The Simulacrum - Chapter 72

Part 1

What’s up with underground chambers? Or rather, why did my life have so many of them? Why did we even have this many underground facilities on a volcanic island? Was that even safe? Were we just a small earthquake away from being flooded with lava? And that’s just a ‘mundane’ concern; what about the supernatural ones? Should I start getting worried about being invaded by the mole-people? Could mole people even live on a volcanic island in the first place? Wouldn’t they get fried by the magma underground? Maybe they were fire-moles? Should I start looking into things that were super-effective against fire-types?

These, and many more thoughts of their ilk kept running through my head while I pretended to listen to the bearded middle-aged man on the pulpit talking about the new advancements his research group made in the field of applied kinetic battery enchantments. He was standing at the bottom of a large underground hall shaped like a semi-circular Greek theater with dozens of rows of seats surrounding the stage in the middle. It also had a domed ceiling with branching beams protruding from its surface in a shape that reminded me of an enormous stone snowflake.

However, said ceiling was currently hard to see due to a giant, semi-transparent three-dimensional projection floating over our heads. There was a tiny version of the same shape in front of the speaker, and whenever he manipulated his piece, the large one over our head also moved in accordance. In short, it was a fairly rudimentary and simplified representation of an enchantment, which was read by a magitech device in front of the presenter’s podium and then projected it for everyone to see. In layman’s terms, it was a big, fancy hologram, and everyone present could apparently read it.

If the hushed whispers around me were to be believed, it was bleeding edge magitech they considered quite amazing. From my perspective, it was like looking at a terribly compressed image of a famous painting photocopied over a dozen times; sure you could recognize what it was supposed to be, but it was kind of cringe-worthy. It was a sentiment the people behind me apparently didn’t share though.

Speaking of which, I was currently sitting in the front row, and I was surrounded by about three hundred freaking artificers filling out the rising rows of seats behind me. They all looked about at imposing as one would expect experts to be, even if a tad placeholder-y from time to time. Worse yet, they were all dressed in formalwear ranging from dapper suits to straight-up white-tie tuxedos, which coincidentally made me feel just a little bit underdressed for the occasion. It was a good thing I was well prepared and not at all nervous by the prospect of stepping in front of all of these people, otherwise all of this would give me cold feet. Thankfully I wasn’t nervous at all. Really, I wasn’t. I was totally calm. Seriously.

“Hey, Leonard?”

I nearly jumped out of my seat when a certain brown-skinned Arch-mage lightly poked me in the side. It was only because she hit my funny-bone though. I wasn’t tense or anything.

“What?” I responded with a hissy whisper, at which point she tilted her head towards the stage.

“Meister Repousser is, like, almost done. It’s going to be your turn soon!” She flashed a toothy smile at me and added, “Gosh, I can’t wait to hear your presentation!”

“That makes one of us,” I grumbled, and true to her words, the tall, handlebar-mustachioed man on the podium was already in the process of wrapping up his lecture. Sahi let out a giggle at my expense and faced the stage again, her eyes still sparkling with anticipation. It was a good thing I wasn’t cracking under the pressure or anything, otherwise her behavior might have been throwing more fuel onto the fire.

As for why I had her sitting next to me, it was due to being a guest of honor. I mean, not her, but me. Though again, technically she was also one, but it’s beside the point. The first row of seats was not only reserved for VIPs, which I ostensibly was due to Gowan personally vouching for me, but the seating itself was also hierarchical. Because of this, a palpably uncomfortable Lord Grandpa was sitting in the chair right in front of the podium, Sahi was on his immediate right due to being his peer (though, on paper, she was here as Saahira’s representative), while Gowan was seated on his left due to being the senior artificer of the School and the organizer of the event. Which, by extension, meant that I had the fourth most important seat in the entire hall. Once again, it was really lucky that I wasn’t already nervous or anything, or else this might’ve put more pressure on me or something.

In the end, the Frenchman on the stage finished with a small bow, and once the obligatory applause died down, the amicable local artificer took his place.

“Thank you, Meister Repousser,” Gowan addressed the man about to leave the stage. “Your findings were most enlightening as usual. I wish you the best of luck in the future.” There was another small round of applause, after which the French artificer promptly left the spotlight and took a seat in the front row. More than a couple of seats away from me, meaning he was at least seven or eight steps beneath me in the symposium hierarchy. Oh boy…

In the meantime, Gowan waited for everyone to quiet down before he cleared his throat to get their attention again.

“For our next speaker, please allow me to introduce you to a young yet brilliant friend of mine. I’m sure you must have already heard of him, as he made quite a name for himself as Critias’ famous Chimera Slayer. Please extend a very warm welcome to Leonard Dunning.”

The moment he finished, the whole hall erupted with a cacophony of hushed whispers that became even louder when I stood up and picked up my bag. My legs required a moment to steady me after sitting for so long, so in the interim I took a deep breath and steeled my nerves.

This is it, Leo. No need to fret. You have spent two whole nights cramming the fundamentals of an entire field into your head. You are entirely qualified to stand in front of all of these people and lecture them.

…

Why did I think accepting this invitation was a good idea again? While I pondered that question, my legs carried me to the stage and, following the bearded artificer’s prompting, I took my place behind the podium and placed my bag beside the projection stand. It was only then that the answer came to me: I accepted this opportunity because I had a lot to gain from it. I wasn’t here for fun. I came here to make connections and get access to as many artifacts and enchantments as possible, as they were my cleanest and most promising way to interact with the supernatural stratum of the world. Doing so was crucial for understanding what made this Simulacrum thing working, so I had to do my best to impress the people here, or at the very least appear competent enough to the point where they would be willing to let me look at their stuff in detail.

In other words, I needed to shock and awe everyone here, or failing that, at least bamboozle them into submission. To do that, I had three tools at my disposal: my reputation, my novel understanding of enchantments, and good old refuge in audacity. I could do this. Or at least that’s what I have been telling myself over and over.

“Good evening…” I began, my voice automatically amplified by the arrays on the stage, and wanted to say ‘ladies and gentlemen’, but then I belatedly realized that aside from Sahi, there were exactly zero other women in the hall. Was that because artificers were an insular club of men, or rather because these guys were probably not supposed to be that important in the grand scheme of things and the Simulacrum just copy-pasted a bunch of them to fill up the seats? I couldn’t say. I didn’t really have the time to ponder about it either, so after a short pause I continued with, “… everyone. I’m Leonard Dunning, and this is my first time speaking in front of such an illustrious audience. Please go easy on me.”

That comment earned me a few chuckles and simultaneously lightened the atmosphere a little, which told me I was on the right track. I internally debated whether I should go with an overconfident or a humble approach, and it seems like a made the right choice.

“As I’m sure you are well aware, I’m not an artificer by trade, but I do dabble in the craft in my own way.” After priming the audience with that, I reached into the bag by my side and took out one of the items within. All of these were minor, mostly useless enchanted items I received from Mike in the past, and since I’ve already analyzed them to my heart’s content, I decided to rewrite them for illustration purposes during this presentation. “However, I do have a few ideas I would like to talk about, and hopefully I can provide a new perspective. I would like to title this presentation…”

At this point I paused on purpose as I put the first item, a battered pocket watch, onto the platform. A second or so later, a series of projections appeared overhead, drawing everyone’s attention, and after using a decidedly retro-futuristic dial to move them around a bit, they finally settled in their intended orientation.

“Please debug your enchantments,” I stated, with the projected enchantments forming the same words.

I intended to pause here for a beat before moving on, but the silence was unexpectedly broken by a pair of enthusiastically clapping hands. When I glanced over to the source of it, I found Sahi applauding me with a pair of practically sparkling eyes. I thought she would stop soon enough, but instead, to my shock and confusion, Lord Grandpa also began to slowly clap his hands with a strange mixture of discomfort and astonishment on his face. Since he was clapping, now Gowan also found it pertinent to follow suit, which soon caused a cascading reaction as the whole hall began applauding, leaving me more than a little flabbergasted in the middle.

At last, after a solid minute, the situation finally calmed down and I got the opportunity to take the watch off the pedestal. When the Scottish artificer showed me this device the day before, and I came up with the idea of putting some random enchantments together to form words, it was just a fun little idea I thought would give my presentation some flair. It was pretty much the enchantment equivalent of ASCII art. How exactly was that worthy of standing ovation?

