not be squandered!”

“For too long has the day been dedicated to couples, walking around hand in hand and whispering sweet nothings at each other in front of the rest of us loners!”

“Our needs and wants have been ignored for too long, and our day of reckoning is—!”

“Okay, I get it! Stop with the speeches, and just tell me what any of this has to do with me!”

My interruption made the four creepers share another glance between each other before they huddled even closer to me and Mr. Crew Cut explained their agenda in a really loud faux-whisper.

“You might not be aware of this, but your word carries influence in our class.”

“It does?”

“Certainly,” Mr. Crew Cut nodded and continued with, “Your choices can easily influence the girls around the abominable Joshua Bernstein, and through their popularity, you could influence the choices of the rest of the class.”

“We want you to leverage this power for the sake of all young men, not just in our class, but in the entire school!”

At this time I breathed in long and deeply, braced my brain cells for the inevitable WTF moment, and once I felt decently prepared, I asked, “So what exactly do you want me to do?”

“We want you to vote on our proposal for holding a beauty pageant during the school festival!”

Mr. Bedhair’s proclamation was… much less terrible than I expected. I mean, it was still dumb, but not nearly as dumb as it could have been. But then…

“It will be a swimsuit pageant!” Mr. Crew Cut added with sparkling eyes.

“With a mud-wrestling competition for a tie-breaker,” came the next step from Mr. Bowlcut on this stair of ‘what the hell’, culminating with, “Of course we are going to have to ensure a tie, but so long as we can infiltrate our trusted comrades among the vote tellers, it’s something we are prepared to see to fruition.”

“So, Leonard! Can we count on your support?”

All four of them were giving me looks filled to the brim with expectation, so I quickly answered with, “Sure, I’ll think about it,” just to get this whole situation over with.

“Marvelous!” Mr. Bedhair all but yelled out in his excitement, and a moment later, the whole group was already walking away from me, with the final words of, “Thank you for your cooperation, but remember, we are watching you.”

“Yeah, we don’t need another Joshua Bernstein in this school,” Mr. Crew Cut added in a… threatening voice, I think? Let’s call it that.

Anyhow, five seconds after that, the four amigos already disappeared from sight, leaving me tired, annoyed, and just a little bamboozled. I mean, what kind of school would even allow swimsuit mud-wrestling as an attraction in the first place?

Though again, I’m not going to lie, I could technically understand their motives, even if they were horny, juvenile, and maybe more than just a tad creepy. I mean, if I tried to imagine Judy and Elly mud-wrestling, I could certainly understand the allure, even if it wasn’t a fetish of mine. Not that it would ever happen even if it was. I mean, unless I dropped some veiled hints and they decided to do it on their own to mess with me, like when they dressed as maids, so it was really important I wouldn’t accidentally show interest in this kind of thing. Even if imagining my girlfriends, covered in slippery mud, grabbing and tugging and—

“Oh, wow. So this is what getting corrupted feels like…”

And with that note, I turned on my heel and walked down the corridor towards the cafeteria while making sure to lock the dangerous mental image in my head into the deepest recesses of my subconscious.

Part 3

“… and that’s why our class is going to have an idol-group performance for the school festival,” I explained with more than a hint of trepidation, and even though what I said didn’t actually have a logical thread to follow, Mountain Girl nodded in acknowledgment like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Though again, it was her, so maybe it was my bad for expecting her to operate on the same logic as us normal folk do. But then again, I had a feeling my definition of ‘normal’ was getting further off the mark by the day, so who was I to cast the first stone?

“I still can’t pinpoint the exact moment when Joshua’s idea turned into an idol group one, but I’m sure that once I get home and write down the chain of events, I should be able to find it. Probably.”

Judy told me all that in a muffled, barely audible voice, since her face was currently buried into my back. As for why… simply put, she was using me as a shield to ward off the chilly autumn headwind blowing down the streets on our way home. I honestly didn’t mind it though; if anything, I found it a little cute.

“Is it really that much of a mystery?” Snowy asked on the side, rounding out the members of our little group. Needless to say, she wasn’t bothered by the cold at all. It must have been a quirk of her Abyssal physiology or something.

“It’s not exactly a mystery,” I answered still as morosely as before. “I’m pretty sure it was the four creepy dudes from class, so we already know the whodunit and the whydunnit, we just don’t know the howdunnit.”

