The Simulacrum - Chapter 77~ Part 4

Cheap faux-Persian carpets, simple kit furniture, and some of the most garish bright yellow wallpaper in existence. As far as cheap motel rooms were concerned, this one was definitely one of the tackiest the city of Timaeus had to offer, and it was made even worse by the contrast provided by the man sitting on the sofa in the middle of the space serving as both living room and bedroom. The current occupant, a certain Celestial field agent, was sitting ramrod straight while still dressed in a different yet equally sharp black suit as the one he wore when he visited me.

In front of him, there was an open suitcase on a nearby coffee table, with a handful of neatly stacked documents, a small wooden box, and a pair of silver bracelets that gave off a slight glow. As for the man, he was in the process of reading a newspaper under the single ceiling lamp right above his head. The old CRT TV in the corner was on, but muted, which might’ve been for the better, as at the moment it was on a kid’s channel. The last thing the already mixed ambiance of the room needed was a bunch of cartoon pirates singing in the background.

In short, the not-so-secret agent was apparently laying low in an unassuming spot near the outskirts of the town, obviously trying to stay out of trouble and the view of the Magi still on high alert after the multiple recent incidents they suffered. He was doing a good job at that, so much so that he apparently had the leeway to just relax and read the news at his leisure, without a care in the world. Let’s fix that, shall we?

All of a sudden, there was a series of loud, screeching noises in the room, making its only inhabitant lower the newspaper with a frown. He glanced over at the bed, the source of the sound, and soon rose to his feet. On said single bed, covered in the ugliest shade of purple bed sheets humanity ever invented, there was a couple of old brick phones neatly arranged next to the pillows. It was one of these that was trying, and spectacularly failing, to play some kind of symphonic piece using only four or so notes.

Thankfully it didn’t have to try for much longer, as the scarred man gingerly picked it up and pressed the big green button on it.

“Jaacobah speaking.”

“And this is Leonard Dunning,” I answered back, and it took my voice a solid second of lag to come out of the phone’s speaker.

“I presume you’ve reconsidered my offer,” the Celestial stated with feigned disinterest that was betrayed by the expectant look on his face. I didn’t answer right away, but instead I let out a carefully stifled groan into my phone.

“You could say that, but the situation became a bit more complicated in the meantime, so you have to listen to me,” I told him with as much urgency as I could forcefully impart into my voice. “My source of Celestial intelligence contacted me. He knows that you’re on the island, and he said he’s going to visit you in person. Whatever happens, do not antagonize him.”

“Visit me?” he repeated after me as his brows furrowed even deeper.

“Yes, but did you hear me? I can’t stress this enough: Do. not. antagonize—”

And this, ladies and gentlemen, where the ‘magic’ happened.

“Zoink!”

The Celestial reeled back in surprise as ‘someone’ snatched the phone out of his hand. It was a really tricky move that I couldn’t exactly practice ahead of time, but I wanted to make an impression, and boy did I make one! Once the fact that the phone was no longer in his hand registered with him, the field agent turned on his heel to face me, adopting a low stance that said he was ready to go on the offensive or escape at a moment’s notice. I didn’t want either of those to happen, so I adopted my usual nonchalant body language and casually raised the phone to my ear partially hidden behind the mask covering my face.

“Aaaah, Leonard! Dearest of all my friends! We only talked a few minutes ago, but it feels like it’s been ages! How are the missues?”

I spoke loudly and clearly while also gesturing with my free hand. Of course, there was nobody else on the other side of the line, but it was essential to establish my ‘alibi’. The original plan was to just show up as Bel and ask the guy to hand over the phone, but since I took the risk to forcefully snatch it away from my mark, I figured I might as well milk the opportunity for all its worth.

“What? Of course I came here! … What? No, he’s not dead! I’m not some kind of savage, you know? I only kill people who hinder my plans, annoy me, look at me funny, and mimes! And clowns. Anyone with face paint, really…”

“Who are…?”

I stopped the Celestial from saying anything else by raising a finger at him, and at the same time I kept repeatedly nodding like I was still in conversation with ‘Leonard Dunning’ on the phone.

“Yes, I know you need him to fix your hand, but… Oh, come on! I wouldn’t do that! Or at least nobody could prove I did it even if I would! I’m not that sloppy, and it’s a moot point anyway, because I wouldn’t do it today. … Ugh, fine, fine. You’re lucky you’re useful…”

By this point I deemed my target sufficiently bamboozled, so I theatrically cut the line and tossed the phone onto the bed, and then, while the agent was paying attention to that, I immediately Phased over to the couch where he was sitting just a minute ago. By the time he looked around and found me, I already sat down and crossed my legs with my right ankle on my left knee, and once our eyes met, I let out an annoyed groan.