Anyways, I quickly pocketed the item on display and faced the audience again.

“Thank you, you are too kind. So, as the title of my presentation implies, I wish to talk about something I’ve noticed in a number of enchantments I worked on: the importance of debugging and proper commenting and annotations.” This time the response to my words was a vacant silence, so it was time for a demonstration. “To better understand, allow me to show you an example.”

Saying so, I placed my second item, a folded-up switch knife onto the pedestal, and a couple of seconds later, a new magical hologram appeared over everyone’s heads. It was a faithfully copied version of the enchantment on the dragon-slaying spear, or rather, a fairly big chunk of it. It was still enough for my purposes.

“As you can see,” I began as I used the dials to point out various parts on the floating amorphous blob on display, “This is part of a weapon’s enchantment. Looks functional, isn’t it?” It was a rhetorical question, but I still received a couple of nods from the seats. “Well, just because it’s functional, it doesn’t mean it’s not an unholy abomination of terribly mangled arrays slapped together. For example, look at this spot. That’s an entirely superfluous recursive effect array that only exists to give the weapon a glow when another array triggers, except it doesn’t work because there is a syntax-bug in the link between these two parts. In other words, if the original creator of this enchantment actually cared enough to debug their work, they should have either fixed the error or removed this part entirely to clean up the end product. Any questions?”

That was another rhetorical question, yet to my surprise, the brown girl in the front row immediately raised her hand high into the air. We locked eyes for a second, and she looked really insistent, so I used my good hand to point at her.

“I’m not, like, an expert or anything, but,” she said, and as she did so, the enchantment of the stage automatically amplified her voice too. “Can you actually do that? I mean, if you removed that part, wouldn’t the strengthening array, like, interfere with the central control array and, like, totally melt the whole enchantment?”

“Um… no?” I answered by reflex, and she looked understandably unsatisfied by my answer, so I elaborated, “You just have to take rearrange the arrays in a way they don’t bleed into each other. It’s similar to putting together an electric circuit.”

“I have to agree with the ‘young lady’,” Lord Grandpa backed her up, much to my annoyance. “In my understanding, such manipulation is exceedingly hard after the initial engraving process had finished, and it would not affect the final efficacy of the enchantment in question.”

“You see? This kind of attitude is the problem,” I declared with a frown. “Saying that it’s ‘good enough’ is the bane of progress. You say there is no change in efficiency? Well, let me demonstrate.”

After proclaiming so, I immediately put a finger onto the knife on display while simultaneously plunging my Phantom Limb into it.

“First, let’s just remove this part.” The same time as I said that, I made a flicking motion with my other hand, and a second (which felt a bit longer to me due to jumping back and forth between the enchantment and the outside world), the offending redundant array disappeared from the overhead display, earning me a few shocked gasps in the process. “Now that it’s gone, you can see that these interlocking parts now have a gap, so let’s remove that. Then we interchange these two parts, then change the trigger-conditions on this one, and presto.”

It was only at this point that I noticed that, aside from Gowan, the entire rest of the audience was giving me absolutely blank looks. That didn’t last long, as they soon turned increasingly more flabbergasted the more they looked at the model above; still a mess yet incomparably cleaner than before. I expected that something like this would happen once I showed off my ability to manipulate enchantments on the fly, but the silence was a tad nerve-wracking all the same.

“So, now that we are clear on this, let me show you a couple more examples.”

Following those words, I proceeded to spend the next half an hour showing bits and pieces of other enchantments I have encountered in the past and then discussing where they could be improved. There was another sample for the spear, a few pieces from miscellaneous items, a part from the Magiformers, and I even threw in a segment from the control module of the Chimera-puppet for good measure, and just to see if Lord Grandpa would recognize it. By the way, his face blanched when he saw it, I was pretty sure he did, but then again, his complexion was pretty bad from the beginning, so maybe I was just seeing things.

At last, I reached the final sample of my presentation, and one I picked on purpose to pique the interest of a certain annoying but potentially useful Arch-magess present. As such, I cleared my throat to build some tension before placing a small, golden plaque onto the projector stand.

“And last, but not least, I wish to present you an example of the kind of enchantment I consider to be something to strive for. It combines elegance, efficiency, and a self-explanatory design that is both coherent and functional,” I declared so and then waited in deafening silence for the hologram to show up. It didn’t. I waited for several seconds more, and only when I was about to try again when the demonstration showed up, except instead of the enchantment in question, it only displayed a giant smudge of colors. “Huh? We are apparently having some technical difficulties.”

I picked up the plaque and placed it onto the platform again, but after waiting for it to ‘load’ in again, we were all greeted with the same result. Seeing my distress, Gowan quickly made his way to the stage and took a closer look at the problem. I let him fiddle with the dials and glowy retro displays for a while (it was his magical machine, after all), which was made slightly more uncomfortable than necessary by being in the crossfire of several hundred gazes.

In the end, the vaguely Scottish artificer let out an embarrassed noise as he directed a hesitant question at me.

“If I may ask, what kind of enchantment did you want to show this time?”

“It’s a piece of an old array that I took from a Japanese sword that used to house a soul,” I told him frankly and in a way to make sure the audience could hear it as well. “Why, is there a problem with it?”

“It is embarrassing to admit, but the fault doesn’t lie in your item, but the Atmospheric Magicule Virtualization System.”

Ah, so that’s what this thing was called. More importantly though, I couldn’t help but raise a brow at his admission.

“Is it broken?”

“No, thankfully not. The issue seems to be that it simply cannot display the enchantment. It is apparently too complex for the system to handle.”

“That can’t be right. I mean, yes, it is a fairly dense enchantment, but not by such a huge margin.” Gowan only shrugged his shoulders at my comment, apparently as stumped as I was. For a moment I considered cutting this bit out of my presentation, but I have spent more time transcribing this one enchantment than the rest of them combined, so not showing it would make all that time and effort wasted. Not to mention, doing so would have been really anticlimactic now that I went out of my way to pique Sahi’s attention. In other words, I had no choice but to take action. “Can I take a look at the machine?”

His body language told me that Gowan’s first reaction was to tell me ‘No’, but after a few seconds of consideration he stepped aside and allowed me to step up to the dials. He didn’t really have to, as I had no inclination to play around with those, but I gave him an appreciative nod all the same and, without any further ado, I placed my hand onto the device.

Long story short, a subjective age later I managed to inspect every nook and cranny of the enchanted magitech projector, and it only took two more subjective ages to discover the exact nature of the problem. For the record, I would have probably been able to do so much quicker if there were proper artificer comments and annotations on the arrays telling me what they did and how they worked, but then again, if those things were common, I wouldn’t have been giving this presentation in the first place.

“Ah, I get it now,” I whispered under my breath when I took a short break. “Apparently the resolution of the device just isn’t high enough to display this one.”

My comment was met with a few uncomprehending blinks by its creator. I really wished I could explain it to him, but then again, I didn’t fully understand it myself, only that by tweaking a few settings here and there and twisting a few arrays would fix it. So I did just that.

Not a moment later, the chaotically flickering display turned off, and then a long second later is turned back on to reveal a considerably clearer 3D image.

“There you go. Much better.” I flashed a smile at the artificer by my side, yet he remained rooted in the spot and staring at the magical projector in front of him. I waited for a while for him to leave, but he seemed unwilling to do so, so I shrugged it off and returned to the topic at hand. “As you can see, this is an enchantment that is not only meticulously debugged, but it is well annotated. This part is particular…”

In the end, I spent about ten more minutes discussing the arrays I copied off the outer shell which used to house Ichiko within Onikiri, but for some reason my audience wasn’t nearly as interested in the topic as before. In fact, they were getting a little unruly, some of them going as far as to openly whisper between each other. As such, even though I still had a lot to talk about, I decided to cut things short.

“And in conclusion, I think I have demonstrated the merits of proper debugging, optimization, and annotation. Any questions?”

The moment those words left my mouth, the entire lecture hall exploded into a torrent of noise as practically the entire audience jumped to their feet and vied for my attention, often quite loudly.