“Not that it really matters at this point,” Judy added in a slightly clearer voice, but the moment there was another gust of wind, she hid her face again and she continued with a dampened, “It is already decided that we are going to do it, so we just want to know why out of intellectual curiosity.”

At this point the wind gathered steam again to the point even Snowy had to hold onto me for a moment, so there was a long lull in the conversation. Obviously enough, the four of us were heading home after school, though it was a tad later than usual because of Rinne. I promised her that I would take her over to the secret base today so that she could talk with my chief of staff (read: Brang) and discuss how she would fit into our pecking order with him. I honestly found the entire concept of such hierarchies silly, but she was really insistent, so I decided to leave it up to the two of them and just get on with my life.

Putting her aside, this time only Judy accompanied me home. It was just her this time in a small part because I specifically wanted to show her what I got out of my deposit box and ask for her advice, but mainly due to the princess staying behind in the school to help Angie train for their regionals or whatnot. Josh was also roped into setting up their pitching machine which, by process of elimination, left only the four of us present. Or rather five, counting the fox girl in Judy’s shadow, but let’s not get bogged down by semantics.

“Our class is doing a maid café,” my sister suddenly declared apropos of nothing, and I couldn’t help but let out a shallow sigh the moment she did so.

“No, Dormouse, I didn’t have a hand in that. Please stop giving me that look.”

“You don’t even know what kind of look I’m giving you,” she countered, and true to her word, her face was still glued to my back in response to a particularly vigorous gust of wind. “You can’t even see my face.”

“I don’t need to. I can tell instinctively. It’s boyfriend-magic.”

“Is Snowy-san also going to dress up as a maid?” Mountain Girl approached my sister, apparently turning a deaf ear to our exchange, and when she nodded, the high-school teacher ninja let out a brief, rather nostalgic sigh. “Rinne can’t help but recall the cultural festival in Rinne’s old high school right now.”

“You attended high school?”

The question slipped out my mouth before I could catch it, and she immediately nodded with a soft grunt.

“Of course Rinne did so. How else could Rinne have a degree if Rinne didn’t even finish high school?”

In retrospect, that was a really solid point I should have considered, so all I could say in response was, “Yeah, but I kind of expected that you would’ve been running around hunting Japanese monsters or something instead of attending school.”

“Yes, Rinne hunted a lot of youkai back then, but Rinne wasn’t a delinquent.” Her response was practically fuming and she even broke away from my sister to come to my side to further elucidate her point. “Rinne maintained her average, took part in extraterrestrial school activities, and participated in every cultural and sports festival! Rinne even dressed up as a maid for our own maid café in the second year!”

“Chief, don’t imagine her in a maid outfit,” came a muffled yet somehow still distinctly deadpan comment from my back, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at it.

“I won’t,” I told my dear assistant, and to my credit, my words were only very slightly exasperated.

“We also got to dress up as a butler in Rinne-san’s third year,” an unexpected voice told us from the direction of our feet, and this time I wasn’t only slightly annoyed.

“Ichiko? What did we agree upon about coming out of Judy’s shadow when we were in the open?”

The little fox-miko didn’t answer, nor was there any more ripples under my girlfriend’s feet, so I didn’t press the issue any further. In the meantime, it was my sister’s turn to approach the currently flustered Mountain Girl with a question.

“You were a butler? Why?”

Rinne glanced between her, me, and even our shadow, but when no one came to her rescue, she grudgingly recounted her story to us.

“In the third year of high school, Rinne’s class made a butler café. One of the boys was attacked by an evil youkai the night before the cultural festival, and since the other boys all had their own jobs, Rinne had to take his place.”

“A butler café,” Judy repeated after her in a clear voice, and I could once again feel her eyes on the back of my head.

“Dormouse, don’t imagine me in a butler outfit,” I echoed her, but in vain.

“Too late. The image is already burned into my memory and I will carry it to the grave in flawless clarity. Such is the burden one with perfect memory must bear. Woe is me.”

“If woe is you, then why do you sound so delighted?”

“Because it’s a really nice mental image,” she told me without a hint of shame, and she was even joined by Snowy as well.

“Leo would look really good in a butler uniform, wouldn’t he?”

“Not you too, sis…”

“The Chief looks good in almost any outfit, but now I really want to see him in a butler outfit,” Judy mused before quickly adding, “I believe it is imperative that we should have one of these butler cafés next year.”

“If such an event comes to pass, Rinne would be happy to offer guidance based on her experiences.”