“Can you believe that guy? Just because I promised him I wouldn’t break his neck in his sleep, now he thinks he can tell me what I can do and who I can encase in a ball of concrete and throw into the ocean! The gall!” For emphasis, I mimicked rolling my eyes by circling my whole head, and then added, “Oh, who am I kidding. I like the kid. He makes decent grilled cheese too.”

“Excuse me, but who are you?” the Celestial operative finally managed to ask, and while he sounded calm, I couldn’t help but notice that his voice was missing its usual dry, detached professionalism.

“Wait, the kid never told you? Oh shucks, did I come too soon?” I jumped to my feet and, for good measure, immediately Phased to the other side of the room before giving the man a scraping bow I practiced more than I dared to admit. “People call me Bel of the Abyss. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bob.”

“My name isn’t Bob,” the scarred man stated as he carefully sidled towards the table with the briefcase on it.

“I know, but saying Arpachshad Jaacobah is annoying, so your name is Bob now.”

To his credit, he didn’t really bat an eye at my declaration, but instead cut the chase and said, “You must be here for a reason.”

“Ah, quick on the uptake! I like that!” I clapped my hands after exclaiming, and before the echo of the sound could even have a chance to face, I unceremoniously Phased over to the table again and roughly snapped the lid of the briefcase shut. Once the man’s attention was on me again, I leaned forward a little and let my voice drop an octave. “Listen, Bob, and listen well. Ever since I came to this bedlam of an island, the leeches of the mana streams have been running around like headless chickens, then the bucketheads started causing trouble with the dragonbloods, and now you show up. The last thing in need in my plans right now is one of you Deus-cultists to muck around the place. Under normal circumstances, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation; you would be dead, your superiors would be none the wiser, and I would have one less infuriating variable to worry about. That is, if not for Leonard Dunning asking me not to paint the insides of this room red with your blood.” I paused here for a long moment, then adopted my ostentatious persona again and added, “Lucky you!”

“Lucky indeed,” the Celestial agent stated, still maintaining his cool. “If you are not here to do that, then what exactly do you want from me?”

“What do I want? Oh, it’s simple, Bob. I want you to get whatever business you have on Critias done, then pack up your snazzy suits and cute little suitcases, and get off my island. Was I clear enough, or do I have to use simpler words?”

“No, it was perfectly understandable,” the gaunt man answered, and a second of consideration later he carefully added, “I have a few questions though.”

“Oh, come on Bob! You are breaking my balls, Bob! I’m trying my best to be nice and keep this bloodless, and you’re acting like you have a say in the matter, BOB! Stop it, BOB!”

“I understand, but I still need to ask. May I?”

I looked the Celestial agent in the eye for several long seconds, but he didn’t back down, so in the end I decided to play it off and let out a hearty chuckle.

“Ga-ha-ha! I’m not gonna lie, I’m starting to like your spunk! How about this? I’ll answer exactly three questions of yours. I swear on the name Bel of the Abyss that I’ll tell you no falsehood. Any further questions will cost one limb each. Of course, you can choose which one I’ll rip off. I’m not entirely unreasonable. Just ask the bucketheads, they’ll vouch for me. Haven’t disemboweled a single one of them yet.”

He apparently took my words very seriously. That wasn’t surprising. Normally swearing on one’s name was a big deal among magical folks, so he probably thought I meant business, and he considered his questions for quite a while before he spoke up again.

“Are you the one who supplied Leonard Dunning with classified Celestial intelligence?”

“Certainly.”

“From whence did you receive said information?”

“Your very own intelligence network. Where else?” I scoffed, maybe a touch too theatrically, but he didn’t mind.

“Was it the online repository?” he guessed, and I went out of my way to very slowly shook my head.

“Do I look like someone who would require such… ugh… ‘mortal’ means? If I but wished for such knowledge, all I had to do was to ask nicely, and a gaggle of fools disenchanted with your dead false god would clamor for the opportunity to serve me, even amongst your superiors.”

Now that finally got a rise out of the guy, but after exhaling a sharp breath through his nose, his widened eyes slowly morphed into an intense glare.

“Are you saying there’s a traitor in the CID?”

“I can tell you, but first you tell me which limb you need the least,” I told him in a jovial tone. “Is it a leg? Please tell me it’s a leg. They make the funniest sound when they are popped out of their socket!”

“… I retract my previous question,” the Celestial muttered a tad dourly.