“Please, gentlemen! Calm down! One at a time!”

My shouts, further amplified by the stage, finally calmed the room for a moment, which I used to point at a random person in the crowd. When he realized I was looking at him, the man’s face immediately lit up and he exclaimed, “Meister Leonard! I have a niece your age; may I introduce her to you?”

“… That wasn’t an enchantment-related question,” I pointed out, only for another voice to nearly overwhelm my own.

“How shameless can you be?!” the mustachioed man who had a presentation before mine thundered in pure outrage, and it took me a second to realize that he wasn’t talking to me, but to the previous speaker. “Meister Leonard, please pay no heed to such crass old men! Trying to openly tempt someone like that! Absolutely shameless!”

“Um… I guess, but…”

“On an unrelated note, have you ever considered moving from the island? If you were to visit our Paris School, the oldest and most prestigious School of the entirety of Europe, if I may add, I can promise full accommodations and your very own research facility!”

“Talk about shameless!” a third overwhelming voice joined the fray from the mouth of a tall, wiry gentleman from the back. “Trying to entice a young talent away from his home with such paltry promises? Meister Leonard, I implore you that you ignore that lout! If you ever wanted to do proper research, come to our New York School! We might not have the history of Paris, but with our money, you can buy everything else!”

“Errr… Gowan? Help, please?” I pleaded under the pressure of the torrent coming my way, but when I glanced to the side…

“Fascinating.”

… I found the local Meister completely enamored with the recently modified projector. In other words, he was not going to be too much help. Okay then, let’s look for the next best thing.

“Lord—”

I got exactly that far when it came to addressing the seat of the Arch-mage, with its occupant conspicuously missing. Not only that, but the seat next to him was also empty. I quickly glanced around, trying to ignore the increasingly louder crowd swelling around me, and before long, I caught a slender brown hand disappearing behind the frame of the main entrance of the hall. I immediately far-glanced over to their side and found myself looking at Lord Grandpa dragging a loudly protesting Sahi along the corridor leading out of the hall and towards the security station.

“I can not believe you actually shouted you wanted him to marry you,” the old man complained while trying to unscrew the cap of a fancy tin canteen with one hand.

“Unhand me, you wizened badger! What is the point of being young if I can’t even do that! Quick, let me go before he gets honey-trapped by one of those bastards!”

“You also want to entice him!”

“Yes, but it’s for his own good! And mine! But mostly his!” When it became apparent he wouldn’t let her go, the girl switched gears and set her foot against the ground in an attempt to keep the old man from moving while simultaneously accusing him, “Don’t act like it’s none of your problem! How could you be so careless to allow such a genius to appear in front of those old sharks?! You should have stopped him, or told him not to show all his cards, or something!”

“Do I look like I am in a position where I could do any of that?” Lord Grandpa scoffed back before he took a long sip from his canteen.

He also said something else after that, but I couldn’t hear it, as it was at this point that I cut the Far Sight due to the frenzied crowd of artificers leaving their seats and closing in on the stage. For a moment I contemplated Phasing away, but with this many witnesses, I doubt I could pull the ‘I was an illusion and wasn’t in the room to begin with’ card. Not to mention, escaping now would have jeopardized the whole point of coming here and trying to make connections with these people.

At the end of the day I vacillated for too long, and the crowd more or less surrounded me. I spared one last glance at Gowan, and while he apparently finally awakened from his daze, he was just one man against the tide. At last, I resigned myself to my fate, and with a quiet, “Well, this didn’t go as I expected,” I let the wave of rabid recruiters wash over me.

Part 2

The school’s library was unusually empty today. Or at the very least it felt like so, though I admit I wasn’t a frequent enough visitor to properly judge it. Anyhow, the place being a little deserted was working in my favor. I followed Elly with my Far Sight into the building and waited for her to find a secluded place, which wasn’t that hard this time around. My actual body was inside one of the first-floor bathroom stalls at the moment, and I was ready to Phase over at a moment’s notice, which came in the form of my draconic girlfriend giving me a not especially subtle thumb up.

“I’m here,” I told her after reappearing behind her. She was hiding between two large shelves in the history section, not far away from the place where I talked with the class rep the other day.

When I arrived, the princess glanced around one more time before she gestured for me to come closer. Once I did so, she whispered, “Judy?”

“I had Snowy distract her.”

She nodded in approval and hunched her shoulders, a gesture which she then followed up by whispering with one hand shielding her mouth.

“That means it is time to discuss our plans. That’s good. Very good indeed.”

“… Why are you speaking like that?”

Hearing my question made a frown settle on my dear girlfriend’s face and she retorted, “Come on, Leo! We are doing cool, hush-hush clandestine stuff now! Act the part!”

“I’ve been doing a lot of clandestine stuff as of late, and trust me, it’s not nearly as fun as it’s cranked up to be.”

“Booo… You are such a buzzkill today.”

Seeing her sulk like that made an involuntary sigh leak through my lips, and even though I wasn’t in the mood, I forced myself to hunch over and whispered, “Fine, fine. Let’s do this your way.” Since she was still pouting even after that concession, I had no choice but also add, “After what happened yesterday, I’ve been a little grumpy. I’ll get over it by Saturday, so please bear with me for now.”

“Oh, right. Now that you mention it, I’ve heard Ammy complaining about how you caused a huge scene last evening,” she noted, the frown disappearing from her brows like it was never there.

“I wasn’t the one who caused it; it was all the artificers who wanted to recruit me. The symposium ended in a bit of a stampede and most of them had to be escorted out by the security.”

“Why? What did you do?”

“My usual stuff,” I answered, and she immediately nodded with a face that said ‘Oh, that perfectly explains it’. “At least I didn’t leave empty-handed, as I got a lot of business cards and even a few stray gift artifacts to tinker with, but some of the guests were… shall we say, more insistent than the others.”

“Like the Arch-mage girl?” she asked for clarification, and I promptly gave her a nod.

“Yeah. She’s been pestering me every time I’ve put my feet outside the classroom today. She’s half the reason why we had to arrange this meeting like this.”

“If she’s bothering you that much, do you want me to knock her out?”

“… I’m fairly sure assaulting an Arch-mage, even if she was incognito at the moment, would cause quite a diplomatic incident.”

“I’d still do it. Protecting our family is part of the family creed, so I’m sure dad wouldn’t mind. He might even praise me for giving her a solid one.”

To emphasize her point she was swinging her arm like an old-timey cartoon sailor before a punch, which was admittedly one of the gosh darndest things I’ve seen in my life, but we had some serious stuff to discuss, so I only watched her do it for a few seconds before I forcefully prodded the conversation along.

“I’d still prefer if you didn’t, because I still want to try and make a deal with her in the future, but either way, we’re veering a little off-topic. We came here to discuss what to do on our anniversary, didn’t we?”

“Right, that’s why we are here,” Elly responded and let her arm down, then a second later she once again came closer into a conspiratorial huddle. “I mean, certainly, we are here to discuss our secret plans. Indeed.”

I decided to let her play out her spy fantasies for the time being and focused on the actual subject instead. In just a few short days, we would have our first month anniversary. That is normally not something especially worth celebrating, but in our case, considering our unusual relationship, I figured it was worth at least a little effort. Or at the very least that was my stance on the matter until Judy shared her still-present reservations about our OT3, which called for a more thoughtful approach.

“Let’s discuss the schedule first. I have some plans for the morning and the evening, but I’m still looking for the main event.”

“Let’s hear what you have, and then we can figure out the rest,” she prompted me, so I did just that.

“My current plan looks like this: We meet up at my place at nine, then we go out around ten. I found a large public aquarium just a short ride from our neighborhood, and it looks pretty neat. They have all kinds of tropical fishes, and even a long tunnel through a shark tank.”

“I don’t know… I don’t really like that shark part…”

“I can hold your hand while we are there if you want,” I proposed, and her face immediately lit up.

“In that case, like it.”

What can I say? She was quirky, occasionally a bit of an airhead, and scared of the weirdest of things despite being part-dragon, but I wouldn’t have her any other way. But putting the general lovability of my girlfriend aside, we still had a lot to discuss, so I pushed onwards.

“I looked into it, and apparently the place has a restaurant serving seafood dishes from all over the world, so we could have lunch there.”