“Oh come on! Why are you ganging up on me like that?”

I didn’t receive a proper answer, only a series of conspiratory giggles all around, and our bickering continued like that right until we reached my home. By this point we ended our verbal tug-of-war in a white peace saying that Judy could imagine whatever she wanted so long as she didn’t expect me to borrow a butler suit from Sebastian any time soon. That was fair, I supposed.

“Let’s get in,” my obviously chilled girlfriend urged me while pushing my back with all her might, though it had little actual effect on me. To be fair though, I was about as fed up with the wind as her, so I didn’t really require any urging, and I was just about to open the front door when we were all startled by a low thumping noise closely followed by a pained hiss.

After the first moment of confusion passed I quickly turned around, only for the slowly mounting apprehension to immediately drain from me as I laid my eyes upon the source of the commotion.

“Erm… Mountain Girl? What exactly are you doing on the ground?”

Rinne, currently sitting on her butt in the middle of the sidewalk and with one hand on her forehead, only gave me a couple of stupefied blinks in place of a proper answer. Soon after that she rose to her feet and extended her hand towards us, only to abruptly stop before she could fully stretch her arm out. That could only mean one of two things: she either suddenly developed a burning passion for becoming a mime, or she was stopped by the wards around our house.

“Do I have to invite her in every time?” I asked my suspiciously silent sister, and she gave me a curt nod in return. “In that case, please come in.”

Hearing my invitation made Rinne’s eyes lit up with realization, apparently only just recognizing what happened to her, and she took a step towards us… only to bounce off once again like she just hit a glass panel with her forehead.

“Snowy?” I addressed the source of said ward, and my sister immediately replied with a squeaky “I-I’m on it!” and dashed over to the fallen highly visible monster huntress ninja retainer PE teacher’s side. Damn, that’s a lot of adjectives.

While she undid the wards, Judy continued to subtly urge me forwards, so I opened the door for her, and before I knew it, she passed right beside me and targeted the thermostat with the single-minded accuracy of a diving peregrine falcon. By the time I followed after her, Snowy undid whatever buggy ward kept Mountain Girl outside and they also entered after me.

The next half an hour disappeared in the blink of an eye. We all drank some hot cocoa to warm up, I scolded Ichiko for not behaving in public and then the girls comforted her when she turned into a fox and acted cutesy, Judy tried to convince me to make a stone fireplace in the corner of the living room for the coming winter, and other such small, inconsequential hustle and bustle. Once everyone settled down a little, I promptly delivered my guest to the secret base so that she could take care of her business and then ditched, or rather, delegated the task of looking after Ichiko onto Snowy. Not that she minded.

After all that I finally returned to my room, for once using my good old legs instead of any fancy teleportation skills that may or may not go completely against the rules of magic as we know it, though by this point moving around using the latter felt just about as natural as the former. Judy was already inside, which was expected. I mean, I left her there. What I wasn’t expecting was finding her in front of my PC.

“I’m back, Dormouse. Are you checking the hub?” I asked a little absent-mindedly as I made my way over to her side, but then I froze for a moment when I noticed what she was doing. “Judy? Care to explain what you’re doing in my secret fake porn folder?”

“I couldn’t find any adult magazines under your bed,” she answered me as naturally as if she was just talking about the weather. “Then I remembered that you are a modern boy, so I checked your documents folders for anything suspicious, and found these in a hidden folder. I’m disappointed.”

“What? Too vanilla for your tastes?” I jested, yet she simply shook her head with the same seriousness.

“You haven’t watched any of these.”

Her statement sounded way too confident to be just a random guess, so I tentatively asked back, “How can you even tell?”

“I checked your history in your media player.”

“Oh. Clever.”

“Thank you, I’m trying,” she answered with the smallest of smiles before putting the cursor onto one of the more colorfully titled files and telling me, “The fact that you are not even interested enough in the topic to even open something titled this fascinatingly strange makes me really worried about your libido. Or the lack thereof.”

“Don’t be silly, Dormouse. I have nothing wrong with my libido,” I said, though I admit I sounded a little defensive even to myself, so to punctuate the point, I gently took the mouse out of her hand and closed the window.

“One of these days we really have to get to the bottom of your lack of initiative.”

“How about we leave my bottom alone for now and focus on something less awkward today?”

“Like Rinne?” she asked completely innocently, though I was pretty sure she was trying to push my buttons.

“Oh, please! She is pretty much the definition of ‘awkward’! And weird. And annoying.”