I let out another chuckle that sounded grating even to my ears, but even while doing so, I was evaluating the conversation and decided that some further misdirection was in order.

“Now, come on, Bob! Don’t be disappointed! Here, let me give you a hint.” That made him perk up right away, but I kept him in suspense for a while longer by leaning closer and raising a hand to my mouth, and then I whispered, “You think my servants are in your precious Intelligence Division? My dear Bob, you’re not looking high enough.”

I punctuated my line with a wink, though he might not have seen it due to the mask. In fact, he remained completely rigid, so I took the lull in the conversation as an opportunity to Phase again, which finally jolted him out of his vacancy. Once I had his attention again, I overtly stretched my arms and told him, “I’m getting bored with this conversation. Back in my day, I didn’t even need to kill people who bored me with such simple questions. I had subordinates for that. It was their entire job. Also, cleaning up the aftermath, but that goes without saying. Also… where was I? Oh, right. Since I’m bored, I’m going to say this one last time: you, get your shit together, do what you came here to do, get out, don’t show yourself in front of me again, you dipshit. Say, Bob? Did I miss anything?”

“No, I believe you didn’t,” the man answered with the same professional attitude as always. “Since I now fulfilled my original mission, I will leave the island.”

“A good answer. Also, a boring one. I have to get away from you before you bore me to sleep.” Saying so, I mimed walking into a wall, but then stopped at the last moment and turned back to the rattled operative and told him, “Oh, and don’t forget about healing the kid’s hand or whatever. And while you’re at it, heal his head too. Who does he think he is to sass me?! Bah!”

And with those last words, I continued pretending to walk into a wall and then Phased away just before I made contact with it. For the next couple of seconds, there was an eerily tense silence stretched over the small motel room, which was at once broken when the only remaining occupant darted over to the nearby table with nary a hint of his previous composure remaining on his face. He threw open the briefcase again and grabbed the two silver bracelets inside. A blink of an eye later the air around him was filled with flashes of magical light as they unfolded into a pair of delicate weapons mostly consisting of softly glowing blue light with the metal only serving as their backbone.

In his left hand, there was a short sword with a wide blade, while in his right there was a thin rapier with a cross-shaped guard. The moment they formed, he raised them defensively while his eyes darted around the room, and he remained perfectly still for several seconds, going as far as to hold his breath so that he could hear even a pin being dropped. What he soon heard instead was, however, the familiar sound of a tiny speaker trying its best to mimic an orchestra with just a handful of basic tones.

The Celestial spun around and pointed his rapier at the source of the sound, and once he confirmed that it was just the phone, he tentatively let go of his short sword and picked it up from the bed.

“Jaacobah speaking.”

“Oh, good. You’re alive,” I said through the phone with all the fake concern I could muster. “Is Bel still there?”

“No. He left already.” I wanted to ask him a few meaningless questions to further establish my alibi, but the agent on this side cut me off with a dry, “I have confirmed that he’s the source of the leak in our intelligence network. I must report this in person. Free your schedule tomorrow morning; I will perform the treatment on your internal injury before I leave the island.”

“You will? With the catalyst and everything? Well, I’m not going to turn you down, but it’s a little sudden.”

“I’m afraid I cannot stay on the island any longer, so my plans for long-term treatment are no longer feasible. Since you have fulfilled your side of the bargain, I will contact my superiors and request permission for the use of the catalyst.”

“That sounds really neat, but… Your voice sounds a little shaky. Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Do not concern yourself with me. Also, I would like to request you to share all information you have on Bel of the Abyss with me tomorrow.”

“Well, I don’t have much, but since you’re doing me a favor, I suppose I can tell you what I know.”

“Understood. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Since the guy cut the line, and I more or less achieved what I wanted, there was no more reason to keep an eye on him, so I canceled my Far Sight and my point of view rapidly returned to the main hall in the secret base. Once I also let my phone down, I became very aware of the fact that Judy, Elly, Ichiko, and all of the Fauns were looking at me with various degrees of expectation.

“The good news is that we got him,” I said, and the peanut gallery let out a collective relieved sigh. “He’s going to come and heal my hand tomorrow.”

“That’s great news!” my draconic girlfriend exclaimed as she simultaneously caught me in a bear hug that was more careful than usual. The princess apparently really liked my Bel costume and didn’t want to get it wrinkled.

In the meantime, my other girlfriend gestured for me to pay attention to her, and when I did, she asked, “You said that was the good news. What’s the bad one?”

“It’s nothing serious,” I replied with just a hint of exhaustion, and then further explained, “I just have to spend the whole night coming up with a backstory for Bel, that’s all…”