“Isn’t eating fish in an aquarium a little bit morbid?”

“I don’t think the ones in the tanks mind it very much,” I told her with a shrug. “But staying on the topic of food, for the evening, I’ve already reserved a table at a fancy restaurant in the waterfront district.”

“What is it called? I mean, the restaurant?”

“I wrote it down somewhere, but I can’t remember off the top of my head. I think it starts with ‘mor’-something-something.”

“It must be Morceau Très Délicieux!” the princess suddenly exclaimed with a beaming smile. “You have great taste, as expected! I had dinner with mom and dad there once, and they had the best ratatouille ever!”

“Then I suppose I’ll have to try it.” After telling her so, I waited for a second to see if she had anything to add, but since she remained silent, I stated the obvious issue. “As you can see, there’s a whole afternoon between those two ideas, so I want to hear what you think we should do to fill it out.”

“Let me see…” the princess pondered aloud. It only lasted for a few moments though, and she even startled me by snapping her finger the moment she had an idea. “How about we go to the bowling alley? You said you wanted to practice some more, and I think it would be fun.”

“That won’t do.” She reacted to my response as if I just poured cold water all over her, so I quickly explained myself. “Just so that we are on the same page: Judy is still having some reservations about our relationship. I want to ease her out of them, and while I agree that we would have some fun if we went bowling as you suggested, it would be counter-productive. You and I both know how to bowl already, even if I’m still struggling with the basics a little. If we went there, wouldn’t she feel left out? It would be the exact opposite of what I want this anniversary date to be.”

“I see what you’re getting at,” Elly responded in the company of a solemn nod, following which she fell silent once again, this time for a bit longer. “So we need some kind of activity that none of us have previous experience with.”

“It should also be something readily available on the island. Moreover, something we can do indoors. We are definitely not going to play outdoor games or go to the beach any time soon.”

“So something season-appropriate.” I nodded, and the princess fell into deep thought once more. I patiently waited for her to come up with something while also wracking my own brain, and about half a minute or so later, she suddenly snapped her finger again. “I have an idea.”

“Let’s hear it.”

“Ice-skating!” Her declaration was just a tad overdramatic, and she might’ve misunderstood my surprise for incomprehension, as she began to hastily explain herself. “A while back I talked with Judy about that one time we went on a skiing trip in the Alps, and then the conversation changed to talking about winter sports, and then we talked about ice hockey, and I remember she said she doesn’t know how to skate!”

“And that’s a good thing?”

“I can’t skate either. Can you?” When I shook my head in response, my girlfriend flashed me one of her rare yet precious adorably smug grins and declared, “And that’s what makes it perfect! If we’re all beginners, we can all learn together!”

“That idea… isn’t half bad. It’s not cold enough to skate outdoors yet though.”

“I’m sure there must be an ice-skating ring around here somewhere.”

“It’s called a rink,” I corrected her, resulting in a blank look.

“That’s what I said.”

I wanted to object, but then again, nobody likes a grammar social nationalist, so I decided to quietly drop the issue and focus on the next objective.

“Okay then, ice-rink it is. I don’t think it’s going to take up the whole afternoon though, so I reckon we need a backup activity too.”

“The cinema,” Elly blurted out right away, and I was honestly a little skeptical of the idea.

“Isn’t that a bit too typical?”

“Maybe, but it’s foolproof,” she countered, and even though it still didn’t sit well with me, I decided to humor her for now.

“Fine, I’ll look into what the local movie theaters are showing on Saturday. Any request?”

“I’m fine with anything. Except for horror movies. Also, no mimes.”

“… Oddly specific, but if the lady doth requests so much, I have no choice but to comply.” That earned me a small giggle, which I received with pleasure, but then it was time to get a bit more serious again. “That takes care of the date side of the issue. However, we have one more thing to consider.”

“What is it?”

“The Knights.” The moment I uttered the word, the princess’ countenance immediately changed. “Just for the record, do you remember the knight girl I talked about in the past?”

“The one that could potentially transfer to our school and I shouldn’t beat up right away?”

“The one and the same,” I told her with a shallow nod, then continued with, “First off, she’s already on the island. More importantly though, I have a sneaking suspicion that she and I might be more closely related than the rest of the knights.”

“By closely related, do you mean… relatives?”

“Possibly, though there is a much more troubling possibility. You see, the more I observe the Knights, the more it appears that she’s considerably less concerned about you being a Draconian than the fact that we are in a relationship. In fact, she seems a little too concerned about me and my affairs in particular. That tells me she is either a brocon, or possibly romantically interested in me. Or rather, the me before the amnesia. In the worst-case scenario, we might’ve even been romantically involved in the past.”

“I have two questions,” Elly cut in with a serious look in her eyes. “Does Judy know about this?”

“Not yet,” I admitted right away. “If she’s already feeling insecure, the last thing I need is for her to latch onto this possibility. I’ll try to either confirm or disprove my suspicion first, and then I’ll tell her about it.”

“I see. As for my second question… what’s a ‘brocon’?”

For a second I could only blink at her, but once I connected the dots, I nearly facepalmed at my own sloppiness.

“Sorry, I keep forgetting that you’re still new to this. In short, a brocon is a sibling, usually a sister, who is obsessed with their brother in either a possessive or romantic way. It’s a fairly common trope in battle harem narratives, and that’s why I think it might be a possibility.”

“But to be that, wouldn’t she have to be your sister?”

“It’s one of the more distinct possibilities, but in this case, I want to err on the side of caution and assume that she is romantically related to me, which leads to the reason why I brought her up in the first place. Imagine that you are a narrative force of indeterminate origin, purpose, or sentience. We have a nice, friendly, nominally undercover guy in the form of yours truly who is about to take his girlfriends out for a lovely date. We also have an impulsive young girl who is really concerned about the guy’s interpersonal relations, and who is part of an organization that already has a precedent of attacking people on their anniversary and getting thrown across rivers for their trouble. What do you think would happen?”

“… The narrative would make her attack us and crash our date?” she ventured a guess, and I let out a grunt of agreement.

“If I was a betting man, I’d put money on that. In order to avoid that, I’ll need to figure out a way to keep the Knights busy for the time being, and I’m afraid that will take both time and effort. In other words, I’d like to ask you to take some of the prep-work off my shoulders so that I can focus on my countermeasures for the next two days.”

“You don’t even have to ask,” my girlfriend responded with a determined look and a wide smile. “What do you need me to do?”

“For a start, I need you to prep Judy a little. Share the plan with her, work out the schedule, that kind of thing. You can even pretend that I don’t know about it and make it a ‘surprise’.”

“I’ll think abo—”

Elly’s response got exactly that far before we were both startled by a yell coming from the entrance of the library.

“Guard the entrance! Make sure he wouldn’t slip out!”

“As you command!”

Once I managed to shrug off the first surprise, I raised a finger to Elly’s mouth and quickly used my Far Sight to check out the commotion. After switching my point of view a little, I soon found myself looking down upon the brown-skinned Arch-mage. Not only that, she was flanked by the four stooges from my class, with two of them guarding doors and the other two following after her like a pair of royal guards.

“Come out, Leonard!” Sahi yelled into the empty library with her hands forming a funnel around her mouth. “I know you are totally not in the toilet anymore! My loyal men have, like, checked every floor, and we know you must be here!”

The four creepy amigos immediately stuck out their chests when she called them her ‘loyal men’. Whenever I thought I would no longer be surprised by anything anymore, this world always threw a curveball at me, didn’t it?

Anyhow, since I obviously didn’t answer, Sahi took another huge breath and continued with, “I only want to talk with you! And, like, have you sign a contract! But mostly talk! Also, I was kidding about the engagement, so, like, don’t be alarmed!”

“Engagement?” Elly repeated after her in a whisper, and try as I might, I couldn’t stop the groan bubbling up from the pit of my stomach from escaping my mouth.

“It’s a bad joke. Or at least I hope it is. I’ll tell you the details later. For now, I have to go. Let’s continue this discussion after school.”

“Okay then.” To her credit, Elly accepted the situation with remarkable ease, and she even gave me a small wave followed by, “I’ll see you in class.”