“She also seems to have a lot of stories to tell.”

The way she said that sounded subtly peculiar, and she even turned the chair around to face me, so I was pretty sure she was trying to get at something. Maybe it was supposed to be some kind of segue? In that case, I figured it was only proper for me to humor her.

“I figure. I mean, you don’t get that many adjectives without going through a few hoops aaaaand that’s not what you meant.”

My dear assistant let a soft noise in agreement with my deduction and told me, “Due to Elly’s repeated attempts at persuading me, I believe I have successfully stopped viewing her as a potential love interest for you. When I did that, I realized something.”

“I’m listening.”

“You know the saying ‘Everyone is the protagonist of their own story’?”

“Of course I do. That’s what tripped me up for a short while when I woke up in the Simulacrum.” She looked quite curious, so I frankly told her, “At first I thought I was the protagonist and Josh was the idiot friend. It was before I hired you to be my assistant.”

“That was silly, but understandable at the time.”

“Do you mean my initial mistake, or hiring you? Because if it was the latter, I might have to tickle you for making fun of the best decision of my life.”

“The former, obviously, and please stay on topic,” she reproached me before taking a deep breath and laying another idea onto the table, “Do you remember that we hypothesized about whether the world was new with everyone’s past memories being retrofitted, or if the history of the whole world was fully simulated up until now?”

“Yes, but—” It was at this point that the light-bulb lit up over my head, and I hastily asked, “Wait, you mentioned protagonists. Are you implying that Rinne is also one?”

“Or at the very least was one,” Judy agreed with the tiniest of tiny smirks. “My new theory is that she used to be the protagonist of her own high-school action-adventure narrative back in her own school days. It would explain her extensive background, her out-of-context abilities, and her lack of ties to the narrative surrounding Joshua.”

“Yeah, that kind of checks out,” I responded while trying to put the pieces she laid out together. “So if I get this right, you are presuming that she had her own story with her own nebulous narrative force in the same Simulacrum we are in right now, but then she was thrown into our mess due to Lord Grandpa’s subplot. Wouldn’t that make her a cameo?”

“Only if we presume that someone out there watches us and would appreciate her appearance. It is also entirely likely that she only showed up because she was an already established actor the narrative could call upon to fulfill a specific role.”

“That’s an interesting hypothesis,” I granted her, and then I had my second lightbulb-moment, “Actually, now that I think about it, the annoying butler also had a really intense backstory with at least one very otome-game-ish setup thrown in there.”

“Then it is also likely that he is another stray main character,” Judy stated, after which we both fell silent for a few seconds until she concluded with, “So, just to summarize: I think it is possible that the Simulacrum we are in has been not only running a simulation of the world for a long time, but also that it had numerous narratives in it, and that the people who were involved in them can show up as important players in later narratives.”

“It would certainly explain a few inconsistencies,” I pondered aloud as I let the idea sink in, and I couldn’t help but add, “And you say you figured this all out just by changing your perception of Rinne?”

“More or less,” my assistant stated with feigned nonchalance, but I could tell she was quite proud of her idea.

“Nice work then. I’ll add it to our list of hypotheses. I suppose we should be on the lookout to see if we could find similar ex-protagonisty people around us for further data points. Later.”

“Why later?”

“Because I have some other things to discuss first,” I told her, straightened my back, and then followed it up with, “First and foremost, I have a favor to ask. The symposium of the artificers is coming up sooner than expected, and apparently it’s a much more prestigious ordeal than I first thought it would be. I got some books and technical manuals from Ammy, so… could you please help me cram for it so I wouldn’t look like an idiot?”

“Why do you even feel the need to ask? Of course I will help.”

“Oh, thanks Dormouse. You are the—”

“In exchange for the appropriate wages, plus overtime.”

“… Of course you would say that,” I whispered with a sigh, then asked, “So, what is your rate for this kind of work?”

“You can pay me the standard rate in cuddles, snuggles, and nuzzles. Alternatively, you can pay in me romantic moments at a ten percent discount.”

“Romantic moments, huh? In that case, how about a dinner-date in town, with just the two of us?”

“Sir, I believe we have a deal.” She offered me a hand, and I immediately shook it, at which point she slightly tilted her head to the side and asked, “Do you want to start right now?”