“Yes, and… Princess?” She gave me an intrigued look, so after taking a deep breath, I emphatically told her, “Don’t punch her.”

We locked eyes for a second or two, but at last she gave me a small nod and a curt, “I won’t punch her.”

“All right then. See you soon.”

After saying so, I planted a quick peck on her left cheek and then promptly Phased out of the library. In retrospect, I should have probably also told Elly not to head-butt her, but as always, hindsight was a bitch…

Part 3

I have a confession to make: I always thought that plate armor was heavy and cumbersome. I mean, that was what all the movies were telling me, and I have read at least one essay online talking about how knights were lumbering tanks a samurai could totally defeat with superior martial arts, so I doubt anyone could blame me for having a few preconceived notions about the topic. All of those prejudices immediately evaporated the moment I actually wore one though, as it was rather easy to move in it. Comfortable, even. Now, granted, I was only wearing the chest piece, the spaulders, and the boots, but I doubted things would become significantly worse with the helmet and the gauntlets added to the mix.

I hopped in place a couple of times, in part because I was curious how much noise I would make in the process, but if I wanted to be entirely honest, I did it mostly due to just how full of energy I felt at the moment. I reckoned it had something to do with the enchantments on the suit, and while I didn’t look into the specific effect mechanics due to a severe lack of time, I at least made sure they were safe. I just didn’t expect them to be so, for the lack of a better term, energizing as well. If Brang and Karukk weren’t looking at me at the moment, I would’ve been tempted to even shadow box a little, but for now, I figured it was best to be mindful of my surroundings.

Speaking of those, I was currently inside the secret base, the training area to be precise, and I had all the knightly equipment I’ve reclaimed from my deposit box laid out on a table in front of me. I asked the two Fauns to stick around because I needed some help to fully buckle up the chest plate, plus after reading all of those horror stories about medieval knights falling over and being unable to get up, I figured having a few extra helping hands around wouldn’t hurt.

At the end of the day, it turned out there was no need to be that cautious at all; at this point I was fairly sure I could most likely do full cartwheels in this metal suit without breaking a sweat.

“[Thine new armaments are truly becoming in thine form, Blackcloak.]”

“Thanks for the compliment,” I responded a tad absently as I looked over my shoulder. “Speaking of which, do you think I can fit one of my coats over this if I removed the cape?”

“[The possibility of thine words is palpable, although I’m afraid the removal of thine lionesque pauldrons may become a necessity.]”

“[It would be a shame,]” Karukk whispered on the side, and I couldn’t help but raise a curious brow at his comment. It didn’t take long for him to notice it, and so he hastily added, “[It is a fine suit of armor. If I had one like it, I wouldn’t think about covering it up.]”

“Are you jealous by any chance?” I teased him a little, and his ears immediately started darting around in a familiar, yet not any less amusing, display of embarrassment.

“[No, of course I— Maybe a little.]” The sudden switch in the middle caused my brows to climb even higher on my forehead, and after some further ear-propellering later, he sheepishly added, “[It is a really fine armor.]”

Before I could get a word in, the elderly Faun at his side let out a long chuckle and roughly patted him on the back.

“[Aye, it is only natural for young Karukk to admire thine armaments, Blackcloak.]” The moment he uttered the last word, his movements paused for a beat before he let his hand down and faced me with an inquisitive gleam in his eyes. “[Please do forgive these words, but mine curiosity shan’t let me rest unless I ask thee this: this old one was under the impression thine title was one thee wished to be rid of, was it not?]”

“Yes, I wanted to, but plans change.” My response was slightly muffled, since I just put on the helmet, therefore I continued in a louder voice while I turned my head left and right. “It was a losing battle anyway. Everyone already knows about it, along with the whole Chimera Slayer thing, so I decided that instead of fighting against the inevitable, I would embrace it and make it into my own brand.” I inserted a short pause here, then added, “On a completely unrelated note, this helmet is pretty neat. Once its enchantment linked with the control node in the chest piece, it completely disappeared from my field of vision. It’s like I’m not wearing anything at all. If only it didn’t glow, it would be perfect.”

“[I’m afraid I’m not well versed enough in the mystic magicks of enhancement, but these old eyes of mine see no light around thine helm.]”

“It’s a ‘me’ thing, don’t worry about it,” I replied a little unsteadily, as I just finished shaking my head to see how stable the helmet was on my head, and I was feeling a little dizzy as a result. For the record, it was uncannily stable, almost as if it was glued to my scalp.

I was still a little weirded out by the transparency and the traces of colorless magical light at the edge of my vision, but all things considered, I was astonished by how practical this armor set was. It didn’t hinder me, I felt like it weighed less than nothing, and it didn’t even interfere with my vision. Could it be that I just discovered the reason why the nefarious Knights of the superfluously long name were always wearing theirs whenever I glanced over?

Speaking of which, I did just that, and I found their little group huddled around a large, circular wooden table, probably custom-made, inside their new hidey-hole within the city. Thankfully the squire I marked was on guard duty outside the door, so I could easily pass through the wall and take a look at their meeting place. By the looks of it, they’ve rented a small-ish office space on the first floor of a multi-story building on the edge of the commercial district, and while the place was clean, it was also completely bare save for the aforementioned table and some simple metal chairs arranged around it.

Wait, no. On second look, they actually had a single, if large, ye-olde style swallow-tailed banner hanging on the wall. It looked eerily similar to the banner of Wales, except with the dragon beheaded and lying on the ground, and it might have even been imposing if not for the fluorescent lights making it seem discolored. Not exactly the main hall of Camelot, but hey, at least they were trying.

Anyhow, at the moment there were only two of them inside the room. From a previous sneak peek I already knew they were about to hold a big meeting to discuss an operation during the weekend. This meant two things. For one, I totally called it. Secondly, since they weren’t all present yet, it meant I still had some time to prepare.

I would have probably continued to keep an eye on them if not for the timely arrival of a certain science-adjacent man and his robotic… something. Seriously though, what was the relationship between these two again? On the surface, Galatea kept calling him ‘master’, but they were actually acting more like rowdy siblings, or an embarrassing father and his rebellious daughter. Actually, now that I think about it, wasn’t there a trope called something along the lines of ‘mad scientist’s hot daughter’? I couldn’t help but wonder whether that was applicable to these two.

“Ki-hi-hi! Not too shabby, boss.”

Unlike Fred, his android companion didn’t greet me, only observed. She also had a couple of items one her, namely a sword, a small sack with a long object in it, and a familiar carnival mask.

“It also feels pretty good,” I responded to Labcoat Guy, and he gave me a knowing nod in return.

“It’s only natural. It is a powerful set of physical enchantment gear; it would be stranger if you didn’t feel invigorated.”

To elaborate on his point, while I didn’t have the time to do a deep-dive into the enchantments on the armor pieces, a cursory glance told me they were all either defensive wards, or arrays designed to enhance the wearer’s physical prowess. There were also a few other caveats, which I figured must have been related to those knightly oaths we still didn’t know much about, but as far as actual functionality was concerned, things were fairly straightforward. Fred also examined the armor with his own methods, so there were no questions about it.

Well, on second thought, I might’ve spoken too soon. There actually was a single question remaining: what would happen if I wore all the parts at once? We both independently confirmed that the individual pieces were interlocking elements of one bigger enchantment, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about how much of a boost it would give me when I was fully suited up.

Just to be sure, I sent one last Far Glance at the Knights, but since they were still idle, I decided I had the time for one last test, so I picked up the gauntlets still on the table, and slowly slipped my left hand in. Needless to say, it fit me like a glove, no pun intended. In fact, it almost felt like the gauntlet was readjusting itself on the fly to better accommodate my hand. Now there was only one last piece left and I—

“Bleeding mother of a goat-merchant!”

My off-color exclamation was immediately followed up by the harsh metallic noise of the gauntlet hitting the ground as I tore it off my injured hand practically at the same moment I tried to put it on.

“[My Liege, are you all right?]”

Brang immediately tried to help me, but I used my good hand to tell him I didn’t need assistance. A few deep breaths later I realized I was hunched over, so I forcefully straightened my back and exhaled a long sigh.

“What just happened?” Labcoat Guy asked the question on everyone’s mind. Before I could answer him, Galatea provided an answer of her own.

“He threw the gauntlet at the ground.”

“I noticed,” he responded just a smidgen flatly. “I wanted to know why he did that.”

“Then you should have asked that question,” the android answered just as flatly, and so I spoke up to interrupt their skit before it could gather steam.

“When I tried to put on the left gauntlet my whole body started heating up starting from my chest, but then when it reached my hand, it turned into a piercing pain. It felt like someone stabbed a nail through my palm.”

I didn’t think my explanation was particularly insightful, yet Labcoat Guy apparently understood what I meant right away and provided me with an instant conjecture as well.

“Ah, I see. It must have been some kind of adverse reaction to mana.”

In retrospect, his answer suddenly made a lot of sense. Really, I should have been able to put together the pieces ahead of time. Sebastian said that my hand had an ‘internal injury’. He also told me people usually get those by channeling ‘energies’, and warned me not to do it. In my defense, I couldn’t really predict that wearing the full suit of armor would result in that, but all the elements checked out, so I concluded that Labcoat Guy was probably right.

“What the hell is ‘mana’ anyway?” the question slipped through my lips before I knew it, and while it was more or less just me venting my stress while recovering, Fred immediately turned defensive.

“Mana is just mana.”

“Yeah, but what is it? What is it made of, where does it come from, why can’t scientists detect it yet it can make my hand hurt like a motherfu—?”

“Beep.”

The abrupt, unexpected noise made me stop on my tracks and face its source with the textbook example of a confused frown on my face.

“What was that?”

“Excuse me. My anti-profanity subroutine was acting up.”

The straightforward answer, combined with the expressionless way it was delivered, somehow only managed to make Galatea even less convincing. However, this really wasn’t the time to start discussing robot-jokes, so I promptly ignored her and focused my attention back onto her creator instead. The moment I did so, Labcoat Guy immediately tugged on her collar in the most obvious display of nervousness I have ever seen.

“Ki-hi-hi. Please, boss. We already have our hands full with our current research into the supernatural stratum of reality, as you call it. You can’t expect us to do everything at once!”

I really wanted to counter his point by asking how figuring out the supernatural currency used to pay off the world to look the other way when using magic was not integral to their current investigation, but my rebuttal never materialized due to the latest of my periodic Far Glances revealing that another entitled knight entered the room with the round table. That meant this really wasn’t the time for dallying around, so I dropped the issue and gestured for Karukk to come to my side instead.

“So I probably won’t be able to wear the full suit until I’m healed. Sounds like a bit of a design flaw.” While I said that, I pointed at the clasps on the breastplate, and that was enough for the Faun to realize what I wanted from him and he began to peel me out of the armor.

“Maybe it’s a defense mechanism,” Galatea proposed, and I left it at that. Instead, I focused on the items in her hands.

“More importantly, I see you brought the horn with you.”

She nodded and presented me with the elongated sack. I couldn’t take it yet, since Karukk was still in the process of helping me unbuckle the chest parts, so she patiently waited for me. Though it was probably obvious at this point, said package contained a certain unicorn horn with a powerful enchantment engraved upon it. It was used to anchor a large area around it into ‘realspace’, and thus prevent everyone in the vicinity from escaping or dragging others into a Purple Zone.

I had high hopes for this item, but it turned out that the suppressive effect was a quality of the material itself, while the enchantment only acted as a simple amplifier and modulator. This meant that I couldn’t strategically apply the effect by copying the enchantments onto other objects, and carrying the original around was the equivalent of waving a giant ‘Hey, I’m Bel of the Abyss!’ flag in front of the Knights. However, it did have its uses yet, even if replicating it was impossible.

But speaking of replication, she was carrying another item that was quite promising. It was a longsword modeled after the ‘gift’ I received from Mr. Minotaur, except slightly enlarged to better fit the grip of a Faun. Once I learned about Labcoat Guy’s manufacturing capabilities, this simple, unadorned blade was my first request. It wasn’t forged like most proper swords, but instead each piece, from the blade to the pommel, was machined from some steel blocks we had lying around in the base since the beginning. Because of this, though it looked good on the outside, it probably wasn’t comparable to a ‘real’ sword… but that’s where the enchantment came in.

This was our first, homemade prototype weapon. I supplied the raw materials, Fred (or rather, Galatea) made them into a sword, then I would take it to Gowan and ask him to put a simple enchantment on it, and finally I would use that as the base to copy and paste actually useful arrays and functions from the other swords I had access to. This way I could hopefully gear up all the Fauns before the end of the month. As for the gang, with the Magiformers on hand, they didn’t really need any more defensive gear, and the only one of them who could potentially use a weapon was Josh… except he seemed to be more interested in hand-to-hand combat and magic, so I made outfitting my loyal ‘minions’ my first priority, if only so that we wouldn’t run into another Rinne situation.

While I was considered all of this I successfully shed my armor and stepped out of the boots as well. Not wearing it anymore was… uncomfortable. I was strangely enervated and my senses became duller, though the sensation only lasted for a short while. More importantly, now that I didn’t have all that metal on me, everyone present could see that I was wearing a slightly unusual outfit consisting of a pair of black cotton trousers with a matching back shirt and a red vest. The outfit also included a white, embroidered tailcoat currently on the nearby table, and according to Elly, the full ensemble gave me a regal look. Of course, her description was much longer and had the word ‘cool’ in it in unnecessary abundance, but I wasn’t going to hold it against her.

More importantly though, now that my hands were free, I graciously accepted the packed-up horn offered by Galatea and used its string to hang it from my belt. She also tried to give me the sword, but that was for later, so I simply shook my head and pointed at the last item in her possession. She obediently handed it over, and now that I could take a better look, I had to say I was impressed. As for what I was holding in my hands, on the surface it was a replica of the mask I was wearing during the grand kerfuffle that was the Knights’ attack on the Dracis mansion. In reality, it was a slightly modified, metallic version specifically designed to perfectly and comfortably fit my face, and most importantly, it had bigger eye-holes and actual nose-holes so that I could both see and breathe better. In short, it was Bel Disguise Mask 2.0.

“Thank you. It turned out great.”

“You’re welcome,” Galatea answered with a thin-lipped smile before she tried to present the sword to me again. “Are you going to take this?”

“No, not now,” I told her and instead reached for the white coat on the table. “I’ll take it to Gowan later; I have more important things to do first. Please give it to one of the Fauns and they will put it aside for me.”

At this point he tried to hand it over to Karukk, but he hastily excused himself with a curt, “Armor is here. Must put it away,” and so she had to settle on Brang, who graciously received from her, and even did a few practice swings with it.

“Decent sword. Little unbalanced. Not much edge.”

“I’ll try to compensate with the enchantment later,” I told him as I slipped into my costume and put the mask on. It was an even better fit than expected, and even after shaking my head hard, it remained firmly attached to my face.

“Good work on this one too,” I addressed the science duo, and then turned to the Faun. “Please put the armor into the storeroom for now; I probably won’t be able to use it for a while yet. I have to go and make a deal now, please look after things like usual.”

Brang nodded, and once I was sure I wasn’t forgetting anything, I took a deep breath, limbered up my shoulders, took up a relaxed, almost slouched posture, and once I was sure I was in character, I let out said breath in the form of the words, “It’s showtime,” and then promptly disappeared from the room.

Part 4

To deceive your opponents first you have to deceive your allies. I don’t know who originally said that. Probably Sun Tzu, Churchill, or Einstein, considering ninety percent of famous sayings are attributed to those three. Either way, I wholeheartedly agreed with the notion, yet I had one caveat: if you wanted to perfectly hide your thoughts and plans from your opponent, you also had to ‘deceive’ yourself.

Because of this, I often considered the art of deception to be the bastard cousin of method acting. Your goal was the same; convince your audience that you are a different person down to the bone, and while I still considered myself a little more than a junior thespian of the art form, there were a couple of tricks that I’ve already gleaned through practice. First and foremost, it required a fundamental change in mannerism, from speech patterns to body language. Now, one way to do this was to meticulously craft an alternate persona with their own quirks and ticks. The other, simpler way was just to act over-the-top erratic, and let refuge in audacity take care of the rest. Need I say more?

“Oh, my! I hope I’m not interrupting, gentlemen.”