“Later. I have even more things I want to discuss first,” I answered as I bent my fingers and lightly poked the inside of her palm with my fingertips, and she immediately retracted her hand in the company of a small yelp. Yep, just another proof for my theory that ticklish girlfriends are indeed the best. Anyhow, I took a deep breath, and once I cleared my head I explained to her, “I already told you about how I found my knightly equipment the other day. I want to show them to you later, but more importantly, there was one more thing I found that I didn’t mention yet.”

“So it’s something knight-related, and you didn’t want to tell me about. Is it a love interest from The Knightly Brotherhood of the Most Heroic Bloodlines you forgot about due to your amnesia?”

For a second or five I didn’t know what to say, but then I noticed the mischievous glint in the corner of her eyes and realized she was teasing me, at which point I let out a veeeery long breath.

“Dormouse, could you please stay serious and not joke about something so bloody terrifying with a straight face?”

“I’m just outlining the worst possible scenario. This way if I was right, I could say I would be already prepared to deal with her, and if I was wrong, I would be pleasantly surprised. In other words: sorry, but not sorry.”

“Oh, for the love of… Listen, Dormouse. There is already the new knight girl who apparently knows me and is shaping up to be a giant pain in the neck in the future, so I really don’t need you to tempt fate on this one! Wasn’t that one of your pet peeves anyway?”

That question finally made her pause and, after an uncomfortably long beat, she concluded the tangent with a quiet, “You are right, I shouldn’t have joked about that. However, if you end up related to the ‘new knight girl’, as you call her, I still hold my right to say ‘I told you so’ before Elly and I hit her with the full brunt of our anti-harem counter-measures.”

“A fair compromise, apologies accepted. Anyhow, the thing I really wanted to talk about was not a person. Well, maybe it is, but… Okay, from the beginning: do you remember the Knights’ prophecy?” Judy nodded in lieu of an answer, so I continued, “It involved a super-special-awesome Excalibur clone.”

“Chief,” she abruptly cut in and she looked so incredulous she even furrowed her brows a little, “You found the sword in question.”

“That… wasn’t a question, but yes, I have. Complete with a magical stone to pull it out from and all.”

“It wasn’t a question because you wouldn’t have brought it up if you found something else,” she told me as she slowly shook her head, culminating in a shallow sigh. “The real question is why you would have something like that in your possession.”

“Beats me,” I responded in the company of a shrug. “My guess is that I was either a much higher ranking member than I originally imagined, or that it was arranged by the narrative.”

“That is the most likely answer. If the sword is related to one of Joshua’s prophecies, it would necessitate that it had to be physically possible for him to claim it. If it wasn’t on the island, he couldn’t pull it. Q.E.D., it makes perfect sense for it to be here.”

“Ah, right, speaking of pulling.” I hesitated for a moment, as I already spent a lot of time vacillating over whether I should tell Judy about this, but I could really use her perspective, I decided to bite the bullet anyway. “There’s another complication regarding that…”

After saying so, I took a deep breath and gave her the footnotes version of my encounter with the fancy sword in the considerably less fancy stone. To her credit, Judy took my words in stride and only spoke up after I finished my tale.

“I’m not even a little bit surprised anymore.”

“That makes one of us. The stupid thing nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Take this as a lesson. Grabbing swords you know nothing about is bad. Bad Chief. Reflect on your actions.”

“Yes, yes, I got it. More importantly, do you think I accidentally broke something again? I mean, in a narrative-driven chosen-one context?”

“I don’t know. I will try to research the sword using our main sources of information and try to figure out how important it actually is. In the meantime, you should ask Sebastian about it.”

“Ugh. Do I really have to? We are still not exactly on friendly terms.”

“That’s just your skewed perspective, Chief. The entire Dracis family agrees that he likes you a lot.”

“As much as it hurts me to say this, I wouldn’t necessarily consider them a great judge of character…”

My objection made my dear assistant raise a brow, and she immediately countered with, “Elly’s chambermaid is also of the same opinion.”

“Really? Then I suppose I might have to reconsider things a little.” Judy was still giving me the same, slightly disapproving look, and I soon gave up. “Fine, I’ll ask him. I mean, you are right; if there is anyone who knows about an ancient Knightly sword that was stuck into a chunk of rock centuries ago, it’s him.”

“Please do so.” After Judy said that, the conversation entered into a momentary lull, which lasted exactly until she cleared her throat. “Speaking of The Knightly Brotherhood of the Most Heroic Bloodlines, is there any movement from them?”