My words caused the bare office room to explode into a cacophonous commotion as the armed and armored Knights around the round-ish table all jumped to their feet. It didn’t take them a long time to find me, considering I was standing out in the open, yet nobody made a move yet. That meant it fell on my shoulders to break the stalemate, so I raised a finger to the chin of my mask while pretending to be leaning on an imaginary walking stick.

“Ah, it appears I have misspoken just now,” I said in the same, slightly nasal voice as before. I also changed the pitch of it a bit, but not enough for it to strain my vocal cords. In my opinion, accidentally breaking a fake voice was more telling than consistently using a slightly less fake voice. Putting my tonal theories aside, I abruptly changed my posture again before rapidly Phasing over to the other side of the room and I did a small scraping bow in the direction of the new face (read: helmet) in the room. “I should have said lady and gentlemen. Please do forgive me.”

“Och buck, nae thes jobbie again….”

I naturally ignored the stray comment coming from the direction of Mr. Minotaur and focused on the armor-clad girl in front of me. Seeing her up close like this, I’d say she was surprisingly petite; probably no taller than Snowy, and not much heavier built either. Her armor was fairly light, with no visible gambeson under the metal and not much in terms of chainmail between the plates either. On the bright side, at least it was still proper protective gear with no exposed stomach or calves. That might sound silly, but taking Snowy’s Abyssal outfit into account, I came here mentally prepared for bikini armor, so it was a pleasant surprise all the same.

But staying on topic, the most striking element of her attire was definitely the helmet. It was matte white in color, like the rest of her gear, and it had a cursive pattern on it that was designed to draw the eye to the spiral horn jutting out of the forehead area. It was also a closed helm with the visor down, so the only two features of her I could see were a pair of piercing green eyes and a few tufts of bright red hair sticking out of under her headgear. So… a fiery, green-eyed redhead? By the looks of it, the Simulacrum wasn’t straying too far from the usual clichés.

While I observed her, she did the same to me, and once I stopped bowing, she hastily pulled her weapon from the scabbard hanging from her belt and aimed it at my neck with a high guard position. It was a fairly thin arming sword, thought due to her smaller frame, she wielded it as a two-handed longsword. It was also white, a little sparkly, and the crossguard had stylized unicorns on it, but that much was expected. The knights were pretty consistent with their themes, so I already got used to it.

“Who are you!?” The pitch she used to call out to me was unexpectedly high, which I imagined was due to her being startled by my appearance. She quickly realized it as well, and after roughly clearing her throat she shook her sword and yelled out again, this time in a strained contralto. “Identify yourself at once!”

“Ooooh, right! We haven’t met before, have we, Dame Unicorn?” For added flair, I hit my forehead with the heel of my hand, and right after that I gave her another shallow bow. “People call me Bel of the Abyss. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” I paused here, just long enough to straighten my back and open my arms wide. I also cocked my head a little and adopted an especially playful voice when telling her, “I believe proper chivalrous etiquette demands that I should kiss your hand in greeting, but I do feel quite attached to my head, so I hope you don’t mind if I refrain from getting closer to you right now.”

“Is this the man you met in the wyrmbloods’ home?”

The question came from Mr. Red, the most senior member of the group and the only other person I haven’t met in person yet, and it was obviously directed at the two other men in the room. I glanced in his direction, and the moment we made eye contact, I instantly Phased again. A split-second later my whole body was rattled for a moment as I successfully landed butt-first upon one of the chairs surrounding the table, starling everyone present.

First off, I suppressed the urge to let out a sigh of delight, and instead I irreverently kicked up my legs, crossed them mid-air, and had them softly land on the table in front of me. I had to stay in character and exude a kind of ineffable atmosphere full of mystery and confidence, but deep down I was pretty damn relieved I managed to nail the Phase-to-seat maneuver. It might have looked simple, but I had to practice this countless times before I mastered it. I even had to go as far as to ask for Brang’s help, so that I could use Dominance to cut down on the learning time and avoid breaking any more chairs in the process, but it was totally worth it. Even if the old Faun was giving me looks full of pity from time to time. Which hurt a little, but not as much as mistiming the teleport and ending up falling over with the chair in tow.

Anyhow, the important part was that I once again proved that training seemingly useless skills was not a waste of time, as the knightly group was suitably freaked out by the display. I needed them even more unbalanced though, so I quickly pressed on and hit the iron while it was still hot by directly addressing the red-clad knight.

“It is indeed I, the one and only Bel of the Abyss, but… Oh my, I’m afraid we haven’t met either! So many new faces! Such fun!”

Mr. Red turned on his heel to face me, one hand on the pommel of his sword, but when it became obvious I wasn’t about to attack him, his fingers gradually loosened their grip and he addressed me with a curt, “You may address me as the Eagle Knight.”

“So you are the eagle guy! I knew that armor looked familiar!” While saying so, I theatrically flung my legs off the table and directed a pair of finger guns at him. “That means you must be Arnwald! Nice to meet you!”

I couldn’t see his face under his helmet, but I totally could see his expression anyway. For a short while I hesitated whether I should continue messing with them or get to the point of my visit, but before I could decide one way or the other, I was interrupted by a certain horned individual loudly stomping his feet against the floor.

“Hoo did ye gie in haur, fien’?!”

I rewarded the man with a disparaging look and a disappointed, “Shees, how rude!”, followed up by another quick Phase, placing me right behind Mr. Minotaur and just out of sword range. Or in his case, axe range, considering he was wielding a double-sided and comically oversized bearded axe at the present, but let’s not get bogged down by the small details.

“Sir Duncan! I thought we had something special between us! You even gifted me such a fine sword on our first meeting! How could you call me a fiend after all that? Ack, you are breaking my poor heart!”

“Ge’ back mah sword ya fukkin’ walloper ur Ah will cut it yer heart an’ shove it in yer gob!” the large man continued to menace me while shaking his unwieldy weapon over his head, but curiously enough he didn’t even try to close the distance. That meant my unbalancing tactic was working. Or at the very least it was working on him.

“Sir Roland, could you please try and rein in your behorned friend? I’m sensing some thinly veiled hostility from him, and just between you and me, I’m not feeling particularly safe right now.”

“I’m afraid I might be the wrong person to ask,” Mr. Griffon answered me in a dry voice. “As I remember, our last meeting ended with my own sword lodged in your torso.”

“Don’t be silly,” I responded with a backhanded wave, after which I immediately Phased to the other side of the room again and then added, “That would have killed me, and people die when they are killed. I’m not dead, ergo that didn’t happen. It’s fundamental logic, right, Dame Penelope?”

The knight girl clearly didn’t expect me to address her, but before she could even attempt to formulate an answer, Mr. Eagle, formerly known and Mr. Red, inserted himself back into the conversation by slamming his palm against the wooden table.

“Stop! I presume you are here for a reason, so state your business! Fail to comply, and my brothers and I shall not tolerate your presence any longer!”

“Uuuuu! Scaaary!” I exclaimed in mock horror, and even wiggled my fingers at him, but the man remained steadfast. That said, I felt that the room was sufficiently bamboozled at this point, so I exhaled an overdramatic sigh and very slowly shook my head. “Oh, fine. You are no fun.” I waited for another beat here, and then Phased right next to another unoccupied chair by the table. This time I sat down properly and crossed my fingers in my lap to signal that I was about to do business. “As you might imagine, I’m not here to have fun.”

“You could have fooled me.”

I sent the sarcastic knight in the Griffon armor a flat glance, shrugged my shoulders, and said, “Fine, I’m not here just to have fun. I want to make a deal with you.”

“We are not making deals with your kind!”

Miss Unicorn’s outburst wasn’t immediately shared by her colleagues, so I used the opportunity to press on anyway by completely disregarding her objection.

“As you might imagine, I came to this island with a specific purpose in mind. It’s a biiig secret, so for now let’s just call it the heist of the millennium. Everything was planned out, prepared, and it looked like things were working out for your friendly neighborhood Mister Bel… and then a bunch of knuckleheads caused a big scene on the island, and now everyone is freaking out and running around like headless chickens on a trampoline covered in coconut oil and banana-peels! Do you have any idea how annoying that is? Coconut oil is hard enough to get out of the tarp already, but then the chickens are also bleeding all over the place and the banana peels are also getting bloody, and where was I? I think I kind of lost track of what I was talking about?”