“Not much,” I responded with yet another shrug. “They are still settling into their new base of operations. I’m still planning to create a situation where I could try to safely tag one of the entitled knights, and I couldn’t find out anything concrete about the new knightess on the island yet, but for now they are inert.” I wanted to leave it at this, but then I recalled something I have contemplated over a lot in the past couple of days, so I decided I might as well bring it up to see what she thought about it. “Listen, Judy. I had a brand new idea the other day, and I’m curious if you think it’s feasible.”

“A new idea. Should I take notes?”

“Your call.” Following my answer, she took out her phone all the same, and I waited for her to fire up her word processor before continuing. “Here’s my premise: your current hypothesis says that the narrative that’s manipulating things around us is operating on an arc-based structure.” I waited for her reaction, and once she nodded, I continued with, “I also remember you saying that you thought we had that entire clusterfuck with Fred and Mountain Girl and so on because I messed up the plot and the narrative tried to course-correct.”

“Yes, that is my current theory.”

“All right, here’s my idea based on your idea: if that could happen by accident, doesn’t that mean that we could also do so on purpose? For example, if we have a strong hunch that the arc with the Knights with the Superfluously Elongated Name was about to begin, and it would be inconvenient for us, couldn’t we potentially manipulate or even postpone it by forcefully triggering another arc in advance?”

“You want to try and directly mess with the narrative,” Judy stated, and when I confirmed it with a nod, she fell silent for a good couple of seconds before telling me, “It sounds difficult, but I suppose we cannot really confirm or discard our hypotheses without trying it at one point. The only issue I can see is about identifying another arc and purposefully triggering it without it just overlapping with the current one.”

“It’s actually not that difficult,” I declared with a smile and raised a finger to punctuate my point. “There are actually a number of classic arc archetypes that are incredibly common in any and all harem narratives, be they the battle or the vanilla variety, such as the beach episode.”

“Chief, I don’t want to rain on your parade, but winter is already knocking on the door. We are not going to any beaches any time soon.”

“That was just an example. School trips, hot springs, hell, even the school festival can be one. So long as we make a big deal out of it and get Josh and his entire entourage involved, we should be able to force the narrative to acknowledge it and switch gears. If it happens, it means we are on the right track.”

“Since the cultural festival is already happening, and the beach is unreasonable, I believe that only leaves the school trip or the hot springs. Also, possibly a holiday-themed arc.”

“Right, I didn’t consider that. First, we have to find out if we even had hot springs on the island, and then—”

It was right here, smack dab in the middle of our furious planning, when we were interrupted by a powerful guitar solo, startling the both of us into stunned silence for a few seconds.

“Just a moment, let me answer the phone,” I told Judy and fished my mobile out of the school bag I carelessly tossed onto my bed when we arrived. I checked the caller ID and picked it up with a chipper, “Hi, princess.”

“Ah, it’s actually me, son!” a man’s voice blared out of the speaker’s so loud it took me a second to recognize Abram under all the compression and distortions.

“Hello, dad-in-law,” I greeted him while making sure that I was keeping the phone a healthy distance away from my ears. “Did something happen to Elly?”

“Oh, no! I just had to borrow her phone because mine didn’t have your number!” I was fairly sure I gave it to him already, but I couldn’t point this out, as he immediately continued with, “You see, son… Errrm… This is really embarrassing!”

“What?” I blurted out and couldn’t help but recall another recent conversation that started out eerily similarly.

“Do you remember that I promised to call a healer for your hand? The one we contacted couldn’t make it because he was arrested at the airport! They found some illegal substances in his luggage, and he can’t leave the country for a while!”

“Wow. Color me shocked.”

“I know, son! Who would have thought he would be dealing with those kinds of things? But don’t worry, we have other contacts too!”

“I’m happy to hear that. Listen, I have to put down the phone now. Please tell Elly I love her a bunch.”

“Ahaha! Will do, son!”

The moment he said that I immediately cut the line, put the phone onto my bed, and turned to Judy.

“Put the previous topic on hold and open the hub, please.”

She didn’t argue for even a second and instead she turned the chair around and pulled out the keyboard without a word. In the meantime, I walked back to her side and rubbed my eyes with my good hand to collect my thoughts. In this situation, the saying ‘Once is a happenstance, twice is a coincidence, three times is enemy action’ came to mind. Considering we started with arson and stepped it up to a drug-trafficking frame-job, I figured it was everyone’s best interest that I did something about said ‘enemy action’ before things got really out of hand…