“The heist of the millennium,” Mr. Griffon informed me, and I gave him a helpful nod.

“Thanks, Roland. I like you. When I take over the world, I will probably let you live. Probably.”

“How gracious of you, Mister Bel.”

“You are welcome! So, where was I? Ah, right. The reason why I’m here! Now listen up guys, and listen good: I want to make a deal with you.”

“If ye serioosly tink we ur gonnae dae somethin’ fur ye, ye main be an e’en bigger divit than Ah thought,” Mr. Minotaur grumbled on the side, and in response I lightly slapped the table with my palm.

“You hit the nail right on the head, Dunky-boy! That’s why I don’t want you to do anything!”

“Excuse me?”

This time I looked the surprised Mr. Eagle in the eye and told him, “It’s exactly how it sounds like! I want you guys to do nothing, don’t make any waves, and just stay put on your behinds, some presumable more shapely than others.” Sensing the confused looks around me, I let out a loud, drawn-out sigh and then, in the span of a split second, completely changed my mannerism.

I leaned forward in my seat, put my elbows onto the table, and finally linked my fingers again, this time at eye level. For my following words I exiled even the smallest hint of playfulness from my voice and stated, “Since you simpletons apparently still don’t get it, I’m going to make this simple. I want you idiots out of the picture for the next couple of days, so that I don’t have to worry about you causing another incident while I’m in the middle of something. It’s going to happen either way, but I’m going to offer you two options: the easy way, and the hard way.” I paused here for a beat, and as expected, the already high tension in the air was rapidly nearing its snapping point, so I continued with a menacing, “The easy way is simple: you stand down, pretend that you’ve never seen me, and once I’m done here, we are going to be out of each other’s hair for good.”

“And the hard way?” Mr. Eagle inquired in a show of complete lack of self-awareness, though in this case he was helping me out, so I didn’t mind.

“I’ll kill you all and dump your bodies in the ocean,” I told them with my most disinterested voice. I expected that there would be a commotion in response to that, but instead the four Knights present all remained completely silent. Well, damn. Maybe my act was even scarier than I thought?

Either way, I decided to de-escalate things a little by leaning back and adopting my impertinent act again.

“Honestly, I would prefer the easy way myself. You have no idea how hard it is to get bloodstains out of white satin.” To illustrate the point, I lightly patted down my tailcoat. While I did that, I made it look like I just remembered something and abruptly clapped my hands to punctuate it. It got no reaction, so I lightly shook my head and reached into my tailcoat. “Of course, I don’t expect you to do as I say just because I ask nicely, so how about this? If you swear on your fancy oaths that you don’t make any trouble in the near future, I’m going to give you this.”

The item I was referring to was naturally the unicorn horn inside the sack I had on me since the beginning, and the moment the knight girl laid her eyes on it, she immediately raised her sword over her head again.

“That’s mine! Give it back!”

“I will if you play nice and agree to stand down. So, what do you say?”

The four Knights in the room shared an uncertain glance between each other in the kind of silence that seemed to stretch for hours. It didn’t though, as Mr. Griffon soon opened his mouth and told me, “This is something we have to discuss amongst each other before we could give you an answer.”

“Well then, I suppose you jolly well should get started! I give you five minutes starting from now.”

“What!?”

I peeked at the startled knight girl and told her, “The dry cleaner closes soon, and getting the bloodstains out of this kind of fabric after it completely dries is a nightmare, if you catch my drift.” My negotiation partners shared another look between each other yet didn’t move a finger, so I also added, “Four minutes twenty-eight seconds.”

“What are your terms?”

By the looks of it, Mr. Eagle was already prepared to make the deal. Not only that, none of the other knights in the room objected. That was mildly unexpected, but hey, don’t look the gift horse in the mouth.

“I’m not asking for anything extravagant. I simply want you to stay put, don’t pick a fight with the dragonspawns for a while. In fact, don’t even go anywhere near them. The same goes for the ley-line leeches of the School either. That’s all I want. Oh, and a proper handshake to seal the deal. That’s also very important.”

“So you want us to ignore our foes until you complete this heist of yours,” Mr. Griffon summed things up, and I responded with a huge nod. “Can we act in self-defense?”

“Of course! I’m not completely unreasonable.”

“How long would we have to cease our activities?” came the next question from the red knight.

“Just a couple of days should be enough,” I responded off-the-cuff while trying to hide my glee over the fact that by this point I pretty much had the deal in the bag.

“… Very well, mister Bel,” Mr. Eagle spoke slowly, as if he had to seriously consider every word. “Doing as you suggest would not violate any of our oaths, so the compromise is… acceptable.” He sent a round of quick glances across the room, and the other knights all nodded in agreement, some more grudgingly than others. “We accept your proposal. In exchange for the return of sister Penelope’s artifact, we are willing to temporarily halt our operations.”

“Neat!”

To the apparent shock of everyone present, I followed the word up by tossing the enchanted, super-rare magic suppressing artifact towards Miss Unicorn like it was a rolled-up newspaper. After the first moment of panic passed, she all but dropped her sword in her hurry to catch the sack, and while it was a close call, she ultimately managed to grab it out of the air. For a second she was staring at her hands like she couldn’t believe her eyes, so I let out a hearty laugh right out of Abram’s book to further ease the tension.

“Nice catch!” My words finally shook her out of her surprise and she immediately hid the item behind her back, which actually drew a considerably less forced chuckle out of me. “Consider this a token of… well, maybe not goodwill. How does ‘tolerance’ sound to you?” No one gave me an answer, so I shrugged again and proceeded to explain myself as I stood up. ” You know guys, I’m glad that you saw reason! No, really. I’m genuinely happy. Do you have an idea how much of a hassle it would’ve been to drag the corpse of that big bastard over to the docks? I totally dodged a bullet there, I tell you!” Mr. Minotaur understandably didn’t appreciate my comment, so I quickly moved on before he would do something unwise and briskly walked over to Mr. Eagle’s side. “Now the only thing that remains is a proper, good old-fashioned handshake to seal the deal!”

Saying so, I offered my hand to the man in red and, after an uncomfortably long moment of hesitation, he also raised his own. However, before he could grasp mine, I yanked it away.

“Nuh-uh-uh! Proper handshake. Whosoever heard of shaking hands in gauntlets? Are you crazy or something?” I locked eyes with the man through his helmet’s visor, and to my shock, it only took him a few short seconds to comply and remove his right gauntlet. That… was a bit tricky in retrospect, as it meant I had to use my injured hand to shake, but I was already stretching things a bit and didn’t want to miss out on this opportunity to mark an Entitled Knight. As such, I did my best to grab hold of his calloused fingers and told him, “It’s a pleasure doing business with—!”

I didn’t get to finish that sentence, as the moment our hands touched, the big guy in the horned helmed exclaimed, “Hauld oan! ‘at main be his real body!! Dornt lit heem gang ur th’ dobber will slip awa’ again!”

Unfortunately for him, my hand being held like that posed absolutely no obstacle for Phasing around the place, and to emphasize that fact, I promptly disappeared and reappeared right behind the motionless Mr. Eagle.

“The real one?” I asked in a mock-philosophical manner as I simultaneously raised my previous outstretched hand to stroke my chin. “That’s deep, man. Maybe I’m not the real Bel of the Abyss.” A quick Phase later, I was now near Mr. Griffon and I smoothly continued the previous thought. “Or maybe there is no real Bel of the Abyss at all.” Another Phase followed, and I continued with, “Or, maybe. Just maybe…” Yet another short teleport later I appeared right behind Mr. Minotaur and I whispered, “Maybe the real Bel of the Abyss was in our hearts all along.”

At this point I honestly expected that my danger sense would start blaring at me about an incoming attack, but the burly man in front of me was apparently still looking for his bearings, so I decided to bring down the curtain on today’s performance by Phasing right onto the middle of the round table and exclaim, “Oh wait! That’s Santa Claus! And I obviously cannot be Santa… right?”

And with those words, one final wink, and a possibly deranged grin that was thankfully not visible due to my mask, I completely disappeared from the room.